Insights and Inspiration
from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
February 21st 2020 -Volume
10 Issue 18 26th Shvat 5780
Parshat Mishpatim / Shekalim
Best Sellers
Those talmuds are not money makers from their sales at least. Each volume cost hundreds of thousands of dollars of teams of Rabbis, editors, graphics people who worked years on them to produce. They make their money on those 5 or more pages of sponsorships that are in the first few pages of each volume. We don't sell nearly enough to cover the cost of mass publication merely from the sales. Do the math $20 bucks a volume and how many are they selling thousands at most… That ain't gonna cover it. We don't have- yet- large enough of a volume of people, even if a bunch more of Koreans who seem to be fascinated by the Talmud (see youtube clip below) get into it as well.
What books do make money though? What are the most popular books in our Jewish world that seem to fly like latkas off a plate. A new one comes out every three months and they all make money. It's why they keep coming out. I had no clue when this question was posed to me by the head of a large publishing house and I was shocked to find out and confirmed it even with a few others I know. It's not halacha books that was my first guess, certainly not the great Rabbis books which to me generally seem the same with just different pictures on the cover, not the self-help genre that seems to dominate the rest of the dysfunctional world that we live in and that our Jewish magazines can't seem to get enough writing about. Not the parenting books and not the children's books. The best-selling genre in today's Jewish world is bada boom bada bing… drumrollllll… Cookbooks. Yes. You heard me write. Cookbooks. Am I the only one out there that didn't guess that?
Now I don't think I've ever bought a cookbook. I don't cook. I'm more of a food critic, it's part of the job of being a tour guide for a Jewish clientele knowing where the best restaurants, shwarma, falafel, pizza and Israeli cuisines can be found. It's amazing how many people ask me for recommendations. There are some tour guides that can find the hardest hikes in Israel.. I know where the best mehadrin restaraunts are. Everybody has to have their niche right. You want to hang off the side of a cliff after schlepping three hours over trees, shrubs, mountains and feath defying precipices call Dudu. He's skinny and fit and served in Golani and hiked for three months in India. I'm the guy you call when you wanna have a good steak afterwards.
But the truth is I don't think my wife has ever bought one either. Don't get me wrong we have plenty that we shnorred and have even been given gifts of. But she's more of a wing it on her own type of gal. It's in her blood. I know. I made sure of it before I got married eating in my Mother-in-laws house before I proposed. Some people feel it's important to find out about their prospective bride's family, her schooling, her father's bank account. I pretty just wanted to make sure she had a good chulent in her bloodline. She hasn't disappointed. I wasn't skinny before I got married but she hasn't helped me much in that area… Sure she'll use a cookbook here and there, but if she really ever wants a recipe she'll just pop on this really modern invention called the internet. They have a great guy called google there and he can pretty much tell you anything you want to know about making any type of food. He's hooked up with another guy called Youtube and you can even watch how it's done. Not that she needs that either.
So I just don't get it. Who buys these things? Why? Now I know it's not just a Jewish thing. It seems like cooking shows are all the rave and have been for a long time now. Why would anyone want to watch someone make food that you can't even taste. I don't even want to watch them make the food that I will eat. I don't want to know what goes on in the kitchen, which in many Israeli restaurants is usually a smarter way to enjoy your food. If you are really curious don't ask what happened behind those double doors until after you ate it. You don't want to know…But to spend hours watching someone cook, when you can be doing more constructive things like watching one of those funny talent shows, or even non-talented democratic presidential debates of old Jewish millionaires yelling at each other, or even baseball or basketball game (which personally I never got either), I can't relate.
Now on the other hand I know I must be missing something. I wan't sure about it, but this week much to my surprise I opened up my Chumash and discovered that in fact the bestselling book of all time, our Torah of course, is in fact meant to be marketed as not law book, not ethical work, not in the self-help aisle or even the Jewish history bookshelves column of your local book store. Rather, yes, you got that right, our Torah is in fact meant to be sold to the masses as a delicious looking cook-book.
Huh? Do we have the same book, Rabbi Schwartz? Have you started your Purim drinking a bit early this year? Well open up your Chumash and take a peek at Rashi. Hashem begins our parsha which follows the story of the revelation at Sinai and the Ten Commandments of last week.
V'Eileh ha'Mishpatim asher tasim li'fneyhem-And these are the judgements you shall place before them.
It's a strange way of phrasing and introducing all of the laws in this parsha. Why not just the typical "And Hashem told Moshe to command the Jewish people saying". What's this "place it before them" business.
Zogt Rashi…
The Holy One, blessed is He, said to Moshe: Don't think of saying, “I will teach them the chapter or the law two or three times until they know it well, as it was taught, but I be bothered to enable them to understand the reasons for the matter and its explanation.” Therefore, it is said: “you shall set before them,” like a table, set [with food] and prepared to eat from, [placed] before someone.
See, I told you. It's a cook book. A book with pictures of all types of delectably spiritual culinary of offerings. The Torah is meant to be chock full of mitzvos with pretty little parsley pieces sprinkled over them cut into pretty shapes. This is your Pesach cookbook, this is your Shabbos cookbook, your Sukkos, your first fruit platters, your tzedaka box, your Jewish slave mitzvos, your marriage cake, your goring sirloin oxen and stolen lamb-chops. It's a potpourri of mitzvos and menus to achieve the best spiritual diet that our neshoma seeks. Read our parsha like it's a set table, like it’s a cookbooks of different courses. Each morsel is chock full of nutrients, derivatives none of them have any MSG but they all possess "msg's" for us that are meant to be savored and relished. Delicious!
If you think I'm making this up, check out the end of the parsha where the Torah recounts version two of the story of Sinai. What seemed like an awe-inspiring moment in last week's portion becomes a little more graphic in this week's parsha. Moshe is bringing offerings- steaks of course,,. sprinkling blood, and the people sit down at a table to eat. It's one big meal. The Torah is not just a class from Hashem, from Moshe, from a rabbi or a tour guide. It's something we should eat and drink. It's something that should taste really good. It should look good. We should desire it.
Rabbi Yochanan Zweig notes that food serves two purposes. It's there for nutrition to give us our physical daily requirement. But it is also there for desire. The Talmud tells us that blind person doesn't really enjoy his food. There is an aesthetic aspect to it. It goes back to the garden of Eden to that low hanging fruit that was "tov la'mareh- pretty to look at. That's the way we should experience Torah and our Judaism.
There is a great story I saw recently from Rabbi Ben Zion Yadler, a renowned Magid or lecturer in Jerusalem who was once giving a class about how important and special learning Torah is immediately after praying in the morning is. If one can take the few moments and connect that spiritual high of having just davened and communicated with Hashem, by opening up a sefer and reading his actual words-ahhhh… ! There's nothing more geshmak than that! He thought for a moment to give it that perfect parable and then he said.
"It's so amazing. It's like when someone has a big delicious hot bowl of chulent and then right afterwards he pulls out nice ice cold Coca Cola. Kkkkittchhhhehhhh pssssssss….. that sweet sound of the can opening and the gas fizzing out and then the sip of that sweet cold syrup (Poison! my wife is screaming… I hear it in my brain) ahhhh rolling down your throat. There's nothing better. That's what learning after davening in the morning is like."
A few weeks later Rabbi Yadler recounts how he was walking into his class and he heard two people talking to one another. One said to the other
"Did you hear that amazing class a few weeks ago from the Rav about learning after Davening?"
His friend responded excitedly as well.
"Yes, it was amazing. I can't get it out of my mind. Ever since that drasha I have a cold coke Shabbos morning after chulent and there really is nothing like it…."
Yeah… It's kind of like when people skip my dvar torah and just skip down to the jokes. Not you guys that have made it this far though.
We enter the month of Adar this week. It's the month of joy. We are told on Purim we accepted the Torah a second time. Whereas the first time around it was as if a mountain was held over our head. It was intense. There was thunder and lighting and all types of scary and awesome revelations. It was a very dramatic book or movie, with action, details and laws. In Adar we accepted it with Simcha. We had a seuda; a delicious meal. It was a cook book and we appreciated the delicious flavors of what being a Torah Jew really means. May we all find the simcha on our yiddishkeit in this coming month. b'tayavon as we say here in Israel. Bon apetit!
Have a deliciously
rich Shabbos Shekalim
Rabbi Ephraim
Schwartz
**************************************
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
“Shpeiz
kocht men in top un koved krigt der teller.."– The food is cooked in a pot and the
plate gets the honor.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=192UC23glDw
- Dov Shurin awesome interview about his song nikmeini na worth the view
if you like entertainment…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seAUU2K3BYk - Koreans learn Talmud in Ponovizh! Cool!
https://youtu.be/Tw8DYeoXmUs – Sim Shalom- awesome beautiful Rabbi
"K'" Klatzkow composition Thank you IDF with Pinny Shachter
https://youtu.be/yM6zs91Khns - In honor of Parshat Shekalim Lipa Shmeltzer Gelt
RABBI
SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
14) The ancient name of
Caesarea:
A.
Stratonos Tower (Migdal Sharshon)
- Dio Caesarea
- Diospolis
- Decapolis
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S
PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK
Hashev
Tisheyvenu lo– Returning
lost objects – Finders Keepers Losers weeper is not a
Jewish concept. In general the Torah tells us that if you find a lost
"returnable" object it is the finder that just found himself what
could be a big headache, although it’s a mitzva that you should find to be a
delicious opportunity- see above e-mail. The reason is because not only does
one have a mitzva to find out who the owner is and return it. There is even a
biblical prohibition from hiding one's eyes from it and not picking it up.
According to the Rambam if one keeps the lost object for himself he in fact is
considered a thief, and that's a pretty big sin.
Now what
defines a "returnable" object. So it must be an object that the owner
has an expectation of getting back. First of all it has to be lost in a place
where there are people that would return it to him. Meaning not in those
finders/keepers loser/weepers goyishe societies but rather in a heavily
populated Jewish area. Gentiles can keep lost objects and we can even keep
theirs as that is the law when it is the case. However, our sages tell us it is
a mitzva to sanctify Hashem's name and return it to them as well, despite the
fact that they may keep ours. So the object has to have been lost in a Jewish
area where people return objects.
As well, the
object has to have some identifiable features to it. What is called a siman in
Hebrew. A bag of potato chips, or a new object or purchased item that has
nothing distinctive about it probably one can keep as the owner knows that even
if someone found it there is no way he can prove it is his. An old watch with a
scratch on it, or a wallet with idea, a phone with numbers in it, or even money
or a bag of different groceries are all things that the owner has a way of
uniquely identifying them as his and have to be returned.
Interestingly
enough there are times when one should not pick up a lost object. That is when
one sees something that looks like it is hidden and placed somewhere
specifically. Leave it. The owner is probably coming back for it. As well
someone who is an elderly person and it does not behoove his honor to shlep
someone's dog that's running around home, can leave it. (Dog being of course
just an example of anything that is beneath his dignity to carry).
How does one
find the owner and what are my obligations? In the times of the Beit Hamikdash
it would be by going up to the pilgrimage and announcing it there for the three
holidays that he is there. Afterwards he still not cannot keep it, but he does
not have to seek him out the owner anymore. Today we don't have a central pilgrimage
place so our shuls or our newspapers are the best places to put up signs and
one should keep them up until a reasonable time that everyone in the neighborhood
knows about it.
Perhaps the greatest
lesson of this mitzva is what the Chafetz chaim tells us is the mitzva to
return people's Judaism the them. If one is obligated to return their cow and
their wallet to them then for sure their neshoma, their Shabbos, their Jewish
heritage, the knowledge that they are part of our special nation with a special
mandate and role in this world. This mitzva is the source for Jewish outreach.
We are all lost in one way another. Life is about returning to our source. The
Sehchina is alos displaced and lost. There is a golden pimple sitting in its
place. May Hashem as well return to His home as we return to him….
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN
ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
Shimshon's Death 939 BC- Shimshon's last act on this earth is one
of legend that has inspired many Jewish warriors. His dying words tamus nafshi
im ha'plishtim- May I die with the Philistines were echoed throughout
history by Jews that went down fighting battles that they knew they couldn't
win, but at least they inflicted as much damage upon the enemy as they fell.
But first the story.
After
Delilah's, his philistine wife's betrayal
the Plishtim had shaved his hair and poked out his eyes and chained him to a
grinding millstone. He lay there in prison it seems where they would come to
mock him according to midrash the Philistine women even came there in the hopes
of becoming impregnated by him to produce such strong children. After a while his hair started to grow
back and the brought him out to be the entertainment for their celebration with
their god Dagon. Seemingly he was a fish god and perhaps even the source for
the whole mer-man thing. They chained him to two pillars that held up this
banquet hall that had about 3000 philistines partying away and mocking
Shimshon, blaspheming Hashem and celebrating before their God. It was too much
for Shimshon to bear he confesses his sins to Hashem and asks
Zochraini V'Chazkeini na ach ha'paam ha'zeh ha'Elokim- Remember me and
strengthen me just this time Hashem
Vi'hinakma
nikam echa mi'shnei einai mi'pilishtim- and I shall take one vengeance for my two
eyes from the Philistines.
These
words were made into a song and it became an anthem for the hilltop youth
radical Jewish settler group movement who demand revenge and "price tag
attacks" against any arab terrorism. In this infamous youtube clip
Jewish kids are singing with guns for revenge against the arab terrorists and
Palestinians https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4g1v28PcXjY.
(see below by youtube clips Dov Shurins
interview on the that song.
Shimshon
then asks for the young boy to lean him up against the pillars. He gives out
his fierce cry to die with the Philistines, yanks down the pillars and
collapses the entire building killing more in his death than he did in his
whole life. Which was no small number. He was then taken by his
"brothers" to be buried beteen Tzora and Eshtoael near the grave
of his father Manoach and it can be visited there today as Kever
Shimshon.
Perhaps
one of the most famous modern history of Shimshon were the two soldiers of the
Irgun and Lechi Barzani and Feinstien who were sentenced to death by gallows in
Jerusalem prison by the British. They blew themselves up in their cell there
and it is certainly the image of modern day Shimshon that they had in their minds.
As well one of the major controversial Israel army unofficial policies is the Hannibal
directive where soldiers are made to understood that it is unaaceptable to
allow themselves to be captured alive by terrorists. It is better to kill
themselves taking down as many as they can. As the Israeli government cannot
afford to negotiate with terrorists nor have the pressure of knowing that one
of our boys is alive in their hands. It is amazing how a 3000-year-old Jewish
hero still inspires controversy and policy until today.
Next
week we start with the next saga in Shoftim one of my favorites… the idol of
Micha…stay tuned…
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOKING JOKES OF THE WEEK
Dovid and
Shlomo are older students at the Yeshiva and they decided that they were fed up
with living in the dorms with the lousy Yeshiva food. So they decided to rent
an apartment and cook food for themselves.
"Did you
get us a cook book? Dovid asked.
“I did, but
I don’t like it,” Shlomo replied.
"Why, are
the recipes too hard?" asked
Dovid.
"Exactly!” Shlomo replied. “Every recipe
begins the same way, 'Take a clean dish and...'"
So Dovid and
Shlomo then went out for a day of shopping downtown in Tel Aviv on a hot summer
day. They needed a place to sit down and eat the sandwiches they had packed for
each other. Not seeing anyplace convenient, Dovid remembered there was a nice
hotel up the block with a great Air conditioning. They headed into the local
Waldorf hotel lounge made themselves comfortable there at the tables in the
lounge. One of the waiters in the food court marched over and told them, "You
can't eat your own food in here!"
They both
looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and then exchanged their
sandwiches can continued eating!
Moishe and
Miriam were sitting down to eat at the dinner table. Miriam commented, "You
know, Moishe, when we were first married, you took the small piece of brisket
and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller.
You don't love me anymore?"
"Nonsense,
honey," replied Moishe,
"you just cook better now."
It's lunchtime
and 70 year old Berel walks into Leible's Diner for his daily bowl of matzo
ball soup. Berel always goes to Lebeils's for his soup. He is also always
punctual - so much so that the waiters always know he is coming in and always
have his table and his soup ready for him.
As usual, Berel
sits down at his table and smiles at Steve, his regular waiter. Almost
immediately, a bowl of soup is placed in front of Berel. But this time, as
Steve is walking away, Berel quickly calls him back to his table.
"Please
taste this soup." Berel says to Steve.
"Why?"
asks Steve. "What's the matter with the soup? It's the same soup as you
always have."
"Please
taste the soup," Berel says again to Steve.
"But
there's nothing wrong with your soup. It's been made the same way we always
make it," says Steve.
"For the
third time, Steve, I ask you to please taste the soup," says Berel
"Alright
then… if you insist," says
Steve, looking around the table. "But where's the spoon?"
"Ah
hah," shouts Berel with a big smile on his face.
The afternoon
was drawing to a close, and the guests were getting ready to leave.
"Mrs.
Goldberg," said one of the ladies. "I just wanted to tell you
that your cookies were so delicious I ate four of them."
"You
ate five," responded Mrs. Goldberg. "But who's counting?"
Little Tully
was so proud of himself for making a birthday cake for his mother. Chocolate
cake being her weakness, Mrs. Rosenberg gulped down almost the entire thing.
When she was finished, Tully happily
exclaimed, "I'm so glad you like the cake I made you, Mommy. I’m sorry,
there should have been 32 candles on the cake, but they were all gone when I
took it out of the oven."
David and
Shirley Felder were in Israel to visit family and went out for breakfast to a
restaurant where the special was two eggs, a bagel and a coffee for 6 shekels. "I’d
like the breakfast special," Shirley said. "But I don't want the
eggs."
"Then I'll
have to charge you 8 shekel because you're ordering a la carte," the restauranteur warned.
"You mean
I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" Shirley asked incredulously. "I'll take
the special."
"How do
you want your eggs?"
"Raw and
in the shell," Shirley replied. “I’ll take them home with me.”
Attending
a wedding for the first time, a little Shani whispered to her mother, "Why
is the Kalla dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of
happiness and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried
to explain, keeping it simple. Shani thought about this for a moment, then
said, "So, why's the groom wearing black?"
**********************************
Answer is A– This is what happens when you
think that you are too smart for yourself and you try to overthink things. I
was pretty sure that the Stratun tower thing was Casarea, yet that really
wasn't a city. It was more of a light tower and port then anything else. So I
thought it wasn't the right answer and was a trick. At the same time I knew it
wasn't decopolis (beit shean) or dio polis (lod) I memorized those polises. So
I figured I would go with the Dio Caeasarea thing. Never heard of it before.
Figure it was a trick. Well I was wrong. Dio Ceasarea was in fact a name for a
short time given to Tzippori. So how'd you like that.. I should have just gone
with my instinct. Ahhh well… So the score is Schwartz 9 and 6 for MOT
(Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.
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