The Non-Atkins Approved E-Mail-Parshat Eikev 2018 /5778

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land
from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

August 3^rd 2018 -Volume 8 Issue 41 23^rd Av 5778

Parshat Eikev

The Non-Atkins Approved E-Mail

Bentch-a-phobia, sadly this seems to be a recent illness that I have noticed amongst some Orthodox Jews. Unlike its accompanying neurosis fleish-a-phobia (the fear of being flieshigs-having eaten meat and then being prohibited from eating ice cream, chocolate or any other dairy product for the next 6 hours according to traditional Jewish practice) which seems to only be found amongst women and teenage girls; we guys know that a good steak or shwarma trumps an ice cream any day. Bentch-a-phobia, or the fear of eating bread and thus being obligated in having to take the extra 15 seconds to wash ones hands before eating (in general a good a practice, my mother taught me and my wife kind of enforces…with soap) and make a blessing and then spending the extra few minutes on the longer after-blessing called bentching that a bread meal requires, seems to be found by many Jews without any differentiation towards gender, age, and even meat or dairy orientation.

There are of course varying degrees in which some people suffer from this disease. There are some that will order the steak and shwarma plate meal, even though it is more expensive, rather than have to bentch (the Yiddish term for the after blessing). There are others though, perhaps more frugal, that will even order the hamburger and/or hot dog (because one is never enough) but make the extra effort to remove the bun in order not to bentch. I've even seen some people dump a beautiful shwarma and falafel onto their plate removing their pita or even worse their laffa and discarding it with the disdain that only broccoli or cauliflower deserves, just to avoid that 3 minute blessing afterwards; A true travesty, indeed. In fact entire industries of fruit-juice based bread products (rather than water which therefore does not give it the halachic status of bread and requiring the after blessing) have developed around this phenomena. Mezonot rolls (named after the shorter blessing), mezonot pizza- or alternately making sure not to eat more than one slice as starving as you may be are all just there so that people don't have to wash and bentch. Certainly not for flavor. Oyy what our world has come to…

As this weekly E-mail's function is to inspire and address pressing issues amongst my fellow Members of the Tribe, and as this week's Torah portion contains this wonderful mitzvah of blessing, and being that it is the summer time and many are on vacation and seem to be in a rush and try to avoid the bentching (although from what I can see everyone has all the time in the world to examine the menu and decide what to order…if only people would bentch half as long as it took them to decide what side dish they wanted-just choose the fries already…) there is no better time than to address the ills and maladies of this terrible disorder. The Torah commands us and we recite this portion twice a day in the 2^nd paragraph of the Shema that when we will listen to the mitzvahs hashem has commanded us, Hashem will than bring rain and give us crops.

V'aChalta Vi'Sava'ata U'Veirachta Es Hashem Elokecha al Ha'aretz Ha'Tova asher Nasan Lach-And you shall eat and be satiated and you shall bless Hashesm your God on the good land which he gave to you.

This is in fact the only biblically commanded blessing in the entire Torah. That's right if one wants to fulfill a biblical commandment (rather than just the rabbinical commandment-that all other blessings are) than Bentch. In fact all of our organized prayers that we have today are rabbinical in nature. Shabbat, Rosh HaShanah, Yom Kippur, we are biblically obligated to celebrate, sanctify and observe these special days and according to some authorities we even have a biblical obligation perhaps daily to talk to God in times of need. But the only mitzvah where the Torah actually explicitly commands us to engage in a verbal communication with the Master of the World is right after you chow down on that big juicy corned beef sandwich on rye. It is as if Hashem is telling us, you want to get a mitzvah to talk to me. Eat a little challa, a croissant, a bagel a baguette and then we can schmooze. Then we have to schmooze. For it is than that you can really appreciate me. One slice of pizza, a mezonos roll, a salad…not so much. OK, the Rabbis said those also require and earn you a shorter blessing. But if you really want to connect, one must have some delicious bread.

Even more interesting about this blessing, now that I've convinced you to wash a little bit and sit down and grab a roll, is that the entire blessing to a large degree revolves around an appreciation of not just God, but of the land of Israel.

We thank you, Hashem our God, that you inherited to our forefather a land that is desirous, good, and spacious.

There is no land that is more special in the world. Everyone wants a piece of us. It is the land which the Torah portion tells us this week is playing non-stop on Hashem's live feed wide screen heavenly screen 24/7 (OK maybe it doesn't say it in exactly those words). It is spacious. There is room for every Jew that wants to move here. If you are visiting or touring this country this summer with you family and want to impress upon them the beauty of Israel and our spiritual and ancestral connection to it, how can you not bentch and say these words?

The blessing continues with us recalling how we were redeemed from Egypt, our eternal covenant with Hashem, the Torah we were gifted with and the daily life, kindness and graciousness that we receive from Him. All because of that one slice of bread. Rav Ben Tzion Baruch, the founder of the Jerusalem branch of the Novhardok Yeshiva, in the 1930's shares another inspirational insight about this blessing. He suggests that as opposed to if one comes to someone's house for dinner and thanks them afterwards for the wonderful meal that they had. If one would begin to thank them for the table and chairs and house that they were hosted in it would be a little bizarre. Yet when one bentches we thank Hashem for everything and especially for the land of Israel for the wording of the blessing is not past tense it is present. It is more similar to a an analogy of someone who is thirsty and starving and all of a sudden a plane picks him up and brings him to a beautiful island with all the amenities one could ever possibly dream of. In that case of course one thanks their benefactor for everything. When we eat we are meant to appreciate that Hashem created all of this and allows it to exist only for our pleasure in order to him. When we eat that delicious meal we are meant to think about how he provided this special land, the rain, the crops and gave us our freedom and the medium of Torah and Mitzvos to express our gratitude and raise ourselves to higher spiritual level.

Finally, the last of the three biblical blessings that we make after we finished that luscious everything bagel and Lox sandwich with some cream cheese, red onion, and of course sliced juicy tomato (this is for those fleish-a-phobes), is the blessing for Hashem to have mercy and restore our Temple

Our God, Our Father-tend us…sustain us…support us…relieve us…. Rebuild Yerushalayim the holy city soon in our days.

Once we have realized that Hashem has not only created but continues to provide all that we need to survive and granted us this special land in which to fulfill our heavenly mandate, we than ask Him to finally restore to us our precious Beit Ha'Mikdash, our holiest Temple, His presence once again amongst our nation, so that we may have not just our and the entire worlds physical needs but even more significantly our spiritual purpose fulfilled through that glorious destiny.

There is more to the blessing after the bread that we say. The fourth blessing the Rabbis added in that describes Hashems Divine providence in our daily lives and all types of other blessings and supplication. They shouldn't take you more than another three minutes or so. Maybe four minutes if you sing it and bang on the table and to the clapping NCSY hand signals that accompany the traditional tune. But I guarantee you there will be no better and more fruitful time spent your entire meal than in the few minutes after your bread meal reciting these meaningful words. Think about it when you sit there with your menu. You have the opportunity to order a meal and get a mitzvah and recite the oldest blessing in Jewish tradition. Or you can just have a salad. Grab another piece of challah, Forget about your Dr. Atkins grain free diet. He died of a heart attack. I on the other hand am offering yu a wonderful whole grain, organic slice of heaven.

Have satisfying delicious Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

********************************************************

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

“Faran dareh gvirim un fetch oremeleit..”- Rich men are often lean and poor men fat.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

Q. Ritual baths with 3 partitions on the stairs were found in:

A. Ramat Rachel

B. The Ophel

C. Masada

D. Qumran

RABBI SCHWARTZ COOL VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

https://youtu.be/uKTfacBMqcc- Ari Goldwag just hit 6 million views on his Am Echad video this is his special behind the scenes video that’s great!

https://youtu.be/IihQnx7Grws  – Dovid Lowy great Pinchas Wolf Song and video Yom Yom love it!

https://youtu.be/wl8EQG3WuOc - Golden oldie- Tzlil VZemer- Ki Nicham Tzion from this weeks haftorah

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S HAFTORA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

Parshat Eikev – Hope. That is what this haftora is about in one word. Hope and love. The haftorah begins with the Tzion, Yerushalayim calling out to Hashem. It wonders how it has been abandoned. It’s nation, its people exiled. Hashem responds in the most reassuring words. That just as Mother can never forget her child, nursing mother her infant, so Hashem can not forget the Jewish people. We are inscribed on His palms eternally. This metaphor of parent and child is heightened when Hashem describes the loving marital bond we share as well as how our sins have led to our “divorce”.

Yet it is only temporary. The nation will return. Tzion will be comforted. Perhaps one of the most incredible prophecies that we see fulfilled in our days are the words

Isaiah (49:19-20) For your ruins and your desolate places and your land that has been destroyed, for now you shall be crowded by the inhabitants, and those who would destroy you shall be far away.Your children of whom you were bereaved shall yet say in your ears, "The place is too narrow for me; move over for me so that I will dwell.

Yeah… anyone here been to Jerusalem lately. Pretty amazing, isn’t it? The once desolate city is now according to an article I read one of the top ten expensive cities on Air BNBin the world.. Fuggedabout trying to buy a house there.

It talks about how non- Jewish nations will “return us to Israel and be our nursemaids.

Ibid (22:23) ) So said the Lord God, "Behold I will raise My hand to the nations, and to the peoples will I raise My standard, and they shall bring your sons in their armpits, and your daughters shall be borne on their shoulder[s].

And kings shall be your nursing fathers and their princesses your wet nurses; they shall prostrate themselves to you with their face on the ground, and they shall lick the dust of your feet, and you shall know that I am the Lord, for those who wait for Me shall not be ashamed.

And yes as well we see much of that being fulfilled today as we nurse from our friends the evangelicals, many of them even supporting Aliya. Truly amazing

Perhaps the most amazing thought and comfort of Yeshaya is that our job to reach out to the world and return home will certainly come before Mashiach. With the mere repopulation of our cities and the return home, the job already gets started. May we merit to see it to its glorious final conclusion.

Yeshaya Hanavi Era of Prophecy (780-700 BC)- Yeshayahu was the author of his own book. It has 66 chapters and it his prophecies that make up the majority of the haftoras 15 in total. He was considered the greatest prophet since Moshe and he died (or more accurately was killed by King Menashe) at age 120 just as Moshe did.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Golden Calf- 1312 BC-  So right after we got the Torah, Moshe goes up to Sinai and the Jews don’t have the concept of Jewish time yet. Hey, we were new to this thing. Moshe is late. We freak out and the next thing you know we are partying around a Golden Calf singing this is this our God who took us out of Egypt. Hashem, gets angry, Moshe heads down the mountain and calls for volunteers and the tribe of Levi steps up to the plate and slaughters a few thousand of the worshippers. And thus started two traditions; idolatry and zealotry.

For the entire first Temple the plague of idolatry decimated the people. Seems like it was kind of like smartphones and the internet back then. People just couldn’t kick the habit despite the destruction that might come out of it. All over Israel one can find “Jewish idolatry” Most of the biblical cities from the first Temple period had idols. In Tel Arad one can even see the old temple that was hidden and buried. The Israel Museum is full of them. When one goes down into the Herodian quarter underneath the Rova in Jerusalem they even have little calf idols that they found there.

Similarly in Tel Dan I always like to speak about the idol of Micha, the adopted son of Moshe who according to the Midrash made the golden calf and whose idol came with him from Egypt that was kept there. It is perhaps why centuries later Yeravam Ben Nevat, the firt king of the northern Kingdom of Israel used as his symbol for the northern ten tribes of Israel, the golden calf as jarring as that might seem. Seemingly he was trying to connect his worship to the Temple of Micha that was here earlier.

Now to talk about zealotry in Israel is also sadly something that one can point out to my tourists. Just drive through Jerusalem to Meah Shearim and there are still those zealots there that will spit and stone you if you are not dressed properly or are wearing an Israeli army uniform which they see as a threat to their way of life. Kikar Shabbat has since the founding of the state been the place of demonstrations in the early state days against Shabbat desecration. Today that’s not such an issue, although there are fight going on about the tachana rishona- first train station restaurant area and its Shabbat opening, as well as some buses running close to the time Shabbat is over. Most of the demonstrations though have moved to the entrance to Jerusalem, right across from my daughter’s apartment. Not that she does anything worth protesting about. But it is also across from the Army drafting office and that’s a great place they feel to block traffic and mess up everyone’s life. Hey at least they’re not killing anyone.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S  HEAT WAVE JOKES  OF THE WEEK

Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.-Jackie Mason

Yankel was terribly overweight,  so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day. Then eat regularly again for two days, then skip a day. Repeat this procedure for two weeks. Next time I see you, you should have lost at least five pounds."
When Yankel returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 pounds! "Wow, that's amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?"  Yankel nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead on the third day."  "From the hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.  "No, from the skipping."   

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Miami. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have, or will, eat it. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old Jewish man in the front row, raised his hand and said, "Vedding Cake?

Berel is on another of his weight reduction diets and goes to see his doctor with a hamishe cucumber up his nose, a bagel shoved in his right ear and a wine glass sticking out of his left ear.
Berel says, "Doctor, I'm not feeling very well."
The doctor replied, "It’s no wonder - you're not eating right."

Chaim is flying back to London. He boards his plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a heavy, mean-looking, huge man with a swastika tatoo sits next to him and promptly falls asleep.
During the flight, Chaim begins to feel quite sick and wants to go to the toilet, but he's afraid to wake the giant and it would be impossible to climb over him. So Chaim has to sit there trying to decide the best course of action. Suddenly, the plane hits some air turbulence and lurches around for a few seconds. A wave of nausea overcomes Chaim and he is sick all over his neighbor.
Some time later, the skinhead awakes and sees the vomit over him.
"So," says Chaim, "are you feeling better now?"

************

Answer is D– So the answer to this one is Qumran. I got this one wrong as well. It’s a good thing I didn’t take this exam in 2017… most of our mikvas have one partition in them. One for the Tamey people to go down and one for the Tahor ones to come out. They were separated so that the ones going down wouldn’t bump into the ones coming out and then they would have to purify themselves again. In Qumran, which is where the Dead Sea scrolls were found, a Jewish breakoff group lived during the end of the second Temple. They were big into mikvas and purity. They had three partitions. There are different theories as to why. Some suggest it was so that the limited water in that area could pour in better. Others suggest that their “priests” would go through the middle lane. I always thought it made more sense to have three lanes so that the fat people don’t bump into the other ones, and so the middle lane would remain empty as a buffer. Who knows?