Insights and
Inspiration
from
the
Holy
Land
from
Rabbi
Ephraim Schwartz
"Your
friend in Karmiel"
May
17th 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 31 9th of Iyar 5784
Parshat Emor
Letters
Nobody writes letters
anymore. Is the post office even still in business? Oh yeah… I forgot someone
has to deliver, and more importantly return, all of those Amazon packages my
wife orders. But who writes letters these days? Who even types messages that
are longer than a few sentences and that
don’t have emjois in them? I don’t mean the fundraising ones, or the legal
ones, or even the Holiday greetings or invitations, I mean the good old
fashioned
“Hi Mom, how are
you doing?”
“Camp is great”
“I love yeshiva”
“I made lots of friends”
“Send money…”
“Love, Ephraim”
Yeah, my mother still has
plenty of those meaningful letters tucked away in a box in the attic, that all
pretty much end the same way. I have a box in my office, as well, with some of
those letters that she sent me. All of them with words of Mussar and important
reminders that I would’ve probably forgotten without them, like to stay out of
trouble, study hard and brush my teeth at night before I went to bed. You know
all of those things that the average 20-year-old might forget without his
mother’s reminders.
That box also has
letters that I received from friends of mine, some from when I was in camp,
some from when I was learning in yeshiva in Israel. I even have a few that some
off my Rabbis took the time to write me and my siblings too. Although, on those
as I could just picture my mother standing on top of my sisters’ heads telling
them that they better write a few words to their brother in Israel, if they
know what’s good for them, or want dinner tonight. Yeah, my father’s head too..
There’s something
special about the written word. Something precious about seeing that ink on yellowed
paper and the scrawl upon it that is not just words, but the time and thought
that and heart and soul that someone special and close to me took to dedicate
to tell me that they’re thinking about me. It’s something that typed words on a
screen, or an E-Mail could never convey. I don’t care how many heart emojis you
put in it; they don’t come close to seeing in someone’s handwriting the word “love”
written out…
We’ve lost that. It’s
sad. One can even suggest that it’s symbolic or reflective of the impersonal
social media social media relationship world that we are living in. People
today have “friends”, have “likes”, have “followers” but they don’t have that
closeness, that heart and that neshoma that my pre-techno generation had. We’re
“connected more than ever before, but those connections area as deep as the
screen they’re printing on and the delete box or “folder” that you will never
open again.
Yet in Israel today
there is one area where that neshoma of writing can still be found. Tragically
and movingly a custom has developed of letter writing by young soldiers before
they are going into battle. In ancient times the Talmud tells us that the
soldiers that went out to battle in the times of King David would all write a “Get”
(Jewish divorce documents) to their wives. This was so that in case they were
killed or captured or disappeared in battle and were unidentified their wives
would be able to remarry and not remained “chained” to a marriage and spouse whose
fate may never be resolved. Today’s soldiers don’t write letters to divorce,
but rather to remain connected eternally to their families and loved ones. To
share with them their ideals, their values, their love and deepest thoughts,
because they are going to a place from where they may never return and have the
opportunity to ever tell them how much they mean to them. What the really important
things to them are.
I’ve read these
letters, many which families have released to the press or the public. Some
which the families I have met shared with me, some even blood soaked or covered
with ash and burn marks taken from their child-soldiers’ bodies, as they
carried them close to their hearts in the battlefields. The letters rip the
heart open. They’re filled with light. They’re filled with love. There is
wisdom, depth and inspiration, that one reading them would ever think, is far
beyond the young 19, 20, years these young boys have been on the earth could
ever intuit. There are letters from older married miluimnik reserve
soldiers to their families’, their children, their parents, their spouses.
There are the letters from the so many
expecting fathers that understood as they put on their uniforms and took their
guns and got in the jeeps leaving at the doorway their pregnant newly married
wife, that may have been their childhood sweetheart, that they may never hold
that young son that is in their mother’s belly. The young son, who will never
say the word “Abba”.
The letters explain to
this child that Abba loves him. That Abba is sad that he is not at your bris,
your bar mitzva, to walk him down the Chuppa. Not there in the flesh, but
always there in spirit. Yes, Abba is sad that he was taken so early and won’t be
there. But he didn’t have a choice. He went to make the world a better and
safer place. He went to destroy darkness. He was killed, because the nation
needed him. The land had to be redeemed. The honor of Hashem and the Jewish
people needed to avenged. We are born and placed here in this world to bring
that light to the world. To reveal the truth of our existence. To make the
world a place to where the Shechina could reside. A world of joy and
happiness and eternal peace. One, where you, my son, could grow up and bask in
its glory. That’s why Abba is not here. I’m not here, so you could live and
flourish in a better world than the one that we are in now.
There is only one army
in the world where letters like this are being written. There is only one
country where such bright light is shining forth from its blood-soaked earth. It
has always been hard to imagine that scene our Talmud tells us about the
martyrdom of Rebbi Chanina Ben Tradyon in the times of the Mishna, who was
wrapped in Torah scrolls and set aflame by the Romans in public display. Our
sages tell us that as those scrolls burnt the letters flew off to the heavens.
They were eternal. Yet, in reading these holy letters written today by our so
many heroic martyrs one understands that our sages our telling us that the holy
words written for generations are much more than ink on paper. They are
eternal. They have a neshoma. They dance and cry and float above our nation forever.
The bodies may be destroyed, but their words last forever.
This week in our Torah
reading of Parshat Emor we come to a turning point in the Torah. The Book of
Vayikra which is the middle book of the Torah divides between the first two
books which discuss the development of our nation and the last two books which are
our journey from Sinai to the land of Israel. The other four books are the body
of the Jewish people. Vayikra is the heart and it’s neshoma.
That heart, much like a physical heart, is
itself divided into parts. The first part of the book contains the sacrifices
and the laws and process of a maintaining and achieving purity. The ways that
we become close to Hashem, to our core and the things to avoid and how to
overcome the blockage of Tumah that will clog our spiritual arteries. The rest
of the book, from here on in, discusses how we can take that holy spirit and
bring it out to the world and realize it. It’s the holidays, the land of
Israel, and the blessings and the curses that lay in our hands and the actions that
we take to bring that light to the rest of the world.
Parshat Emor is the
center of it all. It starts with a description of the laws of the Kohanim who
are the divine “veins” that transmit that kedusha- that holy spiritual
energy to us and from us to Hashem. The pure state they must always be in, the
complete unblemished nature that not only they must have to carry our
supplications, but of the life force and blood of the offerings we bring. The
Parsha concludes with the connection to Hashem, that all start to be made when all
the required prerequisite conditions are met. When we are spiritually healthy.
When the lights go on and are plugged in. The world then becomes a place where
we have Mo’eid- we have meetings with Hashem. We visit Him. We are mikra’ei
kodesh- we can call and establish holiness to the world.
The centerpiece of all
this, of the entire Torah, of our Exodus from Egypt and the turning point
transition is really one essential mitzva. The Mitzva that encapsulates
everything. The Mitzva of Kiddush Hashem, perhaps one of the most fascinating
in all the Torah. The verse tells us.
You shall faithfully
observe My commandments: I am Hashem.
V’Lo ti’chalilu es
sheim kodshi- You shall not profane My holy name,
Vi’nikdashti b’toch
Bnai Yisrael -that I may be sanctified in the midst of the Israelite people—
Ani Hashem mi’kadishchem-
I am Hashem Who sanctifies you.
I who brought you out of the land of Egypt to be your God, I
am Hashem. (Vayikra:
22:21-23)
Three times it says “I am Hashem” in case you didn’t notice.
We need to observe the mitzvos. We can’t make a Chilul Hashem. And in
case you didn’t know… I’m the God that took you out of Egypt…
It’s a strange mitzva, I noted this year. Because it would
seem that the Torah is telling us that Hashem is the One that will fulfill this
Mitzva.” I am Hashem Who sanctifies you”
He will be sanctified amongst us. We need merely to not be mechalel His
Name and then boom- He is sanctified. There are no other mitzvos that I know of
that Hashem tells us that He does them for us. It doesn’t say He is the one
that will shake the Lulav for us, it doesn’t say He will bring sacrifices for
us or learn Torah or honor or our parents. Yet He is the One that sanctifies
us.
Now Rashi explains this
central mitzva and it’s Egypt connection in that the Torah is telling us this
to understand
Al menas kein – on this condition.
The entire reason Hashem took us out of Egypt was for this
reason and on this condition. This is what it’s all about. And what is the
mitzva?
Masor atzmecha v’kadesh shemi- give yourself up and sanctify My name.
U’Kishe’moser atzmo, yimsor al atzmo al menas la’mus- when you give yourself up, do it on the condition that you
will die. And not that you will be miraculously saved.
Our mitzva is to sanctify Hashem. To be martyred. To be “shahid-“ed.
In doing that, Hashem’s name becomes sanctified. He sanctifies us. His name,
that is within us, becomes revealed. There’s a fine nuance in that. It’s not
Hashem who becomes sanctified. It’s His Name. The mitzva is called Kiddush
Hashem. The sin of not fulfilling it is called Chilul Hashem. Hashem
isn’t God. The translation of the word ‘Ha-Shem’ is “the Name”. Hashem
is kadosh- is Holy, is separate from everything physical and material that
we experience. We don’t sanctify Him. He’s already holy. We sanctify His Name.
What does that mean? What was our Exodus all about? How is
His Name sanctified? The Name of Hashem is His signature on Creation. It’s the
letter that we possess in our souls with His name on it that we are meant to
deliver to the world. The word ‘Chilul’, comes from the word ‘chalal’-
a vacuum. In modern Hebrew it is outer space. A big dark void. When one makes a
chilul Hashem, then what you are doing is removing the light and letter
of Hashem that is here in this world and creating a vacuum. When one denies
Hashem, when one covers up His name, when someone says that living another day
is the most important thing in this world, then they are placing their lives at
the center and Hashem’s name becomes profaned. It falls into a black hole.
Pharaoh in Egypt understood this, and this was particularly his
agenda. Give them work. Make their lives revolve around staying alive another
day. Let them live from telush to telush- pay stub to pay stub.
From meal to meal, from day to day. The light and letter inside of us was getting
erased, was becoming a void. There was a chilul Hashem. Hashem took us
out to create a Kiddush Hashem. To create a nation that is willing to
stand up and say that life isn’t the purpose within itself. Life is about revealing
Hashem in the world. He took us out to create a nation that is willing to declare
to the world that they understand that Chilul Hashem-a world without the
Name of Hashem, is one that we are willing to give up our lives to make sure
never happens.
There is “Ani
Hashem” within us. There’s a letter in our pocket, in our hearts, it is our
very essence and soul. We are sanctified by Hashem already. We just need to be
moser atzmo- we need to deliver ourselves. We need to remove our own ego, our
sensed that life is about us rather than Him. When we are moser atzmo- and deliver
that letter we remove taht chilul Hashem and Hashem becomes revealed. It will
be read by the world.
Now to be clear, we are not a nation of death and martyrdom.
We don’t have 70 brides waiting up in heaven for us. We don’t even live or do
anything for reward or for fear of punishment. Last week’s parsha taught us,
precisely the opposite. V’Chai Ba’hem- we are meant to live and fulfill
the mitzvos. If there is a danger to one’s life, then not only should we
violate the commandment in order to live, but one who sacrifices their life for
any command-besides the three biggies (idolatry, adultery and murder), is considered
as if he took his own life needlessly. If you’re sick and at risk of life then
you’re obligated to violate Shabbos, to eat on Yom Kippur and even have an
abortion. We are a religion of life. Because we understand that our lives have
the highest purpose and only when we are alive can we deliver and reveal Hashem
and bring out the sanctification of His Name.
Yet that is all premised and conditioned on if that’s what our
lives are about. It’s if at the center
of the lives we understand have been granted to us, is to being willing to give
it up in order to reveal the Ani Hashem that is the heart of those lives
and the mitzvos that we do. We’re not here to observe a series of commandments
and rituals to get reward in the World to Come. We’re here to live, and through
all the mitzvos that we do reveal that our entire lives are just one message to
the world. We have a letter to deliver. That we will give up our lives to
deliver. It is to tell the entire world that it is really full of His glory.
They have a letter to deliver too. The letter is written to them.
Our Chayalim are the ones that are delivering those letters
to the world today. The word chayal itself is the same as chilul
with one difference, the letter ‘yud’-Hashem’s name is at there center.
The chayal transforms the chilul into holiness. With their
sacrifice, with their one-minded focus and determination to give it all up for
Klal Yisrael, for Eretz Yisrael, with their singing and dancing “Am Yisrael
Chai”, they are declaring, not just that we are alive, but that we are the
essence of life. We possess the secret of what life really is about. Od Avinu
Chai- our Father lives within us.
With all your darkness, with all your evil, with all your politics,
with all your attempts to destroy that letter through every generation, we
live. We will never die. Dying happens when one’s entire existence is defined
by their physical existence. Life, which is eternal, reveals itself when one’s identity
transcends this world. It’s when we understand that Ani Hashem is within
us. Just as He is eternal so are we. That is the Kiddush Hashem. That is the
letter that our lives are meant to deliver.
Each day when we pray shemona esrei we recite the
first three essential blessings. The first is twhere we come from. It is the
book of Bereishit and Shemot. We are the children of Avraham, Yitzchak and
Yaakov. The second blessing is the blessing of our lives. Hashem not only Gives
life, but he Gave us an eternal life that is mechayei meisim- that will
give life to the dead. He is meimis u’mechaya- He brings death
and He brings back to life. We never die. When we understand that, we then come
to the third blessing Ata Kadosh, we recite Kedusha. We reveal the
holiness of Hashem in this world.
Every Jew, no matter how disconnected from Judaism, recites
the Kaddish. We understand that death is not final. There is holiness, that continues
and perhaps even shines greatest in death. Kaddish is that letter that every
Jew recites when their loved one dies. It’s what’s being recited by so many
parents this year for their sons who have fallen, for their loved ones who were
killed. It’s the letter that those that perhaps didn’t merit to actually write
those letters to their loved ones, but that their deaths al kiddush Hashem
on behalf of our people and our land has been written. Yisgadel Vi’yitkadesh
Shemei Rabba- the Name of Hashem has gotten greater and greater. It’s been
revealed. The letter has been delivered. Enough of them have already been read.
So many Kaddishes, so many letters, so many millennia of martyrs. It’s time for
the Mo’ed to begin. For the rest of the book of Vayikra. For us to come
to the land.
Acharey Mos, Kedoshim- after the death of all the martyrs. Emor- we say,
we read, we declare, Behar- on the mountain, that holy mountain that we
await to rebuild Your house. Bechukosai-where we will finally be able to
understand and fulfill your decrees, the words and letters that are chakuk-
that you have engraved upon our hearts.
Have a holy Shabbos,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
************************
CHIZUK/TZEDAKA
OPPORTUNITY OF THE WEEK
Moshav Tkuma Fueling Heros, Nourishing Courage - 7 kilometers from the Gaza border lies Moshav Tkuma. Hamas terrorists drove by the Moshav on October 7th, and by miracle did not enter. Avichai and Keren Koch, devoted friends and members of Moshav Tkuma have found themselves at the forefront of a much needed, lifesaving operation. Their son has enlisted as an IDF soldier stationed in Gaza and they have evolved their preexisting fruit packing warehouses into a much needed supply and food stop for soldiers.
Tens
of thousands of soldiers are stationed on the border of Gaza and frequent their
location to receive a warm meal. They are currently baking on average 200 pies
of pizza a day, with many unit commanders coming from Gaza to pick up warm food
for their brave soldiers. They have opened a tent on the property where
hundreds of soldiers come daily at night to enjoy a hot meat meal and live
entertainment. They also send over 500 shabbat meals/packages into Gaza every
week. When they have a stock of desired supplies, the IDF soldiers graciously
accept all of them. The Moshav Tkuma operation is running solely on donations
to ensure they have the stock of supplies and food needed so the soldiers can come
to recharge and restock. The list as of today includes many items such as
socks, underwear, tactical knee Pads, rain covers, sleeping bags, tents, neck
gaiters, thermal wear, headlamps, camelbak bladders, warm gear for sleeping,
showers, etc…. Please join us in this cause to support our heroes in and around
Moshav Tkuma. Thank you for considering our proposal and for your potential
contribution to this vital endeavor. Sincerely, Avichai and Keren Koch &
Arielle Setton
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ardm3CixAM
and in English
https://youtu.be/ydxFtrioJuQ
And here’s the link to donate
DONATE TO THE CAMPAIGN
https://givebutter.com/kerensplace
YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE
WEEK
" Az
dos harts iz ful, geyen di oygn iber.” - When the heart is full,
the eyes overflow.
RABBI
SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer
below at end of Email
6. The name of the preacher’s stage in a mosque
is____.
The battle that caused the split between the Shia and
the Sunni took place in:
A) Iraq
B) Iran .
C) Egypt
D) the Land of Israel
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF
THE WEEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IynusNhRce4 – Im not the biggest Acapella fan..but here’s a great playlist if your into it and are having music withdrawal.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKWvPXKa678
- Beuatiful Old time Ahavas
Yisrael from Yehudah song sung Acapella Baruch Levine…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iByY7AmZ0PQ&t=88s
– SORRY ABOUT LAST WEEK HERE”S THE CORRECT LINK to
--Reb Shlomo Carlebach two incredible stories that You Never know..
loving and hating for this week’s parsha.
https://www.mako.co.il/mako-vod-keshet/eretz_nehederet-s21/shorts/Video-bc5ab3041987f81026.htm
- Funny Eretz Nehederet Yom Ha’atzmaut skit for the Hebrew speakers…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNyhjjW0Suc&list=OLAK5uy_nWlrXERoIO8ewiv_hBIfaWkm1SKPtflJY
– Ein Zeh Hastara by Mendy Worch and the
Thank You Hashem Chevra… Beuatiful twist on Hastara song…
RABBI
SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK
Biblical or Rabbinical?- We’ve spent a half or year
discussing Tefilla- Prayer, and yet we haven’t yet discussed what the
obligation is. It’s time… There is a famous dispute between the Rambam and the
Ramban whether this is a biblical obligation or not. The Rambam repeatedly counts
the mitzva to daven once a day minimally as a biblical obligation of V’Avadatem
es Hashem- the service the Torah tells us we must have of Hashem. The Ramban
disagrees and brings various sources from the Talmud that seem to say quite
clearly that prayer is rabbinical.
There are exceptions though. Both the Ramban and
Rambam agree that when a person or the nation is in a time of trouble then
there mitzva from the Torah to turn to Hashem. The entire function of the
trouble is for us in fact to turn our eyes to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and realize
that it is only through Him that we can find salvation. So now, in war, when so
many of our brothers and children are in danger daily, every psalm of Tehillim
that you recite is in fact a biblical
mitzva… not bad…
In this week’s Torah portion interestingly enough,
and you might miss this-as I did for years- the Ramban writes of another
biblical obligation. The Rav of Karmiel, Rav Margalit, in his incredible sefer
Mapik Margalit, notes that the Ramban writes that when the Torah describes the
mitzva of the holidays that the Torah tells us that these are appointed times
which we are “Mikra’ei Kodesh” – which we should call out to be holiday. The
Ramban explains this Mitzva that there is a biblical mitzva for us to gather in
the House of Hashem on the appointed days,
“in order to sanctify the day publicly with prayer
and praise to Hashem in clean garments and to make them days of feasting…”
The Pri Megadim thus notes that according to this
Ramban it would seem that prayer on the holidays is as well in fact a biblical
commandment. ‘’
Rav Margalit suggests perhaps, based on the Ohr
Samayach, that this might be a Rabbinic Mitzva that has the stature of a
biblical one. Since our sages saw that Hashem wanted us to pray, by commanding
us to do so in times of trouble. So our sages thus understood and commanded
based on that that one should do so on holidays as well. He compares this
Mitzva to the Rambam’s opinion of the mitzva to remember our exodus of leaving
Egypt, daily. There as well, he notes that the opinion of the Rambam is that it
would be Rabbinical, but that the Rabbis decreed it because they understood
that since Hashem wanted us to remember the story as He cold us on Pesach
night, they understood it is Ratzon Hashem and thus decreed its daily prayer
based on that.
So what comes out from all this, that certainly to
appreciate that tefilla is our basic service to Hashem. Hashem wants our
prayers and there is a mitzva to do so biblically in times of trouble. As well
all agree that it is the will of Hashem on special occasions that we not just
celebrate with Hashem, but talk to Him. Communicate and praise Him. A Moed is
our date, and Hashem doesn’t want us to be awkwardly quiet, or focused on the
food on the table. He’s our date for the night, spend the time communicating
with Him.
RABBI
SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
701 BC-Appropriate Measures?- As we said last week, with Sancheirev
coming to siege Yerushalayim after destroying 46 cities in Yehudah
and the destruction of the city of Lachish, which second to Jerusalem
was the most fortified in Yehuda, Chizkiya took various measures to
defend the city. One of those measures the Navi told us was the sealing up of the
springs around Yerushalayim and particularly the Gichon Spring
which brought the water to the city. He rerouted the waters through an
underground tunnel which we spoke about last week, as the famous Chizkiya’s
tunnel in the Ir Dovid today. Was this a good thing or not? I mean
besides for the fact that there is now something fun for me to do with tourists
and families besides just all the history of the old city on a Jerusalem
tour.
Now, I’m sure that many,
especially those that have toured the tunnels with a good guide have heard that
the Talmud (Brachos 10b) teaches us that the this one of the three things that
our sages did not agree with Chizkiya on; along with sending the doors
of the Heichal to Sancheirev and the adding an extra month of
Nissan to the year- both of which we’ve spoke about. Yet fascinatingly enough
the simple verses don’t seem to say this was a problem and it even seems to say
that Chizkiya did discuss this decision with the sages and it doesn’t
tell us of any issues that they had with it.
Fascinatingly enough the
Radak brings the Avos D’rebbi Nasan midrash (2:4) that writes that this was one
of four things that Hashem did agree with Chizkiya about and even made
him successful as the Navi tells us. Even more fascinating in the prayers that
we recite on Hoshana Rabba we ask Hashem to save us and bring water and rain in
the merit of Chizkiya who stuffed up the springs of water in the face
the blasphemer (Sancheirev). There are a few approaches, as there
usually is amongst the commentaries.
The Chida
suggests that there were some sages that that felt it was a proper thing and
others that felt that he should have faith. And even though most disagreed with
Chizkiya, but ultimately Hashem decided to make Chizkiya
successful because he did follow the words of some of the sages. The Malbim
similarly takes a different approach that although the sages disagreed with Chizkiya,
Hashem allowed him to be successful but only as a test to see if he would have
faith in Hashem or not, which ultimately he did.
But perhaps the most
fascinating approach is that of the Maharsha as explained by Rav Neria
who differentiates between the plugging up of all the springs and then
specifically of the Gichon spring. He even seems to suggest that if one
is medakdek and looks carefully at the words of the midrashim and the verses
and the Hoshana Rabba piyyut it seems to suggest that they are referring
to separate springs. That whereas all of the other springs the sages felt it
was prudent and appropriate for Chizkiya to block up, the Gichon
spring was different. That spring the sages felt he should’ve let along. Rav
Neriah explains perhaps that since that specific spring was used for all of
the rituals associated with the Beit Ha’Mikdash, then Chizkiya
shouldn’t have messed with it. Just as the house of Hashem didn’t require any
extraordinary measures to protect it, the spring of Gichon has that same
sanctity and its almost a defilement of the site to plug it up. To shut down a
holy place because of danger from an enemy is not right. The sages felt he
shouldn’t do it. It’s a desecration.
Does that have anything
to do with the decision to shut down Meron and the tomb of the Rashbi
on Lag Ba’Omer this year because of the threat of Hezballa
terrorists? You decide…😊
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE MAIL JOKES OF THE WEEK
Today I went to the post office to mail 20 letters... so I bought 20 stamps...
and the clerk just
handed them to me. So I said "Am I supposed to stick all these on
myself?"...and she said "No. Stick them on the
envelopes.."
An elephant went to
the post office to get a PO Box. The clerk was happy to address the elephant in
the room.
Did you know if you
rearrange the letters in "THE POST OFFICE" Nobody gets their mail.
Why don't women work
at the post office? It's a mail dominated industry.
A marine biologist
walks into the post office and says he needs to send a large tank overnight.
The postal worker asks for the dimensions of the tank and when the biologist
gives them to him the postal worker says, "We can't send a tank that
big overnight. It'll have to go by freight train."
The biologist pleads
with the postal worker. He says, "That tank contains a marine mammal
that is very sick. Can't you make an exception and send it by air overnight so
that it can get the treatment it needs? I've been working with him for years
and he’s one of the sweetest, smartest animals I've encountered. Here's a
photo."
The postal worker
looks at the photo and thinks for a moment, and then he says, "Okay. We
can make an exception. But only for this express porpoise."
A guy walks into a
post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter
methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with
hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying
scent all over them.
His curiosity getting
the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess
who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce
lawyer," the man replies.
Why don't you put a
post office next to a liberal arts college? They'll always argue over the male
agenda.
What begins with a P,
ends with an E and has a million letters in it? Post office
Why will the U.S. Post
Office never issue a Donald Trump stamp? Because 60 percent of Americans would
spit on the front side, and 40 percent would lick the back side..
The problem with the
American two-party system is that everyone agrees one political party is stupid
and the other party is evil. But they violently disagree about which one is
which.
I was at the Post
Office, when I saw a blonde woman shouting into an envelope.
I asked, "what
are you doing ??"
The blonde replied, "Sending
a voice mail"....
Odd how you can only
send mail during the day. They are called post office hours, after all. OYY…
The new mailman is
delivering a registered parcel and needs a signature, so he rings the doorbell.
Sadie sticks her head out of the bedroom window and says, "Nu, what is
it?"
"I have a
registered parcel for Mrs. Levy," he replies.
"Is it wrapped in
fancy gift paper or just plain brown paper?" Sadie asks.
"Ordinary brown
paper, madam," he replies.
"So who is it
from?" Sadie asks.
"It's from
Macy's department store," he replies.
"Does it say from
which branch?" Sadie asks.
"Yes, madam,"
he replies, "it's from Main Street."
"Does it say
what's in it?" Sadie asks.
"It says it's
from their Cooking ware department," he replies. "Will you now
come down and sign for it, please."
"Sorry," replies Sadie, "I can't do
that."
"Why not?" he asks.
"Because," Sadie replies, "I'm Sadie Cohen. Mrs.
Levy lives next door."!
**********************************
The
answer to this week”s question is A– I
got this one right but the truth is I really didn’t think I would. I mean the
second part was easy. I knew that the battle was not in Iran, Egypt, or Israel.
I wasn’t sure if it was Syria or Iraq but I probably would’ve gone with Iraq
anyways which was the right answer as Syria wasn’t even a choice. Not that I
knew it was called the battle of Karballa. Islam and Arabs are not my thing.
The first part of the question though I really thought I didn’t know. I guessed
Minbar would be the answer, although I was pretty sure I was wrongn and a
Minbar was the hole in the wall that points to Mecca. But I didn’t know any
other word So I gueesed it and I was right! The groove in the wall is called a
Michrab in case you care… So anyways I got another one right and the score is now. Rabbi Schwartz 5 and Ministry of
Tourism 1 on this exam so far.
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