Dear Hashem- Parshat Bamidbar / Shavuot Edition- 2021 /5781

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 "Your friend in Karmiel"

May 14^th 2021 -Volume 11 Issue 31 3^rd Sivan 5781

 

Parshat Bamidbar / Shavuos

Dear Hashem

Dear Hashem,

Happy Anniversary! It's been a long 3,333 years since we tied the knot, although I guess 3,333 years is long for anything. But I remember that day like it was yesterday. You pretty much made it quite unforgettable. You have to admit that the burning mountain, thunder and lightning and shofar blowing was a little bit over the top. Thinking about it though, "over the top" is quite the right metaphor to use as You literally held that mountain on top of our heads. When I say literally by the way, I don't mean it like my daughters do when they literally say 'literally' about everything that is actually not literal. I do literally mean literally. The Torah tells us that we stood b'tachtis ha'har- at the bottom of the Mountain, and Chazal tell us that You held the mountain over our head and pretty much threatened to squash us there if we didn't go along with the planned nuptials. Talk about positive reinforcement…No… we're not forgetting that great wedding day anytime soon.

I guess we should've known already from back then that You were pretty serious about our relationship. You wanted the world from us. You expected us to achieve the greatest heights. As the One that created the entire world, it's kind of understandable that You expected Your Bashert to share that same world-creating-role with You. But hey, we were game. We were all in. It wasn't just that we owed you that much; taking us out of Egypt, splitting the sea and pretty much taking care of us. Although that definitely was a heck of a courtship- or heaven of a courtship is probably more precise. But it wasn't just that.

We knew how special You were. Our Patriarchs and Matriarchs, Avraham and Sara, Yitzchak and Rivka and Yaakov and Rachel and Leah couldn't stop talking about You. How kind You were, how great You are and truth be told how holy and inspirational a life with You would be. As well, to be entirely honest- which after 3333 years together is really the only way we should communicate-the competition out there wasn't too great. It was pretty much a shidduch crisis in the god market, when it came to God shopping. What were we gonna do hook up with some silly little stone idols? I've seen some of them hanging out in the Israel museum and let me assure You that You've got nothing to worry about. So we were in without any need for any special scary mountain over our head things. I do admit it was pretty cool nonetheless. But not nearly as cool as actually hearing Your voice on that special day. Do You remember?

:"I am Hashem your God who took you out of the land of Egypt from the house of Slaves."

It was like so biblical when You said that to us. So formal. So official. I remember thinking, like duhhhh… well then who did You think I thought you were? Charlton Heston or something…? We knew it was You. We had been talking to You for years. We knew that it was You that took us out. I mean nobody else could've pulled off those awesome plagues like You can. They pretty much had Your Name all over that one. But that was always Your way. You like to make a big show. You like to make things formal. I guess it's probably because you figured You don't really come out too often, so the times that You do You really want to make sure they count and that we get it. Well we did and we still do.

I guess You have to admit that after 3,333 You didn't do that bad for Yourself. I mean think about it, really. 3,333 years ago You told us on a mountain that You wanted us to observe Shabbos and then You pretty much disappeared. Poof. Gone. See ya later… And guess what? We're still keeping Shabbos! We're still putting on Tefillin! We're still learning and reading those holy words You told us on that Mountain on our wedding day. And yes, we're still celebrating our anniversary every year on Shavuos. You gotta admit that even when Moshe Rabbeinu, that shadchan of ours, told You that we were a stubborn stiff-necked nation, even You never dreamed that would mean that over three thousand years later we would still be lighting Shabbos candles, still be singing Ani Maamin, still be closing our eyes every time we hear a siren and hoping it was a shofar and that You were coming home. That's not just stiff necked, that's a nation wearing an irrevocable yoke. No ergonomic chair is going to get out that kink. You wanted a spouse that was in for the long haul, for better and for worse, in good times and bad times. Well it certainly seems You got Your money's worth with us.

But once we're on the subject… About those bad times. To quote my children… "I mean, really???"  What is going on? How do You come up with this stuff? Destruction of Temples, selling us into slavery, genocide, torture, inquisitions, crusades, ghettos, gas chambers? And where did You find these clowns? Haman, Hitler, Torquemada, Stalin, and all the Achmad and Yasser whatsissfaces that terrorize Israel? Don't think we don't know that You're behind all of these "messengers". I mean it's pretty obvious that every single one of them and those countries that have persecuted and abused us should be kissing our feet for the blessing, light and loyalty we have shown them. Obviously "Someone" was messing with their brains…Someone was trying to scream at us and tell us something…but frankly like those that love me tell me, it's kind of hard to hear when you're being screamed at… forget about being tortured and have missiles shot down at you. And a little secret from experience… screaming even louder doesn't help either.

See, the problem we have is not really a hearing problem. We've been hearing You since we first met You. It was our second word to You. Na'aseh V'Nishma- remember? Our problem is really that it's just been a really really long time since we've seen You. Yeah, I know we talk at least three times a day. I know You pay all my bills, take care of my health and that You're Zoom-ing in on all of our simchas and lifecycle events. But c'mon Man, absentee fathers and husbands do that as well.  (I can get away with calling You that, after all it says in Your Torah that Hashem ish milchama). That's not good enough anymore.

What we need is that for You to come home. We need you to stop this cold war already that's been going on for 2000 years since we last saw You. It's time already. We're more than ready and have been so for a while. Almost half of us are already here in Your land and getting it ready for You. We're planting. We're growing. We're building. We're learning. We're davening, singing and doing teshuva.

Even those of us that are not yet here, You know that they want to be. You proved that when You shut those skies for a year and everyone is clamoring to get in. To leave their countries of refuge where it is becoming more and more apparent daily that they never had a future there. It was never really their home. They as well say L'Shana Ha'ba b'yerushalyim and lately they've been saying it with more and more kavana.

So what do You say? How about a big anniversary present for us to celebrate together with? This week's Torah portion is Bamidbar. We read it every year the Shabbos before our Shavuot anniversary. It's our aufruf parsha every year. How about throwing candies at us instead of missiles this year when we get called up to the Torah? How about when we read this parsha that tells us all about the love You have for every Jew as You count them; the parsha that teaches how we each have a special place around Your Mishkan- that You even have a flag with our names on it. How about You make this the week the one that You come back home again?

We've counted 47 days already. We've been counting them for 3333 years. We know You've been counting as well. You've counted our tears, our blood, our mitzvos, our words of Torah, our footsteps coming closer and closer to You. Isn't it time we finally end the count and arrive at our destination. At our home. Yerushalayim ha'benuya…We need You so much. We love You so much. Please make 5781 the year when we finally have a Happy Anniversary.

Love,

Your people Israel  

 Have a sublime Shabbos and a delightfully Happy (and peaceful) Shavuos

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

"Noch di chupeh iz shpet di charoteh" – After the wedding it’s too late to have regrets.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

28) The term “taryag” in Judaism is related to:

A) Genesis

B) The year in which the disciples of the Gaon of Vilna made aliyah

C) Riots against the Jews in the Roman period

D) Mitzvot

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

 https://youtu.be/xOBJFQBY1qk   – Yaakov Shwekey's latest song in memory of Meron 45 Keli lama azavtani

https://youtu.be/ve3a2U4OVU0    – Mamash can't stop laughing OORAH prize winner breaking teeth on Hebrew

 

https://youtu.be/8-eM3jecbDU - I seriously cannot get enough of this new song by Hanan Ben Ari- Cholem K'Mo Yosef, Incredible lyrics and song…

 

https://youtu.be/RGVI1b-sCTw?list=RDRGVI1b-sCTw     – And here's the same song in concert in Tel Aviv… awesome…

 

https://youtu.be/b9MsGxQRvQU  -Shlomo Katz Everlasting love is the song I keep humming to myself again and again all week…

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/ ERETZ YISRAEL CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

Our Flag – Parshat Bamidbar/ Shavuot- Does the red, white and blue do anything for you? (Hey, that rhymes!), How about you Canadians, South Africans, English or my readers from other countries (yes, this is an international E-Mail!), does seeing your countries flag unfurled flapping in the wind do anything for you? I readily admit that when I was in America it did for me. But I was stupid. As stupid as those Jews that were patriotic Germans, Austrians, or Poles and that would get teary eyed when they saw their flags and pledged their loyalty to them. We're in exile. It's not our home of the brave, despite the nice treatment and freedoms we may experience there and we need to have gratitude for. But that feeling shouldn't give us a sense of allegiance and emotional connection to a country that is not meant to be ours. There is only one place in the world where the flag should mean something to us and that is in Eretz Yisrael. It's the only land in the world that we should get emotional about.

 Flags are important. They are holy, they are spiritual and the Torah tells us that they are in fact essential to us as a nation. We learned that lesson on Shavuot as we stood on Mt. Sinai and we saw the heavens and the armies of angels dancing around the heavenly throne each of them with flags. We wanted that as well. We wanted to have something that we could wave and that would wave above us that unites us all and that would emote that special connection we each have under that flag before Hashem. Hashem swore, the midrash tells us that we would as well have our own flag. This week's parsha tells us of the flags of each tribe and how they were placed around the Mishkan where they camped.  It is those flags that King Solomon writes

Shir Hashirim- v'diglo alai ahava-  and His flag upon us is love.

 If there is perhaps one ritual symbol of Hashem's love for his people it is our talis that we are command to wear. Hashem tells us that it reminds of us all of the Mitzvos, of that moment on Sinai when we heard and accepted them all. It also reminds us of our Exodus when we left Egypt. Its colors Blue and White. Techelet and Lavan as well are meant to remind us of the heavens and the throne of Hashem we saw. When Theodore Herzl was asked what the flag Israel should be. He immediately noted that our symbol was this Talis. Even A Jew as far from Torah and Mitzvos as Theodore Herzl, who at one point thought the solution to anti-semitism was conversion to Christianity before coming up with Zionism, recognized that the Talis says it all.

 Herzl though wanted to place in the middle 7 stars representing 7 hours of a daily work day. It seems though he lost when the Magen David which was a Jewish symbol for centuries won the fight to become the symbol on the flag. The Magen David has 6 corners to it but the seventh is the middle. It's Shabbos which Hashem tells us is the sign between Him and us. That is the center of our lives. It is the flag we wave for him each Shabbos. It is the flag we wave each morning when we put on our talis.

 Whether you approve of the State of Israel and its flag or you don't. We can all agree that our "flags" of Shabbos, the 613 mitzvos symbolized in the talis tzitizis and Eretz Yisrael are all at the center of our lives. They need a flag. They need to be something that we wave high above our heads and that unite us. It's the first flag we saw as a nation as we saw our Creator, and it will always remind us Who is the only one and where is the only place that we want to pledge allegiance to Him from.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Amnon and Tamar- 865 BC – With the loss of his first son Dovid was blessed with another son from Batsheva. This son which Tanach tells is Yedidya, who Chazal tell us was Shlomo. Yet this good news and the future of Dovid's eternal line coming to the world as well paved the way for the further punishments and troubles that would ensue and plague Dovid's life for the sin of Batsheva. The prophet told him that he would pay fourfold for his sin. The first was the loss of his child. The next will be the horrific saga of his eldest son Amnon and his "sister" Tamar.

 Now, I put the word "sister" in quotation marks as it is not clear if and how the two were related. On the one hand we know that she and her brother of Avshalom were from Dovid's wife Ma'acha who was the daughter of the non-jewish king of Geshur. The biblical area of Geshur is on the Eastern side of the Kinneret in the Lower Golan Heights. What todays is the hikes and beaches of Tel Beit Tzaida, Madrassa, Ein Gev, Tel Soreg and even as far East and up as Chispin today are remains of the Geshurite empire, that the Navi tells us was never conquered by the Jews and remained under Geshurite control. Dovid had married the King's daughter and the question was if he had first taken her during war as a yefat to'ar- a woman captured during war who the Torah allows one to take perhaps even one time as a gentile, a concession to the Yetzer Hara in the heat of battle, before converting and marrying her.

If that was the case, then Tamar who was born of that union would have had to undergo a conversion as well if she was born prior to the conversion. Alternatively, according to the opinion that a yefat to'ar is not permitted prior to conversion than Tamar wasn't Dovid's daughter at all, rather he just raised her. The third possibility is that she was fully Dovid's daughter but was still only a half-sister to Amnon whose mother was Achinoam. I know this sounds complicated, but each of the sages have different understandings into the degree of the sin of Amnon. Was she his half-sister only through conversion whereas she wouldn't technically be prohibited to him, as converts are permitted to marry siblings, was she not even his half-sister at all Dovid merely adopted her, or finally was she really his full-half-sister, Dovid having fathered her after conversion.

Regardless Amnon lusted after her. Yet, there's a far distance between one's fantasy and desires and actions. The problem was he shared his thoughts with his cousin, Yonadav, the son of Dovid's brother Shama'ah. That's where the problems start. Yonadav encourages Amnon to act upon his desires. He tells him to feign sickness and convince Dovid to have Tamar bring him some breakfast in bed. Dovid, not suspecting anything and particularly as we shall start to see it seems that Dovid has a very soft space for his children and cracking down upon them, allows this to happen. When Tamar comes in, Amnon sends everyone out of the room. This is not a good thing. In fact, it is from this story that the prohibition of a man with a single woman-which until this time was permitted, was enacted. Ammnon then grabs her and despite here protestations takes advantage of her.

To make matters even worse- as it it wasn't bad enough. Right after the Navi tells us Amnon was disgusted with her and sent her away. Our sages tell us that this teaches us that any "love" that is dependent upon something, once you get that thing the love will go away. This is as opposed to unconditional love which lasts forever. It is for this reason perhaps that the Torah obligates that one who takes advantage forcefully of a single girl is obligated to marry her and in fact can never divorce her. (Obviously if she wishes- her reason to want this is because seemingly it would be very difficult for her to find another spouse after such a calamity). The Torah recognizes that the man would feel no compelling reason to stay and fulfill his obligations to this girl after and thus forces him to marry her. And trust me I'm sure she will make him pay.

Incidentally, relating this column to the upcoming holiday of Shavuot. It is for this reason our sages say that Hashem "forced" us to take the Torah by holding the mountain over our head. Because if we had just left it as a "marriage" between us and the Almighty based on our enthusiastic acceptance of Na'aseh V'Nishma then like any marriage it can be ended and "divorce" is an option. But once Hashem "took us by force" then he can never leave us.

 But anyways, Amnon refused and sent her home to her little brother Avshalom. He was not someone to mess with and next week as we learn about his revenge. Dovid though hears about all of this and is saddened and silent. Perhaps he understands that this is another fulfillment of his punishment. His chickens are coming home to roost.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE ANNIVERSARY JOKES  OF THE WEEK

 My wife asked for something shiny that goes from 0 – 200 in five seconds or less for our anniversary. I bought her a scale. We’re still not speaking.

 I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary. I know it wasn’t a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.

 I asked my wife if she’d like a new Diamond Ring to celebrate our anniversary. “Nothing would make me happier!” She replied. So I got her nothing.

 How do you remember your wedding anniversary? Forget it once.

 Our anniversary is coming up, so my wife told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it. She’s going to love this pack of playing cards.

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Jerry had carved I love you, Sally.

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars!
Jerry said, We've got to give it back.
Sally said, Finders keepers. She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday? Sally said, No.
Jerry said, She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.
Sally said, Don't believe him, he’s getting senile
The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him.
One said: Tell us the story from the beginning.
Jerry said, Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ......

The first police officer turned to his partner and said, Were outta here

It was mine and my wife's 25th wedding anniversary the other day and she said to me "Did you know i wore this on our first date and it still fits me"...I said "Its a scarf"...

I Bought my wife a clock for our anniversary. Because, there's no present , like the time.(OYYY)

It was Hetty and Benjy’s Silver Wedding anniversary. 
Hetty says, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, Benjy? I was so overwhelmed and taken aback that I couldn’t talk for an hour." 
Benjy replies, "Yes, of course I do, Hetty. How could I ever forget? It was the happiest hour of my life."  

For their anniversary, Dave and Shira Steinberg went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting.

When they got home, Dave and Shira saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends tonight, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!"

"I suppose," Dave responded dryly, "we could clean the house."

Wife: can you to give me a ring for our wedding anniversary

Husband: sure , why not
Wife: can you give it to me like a surprise when i'm at work, i want everyone to know.
Husband: sure
Wife: on Friday morning we have a huge meeting and everyone at work will be there. I think that would be a good time .
Husband: sure. keep your phone in full volume.

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Answer is D- You gotta love when the tour guide question of the week works out with the weekly parsha. It's like Hashem is guiding this column. I can't imagine anyone reading this E-Mail got this one wrong. I can barely imagine anyone taking this exam got this wrong. And I certainly believe that anyone that did shouldn't be a tour guide in Hashem's holyland. Yet…one does have to ask the question what in the world this has to do with tour guiding? Why should someone who wants to show a country have to know how many mitzvos there are or what the correct acronym for it is? It must be that even the MOT subconsciously understands that the only reason we have Eretz Yisrael is because of the mitzvos. Mi K'Amcha Yisrael- who is like you Israel that even the empty ones of you are full of mitzvos!   The correct answer is of course D making the score 21 for Rabbi Schwartz and 7 for the Ministry of Tourism on this exam.