Insights and Inspiration
from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
May 27th 2022 -Volume
11 Issue 34 26th Iyar 5782
Parshat Bamidbar
So Israeli
weddings are a bit different than Americans. There are some things that are a
bit confusing, others that are a bit heartening and others that are…ummm… just
Israeli. The first thing is that in Israel there really isn’t the concept of
the whole fancy wedding thing. No 25-piece bands with celebrity singers and
accompanying customary Chasidic Choir. You won’t find buffet tables overflowing
with a million different meats, pasta, crepes, sushi, carving stations, and hors
d'oeuvres circulating with polite waiters. You’re lucky if you get some kugel
and a potato bourekas. The band is more often than not one guy on a keyboard,
another banging on a drum and some Mordechai Shapiro wannabe yeshiva guy
singing, Flowers usually come from a Gemach, they weren’t imported this morning
from Belgium. And unlike America where the Chuppah is more like a choreographed
show with everything planned out with silence reigning in the crowd as they
respectfully are moved by the nuptials and Yaakov Shwekey or Leiner singing Im
Eshkocheich and romantic chuppa songs. Here its kind of like a shtiebel
kiddush with people mulling in and out and about and talking about the latest
hock in the back. They don’t have a white carpet down the middle of the aisle
for the Chasan and Kallah to walk down because it would probably be trampled on
by anyone who just needs to get down to the front quicker. Decorum, pomp and
presentation aren’t Israeli strong points.
Now of course the
benefit of having the simpler Israeli wedding is that you don’t have to sell
any of your children- or at least the ones you don’t want to sell-to pay for
that one special night that it seems Americans feel is worth blowing 10’s if
not hundreds of thousands of dollars on. In fact, many of the Chariedim do
their weddings in these subsidized ‘takanah’ wedding halls in which you
can make an entire wedding for less than $5000!
Now before you
get excited here and make Aliyah tomorrow or give a hard look again at that
collector knocking at your door who claims to be raising money to “marry off”
his daughter, realize that in many cases one of the reasons that they do the
weddings so cheap is because at the time of the wedding they are already
providing money or assurances for the purchase of an apartment for the young
couple. Yeah… that costs gelt. In many cases families have to come up with a
hundred to a few hundred thousand dollars before they even get “names” for shidduchim. I guess nobody ever gets away easy.
Yet, in the
Israeli mindset- and I guess for any rational person as well- it makes more
sense certainly to be investing and putting your money into a permanent place
and investment for your children than blowing it all on one “magical” night of
entertainment and ‘over the top’ fancy food and accouterments. Not that I have
the money for that either, but hey… the good Lord provides and preforms
miracles.
I remember when the shadchan first called me
up for my daughter and asked what type of guy she was looking for, I responded
that I wasn’t exactly sure but my feeling was that she was looking for a boy
that would support his father-in-law in Kollel for a few years. When the
shadchan, who obviously didn’t appreciate my irony told me that in Israel it
was different and that ‘here’ the custom was for the parents to support
the young couple in Kollel for a few years and even buy them an apartment and
what did I think I could do on that front? I responded that I was a very good
tour guide and was happy to give them free tours whenever they wanted and that I
would even give discounts to their immediate family members in off-seasons. It
was at that point that my wife quickly grabbed the phone away and prohibited me
to talk to shadchanim anymore. Which, I guess, was kind of the point.
Now besides the
price tag and the ambience and even the wrong direction dancing that
differentiates the weddings, or the smoking all over the place, there is
another major difference that many find disconcerting when they come to a
wedding over here. That is that over here there is no such thing as seating
cards or set place seating. Here in Israel we’re all family and you know how it
works with mishpacha- or at least in my family- the first one to the
table gets food and its every man or woman for themselves. You sit where you
want to sit. You eat with who you want to eat with. In fact many times you eat
at multiple tables. As the conversation at one table dies you move over to the
next one where you see your friend or uncle and join them for the next course.
Yes, there is a
downside, because you do have to be quick on your feet before all the yeshiva
guys chap the tables and good seats. But, generally speaking the yeshiva
guys are hanging out by the chulent and kugel table they just brought out for
them at the buffet. They prefer that over schnitzel or roulade meat which is
turkey and some leftover chopped hamburger stuffed in the middle. Smart guys.
Americans are
very disconcerted by this I’ve found. They wander. They look. They feel
uncomfortable. Where should I sit? Can I sit here? Is this anyone’s seat?
Israelis though see the entire room as belonging to them. It’s why you can even
place your hat and jacket on a table and a plate full of food in front of your
seat and then go to wash your hands and you still won’t be guaranteed your seat
will still be empty when you come back. Somebody might be eating your piece of schnitzel
and thank you for preparing a plate for them and ask you if you want your
jacket and hat back. Wash before you get your food and sit down- quick Rabbi
Schwartz Israeli wedding tip.
Now the truth is
this is not only an Israeli wedding phenomenon. It’s pretty much just an
Israeli attitude globally. We will feel at home everywhere. Americans on the
other hand pretty much don’t feel at home anywhere- except maybe Lakewood. Perhaps
even rightfully so. I mean for Israelis feeling at home everywhere and
Americans not feeling at home. Lakewood, don’t really have an explanation for-not
a good Torahdik one at least. See Israelis have that attitude because we really
have been living at home. We’re not guests in another country. We are in the
place Hashem gave us to live in. We don’t really know what it feeling like we
don’t belong where we are is. Just like assume most people feel like when
they’re in own house. We can’t imagine not feeling at home.
The truth is,
that was part of our historical problem and our fatal Achilles heel. See,
during the first and second Temple we didn’t ever imagine that we would be
thrown out. This is despite the fact that this week’s Parsha in the diaspora
Bechukosai pretty much explicitly warns us that will be the case if we don’t
keep the mitzvos. (See how I connected your weekly parsha there chutznikkim-
stop complaining that we’re a week ahead.) It was that false confidence and
inability for Israelis to think we would ever feel not at home and welcomed
that gave us that false sense of security and made us think we could get away
with everything.
Diaspora Jews on
the other hand though despite how comfortable and easy life might be during
various eras of our 2000-year-old Exile, deep in their neshomas know
that they’re not really at home. They will probably get thrown out eventually.
Hopefully they won’t get killed and they can take their stuff with them. But
they always deeply understand that beneath the surface that ‘Esau-hate- Yaakov-“ antisemitism can
rear its ugly head at any time and the party will be over. So as a result,
they’re much more polite. They’re more politically correct. They’re scared what
the goyim will say. They don’t ever take anyone else’s seat. They just walk
around the room a lot and suffice themselves with those petit fours that are
sitting daintily on the Venetian dessert table. Without a seating card their instinct
is that they really are not invited to the party. So they need that little
fancy monogrammed card to tell them that they belong. They have a place. At
least for the night.
Parshas Bamidbar,
the fourth book, that we begin here in Israel is really the story and book of
how we leave our galus our long exile in Egypt and begin to find our way home. The
first step to that redemption is to introduce that galus yid to the idea
that he is going to be living a life where he has a place. Each Jew is counted
by name. Each Jew has a seating card with a number of a table around the
Mishkan. Some are in the North, some are in the South and some like the Levi’im
and Kohanim get to sit at the head table. We are no longer disconnected. Our
soul that found it’s place in the Torah and that has a letter corresponding to
it in our holiest book which we are told contains the DNA of all creation, now
has a place in this physical world where it is meant to express itself from.
Where it can realize the purpose of why it was sent down to this world. It has
a place where it can fulfill the Divine mission with which it has been tasked.
It’s an amazing
thing about living in Eretz Yisrael. Every Jew that comes here tells me that
they have that feeling. It’s like a little red light in their soul that starts
to blip and shine as it gets closer to the place it belongs. I’m where I’m
meant to be. I really feel that connection to the actual earth I’m walking on.
The mountains I’m looking at. The fields I’m running through. The Midrash tells
us that when Hashem created Adam he took earth from each part of the world and
every nation has it’s place where it’s original earth DNA comes from and where
they are meant to achieve their purpose from. The Jewish nations DNA is from
here. We have the seating cards to prove it. Over 2000 years we have perhaps
forgotten where that seat was, but one thing we were aware of on some
subconsious level though is that nowhere else ever really connected us deeply
as we knew that we were supposed to be connected. No place else was ever home.
We read this
parsha always before the holiday of Shavuos. There are two fascinating and at
first glance unrelated aspects of the holiday. The first is that it is the day
that the Torah was given. Fascinatingly enough that occasion is compared to a
wedding day. It is the day when we said “I do”. Na’aseh v’nishma and Hashem
took us as his nation. It is also the day of the yartzeit of Dovid Ha’Melech.
Dovid, was known as the Noam Zemiros of Klal Yisrael- the sweet poetic musician
and composer of our nation. The author of Tehillim, the songs of our nation.
What is a wedding without good music, after-all? And for our wedding day Hashem
made sure to get us the best that there is; Dovid Ha’Melech.
Those that have
toured with me and my congregants and friends know that music is very important
to me. It is the deepest expression of the neshoma. The soul sings when it is
connected to what it experiences. When it wants to put into words and elevate
the moment and put it in its right place.
There’s another
element to music as well. For music has the ability to recall those special
moments and places where we connected to those songs. When we hear that song
that was playing in the background when we met our bashert. The music that I heard
when I was jeeping through midbar Yehuda for the first time with the wind
blowing through my hair and the incredible views on all sides. Whenever I hear
that song I’m transported back there again. When I listen to the song that my
daughter walked down the chuppah to, the tune that my grandmother used to sing
to me, or the song I heard by the Chasidic Rebbi’s tish. I’m once again back
there in my mind. I remember. I’ve been transported and I realize that there’s
something more here than what I perceive before me. The songs of Dovid are the
songs of the Torah. They bring us back to that wedding day. They are the last
piece of knowing that when we are at that wedding of Shavuos that we are not
just invited guests but we are the bride and the groom to Hashem. It’s our
song. We are ready to come to our home together. To build it as one. Mazel Tov!
Have a perfect Shabbos,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
************************
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH
PROVERB OF THE WEEK
Noch di chupeh iz shpet di charoteh.- After the wedding it’s too late to have regrets..
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM
QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
29) A tourist site in the
Jerusalem mountains where you can get acquainted with traditional agriculture
in ancient times: ______
The following crop belongs to rainfed agriculture (haklaut ba’al):
A) Lemon
B) Persimmon
C) Date palm
D) Olive
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE VIDEO OF
THE WEEK
https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/dovid-melech-r-ephrayim
-In honor of Shavuos get your
dancing shoes on for my latest Dovid Melech Yisrael composition with the one
and only Dovid Lowy!
https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/torah-hakedosha
-Composed in honor of our Hachnasas Sefer Torah listen to this
holy Torah Hakedosha composition I and my son Yonah composed with Dovid Lowy’s
arrangements and vocals.. Especially listen all the way to the end for encore
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LGNYEP4qhk
-Yaakov Shwekey’s latest Elevate great Mizrachi songs with
David Bitan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pT1vQ2eoPs
-Simcha Leiner drops his latest hit L’maalah… he’s back and
better than ever
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS
CONNECTION OF THE WEEK
A Desert Oasis- Parshat Bamidbar - We were born in
the Midbar- the wilderness. The Torah was given in the midbar. And the fourth
book of the Torah that we begin this week here in Eretz Yisrael read before
Shavuot is about those birth pangs. The forty years that made us into the eternal
nation that we are today. The truth is this really the last and final book and
story of our people as Devarim is a repetition of the mitzvos of the Torah
called Mishneh Torah and it is primarily the last speech of Moshe to our
nation. So this book really contains the secrets of our peoplehood and it’s
title is the The Midbar- the desert.
What is it about a desert that is so essential for our
development and what is the eternal message that we can glean from it? Our
sages tell us a few things about a desert and its relationship to Torah and us.
The first is that a Desert is place where all is hefker- it’s ownerless.
Anyone can come and it’s open for all. There is something for everyone and we
all can feel at home with it. As well Torah is open to all. Nobody can lay
claim to it for themselves. We all have a place and can find a purpose in it.
But it’s even deeper than that. For in a midbar one is overcome with the
beauty of an untouched Creation. We feel we are transported back to the beginning
of the world. The difference is that we know what a world can and should look
like as well. It can be planted it can be built up. It can be populated. And we
are the partners of Hashem in that Creation. We were selected by Hashem to bring
the world to its fulfillment. We are charged with building Him a home down here
in this world.
Shabbos is as well that Midbar. It is a day when
we return and remember what Creation was about. We pause all work, all
building, all activity and we return to the pristine state of an untouched
world. We appreciate the beauty of our lives and how it’s not all about getting
the project done and paying our bills at the end of the month. Rather we are
partners in a glorious project of Creation. We can sit back and appreciate how
beautiful the world is and what it is becoming. We can bask with Hashem in the
wonder of what we have accomplished. That is what Shabbos is all about. It is
our oasis in the desert of our busy lives where we spend the day looking at the
view with our Partner and gather strength an recharge for the next six days
when we do that again.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN
ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
Until that point The Jews all
worshipped Hashem. True Yeravam had broken off and established his own Temple,
and yes their worship on private altars called Bamos was forbidden. But at
least they were davening to Hashem. Achav and his wife though introduced
foreign worship to false gods and the Jewish people went along with them. He
took over the city of Shomron were Omri had made his capital and he built
temples to the Baal there.
We get introduced to Achav
when he is paying a shiva call to Chiel of Yericho who had
violated the vow of Yehoshua to never rebuild the city of Yericho.
Hashem made a miracle there and the walls came tumbling down when we entered
the land and Yehoshua wanted them to remain as a testimony to that miracle.
Chiel though was the first to rebuild them and despite the curse of Yehoshua
that the one who did this will see his sons die he continued until he buried
his last son. Achav and Eliayhu met there and their conversation led to Eliyahu
getting infuriated at Achav’s recalcitrance and insistence that Hashem
would never punish him that he decrees a famine on the land. He takes the keys
that open up the rain gates in heaven and a famine will hit Eretz Yisrael for
three years. The faceoff has begun.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE DESERT JOKES OF THE WEEK
A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a
guide.
On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been
travelling in circles.
"We're lost!" One of the men complained. "I
thought you said you were the best guide in the United States."
"I am," the guide answered, "but
I think we may have wandered into Canada
A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that
they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, Avrumel a skinny
little yid showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head
lumberjacks' door.
The head lumberjack took one look at little Avrumel and told him
to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do,"
said Avrumel.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down."
Avrumel headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back
knocking on the lumberjack's door.
"I cut the tree down," said Avrumel. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and
said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Sahara Forest," replied little Avrumel.
"You mean the Sahara Desert," said the
lumberjack.
Avrumel laughed and answered back, "Oh sure, that's what
they call it now!"
Benny from Haifa passed away and was sent ‘below’. He was
amazed, however, to discover lush vegetation, running streams, waterfalls and
beautiful lakes everywhere. Everyone seemed happy.
“You look surprised,” said a resident.
“Yes, I am,” replied Benny, “I expected this place to
be very dry and exceedingly hot. Like a desert. But all I can see are trees
full of all kinds of fruit, beautiful flowers, lots of vegetables, lush grass
and water everywhere. This is not hell”
“Well,” said the resident, “it used
to be like you thought, but then the Israelis started to arrive and they
irrigated the daylights out of the place!”
A disappointed Coca Cola salesman returns from his assignment to
Israel. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Israelis?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted, I was very confident that I
would make it. But, I had a problem. I didn't know Hebrew. So, I planned to
convey the message via three posters.
The first poster was a man lying in the hot desert sand, totally
exhausted.
The second poster was the man drinking the Coca Cola.
The third poster was the man now totally refreshed.
"These posters were pasted all over the place."
"That should have worked!!" said the friend.
"Of course it should have!!" said the salesman. "ButI didn't realize that Israelis
read from right to left!!!"
"Jack, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Jack looked up and replied, "I can see millions of
stars."
"What does that tell you?" asked John.
Jack thought for a minute and said.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it
tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a
quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we
are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a
beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
After a moment of silence, John spoke.
"It tells two things to me. First is that...you are an
idiot."
Jack looked at John, surprised. "Why do you say
so?" he said.
"Because it has still not occurred to you that someone has
stolen our tent," replied John.
Recently, while going through an airport during one of his many
trips, President Bush encountered a man with long gray hair and a beard,
wearing a white robe and holding a staff. President Bush went up to the man and
said, "Has anyone told you that you look like Moses?"
The man didn't answer. He just kept staring straight ahead.
In a loud voice the President said, "Moses!" The
man just stared ahead, not acknowledging the President.
Bush pulled a Secret Service agent aside and, pointing to the
robed man, asked him, "Am I crazy or does that man not look like Moses to
you?" The Secret Service agent looked at the man and agreed.
"Well," said the President, "every time
I say his name, he ignores me and stares straight ahead, refusing to speak.
Watch!"
Again the President yelled, "Moses!" and again
the man ignored him.
The Secret Service agent went up to the man in the white robe
and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?"
The man leaned over and whispered back, "Shhhh! Yes, I
am Moses. But the last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in
the desert and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the entire Middle
East with no oil."
AA Palestinian terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding
through the desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to
find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man
at a small stand selling neckties.
The Arab asked, "Do you have water?"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like
to buy a tie? They are only $5."
The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I
do not need an overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find
water first."
"OK," said the old Jew, "it
does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will
show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east
for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water
you need. Shalom."
Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours
later he staggered back, near collapse. "Your brother won't let me in
without a tie."
A baby camel was asking his mother a bunch of questions.
“Ma, why do we have huge, three toed feet?” asked the baby camel.
“They help us trek across the desert,” answered the
mother camel. “The large toes stay on top of the soft sand.”
“Why do we have such long eyelashes?
“To keep the sand out our eyes on our long treks in the desert.”
“Why do we have these giant humps on our backs?”
“They help us store great quantities of water, so we can make
long treks through the desert.”
Summing things up the baby camel said, “So we have huge feet
to stop us from sinking in the sand, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our
eyes and these humps to store water?”
“That’s right dear.” said the proud mother.
The baby camel thinks for a moment and says, “So why are we
living here in the San Diego zoo?
********************************
Answer is D -To be honest I really haven’t toured Sataf in Jerusalem hills since my course. But I remember it well as it’s a beautiful place where you can learn about ancient agriculture in Jerusalem area. There you can see fields and orchards that are all irrigated by pools and irrigation ditches called Shlachin. As well there are lots of olive trees which are all naturally irrigated from the rainfalls. Yet when I took this exam the name slipped me for some reason and I didn’t know the answer. So iprobably would have skipped it. Certainly the first part. I did know that lemons dates and persimmons are all irrigated so I might have guessed olives as the correct answer. Agriculture is not my stron subject to be fair. So I’ll take this as a wrong answer. Thus making the score now Schwartz 23 and 6 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.
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