Home Alone- Parshat Tzav / HaGadol- 5780 /2020

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

April 3^rd 2020 -Volume 10 Issue 24 9^th Nissan 5780

Parshat Tzav / HaGadol

Home Alone

So how's your week been? Have you ever had a stranger week in your life? Has there ever been a stranger week for the entire world simultaneously? This past Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur when we said our prayers of V'sein pachdecha al kol ma'asecha v'aimascha al kol ma she'barasa- that Hashem should place his fear on all He has made and His dread on all He has created, did we have any idea that this is what it would look like? Did we really think that Hashem was listening to our prayers then and finally after two millennia decided to give us a taste of what we were asking for? Yet, another thing to blame us religious Jews who said those prayers on Rosh Hashana for…

No one's life is the same. Some people are going crazy with their kids in the house with them all day. Others are sitting at home alone, unable to socialize, shop, go to classes, shul or work. Many have lost their jobs for the unforeseeable future and have no idea how they will provide for their families. While many have seen their life savings, their retirement, their 401K's and nest eggs wiped out. This is not to even say anything about the ones who lost someone close to them, who has someone suffering from this plague and they can't even get close to reassure them, to hug them and tell them it will all be alright; even if they're not sure if it will. The videos of the weddings that are made without most of the bride and grooms friends or families to be there and celebrate with them on their most special days and the 5 minute funerals of parents, grandparents and religious leaders, many being buried without even the traditional tahara/ purification preparations and with just the select immediate family members that could get there on time, are heart wrenching. Mindboggling. Almost unfathomable. But yet they are the reality of a world that we prayed for this past Rosh Hashana, that is waking up to the notion that nothing is in our hands anymore. And that nothing probably ever was until now as well.

For me, my strange week was in Jerusalem all alone. I wasn't in isolation, thank God. I was just away from my family. See, Hashem was good to me. When this all started a few weeks ago I had a few friends on my Frum Anglo Tour Guide Whatsapp group that were freaking out. What's gonna happen? How will we pay our bills? Everyone is canceling! I told them that all they have to do is check into their local Beit midrash, find a chavrusa/ study partner and start learning Torah. The Satan will never be able to take that and will quickly get them some type of work just to prevent them from learning. That's his job after-all and he's pretty good at it.

So I can home that evening and told my wife that perhaps I would start giving Torah classes once again. A few people had been asking me for them and I had been so busy with tours I haven't given any besides of course my Shabbos sermons, for years already. Well with my newly opened schedule, this was my chance. I went to sleep and sure enough the next morning I got Satan's call. I had tourists and dear friends that I've taken quite a few times over the years that were in Israel. They had actually been here from before Purim and decided to stay until Pesach at least, with everything that was going on. Would I be able/ interested to come into Jerusalem where they would put me up to learn with their children every day for a few hours.? They need to keep up with school work and it seems that I might be the right person for the job.

 "Ummm…. Sure!"- I responded, thinking to myself how "Man… that Satan works fast… he must really be intimidated the impact my classes would have on the universe."

I also very quickly realized that it would mean that I would have to forego the pleasure of being able to spend quality time cooped up in my own home with my wonderful, quiet and peaceful never fighting, arguing or screaming children whom I love and miss. And that my dear wife- their mother would be able to have all of this enjoyment for herself. Being a generous husband and not wishing to deprive her of the special opportunity this presented her with, I grudgingly accepted this position.  Truth is she's pretty used to me not being home a lot and we just wanted to keep the routine for the kids not seeing their father too many days in a row.

So off I went to Yerushalayim. The first day or two coming back to my room it was kind of nice. I of course called every day to tell my family I loved them. It seems there was a lot of yelling and screaming in the background. It must have been a bad connection I guess. But once I hung up it was quiet in my room. I was able to work on my computer. To learn and to just chill. But then it started to get lonely. I made some phone calls. Called friends, relatives. And it was just getting lonelier. Quieter. The news kept coming in. And I just didn't want to look at it or read it anymore. I'm a people person. It's my job. It's my personality. And now there were no people. Just me and Hashem. All alone, all week long for the past 2 and a half weeks. Besides for of course Shabbos, that I came home for; can't miss out on the Rebbetzins chulent… oh and my kids of courseJ.

I've spent a lot of time with Hashem lately. I think a lot of us have. I'm pretty sure it's what we are meant to be doing. So much of who we are and what we do is influenced by all of those around us. By our schools, our peers, our communities and even our families. What is it like when we are all alone? When we take all that away. I've thought about the first Jew ever Avraham, which really is the beginning of our nation. His story as well begins with that first command to be alone. Leave your land, your father, your community to the place I will show you. We've all just stepped on that train right now. Leaving everything behind to the place Hashem seems to be taking us.

Being alone forces me to introspect. Not about anyone else, but about myself. Hashem has put me alone in a room without family. There are so many lonely out there without spouses, without families that do this all the time. Have I cared enough about them? Have I really tried to help them? Or have I just stuck their names on my tehillim list at best. I am out of a job in the foreseeable future. How many people do I know that have been like that for a long time and what have I really done to help them? I'm not sick or dying Baruch Hashem and I don't want to be either, but have I in the past known so many people that are and haven't visited them, called them, cared more than three seconds and making a "tsk tsk they should have a refuah shlayma". Have I really ever empathized as I should? Loved my friend like myself as I should. Cared about the world as I should. Their tzaros. Their problems, their distance and unhappiness.

Have I ever cared about…. Hashem… His pain… His loneliness… His longing for me to finally get it and become me…as I should. Reb Chaim Sanzer says that we start off our Rosh Hashana davening with the prayer for the fear and dread upon the world because we have a rule that 'he who prays for his friend will be answered first'. Thus if we daven that the world fear Hashem and are in awe of Him than Hashem will make it that we get that fear and awe of Him before them. I think I'm finally starting to feel it.

This Shabbos, the one before Pesach is traditionally called Shabbos Hagadol- the big or great Shabbos. There are many reasons given for this title which include the Rabbi's "big" long sermon with all the laws and inspiration for Pesach which I don't know too many people that will be feeling bad that they are missing out on this year. We've all had plenty of time to prepare and learn about the holiday over the past couple of weeks. The parents with kids are learning it all every day as they home school. Welcome back to fourth grade. The ones without kids are just surfing the internet and reading or learning all the messages that they are constantly being forwarded.

This year in my lonely introspection I had another idea why it may be called the big or great Shabbos. The midrash tells us that Shabbos was also lonely. See, every day of the week had a partner. Sunday had Monday Tuesday had Wednesday and Thursday had Friday. Shabbos was alone. It was single. It complained to Hashem. Hashem told poor Shabbos don't worry. You'll get your partner. It will be the nation of Israel. So Shabbos waited and waited and waited…for 2448 Until Shabbos HaGadol, the 10^th of Nisan. On that Shabbos the Jews took their lambs and tied it to their bed and declared that they were ready to become the nation of Hashem. We were ready to finally leave that single life of hanging out in that meat market of Egypt and meet our Bashert Shabbos.

What does it mean that every day had its pair? On each day of Creation there is a connection between a spiritual element and a more physical element that is meant to reveal that spark. To bring Hashem's light from above down below over here. Some of the days Hashem created more physical creations; land, animals, fish water and mankind. On others the more spiritual ones like light, sky, stars and celestial beings. Each day has its partner. It's counterpart that will reveal the spiritual in this world. Shabbos is the day of rest. It's the day when the world will be infused with the ultimate spirituality. The day when the whole world will know it has a Creator. But it needed a partner down here on this world to bring it out. Hashem said don't worry, Shabbos. There is no shidduch crisis. You just have to wait a bit. And Shabbos waited. It waited for the day it would be great. It would find its partner. When it could finally come out of quarantine.

There was another day when there were people sitting alone. It was also Pesach. It was in the same place eerily enough that once again today was in quarantine. We talk about it every year by our Pesach Seder. That city was Bnai Brak. And there were a group of Rabbis that gathered and self-isolated themselves all night long. These Rabbis felt very alone. Their Temple had just been destroyed. Last year they were all in Jerusalem for the seder night eating their Korban Pesach. They were together with Hashem. Now it had all been destroyed. They spoke about the leaving of Mitzrayim all night long and they came to a conclusion that night. The conclusion was that we recite the story of leaving Egypt each night while we are in exile. We never did that before. In the evening service we only had the first two paragraphs of the Shema that don't mention Egypt. The reason, according to the sages, was because the verse that told us that we must remember Egypt an additional time, was referring to when Mashiach comes. But that night they came to a revolutionary conclusion. They decided that when Mashiach comes we won't recite the story of Egypt anymore. Therefore, the additional time to recite that third paragraph of Shema was in the evenings of galut; our exile.

But why? It's particularly strange since that night they were all talking about the Exodus all night long. What were they talking about? The answer one of my Rabbis suggested was that they were discussing the work that lay before them as we entered into this final exile 2000 years ago. They realized that Hashem didn't want the Beit Hamikdash to sanctify Him anymore. He wanted us to go back to the beginning and start anew and raise him up from this world all by ourselves. Our Exodus from Egypt was Hashem swooping down from heaven. Himself, without any messengers, without any angels and even without any merits of our own. It was Him creating and taking us out. It was all from above.

Our work in Exile this time around is not to wait for Him to swoop down, but rather for us to build, build and build up to Him. We read the story of Egypt at night in the dark while we are in this galus to remind us that is our work. Once we have completed that work though, we will not need to remember it anymore. We will have restored the world to Creation, to perfection. That was the lesson and message of the isolation in Bnai Brak. It was the lesson of how to create a home. It was the lesson we learned when we felt we were alone.

The word for alone or for quarantine that we keep hearing in Israel in Hebrew is bidud or bodahd. In the Torah do you know who is bodahd? The leper or the impure person. They are sent out from the camp. They are removed from society to contemplate their sins. This is their recovery. They do this in isolation.

But do you know who else is always badahd? An infant. But not in the isolation/quarantine type of way. The word dahd also is the term for the part of the mother's body that a baby nurses from. It's where he gets his sustenance from. It's where he is the closest and most peaceful to his creator. It's the only place he wants to be.  Hashem has put us this month of Nissan and this holiday of Pesach in isolation. We are alone, but at the same time we are as close to him as we can get. We recite Shir Hashirim- the song of songs by our seder night and we keep referring to Hashem as our Dodi- our beloved, the place where we nurse from, the place where we connect most intimately with our Creator. 

This Shabbos is Shabbos Ha'Gadol. This Shabbos we will all be with our Creator. Shabbos Ha'Gadol this year falls out exactly on the 10^th of Nissan as it did 3332 years ago when we first made it great. May this Wednesday as well be the day of our redemption as place the last bricks our Father is waiting for to finally bring Him out of isolation from us and may we see the fulfillment as well of the conclusion of that prayer on Rosh Hashan the tzmichat keren (korona?) of David avdecha b'meheira v'yameinu.

Have an incredible miraculous GREAT Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 This week's Insights and Inspiration is sponsored by me dear friends and tourists Charlie and Robin Myerson of Scottsdale Arizona in appreciation of all of the refreshing and inspirational weekly insights with the fondest memories of our trip with Rabbi Schwartz and as a merit for a refuah shlaima for all those that are sick.

Thank You!

*****************************

Special Amazing Pesach Offer Just for you!!!

In honor of the holiday of Pesach and all those that are stuck at home and are looking for the perfect inspiration. You can't go to any bookstores and even when they were open you just couldn't find the perfect book. Well now Rabbi Schwartz has taken care of you! This Pesach you can have the "Most Enjoyable book you've ever Read about Pesach" delivered right to your E-mail box in a perfect PDF file. How do I know that is the most enjoyable book? First of all, that is the title of the book. Second of all the author is me. Third of all I'm a tour guide and tour guides are not allowed to lie or exaggerate. It's against the rules. Fourth of my mother says so and she certainly never lies. Neither do all of those that purchased the book when it first came out in print and entirely sold out pretty quick.

Some of the great chapters include

Kid-ding Around

The Worst Jew

Ani V'Ata

Of Mouth and Men

Animal House

The Holy Prophet

Family Business

and

Jewish Trip Planning

And here's our blurb from the back of the book

With his world-renowned wit and wisdom and his love for every Jew, Israel, and inspiration (and chulent), Rabbi Schwartz brings to life the timeless and yet original messages and ideas that the holiday of Pesach can and should mean to every Jew.

From the beginner to the greatest scholar, from the Kabbalist to the Chasid to the Yeshiva student, young and old, this book will definitely be the most enjoyable book you've ever read about Pesach.

QUOTES ABOUT THIS LITERARY MASTERPIECE

 (That Were Never Really Said)

"This is a really great book, I'm so glad that my son become a rabbi, tour guide, and author rather than a Doctor or a Lawyer."-My Mother

"This book has changed my life in so many ways; I attribute all my success in life to Rabbi Schwartz's insights and weekly Inspiration."-- Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz

"I knew that when I threw him out of my Yeshiva it would inspire him to become the next leader of the Jewish people."--Quite a few of my Rabbis and Principals

"I love being on a diet; it makes me feel so healthy."- The author

SO HOW DO I GET IT? HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?

The answer is the Book is absolutely Free- with a donation of your choice to the Young Israel of Karmiel at the following link.

That's right. How we can set a price on an inspirational Pesach Seder for all of our incredible readers. The donation is merely your way of showing your appreciation for all the weekly inspiration you get from our E-Mail, your expression of your unity with us here in Karmiel and our great work of settling the land and building a shul and community that welcomes all Jews. It's your way of helping your favorite Rabbi continuing to be able to pay the bills for our shul and community while we are locked down for the next foreseeable future-but still have bills to pay. So whatever you can help out with is great. You can donate a dollar or $1000. $10, $18, $36, $50, $100, $180 or $672 if that is the gematria of your name.

It's all good…

So don't delay make your donation and start reading the most enjoyable Book Ever on Pesach!

Your donation can be made by clicking on the following link

https://holylandinsights.blogspot.co.il/

(ignore the High Holiday Campaign Paypal message I haven't figured out how to change that)

********************************

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Falen falt men alain, ober oiftsuhaiben zikh darf men a hant fun a freind "-. To fall down you manage alone but it takes friendly hands to get up..

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

21) A German Crusader compound in Jerusalem can be found in:

A.    Damascus Gate

2. Viri Galilaei Church
3. The Jewish Quarter
4. The Armenian Quarter

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/shiras-hayam-the-song-of-the-sea-vayosha   - In honor of Pesach my latest composition! Vayosha Hashem- the song of salvation at the Sea. Thank You Dovid Lowy for the amazing vocals and arrangements…love that jungle bongo beatJ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gfo8AQJCJys  - Perhaps one of the most beautiful and moving songs of this virus Abie Rottenberg and Baruch Levine "Place where I belong" Torah Scroll corona 2020 reboot. Must watch…

https://youtu.be/wL9VW_Srqr4  – 25 artists singing "Someday We will all be Together"-while in isolation- what a great Zoomy idea…

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p8ryM0ClJKM  – Awesome Twas the night before Pesach from the Rosengolds hilariously genius!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVKoNZloRvQ – Yishai Ribo Keser Melucha hauntingly beautiful Corona composition…

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

Todah– Thanksgiving  One of the sacrifices that are mentioned in this week's Torah portion is the mitzva of the thanksgiving offering. Interesting enough we read about this korban more often than not on the week before Pesach which is not only the day when we thank Hashem for our salvation, but it also the week that has the one day a year that we do not recite mizmor l'toda- the psalm of thanksgiving that corresponds to this offering. The reason for this is because this offering consisted of forty loaves of bread, of which thirty-six were eaten as part of a festive meal after the offering of the Korban. Since ten of these loaves were chametz, and chametz is prohibited from the middle of the day before Pesach, the Korban Todah was generally not brought on that day. As a result, Ashkenazim do not recite Mizmor l’sodah on the morning before and during Pesach and on erev Yom Kippur.

Now as we mentioned last week that we can't bring sacrifices today however the recital of the sacrifices can achieve the same objective and even perhaps the biblical mitzva of the sacrifice. Thanksgiving though is perhaps a bit even more so. The Rambam notes that the essence of our biblical commandment to tell over the story of Pesach Seder night is to sing and thank Hashem for rescuing us. The Chasam Sofer in a revolutionary statement suggests that same idea might apply to both Purim and Chanukah that there is a biblical commandment to praise Hashem for the miracles and salvations. Perhaps, he suggests that is the reason when we make our blessings on the lighting of candles and reading the Megilla we say that Hashem has sanctified us with His mitzvos. This is despite the fact that the candle lighting and Megilla reading are rabbinical commandments. They both obviously celebrate holidays after the giving and writing of the Torah. Yet since there is a biblical obligation to thank Hashem upon having a miracle those expressions of it fulfil that biblical commandment.

Now the sacrifice of the Todah was brought upon four by individuals These are people who recovered from illness; were freed from jail; crossed the sea; or crossed the desert. Today we do not have the sacrifices however there is a bracha called HaGomel that is recited for these individuals. The Rosh suggests that it is in place of that offering. The words of the bracha are "Blessed are You, Hashem our G‑d, King of the universe, Who bestows kindness upon the culpable, for He has bestowed goodness to me.". As the sacrifice was only brought by daytime it should be made during the day. Preferably as well it should be done in front of a minyan of men and even in shul when one gets called up to the Torah. The blessing should be made within 3 days of one of the above circumstances but up to a maximum of 30 days.

Women as well may make this blessing. Many certainly have a custom to make it after childbirth by coming to shul and reciting it. As well their husbands can make it for them. Ashkenazim generally recite this blessing when traveling overseas, but not on local flights. Sefardim though will say it anytime they travel out of their city. In Israel it is very common to hear Sefardim make it regularly when they get called up to the Torah for that reason. So you shouldn't necessarily think they went to jail or were sick.

There is another custom as well that we find that many great rabbis upon being saved in miraculous ways from death established an annual seduat hoda'ah- a thanksgiving meal. They invite friends and family each year and they recite the story and praise Hashem. In fact we find that there were communities that established their own "Purims" on days that they were saved from a plot or pogrom to destroy them. According to the SeMaK all of these are biblical fulfillments of the commandment to give thanks to Hashem. God willing when this Corona virus is finally over we will all gather in Yerushalayim with Mashiach (hopefully by this Pesach) in a large public Gomel ceremony where we can bring the thanksgiving offering for our salvation.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Reconciliation? Civil War Part III 939 BC – So most of the tribe of Benjamin had been wiped out by the tribes after the civil war that all started by the incident of the Pilegesh/ concubine that had been desecrated by the men of their city of Givah and that they refused to hand them over to the tribes for punishment. Now when the tribes originally decided in Mitzpa to go to war the Sanhedrin Court demanded that all cities come to Beit El to decide on their fate and join the ensuing battle if it came to that on pain of death. Once Binyamin refused to play ball they made a second oath that they would not allow any of their daughters to be given in marriage to any Benjaminites. That's where the situation stood until the Jews had regret. A whole tribe can't be destroyed what could they do?

So the Sanhedrin gave a call and realized that there was one city that had not come to the call in Beit El, not for the war and not for the oaths. It was the city of Yavesh Gilead which is on the eastern side of the Jordan River in Jordan. Some suggest it is tel Al AChariz there which is near a river called Wadi Yabez- which kind of sounds like Yavesh and they found artifacts from this period there. As well it is only about 14 KM from Beit Shea'an which would make sense based on other biblical stories we will get to with this city. But anyways this city didn't come which meant two things. One, the city had to be destroyed for not heeding the call and the oath by the Sanhedrin that everyone should join. Second, that since they never took the second oath their daughters were able to marry Binyamin's tribe. So 12,000 men went to the city and based on the instructions of the Sanhedrin they killed all the men and married women and spared the 400 single girls that were there. What we wouldn't do to solve the shidduch crisis. Now that's thinking out of the box…

The 400 girls were than brought to the men of the Binyamin that were hiding in Sela Rimon and given to them as wives. They called out to them in peace. They accepted the peace. Thank God the tribes were back together again. There was one problem left though. See there was still a bit of a shidduch crisis because there were 600 men that were hiding there in Sela Rimon. 200 still needed wives. We'll talk next week, before Pesach god willing, as we conclude this story and the entire book of Judges, about how they solved this problem. But this story should again make us realize how as much as we discuss and speak about Jews fighting and the tragedy of machlokes and lack of unity among our people, we are way better than what was going on back then. We've come a long way…And if there fights, sins, wars and hatred could ultimately be resolved and we merited to the book of Samuel and king David and the Beit Hamkikdash then we can certainly merit that again today.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S AND EVEN MORE TERRIBLE CORONA JOKES  OF THE WEEK

FUNNIEST MEME's of the WEEK

Homeschooling update- My child just said that he hopes he doesn't have the same teacher next year.

Homeschooling Day 5- for Science we studied the effects of Nyquill on students

I'm starting to feel like Noah- cooped up in an Ark with a bunch of animals that constantly need feeding

This year by the edict of the Rabbis we will not recite the story of Rabbi Eliezer, Rabbi Yehoshua, Rabbi Eliezer Ben Azarya and Rabbi Akiva that were sitting together in Bnai Brak as it is against Ministry of Health guidelines

Somebody asked me what I am doing in these challenging lockdown period that we are living. I told them I am in Import-Export. I import messages and memes from one group to another.

Dr. Suesses version of social distancing in Seder 2020-

I do not want you in our house

I do not want you or your spouse

I do not wish to eat with you

At Seder one or Seder two

Don't get me wrong I think you're nice

But the Ministry of health gave out that advice

You must avoid one plague more

And shoo Eliyahu from your door

At next year's seder we will all tell

How we were all saved by Purell

I have the most loving wife. Last night I woke up and she was holding a pillow tightly over my face to protect me from the Covid19 virus

I need to get out of this bed… I'm late for the couch

Be like Darth Vader- Wears a mask, socially and emotionally distant, doesn't visit his son and daughter, follow orders.

Every  country got the corona virus but China got it right off the bat

FYI just typing "Chametz" into google does not qualify as searching for Chametz

Looking for a zoom group to yell Ka'eiiiileh on Chol Hamoed Pesach with.

Stepped on my scale this morning and it said please use social distancing- only one person at a time.

Anybody know how many days we have to daven at home before we can file for place of worship tax exemption

Newest airport codes

LVG- living room

DNR- dining room

BKY- backyard

BTH- Bathroom

KTH-Kitchen

MBR-Main Bedroom

PAT-patio

OFC- office

WNC- wine cellar

I took the Mezuza off my front door and put it on my fridge as it seems that is the only door I have been opening and closing

The Coronavirus Haggadah,PART I

Who knows zero?

I know zero. Zero is how many toilet paper squares there are left to spare.

Who knows one?

I know one. One is the number of houses you're stuck in with your family. Zero is how many

squares there are left to spare.

Who knows two? I know two. Two are the number of latex gloves that we wear. One is

the number of houses you're stuck in with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left

to spare.

Who knows three? I know three. Three are the meters everyone must keep for social distancing. Two are the number of gloves. One is the number of

houses with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare.

Who knows four? I know four. Four are the times you wash your hands after touching an elevator button. Three are the meters. Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare.

Who knows five? I know five. Five are the times you went to the supermarket to find eggs. Four are the times you wash your hands. Three are the meters. Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare.

Who knows six? I know six. Six is the minimum distance of feet for Americans who don't know what a meter is that you should maintain from your fellow human being. Five are supermarket egg runs. Four are the times you wash your hands. Three are the meters. Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare.

Who knows seven? I know seven. Seven are the days of the week I have spent with my children in the house.  Six is feet we keep away. Five are supermarket egg runs. Four are the times you wash your hands. Three are the meters. Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare

Who knows eight? I know eight. Eight is the new amount of cups of wine you can have at the

seder this year. Seven are the are the days of the week with my kids.  Six is feet we keep away. Five are supermarket egg runs. Four are the times you wash your hands. Three are the meters. Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare

Who knows nine? I know nine. Nine is the number of months from now when all the Corona babies will be born. Eight are cups of wine. Seven are the are the days of the week with my kids.  Six is feet we keep away. Five are supermarket egg runs. Four are the times you wash your hands. Three are the meters. Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare

Who knows ten? I know ten. Ten is the minimum number of seconds you have to count down

from any time your schooling-from-home children nag you during your working-from-home day.

Nine are the Corona babies months to be born. Eight are cups of wine. Seven are the are the days of the week with my kids.  Six is feet we keep away. Five are supermarket egg runs. Four are the times you wash your hands. Three are the meters. Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare

Who knows eleven? I know eleven. Eleven are the stars, which you know because stargazing is

one of several new habits, now that you're stuck at home. Did you know there are 88

constellations? Cool. Ten are the seconds you have to count down. Nine are the Corona babies months to be born. Eight are cups of wine. Seven are the are the days of the week with my kids.  Six is feet we keep away. Five are supermarket egg runs. Four are the times you wash your hands. Three are the meters. Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare

Who knows twelve? I know twelve. Twelve are the new grey hairs on your head. Eleven are the

stars, Ten are the seconds you have to count down. Nine are the Corona babies months to be born. Eight are cups of wine. Seven are the are the days of the week with my kids.  Six is feet we keep away. Five are supermarket egg runs. Four are the times you wash your hands. Three are the meters. Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare

Who knows thirteen? I know thirteen. Thirteen are the total hairs left you haven't pulled from your head. Twelve are the new grey hairs on your head. Eleven are the

stars, Ten are the seconds you have to count down. Nine are the Corona babies months to be born. Eight are cups of wine. Seven are the are the days of the week with my kids.  Six is feet we keep away. Five are supermarket egg runs. Four are the times you wash your hands. Three are the meters. Two are the gloves. One is the number of houses with your family. Zero is how many squares there are left to spare

**********************************

Answer is C–  Things are looking really bad for me now boys and girls. This is another one I got wrong. I don't even have a passing grade anymore. And this was one that I should have gotten right! I pass by it all the time and even mention it on some of my tours (at least when my tourists notice it and ask me about it). The correct answer is of course in Jewish quarter by the steps going down to the Kotel on the left there one can see the remains of this Crusader compound which included a hotel and lodging fro Christian pilgrims by the hospatilier knights that lived there in the 12^th century. For some reason my mind went blank and I went with Armenian quarter where I knewthe David Citadel tower was also a Crusader compound and was located there. For some reason this was not the right answer. Maybe it wasn't the German ones that built.. I dunno…Regardless I should've gotten this one.  So my stinky score now stands at Schwartz 12 and 9 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam. Things are not looking good for me now…Better up my game.