An Awesome Rediscovery- Parshat Bamidbar 2020 / 5780

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

May 22^nd 2020 -Volume 10 Issue 31 28^th Iyar 5780

Parshat Bamidbar

An Awesome Rediscovery

I didn't expect to feel this way…I was totally unprepared for the overwhelming emotion I felt the second I walked through those doors. I didn't know how much I really missed these sacred walls. I enjoyed davening at home. I liked my "porch minyan" I attended. I told you guys about that already. So when I read last night that they were opening up the shuls again I kind of felt like how you do the night before your summer vacation trip is almost over and you are already checking in online. Ready to get back to business and sorry that the incredible relaxing, family-bonding, and usually on the Schwartz family vacations awe-inspiring well trip is now over. I didn't think walking back into shul after our 2 and half month hiatus would bring tears to my eyes…but it did.

The truth is it wasn't even my own shul I walked into. I was in Yerushalayim where I have been working over the past few weeks and the shul was a shteeble that I frequented regularly in the past as it is around the corner from the BNB that I stay in when I'm in Yerushalayim. To be honest I never really was that inspired in that shteeble before. Don't get me wrong. It's a nice cute friendly place. But it was just a place to daven, usually quickly, as I had to run out and meet my tourists after davening at the hotels they were staying. But this morning it felt like I was walking back into the Beis Hamikdash. I would almost say it felt like the day I made Aliya and took my first steps on that landing strip in Israel, but that would be getting carried away. But it was definitely in the same game. It was just awe-inspiring. Which I think pretty much is the mitzva we are supposed to have when we come into Shul all the time. But I think it's the first time in my life I ever felt it. Actually I know it is.

It wasn't just the shiny new walls, the polished book shelves all full and waiting to be learned. It wasn't the awesome air conditioning on this sweltering unseasonably hot Wednesday morning that made it feel like I was sitting in the perfect climate. In Gan Eden. It wasn't even the swaying people in talises davening around me (2 meters still socially distanced of course) with heavenly glows on their face. There was just an aura of holiness that I felt that I had just entered. It was like all of the kedusha had been waiting there for the past few months just pent up inside like a soda bottle with fizz that explodes when you open that cap. It just hit me head-on and tears formed in my eyes.

I put on my talis and teffilin. I kissed my siddur. I started to daven. When I got to the psalm that I recite everyday but frankly it never really jumped out at me; this morning it did. It is the psalm of thanksgiving. Mizmor L'soda. (Psalm 100)

Bo'u she'aruv 'bsoda- come to His gates with thanks

Chatzirosuv b'tehilla- his courtyards with praise.

Hodu lo brachu Shemo- Give thanks to him and bless His name.

Boom…more tears.

I continued with

Ashrei Yoshvei veisecha- how fortunate is are those who sit in Your house

Od Yehalilucha sela- May they always praise you…Sela!.

And then my phone beeped. I heard all the lectures, got all the E-mails and had seen all the videos telling us to turn off the phones before we come back to Shul. Some even had me consider it for a minute or two. But, I'm bad at making changes in my life. Listen it's not like my phone ringer is on in Shul. It's not like I even will schmooze or surf around on it. I'm the rabbi, that would be bad. But I do confess to checking out who's calling, maybe even looking at a whatsapp here and there while waiting around for the chazzan to start and catch up with me. Maybe even message here and there when it was really important. Shhh…

But now I was kind of disgusted with that little vibrating prism in my pocket. It ruined that awe I was experiencing. It jolted me out of the bliss I was feeling and experiencing. I was in the palace of the King. I finally got it. I understood and really internalized what was so terrible about this thing. It's not the phone that was the problem until now. It was that I never really felt what I was meant to feel when I was in shul. I reached in my pocket and bli nedered as I turned it off that it would remain that way whenever I go into Hashem's palace. Hopefully my limited shul time during the week would kind of be like Shabbos for me. Not even thinking about my phone because I'm too much in love with my Shabbos freedom and experience. It was muktza.\

It's pretty amazing how when something is taken away from you that you never really appreciated how precious that thing can be when you finally rediscover it. And as I thought about that idea I fabulously began to see in how many different places we find that idea embedded into Chazal. We are told that a person has their bashert 40 days before they are born. Chava was taken from Adam's rib in order that he would have to find her and become one once again. It's the rediscovered love.

 A baby, we are told, is taught the entire Torah by an angel in its mother's tummy, only to be tapped on its lips (thus that little indentation you have there in case you were wondering what that was all about) and made to forget it all. Life is the joy of finding our way back to that Torah we once learned. Is there anything more geshmak then that first bite of pizza after 8 days of matzas and potatoes. Fuggedabout about that first shabbos chulent with real beans and barley after Pesach. Or the first music you listen to or first swimming pool you jump into after the three weeks of mourning in the summer. That first shave after sefirat ha'omer. Even the re-experiencing of Shabbos each week. It's all about rediscovering things that we missed out on and appreciating them. Some of those things above are of course more important than others. I'll let you decide which ones. But only in this E-Mail will you see Shabbos chulent, pizza and Torah and finding your wife in the same paragraph J.

This week we begin the fourth book of the Torah of Bamidbar. The book could have just as easily been called va'yidaber just as the last book was called Va'yikra, as those are the first words of the Book. Yet we call the sefer Bamidbar because that would seem to be the most appropriate title for the Book. "In the Wilderness". Why?

Additionally, our sages tell us that this book is always read before Shavuos. It is meant to be a buffer between the curses and terrifying consequences that are enumerated quite graphically in last week's Torah portion (mother's eating their babies from hunger and all). A buffer before the holiday of Shavuos, which we have been counting up to since Pesach, pretty much since this plague really hit.  The buffer to the curses we experienced in the wilderness. The prelude to the Torah is our journey through the wilderness from the big busy noisy country of Egypt. Our entry and journey to Israel was not meant to take place on first class planes or even on wings of eagles. It had to happen via a long, long and then even extended longer 40-year hike through the midbar.

I take a lot of people to the midbar on tours. Do you know what is incredible about it? There are no distractions. It is pristine. It is quiet. It is the place to rediscover and reveal your inner essence. In the 4^th and 5^th century there were many priests, monks and hermits that would travel out to the wilderness to meditate. We have quite a few ancient churches and monasteries that still remain there from those eras. It's the perfect place to meditate, because one becomes so aware of how vast the universe is there and how little we are. It is awe inspiring. There is nothing man-made there. It is all Hashem. It is as if we are finally aware that this world is truly His palace and we are so humbled to be invited in to see it. As the Jewish people, it was after this 49-day walk through that midbar that we were taught that not only are we invited in to Hashem's world, we were chosen to His partners in this incredible creation. We were given the Torah. We became the perfect servants of the King who so awed us. We became a nation of Priests.

Why us? Well after 210 years of not having a chance to breathe. Not having a chance to see the world at all. Stuck in the slave pits of Egypt night and day. There was nobody in the world who would sense that same sense of awe that we experienced. No one else that would appreciate more the evil that can befall a world that doesn't recognize its Creator; the horrors and curses that they could perpetrate when man believes that they themselves are Gods and omnipotent. It was as if we were blind for centuries and were suddenly given back our sight. How amazing the world looked. How much we desired to reveal Hashem's glory that we experienced to everyone else. To share that awe with humanity. To teach them about the ways and the glory of our Father our Creator. To bring them to that midbar that would serve as a barrier to all the curses a godless creation can bring and lead them to Sinai. We were chosen because we inherited that knowledge and faith from our ancestors and then we rediscovered it again. Because only upon that rediscovery do we really appreciate how essential and precious something really is.

The titles of the books of the Torah are so incredible if you look at them in this light.of rediscovery. Bereishis-in the beginning. The entire world was Created for the Torah, for Bnai  Yisrael to reveal Hashem in this world. Like that baby we learned it all in that Garden of Eden. But then we lost it. Book 2 Shemos- Hashem has given us Names. We have neshomas we can reconnect. We can leave the darkness and Egypt and realize the essence of who we are; what are names are meant to become. Vayikra- Hashem calls us. He wants us. We are called by name. We have begun to return. We are taught about all the offerings we should and could make to partner with Hashem. It is the call and invitation back home. And then we come to Bamidbar. That awe-inspiring world. We experience what it means to be living an existence that is totally basking in the holiness of our Creator. Only in that idyllic, vast and pristine desert can we truly taste and remember that. Finally, we have arrived at Devarim. The words of Moshe, the words of Mussar that can finally be put into the context and the appreciation of Hashem. The words that tell us that all Hashem really wants of us is to have that awe. To take that midbar feeling everywhere.

There was another time in our recent history that we lost something and we got it back. Fascinatingly enough we had lost it for 19 years. Like Covid-19…I'm just sayin...In the year 1948 the day after Lag Ba'Omer-the 19^th of Iyar (again that magic number 19) the last Jews left the old city of Jerusalem and it fell under Jordanian control. For centuries if not for millennia the Jews had always been able to come and daven at our holiest place; the Kotel Ha'maaravi- that western wall that surrounded the mountain were our Beit Hamikdash once stood. The gateway to heaven. But we lost it. We were locked out. Every minyan the Jews davened at for those 19 years felt like a "porch minyan". And for the next 19 years the wall, our makom Hamikdash, remained empty of her children. 19 years later in perhaps one of the most unexpected if not miraculous victories of the modern era on the 28^th of Iyar- Yes the same day in 2020 that Jews in Israel and America will be returning to their shuls after our absence from them for our first Friday night services in shul in months- Hashem returned the Kotel and Yerushalayim to our hands. That's today. The whole Jewish world is celebrating Yom Yerushalayim a return to our shuls on this day. There is something special about this month. There was something special that Hashem wanted us to get before we receive the Torah this year on Shavuot. I believe it is that sense of awe.

General Uzi Narkiss was not a religious man. He was raised fairly secular in Jerusalem. Neither was Yitzchak Rabin. But they were from the first paratroopers that arrived at the Kotel upon its liberation in 1967. Their words and description of that moment were certainly much more significant than what I felt this morning. But for the first time I appreciated a little taste of what that must have felt like.

“The Wall was before us. I trembled. There it was as I had known it—immense, mighty, in all its splendor...overcome, I bowed my head in silence.”- General Uzi Narkiss, Head of Central Command during the Six Day War

I felt truly shaken and stood there murmuring a prayer for peace. Motta Gur’s paratroopers were struggling to reach the Wall and toudh it. We stood among a tangle of rugged, battle-weary men who were unable to believe their eyes or restrain their emotions. Their eyes were moist with tears, their speech incoherent. The overwhelming desire was to cling to the Wall, to hold on to that great moment as long as possible.”- Chief of Staff Yitzchak Rabin

I felt that sense of awe this morning walking back into shul. I had that desire to just hang out a little longer in shul. Lachazos b'noam Hashem- to see the pleasantness of His palace and halls and not leave out to the world outside. Fortunately, I had no tours…surprise-surprise so I could. I certainly didn't want anything beeping in my pocket to pull me out of this experience.

I know that people are different. For many good Mussar lectures work. For some even bad ones do. Some people can learn something and they just always want to do the right thing. I have a son like that. He's just entering the market by the way. If you know of anyone looking for someone like that, feel free to E-Mail me. We're only asking 3 apartments for him and a new car as mine broke down the other day. I heard people offer stuff like that in Israel. Having a good son on the market in Israel is like winning the Oorah lottery I'm told… I guess I'll find out… or not. Sorry quick plug there.

 But that's my son. The apple fell very far from this tree- thank God many would say. I was never from that group. Sermons rarely changed me. I've heard so many lectures about kedushas beit knesset- the sanctity of our shuls and they went in one ear and out the other. Or perhaps more likely never even made its way into the first ear. They bounce right off. They were like all those evils of smartphone and internet repeated speeches I hear all the time. I know they're right…. perhaps… I just don't want to hear them. So I treat them like Kupat Ha'ir tzedaka request ads. They promise you the world if you listen and scare you if you don't. For better or for worse it just doesn't work for me.  I don't think the concept of awe of something can be lectured, can even be read or learned about. It is supposed to be something experienced. It's why Hashem went to all that effort for our viewing pleasure of the mind-blowing and thus eternal experience at Sinai. The reason our Torah has lasted for so long is because it was such an awesome experience that we all had. When we tap into the Torah that awe all comes back. When we step into our shuls, we remember that first time we met Hashem in that midbar. We remember who we are.

We enter Shabbos Bamidbar as the world which just got a major dose of perhaps one of the most awesome life-changing few months it has ever had. is slowly coming out of its midbar. You have seen all of those clips of all of the world shut down during this pandemic. The metropolises closed. The streets empty. The only thing that could be heard was to quote a nice yiddisheh boy was- the sound of silence. Just as over 3300 years ago when we came in that Midbar to Mt. Sinai our sages tells us there was not a peep in the ear, not a bird chirped. The entire world heard that experience. They stood in awe of the revelation of Hashem to His creations. To us His nation. Just as 53 years ago when He returned us in awe to Yerushalyim, His city, in awe and even the most distant and furthest Jew or gentile saw that glorious Hand that was bringing us Home and starting to return to His home. So may all of the work, holiness and truly life-changing experience Hashem has just put us through find its glorious culmination this week in the final revelation that the world is still waiting to rediscover.

Have an awesome Shabbos and revelatory Rosh Chodesh

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Tsu itlechen neiem lid ken men tsupassen an alten nigen" To every new song one can find an old tune.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email
 

28) The menorah in the Emblem of Israel is taken from:

A.    Matityahu Antigonus coin

2. The menorah on the Arch of Titus
3. The menorah in Magdala
4. The menorah in the Herodian Quarter

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

https://www.jpost.com/six-day-war-anniversary/relive-the-six-day-war-day-three-of-the-war-496106  – The Return of Jerusalem Day 3 of the 6 day war footage

https://youtu.be/e_BrIN-JF6E - Yeshiva Boys Choir Es Panecha Zoom great classic oldie with a new take

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbt7P1AIn04   - Brand New Ari Goldwag Yerushalayim Nice!

https://youtu.be/2WrptHlfhYk?list=TLPQMjIwNTIwMjC2B4Vs-c9obQ – Great Dovid Lowy newest hit with Yiz Berry arrangements Botachti!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZoXAPj_zZ8  – Gad Elbaz what a magnificent video and song about Yerushalayim (with a guest view of Nissim Black)

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

Parshat Bamidbar-Counting Jews- Lo Yimad V'Lo Yisafer-We are familiar with the fourth sefer of the Torah that we begin reading this week as sefer Bamidbar. Yet our sages call this book Sefer Hapikudim or as the gentiles call it the book of Numbers. Now numbers isn't an accurate translation of the word pikudim, It makes it sound like a math book. Misparim are numbers. The word pikudim are the counted. Bamidbar is a book that begins with the commandment to Moshe to count the Jewish people. Yet Hashem reveals to Moshe that the way to count Jews is specifically not by counting them and giving them numbers, interestingly enough. Each Jew that was meant to be counted (which were the men between 20-60 of army age) would give a half shekel coin and the coins would then be counted. This seems like a pretty awkward and inefficient way to count people, but this is the way it was to be done. Not only is this way Moshe was to do it, but in fact our sages tell us that there is in fact two biblical prohibitions on actually counting Jews themselves. It's a mitzva for all times.

The Talmud in Yoma (22:) quotes Reb Elazar who says that anyone that counts Yisrael is in violation of a biblical commandment as it says "And the number of the children of Israel shall be like the sand of the sea which cannot be counted" (Hoshea 2:1) Rebbi Nachman Bar Yizchak adds another prohibition with the following word that we shouldn't be measured as well.

Now if the prohibitions alone don't get you nervous enough. The Navi tells us the mind-blowing story of King David who sent out his General to count the people of Israel. He fell into this sin our sages told us because he made an inappropriate statement to Shaul calling Hashem a tempter. Hashem therefore said if you're already calling me a tempter lets see you fall in something even a little child knows you can't do. And he did. Upon realizing his mistake, Dovid ran to the prophet Gad and asked for forgiveness- by the way that is the sin we read about twice a day when we recite tachanun after Shacharis and Mincha Va'yomer Dovid el Gad. I bet you never realized it was that big of a sin thateach of us recall it twice a day! Hashem told Dovid to choose his punishment either 7 years of famine, or being chased by his enemies for 3 months or 3 days of plague-pestilince. Dovid decided to go with the punishment behind curtain number 3 for 3 day of plague Bob… and 70,000 people died! That's more than twice as many as that died of Corona in New York and New Jersey over the past three months. Just for counting. Wow!

In fact there seems to be a deep connection with plague and counting as the Torah repeatedly tells us that we should count with a half shekel coin so that there shouldn't be a plague. When King Saul comes to count the people he used sheep. When King Aggripas in the second Temple counts the people we are told that he counted the kidneys of the Pesach offerings they brought. Even when the Kohanim were counted for the service in the Temple they would stikc out their fingers and they would count fingers not people. This seems to be a pretty clear prohibition.

That being said interestingly enough, none of the classic enumerators of the mitzvos of the Torah count this a one of the 613. There is a divergence of opinion on why this is so that ranges from the approach that this is a biblical prohibition however since it only comes out of a positive commandment to count the people and the verse quoted is from Hoshea rather than the Torah then it doesn't make it to the 613 list. Others take the approach that this is rabbinical and perhaps even just good smart righteous behavior. It is certainly brought down in Shulchan Aruch as being prohibited and the custom of the Jewish people is not to count people. In fact when counting for a minyan the tradition is to use a verse that contains ten words in it. The classic one being

Hoshiya es amecha u'vorech es nachalasecha u'reem v'naasem ad olam- Save your nation and bless your inheritance tend them and elevate them forever

Although there seems to be an ancient rashi opinion that suggests using the pasuk

V'ani b'rov chasedecha avo beseicha eshtacheveh el heichal kodshecha b'yirasecha-And I with abundant kindness will come to Your home I will bow in the halls of your Holiness in awe of you

My personal favorite is Baruch Ata Hashem… Hamotzi lechem min ha'aretz that always throws everyone for a loop.

Now an interesting discussion about this halacha is in regards to censuses for populations. The Chasam Sofer was very strict about this feeling the danger of plague forces us to take a very strict approach and wouldn't even allow his gabbaim count the poor people to give them money unless they each gave a half coin. In modern times there are leniencies that the State of Israel relies on based on the idea that we are not counting the people we are counting the censuses that they fill out. We are not counting the entire jewish nation. A national and community count is necessary as the government needs to know how many to provide services for. It’s a fascinating topic to research.

Certainly as we finish up our plague over here it is incredible that the first Torah portion we will read communally tells us that Hashem loves to count us. It is the reason the Book is named. At the same time He does not want us to ever be considered numbers. Another brick in the wall. We can't count the individuals. Because we are one. The danger of counting individuals is that it divides our unity it brings independent judgement down, it leads to the evil eye. Blessing falls on that which is hidden our sages tell us. So we don't count Jews as individuals. But together and through our mitzvos Hashem can count all of us together.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

The Philistine journey of the Ark -831 BC – In our tour guiding course we were told to memorize the five major Philistine cities; namely Ashkelon, Ashdod, Gaza, Gat and Ekorn. The Plishtim were sea dwellers that made their way to Israel in the 12^th century around the period of the Shoftim. They lived generally near the coastline and pretty much terrorized the Jews until Dovid Hamelech pretty much quelled them. The term Palestinian though has nothing to do with them nor do they come from them. It was a term the Romans coined after the Bar Kochva revolt was put down for Israel as they wished to disconnect the name of the land previously called Judea from the Jewish people. They called it Syria-Palestina, just as they called Jerusalem Aila Capatalina. Which of course is not it's real name. About the only thing the Palestinians have in common with the ancient Philistines is they both terrorize Israel and many of them are based on the Southern Coastline. But now back to our story and places

So the Philistines took the Ark from Even Ezer and transferred it to their city of Ashdod. Today Tel Ashdod has been identified south of Ashdod not far from the train station. There's not much to see there despite it being a recognized national park. The Philistines had an ancient temple there where they worshiped the fish god called Dagon. They placed the Ark in his temple and thenxt morning much to their surprise Dagon was face down on the floor. The picked him up and the next morning Hashem upped His game and Dagon was on the floor with his head and arms chopped off. Ouch! But the Plishtim didn't care. Finally Hashem struck them with a plague called Tachorim, which can be interpreted as hemorrhoids or according to the Midrash a plague of rats that climbed into their bodies from the same place hemorrhoids hit you. Bottom line- excuse the pun- they were in pain.

So they picked up the Ark and sent it over to the next Philistine city Gat. The ancient city of Gath has been identified by most archeologists as being Tel Tzafit not far from Beit Shemesh in the Shefela right outside of Kfar Menachem. Again there is not much to see there besides a nice lookout point of the entire area and they have signs with the distances from to the other Philistine cities from there. It is technically in between Ashkelon and Ashdod although it is much further east in the country then one would assume for a Philistine city being in either the tribe of Dan or even Yehuda's portion. It shouldn't be confused with Kiryat Gat though which got its name from the tel near by that city called Tel Arani that archeologists back in the 50's when the city founded thought was ancient Gat. The truth is that is a bit closer geographically to where it might be closer to the coastline and further south. Bu that was pretty much disproven, when there weren't significant Philistine remains found there. Just the usual Canaanite stuff. But who's gonna go and change the name of the city, right? Hashem pretty much hit them with the same tachorim plague as well. And like the Covid-19 they just passed it on to the next city Ekron.

Ancient Ekron is pretty much a definite ID. They found a philistine inscription there that says Ekron on it and it talks about the building of a temple there. It is located right next to Kibbutz Revadim, which is right near Yad Binyamin and Chafetz Chaim in the lower Shefela on a tel called Tel Mikneh. And you know what? There's not much to see there either, an ancient well, some olive presses and some remains of a city wall. The Ekronites certainly didn't want anything to do with it after hearing all the destruction the Aron wrought. So they pretty much put it out in a field. There it sat for 7 long months. Can you imagine that? Here we are 3-4 months Corona'd away without our shuls, aron Kodesh and Sefer Torah. How do you think the Jews felt without the Aron of Hashem that once held the Luchos for 7 months. Not only that. But imagine if the arabs or Christians were using or desecrating our shuls during these months. Well that's what was happening with the Aron it was in Philistine hands! What a desecration.

Our sages tell us this happened as a result of Avraham who made a treaty with Avimelech the Plishti king and he gave him 7 sheep. No one told Avraham to make peace with these terrorist animals. Hashem had promised him the land. As a punishment Hashem said OK you were willing to sell off the land for 7 sheep. Let's see how you feel without the Aron for 7 months. Very thought provoking. I really don't visit most of the sites above but there is a Museum for Philistine Culture in the city of Ashdod that I'm told is interesting. As well in the Eretz Yisrael Museum in Tel Aviv on the site of Tel Kasile another Plishti city, and of course in the Israel museum in Jerusalem there is plenty of Plishti stuff as well. Me personally I like to stick with the Jewish sites.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE DESERT JOKES  OF THE WEEK

(Because even I'm sick of Covid Jokes already)

An Arab was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.

The Arab asked “Please, I’m dying of thirst, can I have some water?”

The man replied “I don’t have any water, but why don’t you buy a tie? Here’s one that goes nicely with our robes.”

The Arab shouted, “I don’t want a tie, you idiot, I need water!”

“OK, don’t buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I’ll tell you that over that hill there, about 4 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they’ll give you all the water you want.”

The Arab thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared. Three hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the man was sitting behind his card table. He said “I told you, about 4 miles over that hill. Couldn’t you find it?”

The Arab rasped “I found it alright. They wouldn’t let me in without a tie

Why can’t you starve in the desert? – Because of all the sand which is there

The Sahara desert stumbled into a bar.The bartender said "Hey, long time no sea!"

Two balloons were floating over desert and one said to the other one "Hey look it's a cactussss…..

Why did the man on the Desert island turn red? He was marooned…

What's the best thing to take with you in the desert? A thirst aid kit

A disappointed Coca Cola salesman returns from his assignment to Israel. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Israelis?" The salesman explained, "When I got posted, I was very confident that I would make it. But, I had a problem. I didn't know Hebrew. So, I planned to convey the message via three posters.
The first poster was a man lying in the hot desert sand, totally exhausted.
The second poster was the man drinking the Coca Cola.
The third poster was the man now totally refreshed.
"These posters were pasted all over the place."
"That should have worked!!" said the friend.
"Of course it should have!!" said the salesman. "ButI didn't realize that Israelis read from right to left!!!"  

What did the reporter say when he found three sources of water in the desert? Well Well Well

Why are there no Kings or Queens in the desert? Because there is no reign… Oyy…

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum.

"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.

To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"

"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

How do you hide in the desert? Use Camleflauge

The Israeli Ambassador who was at the U.N. for negotiations, began...

"Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech, I want to relay an old Passover story to all of you . "When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt toward the Promised Land, he had to go through the nearly endless Sinai desert. When they reached the Promised Land, the people had become very thirsty and needed water. So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his staff and a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. The people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content. Moses wished to cleanse his whole body, so he went over to the other side of the pond, took all of his clothes off and dove into the cool waters. Only when Moses came out of the water, he discovered that all his clothes had been stolen.
'And,' he said, 'I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole my clothes.'"

The Palestinian delegate to the UN, hearing this accusation, jumps from his seat and screams out, "This is a travesty. It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at that time!"

"Aha" said the Israeli Ambassador, "Now, we are ready for negotiations."

An Arab was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.

The Arab asked “Please, I’m dying of thirst, can I have some water?”

The man replied “I don’t have any water, but why don’t you buy a tie? Here’s one that goes nicely with our robes.”

The Arab shouted, “I don’t want a tie, you idiot, I need water!”

“OK, don’t buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I’ll tell you that over that hill there, about 4 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they’ll give you all the water you want.”

The Arab thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared. Three hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the man was sitting behind his card table. He said “I told you, about 4 miles over that hill. Couldn’t you find it?”

The Arab rasped “I found it alright. They wouldn’t let me in without a tie.”

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Answer is B–  I was really nervous about this exam as I did so poorly on the first bunch of questions. But Baruch Hashem we've gotten to the easier part and I'm catching up. This one again is fairly easy. I think even a non-tour guide can answer this as can anyone that knows our national symbol. It is of course the arch of titus which was of course the symbol of the destruction and Exile from Israel. You have to admit it's pretty appropriate that should be the symbol of the State of Israel returned back home. So the score now is Schwartz 19 and 9 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam. Let's keep this well needed streak going!