from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
October 4th 2022 -Volume
11 Issue 51 9th of Tishrei 5783!!
Yom Kippur
Change
“So what’s changed?” they asked me. “What’s
different?”. It’s a question we are all going into this evening thinking
about. But they were asking me about my weight-loss and my new svelte trim
Rabbi Schwartz post-surgery 120lbs lighter look.
“We remember you four years ago when you
took us on a tour and you had the same energy that you have today. You were running
around, you were enthusiastic, you were exuberant and exciting. So what’s
different about you now?”
It was a good question; a pretty amazing,
blessed and miraculous one. The truth, is I was nervous and my kids and family
were as well, that post- surgery who knew what would happen to my personality.
Would I lose my Rabbi Schwartz sense of humor; my joy and love of life? Would I
be walking around thinking about all of the food I can’t eat anymore? All the
chulent that would remain untouched by me? Forget about all of children in
Africa that would starve because I could no longer finish what’s on my plate.
But amazingly and fantastically enough I really could say that I’m pretty much
the same me. For better and worse. Just a little less focused on food, meals
and restaurants- as it really doesn’t pay anymore to spend to much time and
energy on the few bites I’ll be able to eat.
So what really did change besides my pants
size and wardrobe?
I turned to those wonderful tourists of mine-
who would of course never ask that type of question to anyone else. It seems I
always bring out the best and most real questions from people. No one holds
back with me- as I don’t with them. I asked them if they remembered a few years
ago when we were hiking on this trail and their children asked me if we could
go climb that big hill over there at the end. They wanted to see the view. They
wanted to check it out, they probably just wanted to run around and get away
from their tour guide who was boring them with way too much history and Tanach.
I told their children of course at the time, that there really was nothing to
see from up there. It was dangerous in fact. The mountain could fall down. The
Parks authority doesn’t let us climb up there… Remember when I told them that….?
Well today I’m the first one up that hill. It’s
fun to climb. I’ll even race them. (Ok, maybe I’m getting carried away there).
But I’m not winded anymore. In fact it’s really even exhilarating for the first
time, going uphill, higher and higher and higher. The view is actually a nice
one from the top. The world is brighter up here. The air is fresher. The sky is
bluer. And although some describe the sense of reaching the precipice as
feeling like being the king of the mountain. Up here, I turn my eyes to Hashem
and recognize how small I am and who the real King is and how humbled and privileged
I am to be part of His chosen nation living in His chosen land.
Yet, the question lingers still as I approach
this evening. Have I changed? Whereas in the past my question might have been
can I change, this year I certainly know that my body has changed. My
relationship with food has changed. I might even say there is a tad bit of spirituality
in that change. But what about the big things? What about all of the things
that I sat and meditated and davened and confessed and “repented” and perhaps
even half-heartedly resolved to fix and do different last year in the peak of
my Yom Kippur services and moments. What about those resolutions about how I
was going to become a better parent, a better Rabbi, a better husband, a better
friend, a better Jew, a holier Jew, a better me? Have I trimmed down any sizes
on my anger, my impatience, my wandering eyes, my frivolous talk, gossip,
hurtful banter? Have I honored my parents any better? Have I had more faith in
Hashem when things didn’t go the way that I thought they should?
What about my Torah study- that’s gone down
the shoot since I started working again… My prayers, thinking about the words,
thinking and praying for others, realizing what a privilege it is to talk to
Hashem three times a day? Has any of that changed? Or am I still on the bottom
of the mountain telling myself its too steep of a climb. I don’t have enough
wind to make it up there. So instead, I’ll go through the motions as I do every
year and wear those same fat pants.
This morning I was learning an inspiring essay
by Rav Margalit in Karmiel and he shared an idea that has kept me thinking about
an unlikely figure to be thinking about this High Holiday season. The Torah
tells us that Moshe’s father-in-law Yisro was a former Midianite priest. Not
only that but our sages tell us that he was a spirituality seeker and actually
went around the world and tried out every form of idolatry and worship that was
out there. He even spent a considerable amount of time in Egypt with Pharoah
becoming one of his chief advisers and sat on the council when it was decided
that Jewish babies would be thrown in the Nile River. Yet after the Exodus of
Egypt he decides to become one of us. He joins the holy nation.
Yet the Torah tells us that when Moshe told
Yisro about all of the miracles Hashem preformed and the punishments and
plagues that were meted out against the Egyptians the Torah describes Yisro’s
reaction with the strange phrase Va’Yichad- which most translations interpret
to mean and Yisro rejoiced. He was happy to hear how Hashem took care of His
nation and the wonder and glory of His revelation to the world. At the same
time Rashi notes the Midrash that tells us that Shmuel is of the opinion that
the word Chad means sharp. Yisro felt sharp knife like pains cutting into his
flash when hearing what happened to his former colleagues and friends in Egypt.
It’s a strange dichotomy. On the one hand this
is a man that has made changes like never before. He went from wearing a priest’s
garb to a black hat and jacket or shtreimel and beketcheh. He is
the epitome of a Baal Teshuva or even more a ger tzedek- a holy convert. Yet at
the same time he still feels connected to the person and nation he was with
before. He still has that pull and that sense of affinity with the person he
was before, with the life he thought that he left behind. That he thought he
had changed.
Teshuva- returning to Hashem is not a one stop
deal. It’s a lifetime of work. Every step we get closer, every midda we work
on or change just brings us to the next level where we realize we have to go a
little but further. We have a greater appreciation of Hashem. We have a greater
and perhaps even a more horrifying appreciation of how bad our sin was. How damaging
it is. How much pain we have caused our Father in heaven. How much pain we may
have caused others. Yom Kippur is the day when that all comes together. It’s
when we all need to step back and rejoice over who we are what we have become
and how lucky we are. And at the same time we have to shudder and shiver, we
have to tremble and cry and be filled with remorse over how still connected we
are to those things that have distanced us from Hashem. That have distanced us
from where we need to be and want to get to. And then we start climbing up that
mountain. We head to the top.
As I approach this day, I’d like to ask all of
you for forgiveness- as is the custom. I’m sure I’ve hurt some of you out there
or insulted or bored or gotten into trouble by quoting me or tiring your family
out reading these long weekly missives and I really want you to know I never
really wanted you to feel bad. I didn’t want anything more than to inspire-
in my warped way- each of you. This
weekly E-Mail has given me so much in terms of forcing me to really put my
thoughts and ideas into words. It is the one thing each week that makes me sure
that I will look at the parsha in different ways. It gives me joy that some of
you like the jokes and even my music and youtube shares. Thank you, for being
there for me and allowing me the privilege to share with you. May Hashem bless
us all with a special year that finally brings us all home and that returns us
to Hashem and Him to us in Jerusalem rebuilt.
May we all be sealed for a sweet year,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
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