Friday Frenzy- Parshat Balak 2022 /5782

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

July 8^th 2022 -Volume 11 Issue 39 9^th of Tamuz 5782

 

Parshat Balak

Friday Frenzy

 Have you ever noticed that it doesn’t make a difference what time Shabbos starts you’re always rushing the last minute?

‘Oh no did you set the Shabbos clocks?

 Who’s in the shower it’s almost candle lighting?

‘Or in Israel it’s ‘Who turned the ‘dood’ off, there’s no hot water.’

(For those who haven’t been here yet and have no clue why a dude would be in charge of your hot water…. I’m not telling you. Come to Israel and find out the pleasures of solar-heated hot water tanks yourself.).

‘Did you put the blech on?

 Did you print up Rabbi Schwartz’s weekly E-Mail for our meal yet?’

Really religious people make sure all their bottles have been opened. Ask them why.

Where’s the cleaners? How come no one set up the candles?’

 If these conversations have not taken place in your home than you are not a shomer shabbos Jew.  Or you’re one of those exemplary people that recently heard a shiur a few weeks ago- it really only lasts a few weeks- where the speaker inspired you to get everything ready by Thursday or even Wednesday night so that you can come into Shabbos all peaceful, relaxed and not rushed and hurried. Soooooo beautiful… So romantic… So holy… yeah, right! As I said it usually only lasts a few weeks or so, about as long as your resolution not to peek at your cellphone as it beeps in your pocket in shul.

 Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against good resolutions and extra preparedness for Shabbos. In fact, my wife has been on a kick for the last few years to have our table set already Thursday night, despite the fact that it’s a pain to lay my laptop on top of my challah board as I write this weekly E-Mail to you from my dining room table. But regardless of the table being set and even many times the chulent even being up Thursday night-there’s nothing like a chulent that has been cooking for 2 days straight by the way., which really can be a distracting smell while I write this- now you know why there are so many chulent allusions in my E-Mails.). But despite all her best efforts, we’re still running against the clock to the last minute. It doesn’t really make a difference. It seems that there is something built into Erev Shabbos that gives it that frenetic feeling.

Now there are some that might suggest that this is the yetzer harah, the satan or Donald Trump’s fault. I prefer to find the spiritual, holier excuse. To be milamed zechus on klal Yisrael that suffers from the erev shabbos frenzy. Just call me Rabbi Ephraim “Berditchever” Schwartz, the Rabbi who can see a Jew on his phone in shul or talking in the back in middle of Torah reading and say “hey, at least he’s coming to shul, right?” That’s what 15 years of Jewish outreach work does to you, what can I say.

So rather, I posit, that the erev Shabbos rush is actually built into Creation. It goes back to the very first Erev Shabbos itself. It goes back to Hashem. What do I mean? There is a famous Mishna in Ethics of our Fathers

Pirkey Avot (5:6) Ten things were created on the eve of the Sabbath at twilight, and these are they: [1] the mouth of the earth, [2] the mouth of the well, [3] the mouth of the donkey, [4] the rainbow, [5] the manna, [6] the staff [of Moses], [7] the shamir-, [8] the letters, [9] the writing, [10] and the tablets. And some say: also the demons, the grave of Moses, and the ram of Abraham, our father. And some say: and also tongs, made with tongs.

Now if Hashem had a wife- which he doesn’t by the way for any of my Christian readers out there, you could imagine the conversation going on up in heaven.

“You had 6 whole days to take care of this stuff… why the last minute...

How many times do I have to tell you to get your stuff together in advance?

 Really…Now??!! Its five minutes to the first candle lighting ever and you forgot to take care of the mouth of the donkey!

The rainbow?

What is a tong of tongs anyways?”

 As I said Hashem does not have a wife or a mother for that matter that would be yelling that at Him. But yet as you see, there seems to be something to be built into Creation from the very beginning that there is a last-minute rush to get things done. The question of course is why?

 Now let’s leave all ten, or ten plus things according to the “some say” opinions, to the side. Let’s just talk about the first three or the three “mouths”, that are mentioned. Why those three? Because this week’s Torah portion in Israel has the story of Bilaams talking donkey mouth, this week’s Torah portion outside of Israel (and our last week’s one) is the mouth of the well that Moshe hit, and the parsha before that told us about the mouth of the earth that swallowed up Korach. Fascinating, isn’t it? Three weeks in a row. Three mouths that were created at the last minutes of Creation and all three of them being pretty much the stories that show up in the Torah right before we are meant to finally enter the land of Israel. Before we are meant to finally achieve the purpose of Creation, of creating a home for Hashem by which his Divine presence can shine out to the rest of the world. By which we can repair the sin of Adam Ha’Rishon, that got thrown out of the garden of Eden, just a few hours before that twilight when Hashem had to create all of these last minute things. To fix that the things that got us thrown out His world in the first place

What are those three things and what are their significance? The Mishna in the previous chapter of Avot gives us a clue.

Pirkey Avos (4:21) Rabbi Elazar Ha-kappar said: kina’h-envy, ta’avah- desire and [the pursuit for] kavod- honor remove a man from the world.

What were the temptations of Adam that got us thrown out of the garden? The snake tempted Chava by telling her that she could be like Hashem. They could have honor; they could have knowledge. He made them jealous, He showed them a desirous tasty fruit. It implanted in them what our sages call zuhama- this spiritual poison and hunger for the things that ultimately make co-existing together with Hashem in the garden unfeasible.

And so out of the garden we were sent. Two angels guarded the tree of life, but instead we were given another tree of life to attach ourselves to that would help us overcome this poison. It’s called the Torah. It is our way back to the garden.

Well we got that Torah a few thousand years later, and we were finally ready to return. We had a few stumbles along the way; the golden calf, the spies and lots of random kvetching, but the time was ripe. It was finally time for Hashem to give us our mouths back. The mouths that we had defiled way back when we sinned in Eden.

The first mouth Hashem revealed to us was the mouth of the earth that swallowed up Korach. Korach represented that poison called jealousy. He wanted, as did Adam and Chava to be as close to Hashem as possible. “Why is Aharon the chosen one?” Why not me. The mouth of the earth swallowed him up. That’s what jealousy will do to you. You come and were formed from the land and earth; Mother earth. It’s where you will ultimately return. When you are jealous of another, despite the fact that you may think it is for spiritual reasons, ultimately you will be consumed by it. That’s what mouths of earth do. They remind you that nafshi ki’afar tihiyeh- your soul should be humble like the earth from where you came.

The next lesson was the mouth of the well. It was the rock that Moshe originally hit to bring out water, but that now, before we enter the land, he was meant to speak to. The well and the water represents desire. We have this insatiable thirst that needs to be quenched. Initially the way to deal with those desires outside of the land of Israel when we first came out of Egypt is to hit that rock. Knock down your desires. In doing that you will be satisfied. The water you need will come out and will be holy; will be purified.

Coming to the land of Israel there was a different message that was meant to be heard from the mouth of the be’er. The lesson was, Rashi tell us, that just as a rock obeys Hashem and can produce water, so to the Jewish people should recognize that their desires were given to them by Hashem. They just have to channel them. We are not a religion or a people that are meant to be hidden away in clouds of glory and thrown out of yeshiva the second that we realize some desire burning inside of us. We are coming to the land of Israel where we are meant to plant, grow, make falafels, invent waze and mobileye and find the cure to cancer. We are meant to live in this world and eat delicious, grapes, pomegranates, olives and watermelons as we watch milk and honey flow and appreciate Hashem in all of it. Our desires are holy. They just need to be talked to and directed in the service of Hashem as the mouth of the well was meant to tell us,.

Finally we come to good ol’ Bilam; the man who could just not get enough honor in life. He is the prophet of the non-jews, our sages tell us, that is on the caliber of Moshe. But he needs Balak to honor him. It’s not about ‘all of the money in Balak’s house’ as he claims. It’s about the honor and glory of taking down the Jews. It’s about, even if Hashem says I shouldn’t go and curse the Jews, but maybe I’ll change His mind. Then I really will be the greatest prophet. The answer to that desire came from the donkey. The limo that he rode in on, that he thought was transporting him to glory, opened up its mouth as well. It showed him that he was heading down the wrong highway. He was smashing into a wall with an angel of death ready to chop off his head.

Do you know people like that? The pursuit of fame, glory, tweets, like and honor is what drives them? Are they your president? Prime Minister? Or are they me and you that post silly things and waiting to get a smiley emoji back that tells me

“Wow! They think I’m funny. Look how many thumbs up I got, how many “hits” I have.

That’s not what coming to the land of Israel was meant to be about. It wasn’t about bringing out our honor and pride to the rest of the world because we are the best, smartest, strongest and coolest people in the world. That’s just the donkey talking. We’re coming into the land to create that home for Hashem.

 Hashem created these things bein hashemashos-right before Shabbos not only because after the sin of Adam and Chava, Hashem needed to make some quick last-minute changes to the world. Rather it was because that time of twilight is border between the holiness of Shabbos and the physical, material work of the six days of work when we are out there in the “real world”. These mouths are the bridge to bring us into Shabbos. They allow us to enter that world where we have returned to Hashem. On Shabbos we will dress with honor and give kavod to Shabbos. It’s the day Hashem gives us to express that holy desire for honor and experience it, but for His sake. We will make hamotzi lechem min ha’aretz on our challas again and again, recognizing that the bread that comes from the ground is there to elevate our Shabbos table and not bury us in the petty jealousies that took down Korach. We will fill our mouths with songs of praise that will pour like the water from the well as we eat the delicacies we desire in honor of Shabbos. As we eat our chulent.

We are told that Mashiach and the redemption of Hashem will come with the blink of an eye. On Erev Shabbos as we approach that moment when we enter back into the garden of Hashem, it is no wonder that we are rushed and hurried. The redemption is around the corner. We have been waiting 5782 years for that return. Hashem has been waiting as well. Perhaps it is that excitement that the waiting is almost over that causes that last minute hurry. I don’t know. It could be. Or not. Either way, it’s almost Shabbos and I have to get into the shower. Shabbos is coming! May it be the final yom shekulo Shabbos- the day and time when it will only be shabbos that we have been waiting for.

Have an honored, restful Shabbos

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

““Shabbes hot der rosheh in gehenem oich ru...”- On the Sabbath, even the wicked in hell have rest.

 

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/yedid-nefesh -  BRAND NEW RABBI SCHWARTZ COMPOSITION THIS WEEK- listen to my newest song arranged and sung by Dovid Lowy! Use it this Shalosh Seudos and every one from now on and get extra Rabbi Schwartz points…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kau1dpulVbM – Have you ever heard Shlomo Carlebach’s Ma Tovu niggun… A hidden classic from this week’s parsha

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5xn06LxDYo     -Gad Elbaz new video a present for Shabbos with Meir Kay… Interesting… ?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBQ0ddt_0mk  -Only listen to this if you like Cantorial choir music. It’s Lewndowsky- whoever that is Ma Tovu composition sung in Basel from 1929!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twlR38_dx38  -And check of course Shwekey’s ma ma ma ma…

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

2)  Kurkar rock can be found in Israel in the  ____________ region.

 

The way it is formed is from

A)  Fossilized sand that after a lengthy process becomes hardened solid rock

B)  Rocks from streams that over time mold together and form hardened rock

C)  minerals that join together to rock particles and become one solid rock

D)  formerly sand dunes it is sand stone that is formed through sediment.

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

The day of Blessing- Parshat Balak – We all know and feel the blessing of Shabbos. Hashem blessed the day and made it holy, we say when we make Kiddush each week. It is a day that is above all other days. The Nesivos Sholom notes that the day is so holy and blessed that curse cannot fall on this day. It’s why, he suggests, that although Bilaam tries to curse the Jews and mentions so many things such as the three holidays and all of the sins that we did, yet he doesn’t mention Shabbos at all. Because Shabbos can’t be cursed.

 

Interestingly enough, in that way the Jewish people Hashem tells him also can’t be cursed. Ki Baruch hu- for we are blessed. The function of the Jewish people is to reveal Hashem down here in this world. To raise up the ground and land from the lowest point and make it a dwelling place for the Shechina. The Magid  of Mezeritch explains the verse malah ha’aretz kinyanecha- the land is full of the acquisitions of Hashem, that our job is to reveal that. We are here to take all the physical in the land and uplift it in the service of Hashem.

 

Bilaam and Balak wanted to “drive us out of the land”. They wanted to prevent us from accomplishing that goal. But Hashem told them that they couldn’t do that. There is Shabbos in the world, that tells the world that Hashem’s presence is here each week. We uplift Hashem with all of the delicacies in honor of His kingship on Shabbos. And it is for that reason that it is a day when no curse can fall. It’s one big blessing of Shabbos.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Ovadia 724 BC –This week we introduce a new prophet, that was a student of Eliyahu Ha’Navi the prophet Ovadia-or as I tell my tourists the prophet with my favorite English name- Obadaya. I just love saying it Ohhh Badai  yaahh… Sounds cool right? Well he was pretty cool. He is in fact the Navi with the shortest prophecy that is part of Tanach. Just one chapter and 21 verses. In fact we read his entire book for the haftorah of Parshat Va’Yishlach. We read it that week because that is the story of Esau and Yaakov’s meeting and Ovadiah is a descendant of Esau or an Edomite convert as chazal say it.

 

Our sages point out that was said about Ovadiah was even greater than about Avraham. For where it says that Avraham was god-fearing it says Ovadia was very god-fearing. He lived in the house of Achav and Izevel and yet with all that he withstood the test and even went out of his way to rescue and hide 100 prophets that Achav and Izevel had tried to kill. Sometimes when I go to Yad Vashem or the Musuem of the Friends of Zion in Yerushalayim where you learn about the gentiles that hid Jews. Well here we have this Edomite convert that did the same at great risk to himself. And that makes him even greater than Avraham Avinu!

 

There are some that suggest that he rather lived in a later period as much of his prophecy is similar to Yirmiyahu’s and more related to that era. But we only have our sages to rely upon. His burial place has quite a few sources. Some place him in Kfar Chittin near Tiverya, others in the Shomron. However the most verified grave interestingly enough is in the upper Galil near the ancient synagogue of Baram. In fact right near that grave there is caves where tradition has it he actually his those prophets. Cool!

 

Well in our story Ovadiah is sent by Achav to help find water for the animals. Lo and behold he bumps into Eliyahu Ha’Navi and bows down to him in shock. Eliyahu then tells him to go tell Achav that he’s here and Ovadiah gets nervous by this order. Eliyahu is after all the most wanted terrorist in Israel. Three years there is no rain because of this man. The country is starving. There’s not a post office that doesn’t have his picture. He’s Osama Bin Laden. How can I tell Achav “Hey, y’know who I bumped into today..?” He’ll kill me.

 

Eliyahu tells Ovadiah not to fear. All will be well. Tell Achav I’ll be waiting right here for him. And he waits. Next week we continue with the faceoff.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE HURRIED JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Rabbi What do you call a South American girl who's always in a hurry? Urgent Tina

 

There’s a special type of people who are always in a hurry. They are called Rushians.

 

Why was Batman in a hurry? He had to go to the Batroom.

 

What did the doctor say to the short guy in a hurry? You're going to have to be a little patient

 

Berel and his wife walked into a dentist's office. Berel quickly says to the dentist, "Doctor, I'm in one heck of a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this sure is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain."

So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"

Berel turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts.

 

Yankel calls the doctor and said, “Hurry! My wife’s going into labour! What must I do?”

 The doctor said, “is this her first child?”

“No” says the very overwhelmed Yankel says,“this is her husband!”

 

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’

The wife stared at him. “What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

 

A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it, making belief he was actually talking to someone. "I'm sorry, but my caseload is so tremendous that I'm not going to be able to look into your problem for at least a month. I'll have to get back to you then." He then turned to the man who had just walked in, and said, "Now, what can I do for you? Make sure to do this fast, as I am in a mad rush, as you can see from the endless telephone calls of clients."

"Nothing," replied the man. "I'm here to hook up your phone.”

 

Three hijacked passengers, an American, A Frenchman and an Israeli were captured by ISIS and were about to face a firing squad. Before their execution they were asked what they would like to eat for their last meal. The American prisoner asked for a juicy steak. He was served the steak and then taken away to be shot.

The French prisoner requested roast duck. He was served the duck and then taken away to be shot.

The Israeli prisoner asked for strawberries. “Strawberries?” asked the terrorists. “But they’re out of season!”

It’s okay,” said the Israeli. “I’ll wait….

 ********************************

Oops messed up again last weeks question I forgot to give the answer to… if you remember the question was which gate is on the Western side of the old city of Jerusalem. I got it right of course. The answer was the Jaffa gate. Part 2 of the question is what the significance of it’s location was and of course once you know which gate is was the answer is quite easy. It’s of course the crossroads of a major intersection. The road leading West to Jaffa and down south to Chevron all come towards Jerusalem that way. So the first answer on this 2020 exam was right.

 

This week’s answer is

 

Answer is D – Really all you have to know for this answer is that Kurkar is soft and then the answer is obviously D. Because all of the other ones are hard stone. Yet, I happened to have known that without that. I don’t know why I remember that Kurkar is along the Northern coastline, like the Chadeira area. It’s that nice beach stone, and of course it all used to be swamp land of there. So the first 2 questions right and I’m off to a good start making the score Schwartz 2 and 0 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.