Off Color- Parshat Nitzavim Vayelech 2020 / 5780

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

September 11^th 2020 -Volume 10 Issue 46 22^nd Elul 5780

Parshat Nitzavim-VaYeilech

Off Color

Why is everything so black and white these days? Don't get me wrong as someone whose last name means black, I have no problem with Schvartz (as they call me here in Israel) Lives Matters Movements. I'll take all the support I can get- particularly this year. But really, why can't people that really do support the advancement of our African American brothers and sisters and the betterment of their lives, that realize that even in this 'advanced' 21^st century of ours there still remains racists, police abuse and yes an inordinate and undeserved amount of discrimination against them and that many of them lack the opportunity to pick themselves out of the ghettos that they live in. Why can't people that see that injustice and that want to help them, at the same time see the hatred, anti-semitism, anti-Israel and lawlessness and obvious politically driven agendas that the BLM movement has and be opposed to them as well? Why if I don't support BLM am I being called a racist?

 

Why is everything so red and blue these days. Why can't I believe that Donald Trump is a terrible role model, that he is an embarrassment to the seat of the Presidency, that he has a potty mouth, is a narcissist with an ego the size of my post corona belly and yet at the same time believe he is the best president Israel and that Orthodox Jews certainly have ever had in office since the founding of this country. Yet at the same time, I won't praise the man. I won't wear a stupid red hat. And yes, I wouldn't even invite him to speak in my shul. Well maybe if he sponsored Kiddush…I can even respect and appreciate why anyone living in the United States that is embarrassed to have him as their president would choose not to vote for him. I can understand why they are anti-Trumpers. I'm not red.

 

At the same time, I'm not blue. Just because you might vote for Biden doesn't mean that you have to be in love with the man. That you can't admit that the man is also obviously suffering some early signs of dementia. That he really is a pretty lousy candidate. That you pray every time he opens his mouth on TV that he doesn't embarrass you again… Hey I do that when Trump speaks. You can admit it. You don't have to be blue. And you can still vote for him. You don't have to have their political stuff on your lawns. Why does everyone have to pick a color?

 

It's not just in America. In Israel as well everyone wants you to be on a side. You hate Bibi and think he's a crook and a terrible person who's long overstayed his welcome and is just manipulating everything to stay out of jail. Or he's the greatest prime minister ever. We would be lost without him. He's the best thing since non-leaky pita bread (there is no such thing, but wouldn't it be great if there was).  He's just being hounded by fake news. Bibi Melech Yisrael Chai V'Kayam. And it's not just Bibi. It's all the political parties. Gimmel, Shas, Blue and White, Bayit Yehudi, I may have to vote for one or the other but why do I have to then believe that to vote for everyone else is a sin and will cause the destruction of the State of Israel.

 

Maskers and non-maskers is another thing. Believe in the pandemic as being as bad as the black plague or it's less than a simple flu that's been blown out of proportion. That wearing masks save lives or increases the disease, suicides and is just mere political manipulation. Why does one have to be all in.? Why do I have to think that the person who behaves and believes differently and that may act responsibly or irresponsibly in their own understanding of the situation is the Satan incarnate? Why can't we see that there are two sides to a debate and each one of them have flaws that are not as a dramatic perhaps as the media makes them out to be?  My brother is an optician so I know that 20/20 vision means perfect vision. It seems that the year 2020 everyone thinks that only they are seeing things clearly, when in fact, it seems most of us are missing the only thing that we should be seeing. And that is that we really do have to be "all in", but I'm not talking about the same "in" that everyone else is.

 

The last parsha that we read for this year and every year is Parshat Nitzavim (and this year is Vayelech as well). The parsha begins with Moshe's words to the Jewish people on the last day of his life.

 

 Atem Nitzavim hayom kulchem- You are standing here today…all of you. He then starts to specify who the "all of you" are".

 

 roshechem, shivteychem zikynechem vshotreyechem, -Your heads, your tribes, your elders and your officers.

kol ish Yisrael- all the men of Israel

 

your small children, your women, and your convert who is in the midst of your camp from the woodchopper to the water carrier…

 

This much more than polemics. Realize that in Hebrew the word 'you' written as "atem" already is a plural form and tells us he is speaking to all of us. But then again it says 'kulchem'-all of you. And then in case you didn't get it yet once again it specifies all the demographic groups and concludes again all the men of Israel, women, children etc…? OK. We got it your speaking to all of us. Why keep repeating it?

 

The great Slonimer Rebbi thus tells us that the "all of you" isn't a reference to the numbers and the types of people that are there. Rather kulchem-the all of you, that Moshe is referring to is the entirety of each and every one standing there individually. We each have to be "all in". These are not elections, there's no two sides, there's nothing we're holding back. We're not Jewish-Americans. We're not Rabbi-Doctors or Rabbi-Tour Guides, Jewish Republicans. We don't have any hyphens. We're ovdey Hashem- servants of Hashem. We're all His and all of us is His. We ain't holding nothing back…

 

This shouldn't be news to us. We say this every day in the first sentence of Shema. Vi'ahavta es Hashem Elokecha Bichol Livavcha Bichol nafshecha u'vchol meodecha- we should love Hashem with all of our hearts, our beings, our possessions. It's a zero sum game. Our heart, our eyes, our ears, our souls. It's 24/7. There's no room for any other allegiances, affiliations, or distractions. It's at home, it's at shul, it's at work, it's even when we just want to chill and zone out. It's all about being the best and most complete servant of Hashem. It's intense. And it's a life's work. But it's why we're here. It's why we were chosen. And boys and girls we're in the last few minutes of the game and our Captain is cheering for us from the sidelines to get that ball over the finish line.

 

The Nesivos Sholom tells us that it's like a Mikva. If any part of our body, even a single hair, isn't immersed in the Mikva, it doesn't work. I had a joke here a few weeks ago about the prospective convert who had a fear of water and wanted to know if he could just immerse his body and keep his head above the water. The Rabbi told him that it would be no problem, it would just mean that he would still have a "goyisheh kup". Hashem doesn't want goyisheh kups. He wants us a nation with heavenly and holy Jewish kups.

 

The Rebbi than takes it an even higher level. This Motzai Shabbos we begin reciting the selichos- at least those of us that don't eat kitniyos on Pesach and haven't started from rosh chodesh to atone for that J. The refrain that we will continue to say 100's of times through Yom Kippur are the 13 attributes of mercy that Hashem promises us when we invoke will bring mercy to us. Yet he notes that we introduce them with a short paragraph that tell us this

 

K'hodaata l'anav mi'kedmem- like you made known to the humble one in ancient times

Va'yeired Hashem b'anan- and Hashem came down in a cloud

Va'yityatzev imo sham- and stood there with him

Va'yikra b'shem Hashem- and He called out with the name Hashem

 

Why is Moshe referred to here as the humble one? Why not just call him Moshe? The Rebbi answers that Moshe received this revelation after beseeching Hashem for 40 days and nights on behalf of the Jewish people that we should not only be forgiven for the Golden calf, but that Hashem should return to reside amongst His nation and we should receive the 2^nd tablets which he brought down on Yom Kippur. He did it. It worked! If this was anyone else in the world, now would be the time to take a big bow. Maybe run a victory lap. As Israeli's say raise your hand in the air and scream "Yeish!! I did it", make the 'V' signal. At least feel good about yourself and your accomplishment. But not Moshe…Not the humble one.

 

See, a victory lap is an appropriate expression for someone that feels that 'I' accomplished something. It's good for your ego.  For Moshe this was never about him. There was no 'I'. It was always about Hashem. His entire life existed only to serve Hashem. It's what gave him the guts to argue on behalf of our sinful nation who had just sung and danced around a golden calf just a few weeks after witnessing the revelation at Sinai. Hashem was rightfully ready to just wipe us out and start all over again. Hashem's done that before, by the flood. Pressed control-alt-delete and end the program. It would be pretty chutzpadik for anyone to argue with Hashem about this, certainly for 40 days straight. If someone was there for themselves, they would've backed off long before. But Moshe who was "all in" for Hashem, reminded Hashem that He as well was "all in" for us. When we recall those 13 attributes we remember they were revealed to the humble one. The one who didn't have any part of himself that needed to be stroked. He had it all because he was connected to the infinite. The 13 attributes of mercy work when we can invoke that same single-minded dedication that Moshe had.

 

This past year there has been an infection in the air. Its symptoms are that is has polarized our societies. The world is seeking, one movement, one truth, one King, one reality that brings everything all together. They're looking in all the wrong places. The pasuk tells us that all of us standing here today. The Zohar tells us that today is the great day of Rosh Hashana. It's when we stand together, when all of each of us are before Hashem our God. When we say we have one King and we are all in. It's time to take off the red hats, the blue hats, the lawn signs, the smelly masks and proclaim that we have no other affiliations. Reb Moshe Shapiro writes that the shofar blast that we have been blowing all month long is the only sound of truth. There are no words. There are no ulterior agendas or ego in that sound-unlike everything else that comes out of our mouths. That is the sound that will herald in Mashiach. We conclude a year in which we witnessed our prayers of v'sein pachdcha al kol ma'asecha- v'aymascha al kol ma she'barasa- that Hashem has placed his fear and awe upon the entire world. May this year see the fulfillment of the next paragraphs of v'sein kavod l'amecha- there should be honor for His nation, simcha l'artzecha- happiness in our land and the ner, the candle of ben Yishai His anointed Mashiach, b'meheira b'yameinu.

Have a healthy blessed and unifying Shabbos and last week of the year,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 " Der tayvl iz nit azoy shvarts vi men molt im."- The devil is not as black as we paint him

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 44) Eid al-Adha (Feast of the Sacrifice) is celebrated in:

A.  Summer

B.  Winter

C.  Spring

D.  Not in a fixed season

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

 https://youtu.be/BS6A63alvcw  - What a beautiful new song from Baruch Levine- Shetichadesh

 https://youtu.be/5WsWouCsbaQ – Macabeats latest- A good old Israeli classic Ba'Shana Ha'bah

 https://youtu.be/AjaQNDLBjd0 – Shlomo Carlebach a Rosh Hashana Elul story

 https://youtu.be/SkVmzDHnFJs  –Eli Beer Carlebach meditative High Holiday. Close your eyes and listen…

 https://youtu.be/Sr0dmjuwpnY -Shlomo Katz new song Uman

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 Parshat Nitzavim/Vayelech – Writing a Sefer Torah- According to most of the "money ha'mitzvos" those that enumerate the 613 commandments this the last mitzva in the Torah. One would think then it would be one that we were all running to fulfill. Yet, it's not as popular as most Rabbis of shul like mine would like. I'm sure the $35,000-70K price tag has a lot to do with it.

But if we can't afford to buy one than let's at least explore and learn about the mitzva. Who knows maybe in that merit Hashem may privilege us with being able to fulfil this mitzva.

 Moshe commands the Jewish people at the conclusion of this week's double parsha

 V'kisvu es hashira hazot- And now, write for yourselves this song, and teach it to the Children of Israel. Place it into their mouths, in order that this song will be for Me as a witness for the children of Israel.

 The song according to the Rambam's understanding is in next week's parsha of Haazinu. However since we don't write parshiyos of the Torah by themselves so the mitzva is to write an entire Torah scroll. Now if you're a doctor or just have Doctor-like penmanship, like me don't worry one can fulfill the mitzva by having a scribe do the writing for you, although if you can do it just as well yourself according to most authorities it's best to do it yourself; and why wouldn't you?

 Now when the Torah tells us a mitzva it's not just a nice good deed to do. The Torah tells us to sanctify Shabbos and thus Kiddush is a biblical obligation (although making it on wine may be rabbinic). After we eat we are commanded to bentch. It's not an option. It's a commandment. Sit in a Sukkah, tie teffilin, make a tri-annual pilgrimage to the beis Hamikdash etc etc.. These are commandments, so why would writing a Torah be any different. Hashem told Moshe to command this to the Jewish people? So there are a few approaches.

 The first is the opinion of the Rosh who has revolutionary opinion which is that the Torah tells us that the purpose of this mitzva is l'lamdo livnei Yisrael- to teach it to the Jewish people. We need Torah scrolls to learn and study from and pass on our teachings. Thus it was only mitzva for the original generations where there were no synagogues with Arks and Torah scrolls; each person would then need their own individual one. But since that institution we can and should the fulfill the mitzva by "writing" Chumashim, the Mishna, Talmud and other works that promulgate Torah study. The Rosh wrote this in the 13^th century before the advent of the printing press. Today one can fulfill the mitzva by publishing a sefer, or perhaps a weekly E-Mail? There are those that disagree with the Rosh and believe that it is still a mitzva to write a Torah scroll, although they agree that there is a mitzva to print any sefer or Torah work.

 Another fascinating suggestion that opens a whole new window is the concept that perhaps our sefer Torahs are not correct. Uh oh! What does that mean? See there are many words in the Torah that are sometimes written "full" and sometimes they are written "missing". The letter vav serves as a vowel as well as a letter, sometimes that vav is present and others it isn't. There is obviously significance and meaning and laws that are derived from these nuances. But already in the times of the Talmud it seems that we lost the expertise in whether they are all correctly placed. Have no fear though, all our Sefer Torahs are with one tradition and that is the tradition that we follow. As well there is no difference between the texts themselves, so Bible Critics shut up.! Yet, because we had this original confusion we do not make a blessing on the writing of a Torah scroll and as well some suggest the mitzva may not be biblically obligatory anymore.

 The final loophole for writing a Torah scroll is that it's expensive and money is of object to Hashem who has mercy on the Jewish people's income. We are in fact told that one is not supposed to spend more than 1/5^th of one's income to fulfill a mitzva. So unless your making a good half mill a year, don't feel the pressure. On the other hand if you do have that kind of money, I know a nice little shul in Karmiel that sure wouldn't mind a 2^nd scroll.

 Finally there are opinions in halacha that since a Torah is invalid if even one letter is missing. Anyone that writes even one letter in a Torah can be considered as if he wrote the entire scroll as it wouldn't be kosher if that letter was missing. It is based on that idea that you will see many people participating in the writing of the final letters of the Torah ceremony. As well there are campaigns that encourage people to "buy a letter" or a parsha. It is the same concept. For if their contribution pays for the writing of that letter then it is as if they wrote it themselves.

 What an amazing mitzva this is. How befitting that the last mitzva in the Torah should be one that the wealthier and blessed members of our community should be the ones that have the obligation and opportunity to provide the texts, books, and Torah's to those that will teach them to all of the Jewish people. Each Jew has his own letter in the Torah we are told. Their parsha that alludes to their lives. We are literally the People of the Book. Let's start writing…

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 Dovid on the Run - 878 BC- After the endearing depiction of the departure of Dovid from his brother-in-law and beloved best friend Yonasan Dovid flees alone on foot to the nearby city of Nov. Now Nov was the city where the Mishkan was hosted for 13 years from the time the city of Shiloh fell and the Ark was taken. Where that city of Nov is today remains a mystery to archaeologists. The verse in Yishaya describing its destruction and exile during by Sancheirev tells us that it overlooks Yerushalayim and logistically it would seem it's near the Shuafat area today, yet there hasn't been any place that seems to match that description there that they have uncovered ruins from that period. It's good that there are still mysteries to uncover.

 When Dovid arrives the Kohen Gadol, Achimelech, greets him and is taken aback. What is the great general, hero and son-in-law of Shaul, Dovid doing traveling alone and looking weary and half dead from hunger? Where's the whole entourage. Dovid explains that he's on a secret mission for Shaul and his two lads that were accompanying him were sent up ahead. He asks for some bread as it seems he hadn't brought anything to eat with him along on the journey as he to flee so suddenly. Now the city of Nov was inhabited by Kohanim and they were just switching the showbreads of the Mishkan which were distributed to the Kohanim on the shift which was all he had on hand. After confirming that Dovid was in a state of purity and it was really life and death situation he gave him the loaves. Dovid as well asked for some weapons to take with him on the road. Nov was a peaceful Temple city. They didn’t really have much, however they did have the huge sword of Goliath that Dovid slew him with and was kept there. It seems nobody else wanted to use it because it was considered bad luck to use a sword that had killed its previous owner. Dovid who was not the superstitious type took it.

 The problem was that on the way, who does he bump into? None other than Shaul's head of the flocks- which some interpret as being the most important general of Shaul, and others as a euphemism for the head of the Sanhedrin. Perhaps even he had both jobs; Doeg HaEdomi. This great scholar and powerful minister was bad news. Our Rabbi's have lots of bad things to say about him. Doeg, it seems was there bringing the firstborns and sacrifices from Shauls' flocks as sacrifices and gifts to the local Kohanim. He had overheard this conversation and Dovid realizes that every second he remains he is in mortal danger and so he flees to the land of his savage enemy the Philistines in Gat who's King Achish's two right hand men are the brother of Goliath… oy… We'll talk more about them and Dovid's adventures there next week.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE COLOR JOKES  OF THE WEEK

 A Hasidic man, with a long beard, payis, a kaftan (long black coat), and shtreiml (the traditional fur hat), walks into a bar with a multi-colored parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says: "Where'd you get that?" The parrot replies: "Brooklyn. There's thousands of them.

A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was  I said "Sir, this is 2020. You can use any printer you want".

 It's funny how the colors Red, White, and Blue represent freedom. Until they're flashing behind your car

 I dreamed I saw a color I never saw before. It was just a pigment of my imagination.

What do the colors green, pink, and yellow have in common with a phone? The phone rings green....green.....green, so you pink it up and say yellow

What color is a window? Well, the answer's pretty clear.

An American is typing on a computer when he flies into a rage, shouting "How the hell am I misspelling color"? A Canadian takes a quick look at the screen before rolling his eyes and walking away, saying "that sounds like a you problem".

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Barack Obama? One gets made fun of for the color of his skin, and the other is Barack Obama!

Why do Christians color Easter eggs? Because they believe that yoshka dyed for their sins…

A ventriloquist was performing in a club telling dumb blonde jokes...With his dummy on his knee, he begins his usual routine of dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blond woman in the audience stands on her chair and starts shouting,

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women like that? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you that keep women like me from being respected at work, in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person! Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!"

Embarrassed, the ventriloquist tries to apologize but the blond interrupts yelling, "You stay out of this Mr. I'm talking to that little guy on your knee."

 Four surgeons are talking...

Four surgeons are talking about their favorite types of patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says he prefers to operate on librarians, because when you open them up everything is in alphabetical order.
The second surgeon says he likes to operate on accountants, because everything inside is numbered.
The third surgeon says his favorite are artists because everything is color-coded.
Finally the last surgeon says “nah, you are all wrong” politicians are the easiest, because they are brainless, gutless, heatless, and lack a spine.

 And finally…

My child got sick after sitting in front of her coloring books drawing all day I think she has The Crayonavirus.

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Answer is D –  You don't even have to be an expert on Muslim holidays to know that this holiday of theirs, that celebrates "Akeydas Yishmael"- a pretty uncreative distortion of the Torah story of the binding of Yitzchak, has no set date or season. This is because none of the muslim holidays do. Their calendar which is a solely lunar calendar has 354 days; 11 days short of the solar calendar so it is constantly shifting seasons falling back 11 days a year. Judaism which also has a lunar calendar for our holidays has a mitzva to adjust our calendar with a leap month every few years because Pesach always has to be in Spring Sukkos harvest season yada yada… But I'm sure you knew that already and got this one right as I did. So another one right again and the score is Schwartz 34 and 11 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.