Karmiel

Karmiel
Our view of the Galile

Friday, May 17, 2024

Holy Letters- Parshat Emor 2024 5784

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

 May 17th 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 31 9th of Iyar 5784

Parshat Emor 

Letters

 

Nobody writes letters anymore. Is the post office even still in business? Oh yeah… I forgot someone has to deliver, and more importantly return, all of those Amazon packages my wife orders. But who writes letters these days? Who even types messages that are longer than a few sentences and  that don’t have emjois in them? I don’t mean the fundraising ones, or the legal ones, or even the Holiday greetings or invitations, I mean the good old fashioned

 Hi Mom, how are you doing?”

“Camp is great”

“I love yeshiva”

“I made lots of friends”

“Send money…”

“Love, Ephraim

Yeah, my mother still has plenty of those meaningful letters tucked away in a box in the attic, that all pretty much end the same way. I have a box in my office, as well, with some of those letters that she sent me. All of them with words of Mussar and important reminders that I would’ve probably forgotten without them, like to stay out of trouble, study hard and brush my teeth at night before I went to bed. You know all of those things that the average 20-year-old might forget without his mother’s reminders.

That box also has letters that I received from friends of mine, some from when I was in camp, some from when I was learning in yeshiva in Israel. I even have a few that some off my Rabbis took the time to write me and my siblings too. Although, on those as I could just picture my mother standing on top of my sisters’ heads telling them that they better write a few words to their brother in Israel, if they know what’s good for them, or want dinner tonight. Yeah, my father’s head too..

 There’s something special about the written word. Something precious about seeing that ink on yellowed paper and the scrawl upon it that is not just words, but the time and thought that and heart and soul that someone special and close to me took to dedicate to tell me that they’re thinking about me. It’s something that typed words on a screen, or an E-Mail could never convey. I don’t care how many heart emojis you put in it; they don’t come close to seeing in someone’s handwriting the word “love” written out…

 We’ve lost that. It’s sad. One can even suggest that it’s symbolic or reflective of the impersonal social media social media relationship world that we are living in. People today have “friends”, have “likes”, have “followers” but they don’t have that closeness, that heart and that neshoma that my pre-techno generation had. We’re “connected more than ever before, but those connections area as deep as the screen they’re printing on and the delete box or “folder” that you will never open again.

 Yet in Israel today there is one area where that neshoma of writing can still be found. Tragically and movingly a custom has developed of letter writing by young soldiers before they are going into battle. In ancient times the Talmud tells us that the soldiers that went out to battle in the times of King David would all write a “Get” (Jewish divorce documents) to their wives. This was so that in case they were killed or captured or disappeared in battle and were unidentified their wives would be able to remarry and not remained “chained” to a marriage and spouse whose fate may never be resolved. Today’s soldiers don’t write letters to divorce, but rather to remain connected eternally to their families and loved ones. To share with them their ideals, their values, their love and deepest thoughts, because they are going to a place from where they may never return and have the opportunity to ever tell them how much they mean to them. What the really important things to them are.

 I’ve read these letters, many which families have released to the press or the public. Some which the families I have met shared with me, some even blood soaked or covered with ash and burn marks taken from their child-soldiers’ bodies, as they carried them close to their hearts in the battlefields. The letters rip the heart open. They’re filled with light. They’re filled with love. There is wisdom, depth and inspiration, that one reading them would ever think, is far beyond the young 19, 20, years these young boys have been on the earth could ever intuit. There are letters from older married miluimnik reserve soldiers to their families’, their children, their parents, their spouses.

  There are the letters from the so many expecting fathers that understood as they put on their uniforms and took their guns and got in the jeeps leaving at the doorway their pregnant newly married wife, that may have been their childhood sweetheart, that they may never hold that young son that is in their mother’s belly. The young son, who will never say the word “Abba”.

 The letters explain to this child that Abba loves him. That Abba is sad that he is not at your bris, your bar mitzva, to walk him down the Chuppa. Not there in the flesh, but always there in spirit. Yes, Abba is sad that he was taken so early and won’t be there. But he didn’t have a choice. He went to make the world a better and safer place. He went to destroy darkness. He was killed, because the nation needed him. The land had to be redeemed. The honor of Hashem and the Jewish people needed to avenged. We are born and placed here in this world to bring that light to the world. To reveal the truth of our existence. To make the world a place to where the Shechina could reside. A world of joy and happiness and eternal peace. One, where you, my son, could grow up and bask in its glory. That’s why Abba is not here. I’m not here, so you could live and flourish in a better world than the one that we are in now.

 There is only one army in the world where letters like this are being written. There is only one country where such bright light is shining forth from its blood-soaked earth. It has always been hard to imagine that scene our Talmud tells us about the martyrdom of Rebbi Chanina Ben Tradyon in the times of the Mishna, who was wrapped in Torah scrolls and set aflame by the Romans in public display. Our sages tell us that as those scrolls burnt the letters flew off to the heavens. They were eternal. Yet, in reading these holy letters written today by our so many heroic martyrs one understands that our sages our telling us that the holy words written for generations are much more than ink on paper. They are eternal. They have a neshoma. They dance and cry and float above our nation forever. The bodies may be destroyed, but their words last forever.

This week in our Torah reading of Parshat Emor we come to a turning point in the Torah. The Book of Vayikra which is the middle book of the Torah divides between the first two books which discuss the development of our nation and the last two books which are our journey from Sinai to the land of Israel. The other four books are the body of the Jewish people. Vayikra is the heart and it’s neshoma.

  That heart, much like a physical heart, is itself divided into parts. The first part of the book contains the sacrifices and the laws and process of a maintaining and achieving purity. The ways that we become close to Hashem, to our core and the things to avoid and how to overcome the blockage of Tumah that will clog our spiritual arteries. The rest of the book, from here on in, discusses how we can take that holy spirit and bring it out to the world and realize it. It’s the holidays, the land of Israel, and the blessings and the curses that lay in our hands and the actions that we take to bring that light to the rest of the world.

Parshat Emor is the center of it all. It starts with a description of the laws of the Kohanim who are the divine “veins” that transmit that kedusha- that holy spiritual energy to us and from us to Hashem. The pure state they must always be in, the complete unblemished nature that not only they must have to carry our supplications, but of the life force and blood of the offerings we bring. The Parsha concludes with the connection to Hashem, that all start to be made when all the required prerequisite conditions are met. When we are spiritually healthy. When the lights go on and are plugged in. The world then becomes a place where we have Mo’eid- we have meetings with Hashem. We visit Him. We are mikra’ei kodesh- we can call and establish holiness to the world.

 The centerpiece of all this, of the entire Torah, of our Exodus from Egypt and the turning point transition is really one essential mitzva. The Mitzva that encapsulates everything. The Mitzva of Kiddush Hashem, perhaps one of the most fascinating in all the Torah. The verse tells us.

 You shall faithfully observe My commandments: I am Hashem.

V’Lo ti’chalilu es sheim kodshi- You shall not profane My holy name,

Vi’nikdashti b’toch Bnai Yisrael -that I may be sanctified in the midst of the Israelite people—

Ani Hashem mi’kadishchem- I am Hashem Who sanctifies you.

I who brought you out of the land of Egypt to be your God, I am Hashem. (Vayikra: 22:21-23)

 Three times it says “I am Hashem” in case you didn’t notice. We need to observe the mitzvos. We can’t make a Chilul Hashem. And in case you didn’t know… I’m the God that took you out of Egypt…

 It’s a strange mitzva, I noted this year. Because it would seem that the Torah is telling us that Hashem is the One that will fulfill this Mitzva.” I am Hashem Who sanctifies you” He will be sanctified amongst us. We need merely to not be mechalel His Name and then boom- He is sanctified. There are no other mitzvos that I know of that Hashem tells us that He does them for us. It doesn’t say He is the one that will shake the Lulav for us, it doesn’t say He will bring sacrifices for us or learn Torah or honor or our parents. Yet He is the One that sanctifies us.

 Now Rashi  explains this central mitzva and it’s Egypt connection in that the Torah is telling us this to understand

Al menas kein – on this condition.

 The entire reason Hashem took us out of Egypt was for this reason and on this condition. This is what it’s all about. And what is the mitzva?

 Masor atzmecha v’kadesh shemi- give yourself up and sanctify My name.

U’Kishe’moser atzmo, yimsor al atzmo al menas la’mus- when you give yourself up, do it on the condition that you will die. And not that you will be miraculously saved.

 Our mitzva is to sanctify Hashem. To be martyred. To be “shahid-“ed. In doing that, Hashem’s name becomes sanctified. He sanctifies us. His name, that is within us, becomes revealed. There’s a fine nuance in that. It’s not Hashem who becomes sanctified. It’s His Name. The mitzva is called Kiddush Hashem. The sin of not fulfilling it is called Chilul Hashem. Hashem isn’t God. The translation of the word ‘Ha-Shem’ is “the Name”. Hashem is kadosh- is Holy, is separate from everything physical and material that we experience. We don’t sanctify Him. He’s already holy. We sanctify His Name.

What does that mean? What was our Exodus all about? How is His Name sanctified? The Name of Hashem is His signature on Creation. It’s the letter that we possess in our souls with His name on it that we are meant to deliver to the world. The word ‘Chilul’, comes from the word ‘chalal’- a vacuum. In modern Hebrew it is outer space. A big dark void. When one makes a chilul Hashem, then what you are doing is removing the light and letter of Hashem that is here in this world and creating a vacuum. When one denies Hashem, when one covers up His name, when someone says that living another day is the most important thing in this world, then they are placing their lives at the center and Hashem’s name becomes profaned. It falls into a black hole.

 Pharaoh in Egypt understood this, and this was particularly his agenda. Give them work. Make their lives revolve around staying alive another day. Let them live from telush to telush- pay stub to pay stub. From meal to meal, from day to day. The light and letter inside of us was getting erased, was becoming a void. There was a chilul Hashem. Hashem took us out to create a Kiddush Hashem. To create a nation that is willing to stand up and say that life isn’t the purpose within itself. Life is about revealing Hashem in the world. He took us out to create a nation that is willing to declare to the world that they understand that Chilul Hashem-a world without the Name of Hashem, is one that we are willing to give up our lives to make sure never happens.

 There is “Ani Hashem” within us. There’s a letter in our pocket, in our hearts, it is our very essence and soul. We are sanctified by Hashem already. We just need to be moser atzmo- we need to deliver ourselves. We need to remove our own ego, our sensed that life is about us rather than Him. When we are moser atzmo- and deliver that letter we remove taht chilul Hashem and Hashem becomes revealed. It will be read by the world.

 Now to be clear, we are not a nation of death and martyrdom. We don’t have 70 brides waiting up in heaven for us. We don’t even live or do anything for reward or for fear of punishment. Last week’s parsha taught us, precisely the opposite. V’Chai Ba’hem- we are meant to live and fulfill the mitzvos. If there is a danger to one’s life, then not only should we violate the commandment in order to live, but one who sacrifices their life for any command-besides the three biggies (idolatry, adultery and murder), is considered as if he took his own life needlessly. If you’re sick and at risk of life then you’re obligated to violate Shabbos, to eat on Yom Kippur and even have an abortion. We are a religion of life. Because we understand that our lives have the highest purpose and only when we are alive can we deliver and reveal Hashem and bring out the sanctification of His Name.

Yet that is all premised and conditioned on if that’s what our lives are about.  It’s if at the center of the lives we understand have been granted to us, is to being willing to give it up in order to reveal the Ani Hashem that is the heart of those lives and the mitzvos that we do. We’re not here to observe a series of commandments and rituals to get reward in the World to Come. We’re here to live, and through all the mitzvos that we do reveal that our entire lives are just one message to the world. We have a letter to deliver. That we will give up our lives to deliver. It is to tell the entire world that it is really full of His glory. They have a letter to deliver too. The letter is written to them.

 Our Chayalim are the ones that are delivering those letters to the world today. The word chayal itself is the same as chilul with one difference, the letter ‘yud’-Hashem’s name is at there center. The chayal transforms the chilul into holiness. With their sacrifice, with their one-minded focus and determination to give it all up for Klal Yisrael, for Eretz Yisrael, with their singing and dancing “Am Yisrael Chai”, they are declaring, not just that we are alive, but that we are the essence of life. We possess the secret of what life really is about. Od Avinu Chai- our Father lives within us.

With all your darkness, with all your evil, with all your politics, with all your attempts to destroy that letter through every generation, we live. We will never die. Dying happens when one’s entire existence is defined by their physical existence. Life, which is eternal, reveals itself when one’s identity transcends this world. It’s when we understand that Ani Hashem is within us. Just as He is eternal so are we. That is the Kiddush Hashem. That is the letter that our lives are meant to deliver.

 Each day when we pray shemona esrei we recite the first three essential blessings. The first is twhere we come from. It is the book of Bereishit and Shemot. We are the children of Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov. The second blessing is the blessing of our lives. Hashem not only Gives life, but he Gave us an eternal life that is mechayei meisim- that will give life to the dead. He is meimis u’mechaya- He brings death and He brings back to life. We never die. When we understand that, we then come to the third blessing Ata Kadosh, we recite Kedusha. We reveal the holiness of Hashem in this world.

 Every Jew, no matter how disconnected from Judaism, recites the Kaddish. We understand that death is not final. There is holiness, that continues and perhaps even shines greatest in death. Kaddish is that letter that every Jew recites when their loved one dies. It’s what’s being recited by so many parents this year for their sons who have fallen, for their loved ones who were killed. It’s the letter that those that perhaps didn’t merit to actually write those letters to their loved ones, but that their deaths al kiddush Hashem on behalf of our people and our land has been written. Yisgadel Vi’yitkadesh Shemei Rabba- the Name of Hashem has gotten greater and greater. It’s been revealed. The letter has been delivered. Enough of them have already been read. So many Kaddishes, so many letters, so many millennia of martyrs. It’s time for the Mo’ed to begin. For the rest of the book of Vayikra. For us to come to the land.

 Acharey Mos, Kedoshim- after the death of all the martyrs. Emor- we say, we read, we declare, Behar- on the mountain, that holy mountain that we await to rebuild Your house. Bechukosai-where we will finally be able to understand and fulfill your decrees, the words and letters that are chakuk- that you have engraved upon our hearts.

  Have a holy Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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CHIZUK/TZEDAKA OPPORTUNITY OF THE WEEK 

Moshav Tkuma Fueling Heros, Nourishing Courage - 7 kilometers from the Gaza border lies Moshav Tkuma. Hamas terrorists drove by the Moshav on October 7th, and by miracle did not enter. Avichai and Keren Koch, devoted friends and members of Moshav Tkuma have found themselves at the forefront of a much needed, lifesaving operation. Their son has enlisted as an IDF soldier stationed in Gaza and they have evolved their preexisting fruit packing warehouses into a much needed supply and food stop for soldiers.

Tens of thousands of soldiers are stationed on the border of Gaza and frequent their location to receive a warm meal. They are currently baking on average 200 pies of pizza a day, with many unit commanders coming from Gaza to pick up warm food for their brave soldiers. They have opened a tent on the property where hundreds of soldiers come daily at night to enjoy a hot meat meal and live entertainment. They also send over 500 shabbat meals/packages into Gaza every week. When they have a stock of desired supplies, the IDF soldiers graciously accept all of them. The Moshav Tkuma operation is running solely on donations to ensure they have the stock of supplies and food needed so the soldiers can come to recharge and restock. The list as of today includes many items such as socks, underwear, tactical knee Pads, rain covers, sleeping bags, tents, neck gaiters, thermal wear, headlamps, camelbak bladders, warm gear for sleeping, showers, etc…. Please join us in this cause to support our heroes in and around Moshav Tkuma. Thank you for considering our proposal and for your potential contribution to this vital endeavor. Sincerely, Avichai and Keren Koch & Arielle Setton 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ardm3CixAM  

and in English

https://youtu.be/ydxFtrioJuQ

And here’s the link to donate                

 DONATE TO THE CAMPAIGN

https://givebutter.com/kerensplace

 YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Az dos harts iz ful, geyen di oygn iber.” - When the heart is full, the eyes overflow.        

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

6. The name of the preacher’s stage in a mosque is____.

The battle that caused the split between the Shia and the Sunni took place in:

A)  Iraq

B) Iran .

C) Egypt

D) the Land of Israel

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IynusNhRce4 – Im not the biggest Acapella fan..but here’s a great playlist if your into it and are having music withdrawal.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKWvPXKa678  - Beuatiful Old time Ahavas Yisrael from Yehudah song sung Acapella Baruch Levine…

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iByY7AmZ0PQ&t=88s  –  SORRY ABOUT LAST WEEK HERE”S THE CORRECT LINK to --Reb Shlomo Carlebach two incredible stories that You Never know.. loving and hating for this week’s parsha.

 https://www.mako.co.il/mako-vod-keshet/eretz_nehederet-s21/shorts/Video-bc5ab3041987f81026.htm - Funny Eretz Nehederet Yom Ha’atzmaut skit for the Hebrew speakers…

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNyhjjW0Suc&list=OLAK5uy_nWlrXERoIO8ewiv_hBIfaWkm1SKPtflJY  –  Ein Zeh Hastara by Mendy Worch and the Thank You Hashem Chevra… Beuatiful twist on Hastara song…

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK

 Biblical or Rabbinical?- We’ve spent a half or year discussing Tefilla- Prayer, and yet we haven’t yet discussed what the obligation is. It’s time… There is a famous dispute between the Rambam and the Ramban whether this is a biblical obligation or not. The Rambam repeatedly counts the mitzva to daven once a day minimally as a biblical obligation of V’Avadatem es Hashem- the service the Torah tells us we must have of Hashem. The Ramban disagrees and brings various sources from the Talmud that seem to say quite clearly that prayer is rabbinical.

 There are exceptions though. Both the Ramban and Rambam agree that when a person or the nation is in a time of trouble then there mitzva from the Torah to turn to Hashem. The entire function of the trouble is for us in fact to turn our eyes to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and realize that it is only through Him that we can find salvation. So now, in war, when so many of our brothers and children are in danger daily, every psalm of Tehillim that you recite is in fact a biblical  mitzva… not bad…

 In this week’s Torah portion interestingly enough, and you might miss this-as I did for years- the Ramban writes of another biblical obligation. The Rav of Karmiel, Rav Margalit, in his incredible sefer Mapik Margalit, notes that the Ramban writes that when the Torah describes the mitzva of the holidays that the Torah tells us that these are appointed times which we are “Mikra’ei Kodesh” – which we should call out to be holiday. The Ramban explains this Mitzva that there is a biblical mitzva for us to gather in the House of Hashem on the appointed days,

 in order to sanctify the day publicly with prayer and praise to Hashem in clean garments and to make them days of feasting…”  

 The Pri Megadim thus notes that according to this Ramban it would seem that prayer on the holidays is as well in fact a biblical commandment. ‘’

 Rav Margalit suggests perhaps, based on the Ohr Samayach, that this might be a Rabbinic Mitzva that has the stature of a biblical one. Since our sages saw that Hashem wanted us to pray, by commanding us to do so in times of trouble. So our sages thus understood and commanded based on that that one should do so on holidays as well. He compares this Mitzva to the Rambam’s opinion of the mitzva to remember our exodus of leaving Egypt, daily. There as well, he notes that the opinion of the Rambam is that it would be Rabbinical, but that the Rabbis decreed it because they understood that since Hashem wanted us to remember the story as He cold us on Pesach night, they understood it is Ratzon Hashem and thus decreed its daily prayer based on that.

So what comes out from all this, that certainly to appreciate that tefilla is our basic service to Hashem. Hashem wants our prayers and there is a mitzva to do so biblically in times of trouble. As well all agree that it is the will of Hashem on special occasions that we not just celebrate with Hashem, but talk to Him. Communicate and praise Him. A Moed is our date, and Hashem doesn’t want us to be awkwardly quiet, or focused on the food on the table. He’s our date for the night, spend the time communicating with Him.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

701 BC-Appropriate Measures?-  As we said last week, with Sancheirev coming to siege Yerushalayim after destroying 46 cities in Yehudah and the destruction of the city of Lachish, which second to Jerusalem was the most fortified in Yehuda, Chizkiya took various measures to defend the city. One of those measures the Navi told us was the sealing up of the springs around Yerushalayim and particularly the Gichon Spring which brought the water to the city. He rerouted the waters through an underground tunnel which we spoke about last week, as the famous Chizkiya’s tunnel in the Ir Dovid today. Was this a good thing or not? I mean besides for the fact that there is now something fun for me to do with tourists and families besides just all the history of the old city on a Jerusalem tour.

 Now, I’m sure that many, especially those that have toured the tunnels with a good guide have heard that the Talmud (Brachos 10b) teaches us that the this one of the three things that our sages did not agree with Chizkiya on; along with sending the doors of the Heichal to Sancheirev and the adding an extra month of Nissan to the year- both of which we’ve spoke about. Yet fascinatingly enough the simple verses don’t seem to say this was a problem and it even seems to say that Chizkiya did discuss this decision with the sages and it doesn’t tell us of any issues that they had with it.

 Fascinatingly enough the Radak brings the Avos D’rebbi Nasan midrash (2:4) that writes that this was one of four things that Hashem did agree with Chizkiya about and even made him successful as the Navi tells us. Even more fascinating in the prayers that we recite on Hoshana Rabba we ask Hashem to save us and bring water and rain in the merit of Chizkiya who stuffed up the springs of water in the face the blasphemer (Sancheirev). There are a few approaches, as there usually is amongst the commentaries.

 The Chida suggests that there were some sages that that felt it was a proper thing and others that felt that he should have faith. And even though most disagreed with Chizkiya, but ultimately Hashem decided to make Chizkiya successful because he did follow the words of some of the sages. The Malbim similarly takes a different approach that although the sages disagreed with Chizkiya, Hashem allowed him to be successful but only as a test to see if he would have faith in Hashem or not, which ultimately he did.

 But perhaps the most fascinating approach is that of the Maharsha as explained by Rav Neria who differentiates between the plugging up of all the springs and then specifically of the Gichon spring. He even seems to suggest that if one is medakdek and looks carefully at the words of the midrashim and the verses and the Hoshana Rabba piyyut it seems to suggest that they are referring to separate springs. That whereas all of the other springs the sages felt it was prudent and appropriate for Chizkiya to block up, the Gichon spring was different. That spring the sages felt he should’ve let along. Rav Neriah explains perhaps that since that specific spring was used for all of the rituals associated with the Beit Ha’Mikdash, then Chizkiya shouldn’t have messed with it. Just as the house of Hashem didn’t require any extraordinary measures to protect it, the spring of Gichon has that same sanctity and its almost a defilement of the site to plug it up. To shut down a holy place because of danger from an enemy is not right. The sages felt he shouldn’t do it. It’s a desecration.

Does that have anything to do with the decision to shut down Meron and the tomb of the Rashbi on Lag Ba’Omer this year because of the threat of Hezballa terrorists? You decide…😊  

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE MAIL JOKES OF THE WEEK

Today I went to the post office to mail 20 letters... so I bought 20 stamps...

and the clerk just handed them to me. So I said "Am I supposed to stick all these on myself?"...and she said "No. Stick them on the envelopes.."                                                            

 An elephant went to the post office to get a PO Box. The clerk was happy to address the elephant in the room.

 Did you know if you rearrange the letters in "THE POST OFFICE" Nobody gets their mail.

 Why don't women work at the post office? It's a mail dominated industry.

 A marine biologist walks into the post office and says he needs to send a large tank overnight. The postal worker asks for the dimensions of the tank and when the biologist gives them to him the postal worker says, "We can't send a tank that big overnight. It'll have to go by freight train."

The biologist pleads with the postal worker. He says, "That tank contains a marine mammal that is very sick. Can't you make an exception and send it by air overnight so that it can get the treatment it needs? I've been working with him for years and he’s one of the sweetest, smartest animals I've encountered. Here's a photo."

The postal worker looks at the photo and thinks for a moment, and then he says, "Okay. We can make an exception. But only for this express porpoise."

 A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

 Why don't you put a post office next to a liberal arts college? They'll always argue over the male agenda.

 What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it? Post office

 Why will the U.S. Post Office never issue a Donald Trump stamp? Because 60 percent of Americans would spit on the front side, and 40 percent would lick the back side..

 The problem with the American two-party system is that everyone agrees one political party is stupid and the other party is evil. But they violently disagree about which one is which.

 I was at the Post Office, when I saw a blonde woman shouting into an envelope.

I asked, "what are you doing ??"

The blonde replied, "Sending a voice mail"....

 Odd how you can only send mail during the day. They are called post office hours, after all. OYY…

 The new mailman is delivering a registered parcel and needs a signature, so he rings the doorbell. Sadie sticks her head out of the bedroom window and says, "Nu, what is it?"

"I have a registered parcel for Mrs. Levy," he replies.

"Is it wrapped in fancy gift paper or just plain brown paper?" Sadie asks.

"Ordinary brown paper, madam," he replies.

"So who is it from?" Sadie asks.

"It's from Macy's department store," he replies.

"Does it say from which branch?" Sadie asks.

"Yes, madam," he replies, "it's from Main Street."

"Does it say what's in it?" Sadie asks.

"It says it's from their Cooking ware department," he replies. "Will you now come down and sign for it, please."

"Sorry," replies Sadie, "I can't do that."

"Why not?" he asks.

"Because," Sadie replies, "I'm Sadie Cohen. Mrs. Levy lives next door."!

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 The answer to this week”s question is A– I got this one right but the truth is I really didn’t think I would. I mean the second part was easy. I knew that the battle was not in Iran, Egypt, or Israel. I wasn’t sure if it was Syria or Iraq but I probably would’ve gone with Iraq anyways which was the right answer as Syria wasn’t even a choice. Not that I knew it was called the battle of Karballa. Islam and Arabs are not my thing. The first part of the question though I really thought I didn’t know. I guessed Minbar would be the answer, although I was pretty sure I was wrongn and a Minbar was the hole in the wall that points to Mecca. But I didn’t know any other word So I gueesed it and I was right! The groove in the wall is called a Michrab in case you care… So anyways I got another one  right and the score is now.  Rabbi Schwartz 5 and Ministry of Tourism 1 on this exam so far.

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