Karmiel

Karmiel
Our view of the Galile

Thursday, June 27, 2024

Old School- Parshat Shelach 2024 5784

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

June 28th 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 36 22nd of Sivan 5784

Parshat Shelach

Old School

He was from a different generation. He was as old school as they got. Born right after the war in Italy, my Uncle Sammy z”l who passed away this week, had a bit of that Italian in him but mixed with the old haymish Hungarian and Czech roots of my grandparents. He wasn’t a Torah scholar. He wasn’t learned. He went to work at a young age and didn’t have much time or even zitz fleish for learning. But he was as holy of a Jew as I knew. The type, that for all our advanced yeshiva and Kollel Torah educated generation has advanced, still has trouble producing someone that possesses that natural pure faith, commitment and unwavering moral compass that the last generation had. That my Uncle Sammy, Yehoshua ben Eliyahu z’l who will always be the hero and role model that I aspire and emulate becoming, had.

 It wasn’t only that he would rise early every day to daven with a minyan and wouldn’t miss one in the evening. It was that he would make sure to be the first one there and the last one to leave, setting up the chairs, the lights, the tables, the books and the AC. It was him sitting after davening, or when he was at home in his spare time and recite the entire book of Tehillim daily. I don’t know if he concentrated or even understood all the words he said. It didn’t matter to him. These were holy words. This is what a yid says and does and Hashem likes when we do that. That was enough of a motivator. It wasn’t personal prayers or long davening with squinted eyes and a lot of shukkeling. It was Na’aseh V’nishma- first we do, first we understand what our job is to accomplish. The why, the what, the depth, the understanding the complexity are all nice. He respected Torah and its scholars. But for him, it was more about the doing then anything else. He saw himself as an essential link in a chain that went back to Har Sinai. He lived with a responsibility to that heritage and gift that was passed down to him.

 His yiddishkeit was his identity that he wore proudly. His love for Eretz Yisrael and his concern always for its well being was palatable every time he spoke of it and visited. He was as New Yawk as a NYer could ever be- He had a Newspaper stand in Manhattan for years and was a taxi driver- you can’t get more NY than that, at least old school NY (today you need a Free Palestine flag to qualify). As well he was as American Jewish as well as you can get- working for Manishevitz and Chap a Nosh- there’s nothing more American than Manishevitz. Yet with all of that, he knew more than perhaps the too many today that wear black hats and shtreimels or on the other extreme leather yarmulkas and that live in Five Town mansions with picket white fences that take 3 trips a year to Israel for the holidays and go to Israel Day parades, that NY is not his home. That America is not his country. That we are in galus and that the only place where a yid really belongs is in Eretz Yisrael.

 But it was more than his observance or even his values. It was how “Jewishy” and essential “tradition” was to him. He was the American equivalent of Tevye on the roof. Friday night had to have gefilte fish, chicken soup, potato kugel and chulent. It wasn’t Shabbos without it.  A bris had to have bagels and lox. A family vacation had to be either in the Catskills or Israel… maybe Miami. A yid always goes to shul, puts on tefillin, respects his rabbis, gives tzedaka, does chesed without any sense of payback or a sense of tzi kumt mir. They take care of their parents. They support their children and give them everything. They always make brachos, they bentch, they’re wary of goyim and they’re always always there for one another. No matter what, a yid doesn’t say no when another Jew asks for help. We’re all family. Those are not just values. Those are not good character traits. Those are all parts of a yid’s identity, as much as your fingers and toes are, as much as your parents are, your DNA is. That’s an old time yid. That’s my Uncle Sammy.

 Old time yidden, don’t have to “find themselves”. They don’t even understand the concept of therapy, of emotional healing, of “at-risk”, or of political corrected-ness or even a “meaningful” Judaism. Being Jewish means that we have a role, a job an identity and an un-shirkable responsibility. A mandate from Hashem, a legacy passed down from generations, a light that we need to bring out to the world that will bring Mashiach. There are no questions. There are no answers necessary. We have been Chosen. We have a path before us. It’s a good one, that could be at times challenging. But gam zu le’tova. It’s all good. And so walk we must wherever it leads.

 I don’t think its coincidental, that he was taken from us on this week’s parsha. Last week’s parsha and this week’s parsha both mention his namesake; Yehoshua, the unwavering dedicated servant of Moshe. In last week’s parsha Yehoshua makes his appearance when the word gets out that Eldad and Meidad are prophesying in the camp that Moshe will die and Yehoshua will bring us into the land. Yehoshua is upset by that and asks Moshe to either imprison or destroy them or according to Rashi just worst of all throw them into jobs that demand public service. Moshe rebukes Yehoshua and tells him not be concerned for his honor. Halevai that every Jew becomes a prophet. This first glimpse of Yehoshua is of someone who doesn’t want leadership. Can’t imagine or even hear that Moshe will not be with them forever and that doesn’t necessarily see the potential of a new generation “making it” without Moshe.

 In this week’s parsha again we find our Yehoshua, as being selected by Moshe to be one of the 12 spies into the land. Yet as opposed to the other spies he sends, when it comes to his loyal student, he davens for him. He adds on the letter “yud” to his name, which is that letter from Hashem’s name to protect him from falling into the conspiracy of the spies. Out of all the spies, it is him that Moshe is most nervous about. The other ones seemingly, as Rashi tells us, were all righteous, Moshe selected the best of the best- although he knew that there would be danger and temptations that would confront them spiritually. Yet, Moshe didn’t daven for them. They weren’t “at risk” as much as Yehoshua, in his mind. Yehoshua, was his boy. This was the first time, perhaps in his life, that he would be separated from Moshe. Even when Moshe went up to the heaven at Har Sinai, Yehoshua stood at the foot of the mountain awaiting Moshe’s return. Yet now he would be venturing out of the walls of yeshiva. Going “out-of-town. He would be out on the front lines in a new world that was different then the yeshiva he was used to. He wasn’t cut from what the others were and thus he was most vulnerable.

 Fascinatingly enough it would seem that Moshe was correct in his assessment of Yehoshua- although perhaps incorrect in overestimating the other spies’ ability to not fail and falter. We see this in the difference between Yehoshua and Calev. Although in general and in past years I believe that most of us lop the two together as the “good spies”, there really are differences between the two if one pays attention to the texts and chazal midrashic interpretations derived from those texts. Let’s take a look at a few.

 The first is that our sages tell us, as I note in our prayer column of the week, that Calev goes to Chevron to daven that he shouldn’t fall into the conspiracy of the meraglim. Yehoshua, doesn’t. It seems he hangs with the other spies. As well, when they return it seems that Yehoshua was together with all the spies when they were giving the report about the land. In fact, the Midrash tell us that Yehoshua only attempted to speak up when they started talking about the land of Milk and Honey and the dangers that awaited them, and the spies quickly shut him down. They accused him of trying to usurp Moshe- ironically enough, as they knew that he was meant to bring them into the land and thus it was for his own political gain that he was trying to convince them to go to war (hmmm… sound familiar?). Alternatively, they told him that since he didn’t have any children to lose, since at that point he was childless, he had no right to say whether they should enter or not. He didn’t have skin in the game like they did. Maybe if he had children that were in the army and had to fight against those giants he would have a different opinion.  And thus Yehoshua is quiet. He accepts the fact perhaps, that he’s not the person that they will listen to.

 Calev, on the other hand, takes the mike and stands up to everyone else. He tells them “Yes, we can!”. Hashem is with us. “Just don’t!” Don’t rebel. Don’t lose faith. Don’t think you’re too small. We can do it. Hashem is on our side. Yet he as well is not successful. It seems that the desire to stone our leaders is too great, and thus we fall. That’s always when we fall.

 Fascinating enough the difference between these two next generations leaders really date back to their ancestors. Not only to their ancestors though, but also to their descendants, to the future anointed saviors called Mashiach, that come from the tribe of Yosef-from who Yehoshua descends through Ephraim, and from the tribe of Yehuda through King David. Yosef, much like Yehoshua is dedicated heart and soul to Moshe, is dedicated to his father Yaakov, to tradition, to the old school. He lives separate from all the other tribes and their goings on. In fact, the Maharal even suggests that the reason why Moshe davened for Yehoshua specifically, is because being a descendant of Yosef, he might fall into that old trap and sin of bringing bad tidings back, as Yosef did. Yehoshua, as Yosef doesn’t see the glory or the kedusha in all of the other tribes. He doesn’t get their world. For him, its all about Torah. It’s tradition. It’s responsibility. It’s old school. His job is to just reflect, much like the moon, the light of Moshe. To be a window into the past world and generation. Not to create a whole new world for the new generation.

 It is perhaps for that reason why Moshe adds the letter “yud” to his name, which not only represents the holy spark of the pinteleh yid in each Jew, but as well the commentaries correspond to the number 10, meaning to find the spark in the other ten spies and uplift them.

 Calev, on the other hand, is from the tribe of Yehuda. He’s a leader, a lion, a fighter. Unlike Yehoshua who is disconnected from the people and is therefore limited in how he can influence them, Calev is one of them, much like Yehudah his zaidy was.  He has ruach acheres- he has a different spirit that he can breathe into them. In Calev’s heroic action of standing up to them, although he doesn’t save them, he does uplift Yehoshua. For when Moshe and Aharon fall on the floor and cry, Yehoshua joins Calev and they rent their garments together. They stand together and warn the nation not to rebel. Just as when Yosef and Yehudah embrace and join together back in Egypt so long ago, and Yosef tells them not to fear that Hashem brought them down for their benefit, so too here as well  these two united descendants of Yehudah and Yosef tell the nation that redemption can come and its in our hands. That’s the power of when the old school and new school come and work together. It’s what we need to happen and appreciate before the geula can come.

 Klal Yisrael today once again stands at the doorway to redemption. The old generation is dying in the wilderness. The new generation is a different one. It has its own kedusha. Its own strength. Its own light of Hashem that it needs to reveal. Mashiach ben Yosef, the old generation, has merited the first stage of redemption with our return to Eretz Yisrael. They were filled with the passion of Yosef for Eretz Yisrael. Like Yosef who spent most of his life and death in galus, yet whose descendant, Yehoshua, brought those bones of his back to Eretz Yisrael to be buried here, this past generation also returned to the land on the ashes and bones of our ancestors because of the passion and love of the land that the old generation had instilled in them. They were ready to fight and conquer the land. They knew that we had no home anywhere else. That we needed to be united as brothers. That we needed to take responsibility for one another. That we each had different roles to serve, but that each of us had a part to play, with none that are less or greater than the other.

  Yes, Mashiach ben Yosef, that descendant of Yehoshua has come already. They handed that torch to us, a generation that perhaps is more educated and knowledgeable having spent years in the midbar learning the Torah of Moshe, that their fathers who came out of the ashes never had the opportunity to learn, but as well may have lost the passion and understanding that the endgame is not the midbar. It’s Eretz Yisrael. It’s coming home. It’s loving a land. It’s seeing how Hashem can only be revealed in one place.

The only thing left for us is to greet Mashiach ben Dovid, is to have that leader that uplifts us and can quiet all the malcontents amongst us. The naysayers. The perhaps even great men, who don’t think we are worthy. That don’t think we can function in a world without Moshe, that don’t see a future or holiness in a generation that isn’t standing at the mountain, awaiting his return. That doesn’t necessarily get what Moshe told Yehoshua, that halevai the entire nation should reveal the prophecy that we have. That are too old school perhaps, or that are too new schools and still influenced by the nations of the world and frightened by the terrifying giants because they don’t understand how great we are. How much Hashem loves us. How He has removed their shade from them. Their masks and true colors are showing.  (Even if they are still wearing face masks). They don’t have any merits anymore. They don’t have any sparks to uplift there in exile. We can come home. We can be redeemed when Yehoshua who brought us into the land, joins with Calev who will finally conquer Chevron for us and slay all the giants before us.

 Rabbi Dovid Goldwasser spoke by my Uncle Sammy’s levaya. He recounted a story that was told by the eulogy of the Malbim (although I haven’t been able to track down the source- points to anyone that can…). A rabbi spoke there and said that there were people that were once walking in a forest. It was nighttime and they took torches and candles with them to light up the way. But as time went on each of the torches went out and got extinguished until finally the last burnt out and darkness took over. At that point one of the wanderers began to cry. They asked him why he was crying. Didn’t he know that candles don’t last forever. That ultimately, they go out. He answered tearfully that yes, he knew that. But he had been hoping that at least when it went out they would already be out of the forest….

 I had thought that Uncle Sammy would be here to see that glorious day that stands before us. That we would be out of the forest before his light was extinguished. That he would get to see  and greet Mashiach that he davened, prayed and believed in so much. That he would finally realize his dream of living here. That perhaps Moshe would die, but that at least Yehoshua would be machnis- would come in. Would see the redemption. But we were wrong. Hashem had a different plan. He wanted Yehoshua, to join his namesake in Shamayim, to join my Saba and Savta and all of the generations that he was so connected to. To join all those kedoshim of this generation, of this war who have been killed al kiddush hashem because they were Jews, because they wanted to reveal the shechina in our land in this final battle against Amalek. Hashem, wanted him together with them and to look down upon us and bring that day faster.

 May Uncle Sammy, be a meilitz yosher for all of us, may we and all of those that loved and were loved by him be consoled with all the mourners of Tzion. And may his holy neshoma be bound b’tzror ha’chayim with the bonds of eternal life. May his neshoma have an Aliyah.

  Have a blessed Shabbos and a Chodesh Tamuz tov,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Aider es kumt di nechomeh, ken oisgaien di neshomeh.”.- By the time the consolation comes, the soul has already left

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

11.The person who was named as “The Lord of Armageddon“ was_______.

Which of the following figures is represented by the image of a winged lion in

Christianity?

A) Matthew

B) Luke

C) Mark

D) John

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

hhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHTmvS6mPy8   – Yechadshehu for Rosh Chodesh Davening- one of my favorite versions by Yehuda!.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfUecfoMm8E  - For all those Daf Yomi people- enjoy the Bava Metzia review song!!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBOgKW1i80E –  Mordechai Shapiro latest video release Nagila

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GedpXTWwotc   - Eitan Katz’s latest sampler amazing album Chabad songs- well worth the download

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8r8E_PzgvU  – Yehuda Green’s latest sampler album- with my Rosh Yeshiva’s Amar Abaya song on it for the title!

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK

Grave Prayers- The one fundamental principle about our prayers is that they are directed to Hashem. The Rambam even considers as one of the thirteen principles of faith and one who doesn’t believe in this is considered a heretic. “Lo livad raui li’hitpalel- it is only to Him that it is befitting to daven. That being the case it is important to understand and to get to the bottom of one of the most common Jewish customs, which is that we pray at the graves of the righteous tzadikim and our ancestors. Where does it come from, what our intents supposed to be, and how does it work?

 So the first source for this custom is from our Parsha, where our Rashi notes that in describing the spies itinerary to Israel it strangely uses the singular form of “va’yavo ad Chevron”- insinuating that only of the spies popped off to Chevron. Our sages pick up on that nuance and not that only Calev went to Chevron to pray by the graves of our Patriarchs that he should not be susceptible to the conspiracy of the spies to badmouth the land.  And so there we have it. A Biblical source for the Jewish custom.

 The truth is throughout generations we find that Jews have prayed at Mearas Hamachpela.  The Zohar Ha’Kadosh even writes that Avraham Avinu sensing that this was the opening to Gan Eden would pray there daily and that’s why he wanted to buy it as a burial place. We find that the prophet Yirmiyahu goes there to daven before the destruction and awaken the Avos to daven before Hashem to have mercy on us. The Rambam even established the day that he went there on the 9th of Cheshvan as an eternal holiday for his family, as well did the Ramban who even suggested that he wanted to be buried there as well. Yet the question is how do we daven to dead people and why is it permitted.

 In regards to the how, so the Maharil writes that one is forbidden turn and make requests of the dead as there is a prohibition in the Torah “to seek out the dead- doresh el ha’meisim”. Rather, he suggests that one should turn to Hashem in the merit of the tzadikim that are buried there. The Minchas Elazar though points out that we find that in many places in Chazal, our sages did beseech and direct their prayers to the righteous themselves. Thus he understands that the prohibition is to ask the dead directly to bring about salvations, however it is permitted to aske them to be our advocates before Hashem on our behalf. The Sdei Chemed takes this a step further and writes that the prohibition is to direct oneself to the dead person, yet since his spirit is part of Hashem it is permitted to communicate with the nefesh- the spirit rather than the dead person.

 There is one more issue that seems to be problematic, which is that we have a concept that it is forbidden to preform mitzvos in front of a dead person. It is called “Lo’eg li’rash- mocking the dead”. Since they can’t do mitzvos anymore to preform them “in their face” is liking rubbing salt in their wounds and is prohibited. It is for this reason that one doesn’t enter a cemetery with their tzitzis out or in tefillin. As well the Shulchan Aruch rules that it is prohibited to read kriyas shema in front of them and the misha berura even includes reciting kadish or any holy matter. So how do we do this and get away with it.

 Now in truth we find that when King Chizkiya  (from our Navi column above) died they actually built a beis midrash on his grave, as well we find that by Rebbi Yehudah Ha’Nasi as well. Tosfos in Bava Kama (16b) explains that this not directly over but outside of 4 amos from his grave. The Ri Migash suggests that it is permitted in those circumstances where it gives honor to the departed and not for the sake of the mitzva of learning. The Chida thought takes a different approach and notes that there is a concept that the righteous are considered living even after their death, and we find that Rebbi would even comem back and make Kiddush for his family long after he died. Thus he says that the general rule of lo’eg l’rash doesn’t apply to them.

 So although there does seem to be ways out of the halachic issues, our general rule in halacha is puk chazei d’amei davar- go out and see what Klal Yisrael is doing, for if we are not prophets, we are the children of prophets and what is accepted practice amongst the nation, must have some basis to it. In Israel in many places the ancient graves are painted blue-techelet. The old timers in Tzfat have told me that the reason is because just as Techelet reminds us to look at the sea and then think about the sky, the heavens and the throne of Hashem, similarly when we come to the graves of tzadikim. We are not davening to them, but rather they and their inspiration and connection to us direct us to focus our eyes to heaven and turn our prayers to Hashem. May the merit of those prayers be accepted readily.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

701 BC-Yeshaya’s Prophecy – We’re almost at the end of what I think is the longest biblical saga that this column has covered (I’ve been milking this for about 8 weeks now or so…). But this is a big amazing story. And before we get to that final last miraculous salvation of Hashem, we first have to have it prophesized by a good prophet. The one at the time is none other than Yeshaya, or as Shlomo Carlebach likes to call him “The holy prophet Isaiah”.

 

Yeshaya has been the prophet since King Uziyahu, he prophesied through his entire reign, as well as his son Yotam, and through the evil king Achaz and his last Kingship that he served was of course Chizkiyah. We don’t have much information about his early life, however the Talmud tells us he was from Yerushalayim, and was according to some opinions even related to the royal family, his father being the brother of Amaztia, the son of Yehoash. That would make about 50 years of prophecy!

 {To recap the kings of Yehuda quickly- Yoash, good king. Amatzia pretty good king. Uziyahu also good king and the start of Yeshaya’s career. He got tzora’as and had big earthquake was king for 11 years. His son was Yotam- really really good king ruled for  25 years (although some together with father. Achaz really bad king. Made civil wars and hooked up with Aram ruled for 7 years and saw beginning of exile of ten tribes, and finally Chizkiya good king ruled for 28 years.}

 Yeshaya is in fact one of the prophets whom archaeologists have found evidence to his existence- not that we need any. When they found in Ophel in 2008 in Jerusalem a bula- a burnt seal with his name on it. Cool!

 The majority of haftorahs that we read are from the book of Yeshaya. Certainly the ones that have to do with our exile and redemption. Much of the prophecies we are witnessing today. When Chizkiya sends messengers to Yeshaya about the threats and danger of Sancherev’s army, Yeshaya tells Chizkiya to take a chill pill. There’s nothing to fear. Sancherev will get called back to fight against Kush and then you will have respite. But don’t worry, he’ll be back and then he’ll get miraculously wiped out.

 Sure enough, just as the prophet predicted, it came to be. The Navi tells us that Sancherev went back to put down a rebellion and the Jew went out and planted and grew their crops and not long after he returned on Erev Pesach in one day journey miraculously arriving to lay siege once again outside the city gates. It was Pesach night. It was the night when Hashem protects us. And next week we will god willing conclude this story!

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S OLD SCHOOL JOKES OF THE WEEK

 My Dad is from the old school, ......where you keep your money under the mattress–only he kept his in the underwear drawer. One day I bought my dad an unusual personal safe–a can of spray paint with a false bottom–so he could keep his money in the workshop. Later I asked Mom if he was using it.

“Oh, yes,” she replied, “he put his money in it the same day.”

No burglar would think to look on the work shelf!” I gloated.

They won’t have to,” my mom replied. “He keeps the paint can in his underwear drawer.”

 

I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. That fly didn’t stand a chance.

 

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Jerry had carved I love you, Sally.

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars!

Jerry said, We've got to give it back.

Sally said, Finders keepers. She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?

Sally said, No

Jerry said, She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.

Sally said, Don't believe him, he’s getting senile

The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him. One said: Tell us the story from the beginning.

Jerry said, Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ......

The first police officer turned to his partner and said, Were outta here!

 My therapist asked me if I ever wake up grumpy. I told her that I usually just let Dad sleep in.

 While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, Sadie unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turnaround, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses. All the way back, Berel, her husband became the classic grumpy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.

As Sadie got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, Berel yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card."

 My new neighbor is a grumpy German. I guess you could call him a sour Kraut.

 What do you call a loaf of grumpy bread? Sourdough!

 A little boy asks his mother what the difference is between a Democrat and a Republican?

The mother thinks hard and comes up with this explanation for the child.

A Democrat is like that very nice aunt you have that always promises to take you to Disneyland. But something always comes up and you never actually go.

A Republican is like a grumpy uncle. Every time you ask him about Disneyland he says absolutely not, we don't have enough money. But then later you find out that he went without you anyway.

 

An elderly woman appears in court for stealing

A can of peaches from the grocery store. The judge asks "how many peaches were in that can?"

To which she replied "about 6 your honor."

"Very well then. 6 days in lock-up for you. I hope you've learned your lesson." When you suddenly hear her grumpy husband in the crowd "she also stole a can of peas!!"

 

My Grandad asked me how to print. I said "Control P"

He said: "I haven't been able to do that for years!"

(sorry couldn’t resist… too many terrible jokes until now..)

 

Hymie goes to the doctor for his annual head-to-toe checkup. The doctor comes in with a folder full of test results and says, “I’ve got two major concerns.”

The old man says, “Ok doc, let’s hear it.”

 Doctor says, “Well, as you know we ran a full body MRI, and we discovered that most of your major organs are riddled with cancer.”

“Oh no!” the old man exclaims. “And there’s more?”

The doctor says, “Unfortunately, yes. With your age and lifestyle, you’re also showing pretty advanced signs of Alzheimer’s.”

 Hymie says, “Wow. That’s a lot to take in. But at least it’s not cancer.”

 

Yankel is selling watermelons. His pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10

A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon.

"That'd be 3 dollars", says the old man.

The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.

As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, "Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing."

Yankel smiles and mumbles to himself, "People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business..."

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 The answer to this week”s question is C– I can’t seem to get out of this 50/50 rut I’m in. Not that I thought a Christian question would help me much. Well I got the first part wrong because I thought this was a Christian Tanach question and I guessed “Gog”. I guess being in an “end of days” war zone right now who can blame me. The correct answer though was General Allenby who conquered or perhaps better said “colonized” the land of Israel from the Turks after the battle in Meggido where he got this monkiker that I never even heard of before. I happened to get the second part right just by luck. I thought of all the names of Yoshka’s evil idolatrous acolytes Mark had the most lion sounding name and I was right. So at least I didn’t get it all wrong- although this is a question I certainly would’ve skipped. And so my score is not Rabbi Schwartz 7 and Ministry of Tourism 4 on this exam so far.

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