Tent Women- Parshat Vayeira 2019 /5780

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

November 15^th 2019 -Volume 10 Issue 4 17^th Cheshvan 5780

Parshat Vayera

Tent Women

I'm not a feminist. According to google Feminism-is the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes. Yeah… I don't buy that. Men and women aren't equal. My wife gave birth to my children. I was there. It's not something I could ever or would ever want to do. I don't think any normal man would. My son had a bris, my daughters didn't. They're not complaining. I don't even know what it means to be equal? One plus one equals two. I get that. They are numbers. Numbers can equal things. People aren't equal. The sexes aren't equal. Animals aren't equal. Tomatoes aren't equal neither or oranges and certainly not all chulents are created equal. The only real thing that is equal is broccoli, cauliflower and split peas. I won't touch any of them equally and I will not discriminate.

As well I'm not really sure I agree with this whole 'rights' thing. Judaism doesn't really believe in rights. We don't have the right to say whatever we want, we don't have the right to eat whatever we want, we don't have the right to look at or do whatever we want. We have obligations. We have commandments. We believe that those are our instructions on how to get the most out of life. Hey, Hashem created the world. He pretty much returns our neshomas to us each morning when we wake up. He knows what makes us tick and what will mess us up. The instructions are your iphone might tell you that you should not immerse it in water. Now you can do what you want with your phone. There might even be some Rabbis that might tell you that it wouldn't be a bad idea to drop it in the bathtub. Certainly my wife wants to do that every time I pull it out by dinner. Is that discriminatory against iphones that I can't use them in the bathtub? My rubber ducky can go in to water no problem. But iphones don't have rights they have instructions that the Steve Jobs put in them for how they should be used. You can do what you want with yours, but Judaism says it's probably smart to listen to our Creator.

So I'm not a feminist. At the same time, I do believe that men and women should both have equal opportunities to become the best that they can be. I think they should be paid them same for equal labor…which is usually more expensive than I want to pay anyways. I think they should both be allowed to vote, which in this country seems to be quite a pointless exercise every few months or so. But most importantly I think that we both are entitled to have a basic appreciation and education of what the Torah and Hashem tells us is the way that we are meant to achieve the fulfillment and purpose for what we were put here on this world for our limited lifetime to achieve.

Now I'm not just a talker, although some might argue that I certainly do a lot of talking I'm a doer, I'm a teacher. I'm a preacher. I'm a midnight toker (I don’t know where that came from…It wasn't Reb Shmuel Miller… maybe a different Miller band ... anyone getting this…?) So ss much as I hate reading about misogynist men or Rabbis writing about women and their place in the world. It's this week's parsha and it's what's on my mind. And maybe it will even give a different approach. Or you could just skip to the jokes on the bottom.

Now the starting point of course is our first patriarch and matriarch; Avraham and Sarah. Last week we were introduced to them and we are familiar that they had an incredible Kiruv/Outreach enterprise going. Avraham worked the men and Sarah the women. They were partners and they both worked together. According to the Medrash their Kiruv revolved around food. They would eat and drink and then Avraham would ask them to bless Hashem. Some things never change. But what were the dynamics of that relationship. Was Sarah merely "kitchen kiruv"? I know that when my wife and I did outreach around the States, I would say more people became connected to Judaism from my wife's chulent than from any of my classes. And as good as the chulent was it wasn't just the chulent. It was the connection they made and had with her. Her modesty, her humility her insight and her hospitality. Kitchen Kiruv, is definitely an approach that she excelled at. Classes though were never her thing.

Avraham, who certainly gave incredible classes, was no slack when it came to domestic activities as well. We find him in this week's Torah portion welcoming his guests. He's even "tabling" standing outside and trying to pull em in off the street. He himself is running and slaughtering and preparing food. He's a really wealthy man at this point in his life, he had no shortage of servants that could've been doing it for him, but that's no excuse. A man's place is just as much in the kitchen as the woman, if she lets him and he doesn't break too many things. If there's a mitzva to be done and he has the skills then why not?

But perhaps most interesting is that dialogue with the angels/ three guests that he has. They ask him where his wife Sarah is and he responds that 'She is in the tent'. What is the point of this discussion? Rashi notes that they asked Avraham to point out her modesty, to endear her to him. I saw one of the commentaries that note that being they're about 100 years old already you'd figure that they were beyond any need for Shalom Bayis compliments. But at the same time since they were going to be new parents they needed an extra boost to recapture that newlywed new parent's endearment. But yet why would telling strangers your wife is in the kitchen endear her to you.

But perhaps even more interesting is that the Torah continues to focus on this tent thing. Avraham is sitting pesach ha'ohel- {at the} entrance of the tent. He's looking for guests. It tells us that as the angels give their good tidings the verse as well tells us

 V'Sarah shoma'at pesach ha'ohel- and Sarah listens {at the} entrance of the tent.

In both cases the verse doesn't say ba petach ha'ohel- at the entrance of the tent. Rather just 'entrance of tent'.

This tent theme seems to repeat itself after Sarah dies and Yitzchak brings his wife Rivka to the tent of Sarah his mother. As well Rachel and Leah we find repeatedly the notion that they are women of the tent.

Now there are many that would take from this that a woman's place and her modesty in the tent. Keep her out of the limelight. Perhaps even hide her behind a burka. But certainly we find many women that made their mark including our matriarchs out in the fields, whether it was the fact that they were shepherdesses, or Miriam who led the women in song and went out to see Moshe, Devora the judge and perhaps even one women who our sages say was even more blessed then the "women of the tent"; greater than our matriarchs. Now I know that might be hard to swallow.

But in the song of Devora, the Keinite woman Yael who seduced the vicious general Sisera and smashed in his brains with a tent peg is more blessed than the 'ladies of the tent'; Sarah Rivka Rachel and Leah according to Rashi and the other commentaries. In the words of the Midrash that Rashi quotes.

"For they gave birth and raised them but if not for Yael this wicked man would have killed them all"

So being a tent woman doesn't mean that a woman is necessarily supposed to remain barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. In fact, it doesn't mean that all. Someone pointed out to me that in the Eishet Chayil that we recite each Friday night by Shlomo Hamelech (who certainly had plenty of experience with wives…1000 of them according to Chazal) the majority of the verses can be read simply about the working woman.

Haysa ka'aniyos socher –mimerchak tavi lachma-She is like a merchant’s ships; from afar she brings her sustenance. (she wholesales!)

Zamima sadeh vatikachehu mipri kapeha not'a karem -She considers a field and buys it; from the fruit of her handiwork she plants a vineyard. (she dabbles in real estate and commercial investment portfolios!)

Ta'ama ki tov sachra- lo yichbeh ba'layla neira -She senses that her enterprise is good, so her lamp is not extinguished at night. (she’s an entrepreneur who’s works late nights on her computer)

Sadin osida va'timkor v'chagor  nosna la'canani -Garments she makes and sells, and she delivers a belt to the peddler. (she retails!)

Piha pascha b'chochma v'toras chesed al lishona -She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. (she’s an educator!)

Tzofiyah halichos beysa v'lechem atzlus lo sochal- She anticipates the needs of her household, and the bread of idleness, she does not eat. (she can balance a budget, she’s an accountant, an economist, and a life coach!)

Now of course Chazal and our commentaries have all types of deeper understandings and metaphorical insights that Shlomo Hamelech intended as well in this perhaps most sung Jewish poem of all times. But there is the simple reading and idea as well. A woman that is praised is one that can be just as-if not even more successful, than a man in the outside-of-the-tent world.

Yet, the praise of Jewish women is that they are always connected to that tent. Whereas Avraham sees himself always pesach ha'ohel reaching out to conquer the world; in of course the most spiritual of ways. Sarah, as well, is pesach ha'ohel. She is always at the entrance of the tent. but her world, her view and focus is directed inwards to her family, to building the home. To creating that home. To filling it with light. When Yael and every Jewish woman may be fulfilling their mission and making ends meet outside of their tent but their eyes, thoughts and emphasis is always back towards the tent. Whereas the Matriarchs role was to birth and raise the children of Israel, the role of Yael was to "get out there" and save them.

The angels that are coming to Avraham are not there to tell him that he will have a son. He knows that already. Hashem told him the Bris Bein Ha'besarim. They are here to tell Sarah. Sarah is not merely eavesdropping behind a door. The Torah tells us she is shoma'at- she is always listening for that child. The Meshech Chochma notes brilliantly (and differently than all the other commentaries) that the verse continues and tells us

V'Sarah Shoma'at v'hu acharov- And Sarah listens and it is behind him

Rashi understands that the "it" behind him is a reference to the door that is behind the angel from which he is listening. The Targum Yonasan says that it is Yishmael who is behind the door listening. Other commentaries suggest that is it the angel that is behind the door. The Meshech Chochma however says that he believes that this is a reference and continuation of their prophecy. "A child will be born"- Yitzchak. And Sarah listens. She stands at the entrance of the tent. The angels note that and then they continue and direct their words to her "v'hu acharov" and he, the child Yitzchak will be the one that follows Avraham.

Avraham is focused, like most men are on the here and now. Sarah, our matriarchs, our righteous Jewish women throughout the generations are women that recognize that we are merely in tents. We are here for the big picture. For our generations. For the families that will continue and herald in the generation of Mashiach of the redemption. That is what their role is. Perhaps it comes with being the ones that actually give birth. They are the mother of all flesh. That is their inherent nature. To build a world for the future, to understand the sanctity and primacy of the tent that men don't necessarily or naturally appreciate.

We live in a world today, where there is much gender confusion. Where everyone is so focused on their rights as they believe that rights will give them the satisfaction they are seeking. But they are not finding it. We also live in a world that more and more of our women in the world are out of the house and tent more than they are in it. This is true in the religious world as much as it is in the secular world. In the religious world it is even a basic necessity to pay the incredibly high expenses of our lifestyle. Private school tuitions, Kosher, Seminary, Shabbos meals the bills are endless and our eishet chayils have jumped to the rescue, to the side of their husbands to partner with them in what is biblically the man's responsibility. I don't think it's relevant if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Or if there is a solution. {besides moving to Eretz Yisrael where tuitions are only a few hundred dollars a year and health insurance is as well. But that would be too radical.} Yet it's important for us, the children of Avraham and Sarah not to lose focus on where each of us will only find our sipuk from. Where only we can achieve the jobs that we were meant to and created for. We both sit on the entrance of our respective shared tents. We both have full time jobs. But ultimately the shechina will rest on our tent only if we can both appreciate the inward and outward primary focus that each one of us was meant to concentrate on our energy on. Because if we don't have that focus, and shine that tent light out to the rest of the world then nobody else will.

Have a peaceful  Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

“Ven di veib trogt di hoizen, vasht der man di spodnitsen..”– When the wife wears the pants, the husband washes the floor.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

https://youtu.be/nDGqWHjHBEM   – I'm loving this video way too much. It's one that has to be watched like a million times... Shevet Achim V'Achayot with all the Jewish singers..

https://youtu.be/cG2bItVnSao    –Donald Trump at an Orthodox Jewish fundraiser… I don't know what to say..

https://youtu.be/9kv1Y-YnYms?list=TLPQMTQxMTIwMTnnsVweLu0tiw-  Shlom Carlebach 25^th yartzeit concert Shifchi  

https://youtu.be/C79lR1wE3hk   - Shlomo Carlebach on Parshat Vayeira

https://youtu.be/x-C3TOvAqLc?list=TLPQMTQxMTIwMTnnsVweLu0tiw  – In honor of the "peace" Shlomo Carlebach  Yehi Shalom

https://youtu.be/9kv1Y-YnYms?list=TLPQMTQxMTIwMTnnsVweLu0tiw-  Shlom Carlebach 25^th yartzeit concert Shifchi  

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

1) Calcrete rock (nari) develops on one of the following rocks:

A.    Chalk (kirton)

2. Basalt
3. Calcareous sandstone (kurkar)
4. Dolomite

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

Bikur Cholim- Visiting the Sick- The book of Bereishit is full of acts of kindness. Avraham our patriarch gifted us with that trait. The Talmud (Sota 14.)  tells us that when one emulates the ways of Hashem it is a fulfillment of the commandment of Acharey Hashe Elokeichem teileichu- one should follow the ways of Hashem. In our parsha we find that example when Hashem comes to visit Avraham after he has his circumcision. The Talmud even tell us how Rabbi Akiva visited a student and that visit literally brought him back to life. Rabbi Akiva was so inspired that he stated that anyone that doesn't visit the sick is like a murderer.  The Rambam learns this is part of the mitzva of loving your friend like yourself. It's a big mitzva.

We are told that there are two purposes in the mitzva. The first is to see the person first hand and therefore be inspired to pray on his behalf. Face-timing them is probably not enough for this. Seemingly if one just visits and doesn’t' pray for the person afterwards they also haven't really fulfilled their obligation. Interestingly enough to fulfill this mitzva, the sick person doesn't have to see you. They could be sleeping or behind a window, or even in a quarantined ward that no is allowed in. They can be in a situation where they do not want or are even allowed visitors. There is still an obligation to go to inspire your prayers on the sick person's behalf. So it's not an excuse. We are told as well that as well as being inspired to pray when one leaves the sick person, there is a special mitzva to pray in the room with them as we are told that the shechina-Divine presence is above their head.

On a more pragmatic level though the mitzva is to visit in order to see if there's anything one can do to help them. Clean, cook, call a nurse. The Shel"A Hakadosh suggests that's why it is called Bikur Cholim which can be translated as the examination of the sick. One should what he is lacking and try to assist them. There is nothing that should be one's honor to do. After-all Hashem came in all His glory to Avraham, we should be able to do that for the sick as well. A sick person's needs don't only include the physical. There is the reassuring of him mentally and emotionally that their family is taken care of, that they have a support system that is there for them. At the same time one has to be careful not exacerbate the choleh's situation. One should be smiley and happy and not grim and somber. Leave your own baggage outside. Don't stress them, don't grill them about "what the doctor's say" and their prognosis and don't stay too long that you become a burden.

There are not a lot of Mitzvos that we can emulate the ways of Hashem. The mitzva of visiting the sick is even greater than the learning Torah when there is no one else to do it or if you can add something that no one else can. It certainly is worthwhile taking off time to fulfill this mitzva and B'H it is one of the greatest Kiddush Hashem's I believe when we see these incredible organizations that are there for our sick, these singers that go preform for them and the Rabbis that come and visit them. But it's not just a mitzva for them. It's a mitzva for all of us.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Wicked Avimelech and his brother Yotam  1044 BC  So it seems the last years of Gideons life he was busy. Tanach tells us that he had 70 children from the many wives that he had. If that wasn't enough he also had one concubine out in Shechem where he had a really winner of a boychik called Avimelech from. This little kid eventually grew up to be one of the wonderful psychopaths that led at least a portion of the Jewish people. Tanach tells us that he rounded up the people of Shechem and in the ancient Israeli tradition convinced them with a little silver "bakshish" to back him as their ruler. He claimed to be one of them and he would enrich all of them. Why should they be subject to the whims and bureaucracy of the 70 sons of Gideon making the decisions. He would be the one man show they were looking for. And it worked!

After getting elected to office he gathered for himself a nice little gang of hooligans headed on up to Ofra where his brothers lived and killed 69 of them on a stone. Talk about nasty. The surviving brother named Yotam stood up upon Har Gerizim and gives his famous botanical parable and curse. He tells the story of how all the trees got up and decided they want a king. They first approached the olive tree which of course told them, in a very un-Israeli like fashion that he already has a full time job making oil, he has no time for these politics. Next they approach the fig tree, which also turns down the job. He claims his too sweet for the job. I guess sweetness is not a great quality for leadership. Next on the list of candidates is the grape vine which also turned down the job. It seems he was a bit of an alcoholic. He had to make more wine.  The last on the list, talking about 'scratching' the bottom of the barrel was the thorn bush the Atad. The thorn bush has no problem taking job. He however tells them quite ironically that if they want him they should come under his shade and if not a fire should come out from the bush and eat the cedar trees of Lebanon.  

This parable is a lot of fun for Israeli botanical archeologists and tour guides as well. There are plenty of the first three species to talk about their symbolism in Yotam's mashal. The Tanach commentaries see each one of them as representing a different kind of leader. The first choice is the olive tree which represents yichus- a pure lineage and respected family. Olive oil is used of course to anoint Kings and Priests which are generally passed down by lineage. The oil lasts for generations and can provide light. As well a respected pure family is something that is steadfast and has proven itself and is the best criterion for leadership. It's the first place that people turn to a familiar name. Kennedy, Bush or Clinton being modern examples of names that captured people's popularity.

The fig represents wealth. Although wealth isn't a sign of purity but it does give one stature and a righteous wealthy leader can provide his community. Figs produce in abundance throughout its season. It grows very soon after being planted and its fruits are delectable. Wealth has a tremendous power and it allows one not to be subject to financial constraints or bribes.. hopefully. It also helps pay for big political campaigns. Know any modern day wealthy world leaders?

Finally, the grape vine represents wisdom. It tastes better with age. It has experience it has nuances and it discerning flavors. A wise man despite having no wealth or family lineage can lead by the mere power of his or her wisdom. As well the grapevine is lowest of the three species growing close to the ground and thus it represents humility. The wise person is the humble one. Unfortunately, we don't have any of those running for office any time soon. Ahhh… for the good ole days of honest Abe Linclon.

The thorn bush as opposed to these tree has no fruit, has no sweetness and it doesn't even provide shade. That was part of irony of Yotam's curse. Try sitting under a thorn bush for shade and you will get pricked. Yotam is telling them if they are hanging out with Yotam it will come back to bite them. As well they are extremely flammable. Hang out with a thorn bush and when the fire comes you will get caught up in its flames. On a less cynical note in the thorn bush parable Yotam notes that all the trees came. This would include the fig, olive, and grape vine. The only power that the thorn bush could lead with is unity. If it can bring everyone to subject itself to it. If all the subjects agree to and unite even under a simple, no-family, poor leader it can work. But it will only happen if there is total subservience that is enforced by fear of thorns and fire, being tortured or killed.

Yotam gives this curse on Mt. Gerizim, right next to Shechem. Interesting enough in Israel this Mountain is called Har Bracha. This is the mountain that the tribes that were meant to deliver the blessings stood. But our Rabbis note that when they received those blessings they were looking at Mt. Eval opposite it. That would be the true Mt. of Blessing. On the other hand, Mt. Eval, where the curses were recited faced Mt. Gerizim which would be then the Mt. of Curse.  And that is why Yotam chose that mountain. I wouldn't tell that to the Samaritans that live there that I visit with my tourists though; they might get insulted.

Stay tuned next week to learn the fulfillment of the curse.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE MYSOGINIST JOKES  OF THE WEEK

 Google is definitely a woman. It makes suggestions before you even finish what you're trying to say."

"Then Bing is definitely a man, since it tries to convince everyone that it's superior while it does a horrible job of pleasing users."

What to give a man who’s got everything? A woman. She’ll tell him how everything works.

Everyone says the world would be better off if it was run by women. Sure, maybe there wouldn't be violence and territorial conquests fueled by male testosterone. But instead, we'd have a bunch of jealous countries that aren't talking to each other.

For all the guys who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that's where the knives are kept.

Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: "Darling, why don’t you brew us some coffee?"
Wife looks confused: "But that's your task, honey."
“What? Why?”
 "It’s all over the Bible, dearest."
 "The Bible says nothing about who’s supposed to be brewing coffee!"
The wife grabs hold of a copy and starts flipping pages at random: "See? Everywhere: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews."

A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and says, “Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?”
His mum answers, “The girls is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”

Honey, do you think I gained weight? No, I think the living room got smaller.

A man noticed his credit card has been stolen - but he never reported it. The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.

An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that women were made to walk ten paces behind the men. She asked her guide why and he said, "Because they are considered of lesser status." Outraged the journalist went home. A year later she returned covering violence in the region and was surprised to see the women walking ten paces ahead. She turned to her guide and this time asked, "What has changed?" The guide answered, "Land mines."

At a medical check-up: Do you do dangerous sports? Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.

Q: Why did God create Adam first and Eve as second? A: Because he wasn’t interested in listening to anyone telling him how to make Adam.

A boy asked his father, "Dad, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father grimly replied, "I wouldn’t know son, I'm still not done paying for it."

85% of married life consists of yelling "what?" from the other side of the house.

One easy step to lose an argument with a wife: 1) Argue.

Men who ignore their wives’ raised eyebrows are losing valuable time in which to escape.

In any argument, a wife has the last word. Anything the husband says after that last word is the beginning of a new argument.

Yankel approached his Rosh Kollel and asked him if the 1000 year prohibition and ban of Rabbeinu Gershom for an Orthodox Man to take a second wife is already over. The Rebbe noted that is was still in effect but asked the young man why he was interested in taking another wife?

Yankel answered "It's hard to make it on one income these days…"

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Answer is A–  Well I'm off to a bad start on this latest exam. First question and I already got it wrong. The truth is back in the day when I took the exam I probably would've know this as I spent a lot fo time studying this because rocks and geology are really not my thing. But I haven't used this information in years. I wouldn't say I deleted it it just got buried and replaced with more important information, like where the good mehadrin restarunts are… Anyways I knew that Nari is a veering on the rocks that is hard and I knew there's a lot oof it in Beit Guvrin which is where they have all these burial caves and cisterns by which the nari was the upper layer. But I forgot what rock was there. I guessed it was Dolomite. But the right answer was kirton/ chalk stone. Ahhh well…So we start off this exam with a negative The score is Schwartz 0 and 1 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.