from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
September 6th 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 46 3rd of Elul 5784
Parshat Shoftim
Guilt-Free Responsibility
(Don't miss new Book Release below!!!)
The year is 1942. It’s Shabbos afternoon. You’re sitting on your couch in Lakewood, in Boro Park, in Cleveland, in Teaneck or in LA. Or better yet, let’s make this in Budapest, Hungary, which didn’t get hit till the end of the war and thought they were safe and it was really terrible what was happening in Poland and Hashem should really send yeshuos there soon.
You just finished your Shabbos meal and a nice big bowl of chulent and the meat-board, that you just got from this new place, which really isn’t as good as the old place, as the Pastrami isn’t dried and spicy as you like it. You’re already for your Shabbos nap and so you crack open the Mishpacha magazine as you do each week. You look for Rabbi Schwartz’s column, hopefully he’ll finally be there again. You don’t know what happened to him over there. It was always your favorite column right after the Kichels. You heard he was busy with a war or something. He was dealing with soldiers, hostage families, mourners, farmers and evacuees, but that really didn’t make sense. I mean doesn’t he know that people count on him to give them their oneg Shabbos reading!?
Well, since his column isn’t there, you figured that the next best thing is to flip through the ads. Sukkos is coming up and you’re really not sure what to do yet for the holiday. I mean originally you had plans to go to Volozhin and Warsaw. You heard there are really holy Rebbes and Jews that live there and it’s a beautiful place. Yankel down the block told you about Kerister where Reb Shayaleh was buried and how there’s a really large flourishing community there with nice kosher restaurants and five star hotels. You might even be able to pop over to see the holy Piazcener Rebbe, the Aish Kodesh. You really love his sefarim and I’m sure he can give good brachos. But now with the war going on in Europe and everything and these Nazi’s yemach Shemam, it seems that Europe is really not a good place to visit. It’s really a shame, because you were really looking forward to your trip there and your kids will be disappointed as there are a lot of fun activities in a Torahadik environment that you had been planning.
So where to go now for the holidays? You skip over the news column there that said something about gas chambers. It’s really not nice that they put this stuff in the magazine. This is a family magazine and they shouldn’t have graphic article like this that might upset my children. Why do they have to keep talking about this war, the hostages and the dead wiped out communities in Europe? I know it’s terrible what’s going on there. We’re davening every day. But it’s Shabbos now. I want something upbeat. Maybe a feature about the summer camp activities from 50 years ago in nicer times, or a serial story about a young newly engaged couple having an argument about their Sushi order. Wow! Check out that ad… Hmmm that looks interesting Rabbi G. is leading a trip to Panama for Sukkos. That hotel looks really nice. And a spa too…? Hey, this could work. I wonder who the musical entertainment is going to be. I hope they play that new Ani Maamin that’s going around. I heard a Rebbe composed it a few months ago on a train to some place… I forgot the story, but saw it on someone’s status… It was a terrible tragedy. I think he died. But at least that song came out and they really did it nicely.
But no… look at that ad over there. Right after the page about some Jews being evacuated from their homes into something called a Ghetto in Lodz… I really don’t know why the Jews stay there. I mean the antisemitism has been going on for a long time. Didn’t they see the writing on the wall? Didn’t they see what was going on in the campus. I mean what did they think when they saw antisemites running for the political offices there? It’s a shame. But that ad looks really cool. There’s a new kosher phone that I can get my Whatsapp with and quick internet access and it has the approval of the bedatz Eida Chareidis of Hancock Park. Hey, isn’t that the same hashgacha as that really cool new Prime Grill steak house that just opened up. I really gotta take my wife and kids there. Maybe for her birthday. And that phone does look interesting. Can’t be too safe these days with those smartphones. They can be dangerous, who knows what the kids might see…
Hey! Look at that. There’s an asifa next week for the evacuated Jews of Czechoslovakia. Wow, they’re having Reb Michel Ber Weismandel coming into speak and Reb Elchonon Wasserman too! I heard they’re really good speakers and they have some amazing stories about their war efforts. Oh… it’s Tuesday… that’s the night of the Greenberg wedding. They’re doing it at that new hall that just opened. I heard they have a great chef and a smorgasbord to die for… Maybe I’ll just send Aliza and the kids to the asifa. It’s important for them to connect with what’s going on in Europe now. And it really is a chance to see these great gedolim. I’ll send another check with them for the war effort. Maybe sponsor some tefillin or even join that sefer Torah campaign I saw that they started to rebuild that shul after that terrible Kristallnacht fire. It’s just horrible what’s going on.
Wow, and check out those new wines that are coming out of this new settlement in Israel called Zichron Yaakov. It’s actually good this whole Israel/Palestine settling the land thing that’s going on. I mean with all that’s going on in France right now with the Jews and the Vichy handing them over to the Nazi’s- yemach shemom, Hashem should bring a yeshua soon- who knows what’s going to happen to all of those kosher vineyards over there. They were really great. The guys in shul really loved those Rothschild cabs and merlots that I brought back from there a few years ago when I visited there. This war really better be over soon. It’s mamash a shame what is going on… And with thoughts of better days ahead and Sukkos on the beach you slowly drift off to your peaceful Shabbos nap.
Yeah… Can you imagine someone sitting on their couch having this conversation with themselves in 1942? Can you imagine finding an old Mishpacha magazine with ads and articles like that while 6 million Jews were being killed? Can you imagine being disappointed that your holiday plans at the Waldorf were canceled because of the “dangerous” “situation”? I can’t, but seemingly the Torah in this week’s parsha teaches us that this is a serious concern. Hashem built us with, I would say, a survival mechanism that somehow allows us to disconnect from what is going on in the Jewish world to a certain degree. We have to live. We have to move forward. We have to see sunlight and blue skies and not think about those that are sitting in tunnels for almost a year that haven’t had that privilege. Otherwise, we would fall apart. It would be too much to bear. Yet at the same time, we need to be woken up from our slumber. We can’t fall asleep. We can’t have ads and be normal. We have to realize that something huge is happening right now, and the question we have to always ask ourselves is are we part of it or are we just goyim that are reading about it in the magazine nodding our head and saying “it’s so sad… we need Mashiach now… please pass the chopped liver amd Dijon mustard”
What do we need to do to change this? If you asked me, all it would take is one small, short ceremony that we find at the end of this week’s parsha. It’s perhaps one of the strangest in the entire Torah. The story, the Torah tells us, is about a corpse that was found in a field. One dead guy. Nobody knows who he is. Nobody knows who killed him. He’s just dead. It was on Yeshiva World News last week. It’s a big tragedy. I wonder if there will be a charidy campaign for his family. So many tzoros in Klal Yisrael.
Wait. What’s this I see? The Torah tells us that something new and different is happening. Wow… this is weird. It says that the entire Moetzes Gedolei Ha’Torah, all seventy of the greatest Rabbis from every yeshiva in America and Israel, are all traveling over to that field. Let’s call the field the Nova Festival site in Re’im. As well, the Kohanim are coming as well and leaving the Beis Ha’Mikdash and its service as well. The King or Prime Minister with all his staff will be there too. The army, the speaker, the prophets. This is crazy. I mean I know it’s terrible that someone was killed. But he wasn’t even frum. I mean what was he doing hanging out in a festival? It’s right by the border, out in the field where it’s dangerous. I even heard- the Talmud tells us- that the Rabbis escorted him out of the city. They warned them and gave him protection before he left and even gave him food. It’s not their fault. Why is everyone going crazy here? I’ve got to check this out. I wonder what will happen by this ceremony.
Well, it is a ceremony that truly is unforgettable and life changing. It was strange seeing these great Rabbis standing there with measuring sticks trying to figure out where this body was closest to. Was it Kfar Azza? Be’eri’s not that far from there. Khan Yunis is only about 4 KM away. Actually fascinatingly enough I think they discovered that this dead person might have even been from Neve Yaakov, Jerusalem. Look at that! Aren’t there like professionals or guys in yeshiva in the younger shiur that could be busy with the rulers and measuring sticks? Let the Rabbis learn a bit. Torah protects. Why are they here in the field? We could do a live Zoom hookup. Then all of a sudden the calf comes out. We bring him down to the river. They chop off his head. Uchhh.. that’s disgusting. I hold my kids eyes. They’re going to have nightmares. They don’t need to see this. What’s wrong with just making kabbalos to not talk during davening, or to start Shabbos 15 minutes early. Why are the Rabbis washing their hands in the blood? This is insane. Why is Reb Chayim crying? Why is the Kohen ripping his clothing? It’s just a guy with a tattoo that shouldn’t have been there in the first place.
Hold on, the microphone is coming on. The Gadol Ha’dor is about to speak. “Our hands have not spilled this blood”, he says. We are absolutely blameless in this case. It’s not our fault. That’s pretty classic Israeli. Nobody likes to take responsibility. It seems a strange way to start off a conversation that we’ve all gathered here to listen to. Yet, the truth is this is really a unique case. See, with this dead body- in fact perhaps for the only time in history- there really is no one to blame. It’s not Bibi’s fault. It’s not Biden’s. It’s not Oslo. It’s not the secular Jews. It’s not Sinat Chinam. It’s not yeshiva guys that don’t serve in the army, or long sheitels, or non-kosher phones. Our hands in no way have spilled this blood. A full investigation has been made and there is nobody here that can be pointed at that could’ve and should’ve done anything different that would’ve changed this situation. In fact, if there were someone to blame, we wouldn’t be here today, the Gadol says. That’s the halacha. Nobody did anything wrong and that’s why we’re here. It’s the reason we are all standing here today. Why we finally decided to get off our Shabbos couch.
Parshat Shoftim is an amazing parsha. It is the one that starts off the month of Elul each year. It is a parsha that concludes with a corpse that is found in the field and that begins the month where we are told the Melech- the King, Hashem, comes out to the field. The entire parsha is about us setting up a system where it seems that we have control. A society, a system, a bureaucracy, a King, an army, Judges, Police, Kohanim, Levi’im, Prophets, “safe cities” and even shelters and refuge places. We’re prepared for every situation. We have someone responsible for every scenario. There’s someone that we can always point a finger at. There’s a doorstep where the buck stops. There’s someone who will need to answer if something goes wrong. And thus, I’m patur. I don’t have to worry. It’s not my problem. I can plan my Sukkos vacation. Someone else is taking care of the problems of the world, the security, the hungry, the sad, the mourning, the corpses in the field…
And thus we come to the conclusion of our Parsha. To Egla Arufa. To the chopped-up body in the campground outside of the city. We come to a ceremony where the King, the kohen, the Supreme Court, the Roshei Yeshiva all come together and say that despite all the conspiracy theories, despite the seemingly endless need and drive to point a finger at someone, despite the so many reports in the newspapers, the hints that some have suggested that are written in the Torah, the sins that other people have done. In this case there is no one that is to blame. No one did anything wrong. Nobody’s hands spilled this blood. And do you know what that then means? There’s no reason for any feelings of guilt. Mei’ Hashem yatza ha’davar- this is all from Hashem.
But do you know what that then means? It means that we are all responsible. We’re not responsible because we’re to blame. We’re responsible because we thought we could alleviate that responsibility by placing it on someone else. We could set up an army, soldiers, police, security forces, courts, yeshivos, shuls, chesed organizations, bikkur cholim visits. We could make our “alimony” payments- take- my-money-and-leave-me-alone, and not have to be responsible anymore for the guy out in field. I paid my taxes. I made my donations. We thought that we could disconnect from one another and be busy with our own lives. That we could put someone else in charge and forget about them. Hashem brought this upon us to teach us that’s not the way that this works. It’s not what he wants from us. It’s not why he took us out of Egypt. That’s not how, our sages and the Kohanim tell us by this ceremony by the stream, that everyone that has been killed since we left Egypt where Hashem placed us there died and will get atonement. The atonement only can happen when we stand together and say that we are all responsible. We are all one.
It’s not because we’re guilty that we are responsible. Hashem is the One, ultimately that makes everything happen. He is responsible. Yet, the reason why He makes it happen is so that we will be like Him and take that responsibility as well. We will unite as one- as One, and say that there is no need for anymore innocent blood to be spilled to teach us that we can’t disconnect. We will feel the pain of one another as if its our own. As if our son, father or brother is serving in Gaza or being held hostage. As if it were my family that were thrown out of our home for over a year, as if my farm was destroyed, if my country was in shambles. It’s mine, so I’m responsible for it. I have to do something about it. It’s not because I’m to blame. It’s not to find someone to blame. There’s no point in blame. It doesn’t change the metziut- the situation. The only thing we can do is stand up and live and feel with that sense that Hashem placed me in a situation where I have to ask myself am I doing all I can to fulfill my responsibility.
The King is in the field. The corpses are in the field and many haven’t been buried or even returned yet. Hashem is calling us all out to that field this first week of Elul, the last month before we anoint Him as the King of the world. The month where we will achieve that atonement for the nation He took out of Egypt and remove all the innocent blood from the earth and avenge it. Our Haftorah this week talks about Hamas fighting, attacking, the poisonous cup of Hashem’s Chamas that Yerushalayim is drinking from. Yet it concludes with the prophecy that we sing by Kabalat Shabbos of us awakening, and dressing in the garments of splendor from the dirt and ashes, and the return of the hostages of Israel.
Kol tzofayich nosu kol- The voice of those that long for you raise up and sing together as we see one another eye to eye when Hashem returns to Tzion.
Have a remarkable Shabbos,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
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EXCITING NEW NEWS!
HOT OFF THE PRESS LITERALLY!
The long awaited day is finally here… With gratitude to Hashem and all of my partners I’m delighted to share with you the news of the publication of my latest book, the first of what will hopefully be a five part series on the Torah
TOUR TORAH
Check out the cover! click here
FROM the Back Cover!!
There are Torah parshah books and there are Eretz Yisrael books and there are even tour-guide books, yet this latest work by Rabbi Schwartz puts them all together in a soulful literary adventure and exploration of the timeless messages of our Torah, seen through the eyes of a Rabbi and tour guide, that speak to each of us today.
Tour Torah is a collection of essays compiled from fourteen years of writings from his weekly emails, “Holyland Insights and Inspiration,” that reach tens of thousands of readers and fans of his Mishpacha Magazine columns and articles on sites in Israel. His work as an outreach rabbi in far-flung communities across the United States, together with his having studied under the great Rabbis and leaders of the last generation mixed with his unique sense of humor, make this series one that will invite discussion, laughter, and inspiration at every Shabbos meal and in all who have a passion for our Holy Land.
With resounding response from his previous publications, The Most Enjoyable Book series on Pesach, Rabbi Schwartz takes his love and passion of years of being one of Israel’s most popular tour guides and opens up worlds and gateways in Torah that can only best be appreciated with a tour and journey each week through the parshah to discover its stories, narratives, and insights.
THE BOOK IS ONLY AVAILABLE BY ORDER RIGHT HERE
PROCEEDS FROM THE BOOK PURCHASE GO TO SUPPORT OUR SHUL AND LOCAL WAR EFFORT.
THE BOOK IS AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE FOR $36 PLUS DELIVERY ( $5 IN USA) BY
ZELLE OR PAYPAL TO RABBISCHWARTZ@YAHOO.COM
OR IT IS FREE (including delivery ) AND WITH THAT YOU CAN HELP US WITH OUR WAR EFFORTS!
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START OFF YOUR ELUL WITH THOUGHTS OF REAL TESHUVA… RETURNING TO ERETZ YISRAEL IN THIS LIFE-CHANGING BOOK THAT IS SURE TO LIGHT UP YOUR SHABBOS TABLE EACH WEEK…
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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
" Oifen goniff brent dos hittel- The thief’s hat is burning
(This is a punch-line of a longer story in which someone steals a hat, and when the towns' people try to figure out who the burglar is, they gather up all suspects and exclaim "The thief's hat is burning!. The thief instinctively reaches out to his hat, revealing his identity.)
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2gBJ58drtg - Shulem Lemmer singing October Rain… Wow! Was waiting for a non- kol isha version of this song…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-nI1Pnp_m0 – Berri Weber Melech Rachaman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJbKiLtxqnc – An incredible Mordechai Ben David together with huge Kumzing greatest hits… awesome!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLDXIHDDvbI – Glorious Ishay Ribbo Meloch at Madison Square Garden
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bfjQ5Tb4UU – Heartwrenching Hanan Ben Ari at the funeral of Ori Danino
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
21. The vulture is a bird that mainly feeds on_____.
Which of the following mammals became extinct in the Land of Israel in the
20th century?
A) Hyena
B) Wolf
C) Jerboa
D) Leopard
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK
Chest banging– There’s a great story I remember from when I was in Yeshiva, back in the day a million years ago, when the great Maggid, Reb Shalom Shwadron came to speak to us. He told a story of how he was once walking through a beautiful field on a gorgeous day. The sun was shining so bright, he was surrounded by flowers and trees, he could even hear the birds chirping all around him. Suddenly though he felt someone punch him in the chest. He looked around and no one was there. Hmmm that seemed strange. A second later though he felt another punch in his chest. This time though he heard himself mumble words.
Selach lanu Hashem ki chatanu, mechal lanu ki fasashanu- forgive me Hashem for we have sinned. And then it hit him- excuse the pun- he had hit himself for he was in middle of Shemona Esrei and just started daydreaming.
Yup… I’ll never forget that story. It was refreshing for a 16 year old boy to hear a big Rabbi talk about how he himself spaces out during davening as well…
Yet it is certainly an interesting custom and perhaps one of the ones that stands out the most in our prayer, next to bowing the chest beating that we do at different points of our prayer. The seffer Iggeres Ha’Tiyul (written by the brother of the Ma’haral and chavrusa of the Rem’a) writes that the reason for this custom is from this week’s Torah portion. Our parsha tells us that when two witnesses testify on someone to give him the death penalty “Yad Ha’eidim ti’hi’yeh bo ba’rishona- the witnesses are the ones to throw the first rocks and carry out the penalty. Similarly here he suggests that our hands are the witnesses to all that we do. As we say on Rosh Ha’Shana and Yom Kippur, the “yad kol adam yachtom- our judgement is sealed by our own hand and signature. Thus when we recite any confession our hands are the ones that throw the first blows and that’s why we hit ourselves at those points of confession during davening.
The Ben Ish Chai brings however based on the ARI’zl that there are kabablistic hidden reasons behind this custom and in fact the Magen Avraham suggests that the place to bang is in fact not on our hearts but rather on the chest for that is where the Yetzer Ha’Rah resides rather than the heart. The Mishna Berura though states that either place works, the point is really more that one is telling oneself that it the heart or yetzer hara that caused me to sin and I regret it. Fascinatingly enough, I was always raised that the Chazan should not bang on his chest during the repetition of Shemona Esrei as it is a public confession, yet the Sefer Otzar Pela’os Ha’Torah says that son of Reb Chayim claims his father had to told him that the chazan should bang.
One thing is certain though, this banging is not about self-flagellation. We’re not supposed to be beating ourselves up. It’s about awakening our souls, it’s about bringing meaning to our teshuva. It’s about separating from what we’ve done and awakening regret that those love-taps are for. AS we get closer to the holidays and the Sefardim have already begun selichos its time for all of us to start making those chest-beats meaningful.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
Yoel 697 BC -The name Yoel is mentioned about 10 times in Tanach, mostly in Divrei Ha’Yamim. The first mention of Yoel is one of the names of the children of Shmuel Ha’Navi, and there is even midrashim that suggest that this might be the prophet of this book, although it would seem to conflict with many of the prophecies that he mentions which is really about the destruction and the return to Israel. As well the Navi tells us that Shmuel’s children didn’t follow in his ways. The seder Olam though tells us that the Navi Yoel together with Chabakuk (who we discussed last week) and Nachum ( that’s next week) were all in the period of Menashe. Towards the end of the first Temple and after the 10 tribes were exiled already.
The Book of Yoel is 4 chapters and it is divided into two parts the first talks about this terrible plague of locusts that will infest and swarm of Israel and wreak havoc. It drives us out of our homes, it destroys the farmers, it kills people and animals. Hmmmm… Sound familiar? The Abarabanel suggests this is an allegory to the difference nations that will destroys us. The second part discusses his calls to teshuva, to prayer, and in honor of Elul this week the blowing of the shofar to wake us up. When we do those things then Hashem promises that not only will he redeem and save us, but as he says and the song goes
“v’nikeisi damam, lo nikeisi, V’Hashem shochein B’Tziyon- Hashem will avenge the blood and dwell in Tzion And Yehuda will eternally be settled and Yerushalayim will be from generation to generation”
As well tying into this week’s Parsha with the laws of prophets, Yoel is the Navi that tells us that in the Messianic era all of Klal Yisrael will be prophets. We will all hear the word of Hashem, that we couldn’t handle back at Har Sinai. That is the ultimate goal of the redemption of the world. As we get closer and closer to that period and the footsteps of Mashiach is coming closer, we hear those words of the Navi today and they are speaking to us.
The tomb of Yoel today is found right outside of Gush Chalav not far from my house in the Upper Galil according to the tradition of the ARI’Zl who identified it. The town of Gush Chalav is a historic city where tradition has it that Mashiach will come from before heading down south to Tzfat, Meron and Tiverya and then Jerusalem. Perhaps it is that prophecy of Yoel buried there that he will awaken him to realize as he comes soon to see the fulfillment of the final shofar blasts we await.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE GUILTY JOKES OF THE WEEK
A hunter kills and eats a bald eagle, and is arrested for violating the Endangered Species Act. He pleads guilty, and throws himself on the mercy of the court.
"Your Honor," the hunter said, "I had no idea that it was illegal to kill and eat a bald eagle. If you let me go, I'll never do it again."
"You've committed a very serious crime," the judge replies. "But you clearly weren't aware of the law, so I'm willing to overlook it this one time. However, before I let you go, I'm going to ask you to do one thing."
"Anything, Your Honor," the hunter replies. "What is it?"
The judge says, "It's been illegal to kill a protected species for many years, so very few people have ever eaten a bald eagle. For the record, can you please tell everyone what a bald eagle tastes like?"
The hunter thinks for a moment and then replies, "It tastes pretty good. Kind of like a cross between a spotted owl and a condor."
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.
“Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".
A Jewish atheist hears that the best school in town happens to be Catholic, so he enrolls his son. Things are going well until one day the boy comes home and says, “I just learned all about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.”
The Defense pleads 'Not Guilty by reason of insanity' and loses. They go to appeal and plead 'not guilty by reason of insanity' again, expecting a different result.
They win the appeal. (It’s teef… do you get it?)
Which President is the least guilty? Lincoln. He is in a cent.
Why are earthquakes always found guilty? Because they are at fault
A man has been found guilty of overusing commas. The judge warned him to expect a very long sentence.
A defendant isn’t happy with how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.
Judge: “Where do you work?”
Defendant: “Here and there.”
Judge: “What do you do for a living?”
Defendant: “This and that.”
Judge: “Take him away.”
Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?”
Judge: “Sooner or later.”
Yankel wasn’t the smartest ganev. He was arrested and went to trial for armed robbery. After a long drawn out trial, the jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
"That's fantastic!" shouted Yankel. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
Did you hear about the Honda employee who was found not guilty? It was the judge’s Civic duty to let him leave on his own Accord
A man received the following text from his neighbor:
“I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been connecting to your wife, day and night whenever you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I do not have it at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology and with my promise that it won't ever happen again.”
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in:
“Sorry… this stinking autospell correct! I meant "wifi, not "wife…"
A man is in court. The Judges says,"On the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!"
The Judge asked the man to sit down and to refrain from making any noise. The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!! At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?"
He replied "He is my next door neighbor".
The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments". The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one"!!!
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The answer to this week”s question is D- This one was easy. Anyone that watches Disney movies knows Vultures eat carcasses. They’re great. They clean up all the scraps and a big part of the circle of life. As well part 2 was pretty easy. Pretty much everyone knows there are wolves and hyenas all over Israel. One can hear the at night in Beit Shemesh area and in Golan. I have no idea what a Jerboa is and Im willing to bet none of you as well. I googled it. It’s a mouse like rodent that hops and runs really fast. Well, they’re still around in Israel as well. Yet, there are no leaoprds although there used to be a lot. It seems the Turks and British hunted them all. So I knew that as well. So finally go an entire answer right so the new score is Rabbi Schwartz 13.5 and Ministry of Tourism 7.5 on this exam so far.
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