Karmiel

Karmiel
Our view of the Galile

Friday, September 25, 2020

Lockdown!- Parshat Haazinu- Yom Kippur Edition 5781/2020

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

September 25th 2020 -Volume 10 Issue 48 7th Tishrei 5781

 

Parshat Ha'azinu/ Yom Kippur

Lockdown!

Not again…It's a lockdown in the holy land and just when I was getting used to being back in Shul again. It's still wasn't the same though. Our chulent kiddushes are still off, we don't have dancing Friday night and the sefer Torah doesn't make its rounds around the room before and after Torah reading. The masks that I speak to when I give my weekly sermons make it more challenging to see if the crowd is smiling at my jokes or snoring. Although the guys in the back that pull them over their eyes are definitely giving it away….  But still it has been amazing to return to our shul since Shavuos. But now we are closing up shop again. Someone wrote me that we should call the period between Shavuos and Sukkos "bein hasegorim"-between the lockdowns. Why do we have to go back to our rooms again?

 

See Pesach time was kind of cool being locked up. We imagined the plagues and the Egyptians outside and us safely with our Pesach offerings inside awaiting Eliyahu Hanavi. But Yom Kippur in lockdown? (Although they are permitting small minyanim the recommendations are to stay out of shul and rather pray in outdoor minyanim.). That's a hard pill to swallow. Yom Kippur is all about Shul. It's sitting inside and davening all dressed in white. Looking at the clock, counting the pages. It's being surrounded with our brothers and sisters all dressed in white. It's the guy sitting next to me- not socially distanced, sobbing through the viduy confessions. It's singing anu tzonecha- we are your flock together in harmony and it is about trembling as we read nesaneh tokef and think about who will live and who will die, as we reflect over the so many that are not with us this year and the so many who we all know who have died by plague, by water, by fire not in their proper time. Too young… too early… too much left to accomplish. Yom Kippur shouldn't be a day that we are outside in the street at best or on our porch and couch trying to have some kavana with the children jumping around in the background.

 

Sukkos as well, which in Israel this year the synagogues will be closed for. How can this be? What about our Hoshana marches as we wave our Lulav and Etrog proudly like victory swords as we march around the Bima joyously asking Hashem to save us each day of Sukkos. Our Hallel's with our Ma Ashiv sung together, our naa'anuims- lulav waving each guy with their own minhag and the guys that are just making up their own minhag of which direction to wave it or that dumb kid that always hits you in the nose. There will be no Kaaaaa'eyyyy'-eyyy'-eiyyy-lehs by Torah reading on Chol Hamoed. No Simchas Torah. No dancing, no sweaty up and down jumping. No throwing the kids up and down Moshe Emes, No candies, no chocolates, no Kiddush club. No 1950's songs tzavey tzavey or baruch hu elokeinu that only get sung on Simchas Torah. No mi pi kel, I can't even think about it. It's insane. This was supposed to be over a long time ago… So was our Galus…So was our exile from our Beis Hamikdash…Maybe now we can experience a bit what Hashem has been feeling like, locked out His home for so long as well…

 

The truth is this is not the first Yom Kippur we have been in somewhat of a lockdown. In fact, the first Yom Kippur ever of our Beis Hamikdash also had somewhat of a lockdown. It's how it all began, and fascinating enough we remember it every year in the Psalm we read Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur repeatedly. It's lesson, perhaps more poignant this year than any other year.

 

Let's go back in time about 2900 years ago. The King of the Jewish people is Dovid and there is a massive plague that is killing everyone. The final tally was 70,000 people! Fascinatingly enough this plague we are told comes because Dovid counts the people and not by means of the half shekel which is meant to serve as a kofer- an atonement so that the plague will not break out… Kofer is the same word a Kippur the day of atonement we are approaching. I believe that the first time this corona plague, China plague or Hashem plague began Parshat Shekalim this year right before Purim, when we read about the mitzva to give our half shekel to the communal shul/temple and get an atonement and not suffer a plague. Hmmmm…. You did get my fundraising E-Mail this week right?- I'm just saying…it's never too late…J Links are below…) Maybe we should call it the kaparah virus.

 

How does the plague stop? Dovid goes to the granary of Arnava and buys the Temple Mount where the Beis Hamikdash will be. There he builds a mizbayach, in the same place that Yaakov built his altar and saw angels going up and down from there. The same place where Yitzchak was bound to be offered up as a sacrifice and where the ram was killed in his place. The same place, the Rambam tells us where Noach and Adam HaRishon build their altars. It is there that  King David, comes to that same mountain and builds his altar and the lo and behold the plague ends. The atonement, the kaparah, it seems, is achieved.

 

A few years later Dovid's son Shlomo begins the most important project in the history of mankind of building a Home for Hashem on this Earth on that same hallowed ground. It is for this reason that all of mankind was created. The world has waited almost 3000 years for this moment. After 7 years the project is finally completed in the month of Cheshvan. However, Shlomo decides to wait a good 11 months until the Month of Tishrei to have the open house ceremony. Perhaps that is the precedent in Israel that your real estate will never be ready on the date they tell you or even that it is completed by. Getting it a year after the construction is completed is ahead of the game.

 

Shlomo waits until the month of Tishrei. Our month. This time of year. The birth month of Avraham Avinu. Shlomo makes a 7-day feast that continues for an additional 7 days. This is a very big deal. Every day is feasting, sacrifices and celebrations. Yom Kippur is obviously one of those 14 days and of course Shlomo rules that just as in the times of Moshe when the Mishkan was dedicated peace offerings were brought on Shabbos, which would normally be prohibited, as we don't burn personal optional sacrifices on Shabbos. Similarly, one would be permitted to eat and drink on Yom Kippur in honor of the special occasion of the dedication of the Beis Hamikdash. How cool must that have been?

 

And then the highlight of the entire event finally came. It was time to finally bring the Aron to the Holy of Holies. The nation led by Shlomo marched up from the city of David down below. They walk up those steps to the Temple mount. Everyone is watching and then it happens. Lockdown. Seger. The gates are shut and no one can open them up. Uh Oh…

 

 I don't know if you ever had that awkward feeling when it's time for Torah reading in shul and the Aron is locked and being the rabbi of the shul you're the only one with the combination because the Gabbai who usually opens it is home sick with possible corona. All eyes are on you as you fumble through the ridiculously complex combination. 3 times counterclockwise, twice past zero the other way to 42 and then back again… and of course it doesn't open. So you try again and again and again… and there is grumbling… This is not a good thing. Yeah, I don't know if you've ever had that…but they tell me that it's not fun at all…Can you imagine what Shlomo must have felt like? So what does a Jew do in a situation like this? We say tehillim. Being that they were composed by his father Dovid, Shlomo knew them pretty well… But it didn't work and the grumbling got louder.

 

"I knew we shouldn't have eaten on Yom Kippur" Berel said. "What type of mishegas is this? Yom Kippur we fast!"

 

"Yeah" Yankel said, "Who does this Shlomo think he is? Smartest of all men or something. He was born from a sinful relationship of Dovid and Batsheva…not that I want to say anything nisht b'shabbos g'redt"

 

There were some people that blamed it on the people who talked in shul, others said it was lashon hara, others said lashon hara on the people that spoke lashon hara. You had your usual people that said it was the internet, long shaitels and smartphones fault. Some people blamed it on the ones that wore masks or the ones that didn't wear them. But most people just blamed it on the government. It was Bibi, Biden or Trump… It was chareidim, it was chilonim, it was Russia, it was Palestinians. It was Schwartz

 

Finally, Shlomo came to Psalm 24.

 

L'dovid Mizmor- A song for Dovid.  Hashem's is the earth and its fullness, the inhabited land and those who dwell in it.

 

We are all Hashem's. Everything is His. We are His people. This building is the purpose of His dwelling place on this earth.

 

Mi ya'aleh b'har Hashem, u'mi yakum b'makom kodsho- who may ascend the mountain of Hashem and who may stand at His place of holiness?

 

Can you imagine all of the Jewish people, silent ,eyes closed at that moment locked out of their gates and hearing Shlomo ask that very question?

 

Naki kapayim u'var leivav asher lo nosa l'sahv nafshi v'lo nishba la'mirma- One with clean hands and pure heart and who has not sworn in vain by my Soul, and has not sworn deceitfully.

 

Can you hear them bursting out in tears? Are any of us truly clean or pure of heart. Can any of us merit to enter the holy house of Hashem…

 

Zeh dor Dorshuv- mivakshey panecha  Yaakov sela- This is the generation of those that seek him those who strive to see Your face, Yaakov Selah….

 

This is who we are Hashem they called out. We want you. We need you. Open up the gates…

 

Se'u Shearim Rosheichem- Shlomo begs for the gates to open up before the King who is coming.

However, the midrash tells us that the gates upon hearing this request thought that Shlomo was referring to himself. And they began to fall and collapse around him.

 

Terror took over the nation. What a shanda. We can't go in and the walls are collapsing of our shul; of our temple.

Shlomo clarified and said

 

"Hashem the mighty and strong, is our king of war". The walls stop shaking but they still don't open.

Again Shlomo calls out "Se'u She'arim roshaychem" Open up gates and allow the King to enter.

 

The ibn Ezra explains this is talking about in the future times when the same thing will happen again. We will be locked out. The doors will need to open. Mashiach, the redeemer is approaching to redeem us. Dovid's psalm is talking about us.

 

And yet the gates still did not open. The Talmud tells us that they only opened when he asked that they be opened in the merit of his father Dovid. Poof- Open Sesame. The gates opened and the people and the ark went in. When this happened, the Talmud tells us, the entire nation understood that Dovid's sin has been forgiven. Their sins of eating on Yom Kippur had been forgiven. All the sins of the Jewish people were forgiven. We can only come into Shul when we appreciate that we can get that forgiveness. The men and women went home celebrated, they had children, and the new generation was born with that lesson in mind. We will always be forgiven, those are the keys to opening up the doors of Heaven. The doors of the Hashem's house here on earth.

 

In fact, the Talmud tells us that the "original" sin that we are forgiven for on Yom Kippur of the Golden Calf was a sin that didn't make any logical sense. Hashem had just taken us out of Egypt. We saw all the plagues, all of the miracles. We walked through the sea. We were eating His manna, we were celebrating His Shabbos as the God who took us out of Egypt and Created the whole world. We heard His voice and His ten commandments. How can it be that 40 days later we are dancing around a golden calf and singing "This is the God that took us out of Egypt". It doesn’t make any sense. The answer, our sages tells us, is that Hashem caused us to sin in order to teach all generations that no matter how bad and how far we fall and how grievous our transgression may be- I mean in the words of the midrash this is like a bride who sins on her wedding night- But no matter what- the congregation can always get atonement and forgiveness. We can always enter into those gates and Hashem will forgive us.

 

Similarly, as well, the Rabbis teach us that it makes no sense whatsoever that King David should have sinned with Batsheva. Dovid was the kindest, most sensitive and passionate person ever born. 3000 years after his passing his words and psalms give inspiration, hope, prayer and to people around the world from all faiths. He had everything as King and yet was dedicated to the people in all ways. How could he have fallen so low as to take a woman that was another man's wife in the way that he did, by sending her husband off to war to be killed. It makes no sense. The betrayal is against every fiber in his being. Yet again our sages tell us this was Hashem  that caused him to sin in order to teach all generations for all times that even an individual that does the most grievous sin, the most horrific abomination and act, can still get forgiveness. Can still have Yom Kippur. Hashem forgave Dovid when he did Teshuva, but He waited until the Yom Kippur when the Temple was dedicated to teach that lesson to the entire world.

 

Why did it have to be so dramatic? Why couldn't Hashem just say Dovid is forgiven. Klal Yisrael is forgiven. Turn the red string, white and move on and party… Why the lockout? Why the lockdowns? The answer perhaps is to remind us that there is no half way with our teshuva. We are either in or we are out. The doors are opened or they are closed. We daven for teshuva shlaima- a complete Teshuva. Not just erase partially. Not just some of our sins. Not just make us a little bit whiter, not as black, so what if there's some stains on our collars… It's all gotta be clean. From the worst sins we have done to the smallest least sins and mistakes. Teshuva shlayma.

 

Similarly, we say refuah shlayma- a complete healing. Not just a partial healing or a little less sick. We want to be completely healed. Not just a vaccine, not just anti-bodies. Not just remission. We want it entirely eradicated. refuah shlaima.

 

Finally, as well we want geula shlaima. We want the doors to open and the Bais Hamikdash to be there. Va'yavo melehch Ha'kavod. We don't want to go back partially to our shuls. We don't want to have our big beautiful buildings songs, and dancing in our Synagogues, in Lakewood, Monsey, Boro Park, LA, or London. We don't even want them in Karmiel, Bnai Brak or Beit Shemesh. We want geula shlaima- a complete redemption. We want the Beis Hamikdash. We want Mashiach. The lockdown is there to remind us of that first time that we experienced this. May this year of 5781 be the year that the gates finally open up and all of us walk through them together, healed, forgiven and redeemed.

May we all be blessed with a G'mar 'chasima tova- may we be sealed for the sweetest year ever.

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 " Di vegen fun teshuveh zeinen nit vainiker farborgen vi di vegen fun zind..."- The ways of repentance are no less hidden than the ways of sin.


RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 46) The Emperor Franz Joseph visited our region on occasion of:

A)  The inauguration of the Suez Canal

B)  Breaching of the New Gate

C)  Inauguration of the Hejaz railway

D)  Breaching of the Jaffa Gate

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CULo2S4GNBo  - Amazing Yomim Noraim medley Freilach Band, Shira Choir, Shloime Daskal, Ahrele Samet, Pinky Weber, Shulem Brodt- Get in the mood…

https://youtu.be/RK35FibUb00  Itzik Dadiya Beautiful Nosei Tefilla

 https://youtu.be/iWVfImtVImE  – Simcha Leiner singing Ishai Ribo's magnificent Seder Avoda

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Or3hlR093Qk   –Dovid Lowy healing the world Osey Shalom…

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 Yom Kippur– Teshuva- Repentance- Happy New year! God willing we were written in the book of Tzadikim and life this past Rosh Hashana, which is great news. However Hashem has given us an opportunity and mitzva this coming week to follow up that appointment and our roles as Hashem's ambassadors on this world by cleaning up our past criminal records. It's not good for business to have children of the King with murky pasts that are full of sins and transgressions. Ask anyone running for president these days. So we have Yom Kippur it is known as the day of atonement. Actually that is the translation of the words Yom HaKippurim. It is the day that Hashem forgives all of our sins. The opinion of Rebbi in the Talmud is that Itzumo shel yom- the greatness of the day itself is an atonement for every Jew even if he doesn't do teshuva. The Rabbanan however say that it only works if one repents however, but seemingly both opinions would hold that there is certainly a mitzva to do teshuva on this day.

 The question is teshuva really a mitzva? Interestingly enough The Rambam seems to mention the mitzva of teshuva as part of the mitzva that one has to confess their sins before Hashem

 Bamidbar (5:5-7) Hashem spoke to Moshe, saying: Speak to Bnai Yisrael: When a man or woman commits any wrong toward a fellow man, thus breaking faith with Hashem, and that person realizes his guilt, he shall confess the wrong that he has done.

 However seemingly confession is only on piece of teshuva. The Ramban understands that the mitzva is from the verse

 Devaraim (30:2) V'Shavta el Hashem Elokecha V'Shama'ata b'kolo- you should return to Hashem your God and listen to His voice.

 Now many of the commentaries explain that the Rambam despite not listing teshuva as an independent mitzva however understands the mitzva to be part and parcel of every mitzva. One is always obligated to always follow the commandments of Hashem and to leave his mistakes of the past and return to listening to Hashem. Just because a man has sinned doesn't free him from mitzvos. In the words of the gemara I just learned, just because you ate garlic and have bad breath doesn't mean you should eat more…

 Yom Kippur though according to the Rambam the ante is raised. It is the day when Hashem is there to cleanse us and there is a specific obligation to get purified on this day. In the words of the great Tanna Rabbi Akiva. This is the day that Hashem wants to dip us into His "mikva" of purity and forgiveness. We just have to show up and tell Him that we wish to be cleansed. This is certainly an appointment one does want to miss. In fact there are those that see the specific mitzva of teshuva on YK as being part and parcel of the mitzva to fast and afflict oneself, as the reason why we do that is to achieve atonement and forgiveness. It is to humble us and to separate us from this world and prime us for teshuva. So therefore teshuva on YK is part of all of the other mitzvos of the day.

 Now there are those that seem to be intimidated by teshuva, however it is a very simple and easy process. One has to regret their actions and sins. This seems simple enough. Nobody wants to sin against Hashem. We all want to serve Hashem. We probably regret our sins right after we do them. We feel silly we have given up a world of eternity for fleeting pleasures that are meaningless. That we have idled so much time, that we have done things we shouldn't have to each other, to our own souls and to our relationship with Hashem. Yes, regret shouldn't be that hard.

 The next part is a little bit more difficult, which is confessing everything we have done. But for anyone that has a machzor we have a pretty good basic list. Alphabetically listed. We repeat it quite a few times, our ashamnu's our al cheits. We say them in our silent amida and we together as a community. There's plenty of time to think of the specific sins and tell Hashem how sorry you are for each of them.

 Perhaps the most challenging part of the mitzva of teshuva though is kabala al ha'asid. To accept that you will not do the sin again. In the words of the Rambam, this has to be done to the degree that even Hashem who knows the inner most thoughts of every man can testify that it is indeed our intent. This seems to be the stumbling block for most of us. Because we know ourselves too well. Or at least we think we do…. See every year we say these words but we know that we end up right back again where we are. How many times can we keep saying that we won't do it again and tell ourselves that we really mean it? That we're not just saying it because we have to say it… but that deep in our hearts we know that if we were in the same situation we probably wouldn't withstand the temptation again? How many times? When does it become just a farce?

 The answer is that it is an infinite amount of times, and it is never a farce. Hashem is always forgiving. He's not flesh and blood. His mercy is endless and the truth is it really never is a farce. We really don't want to sin. We really do we want to withstand the challenge the next time, and if we would have the same challenge right now on Yom Kippur as we are now before the King of all Kings none of us would fall into that sin. Yes, we might fail again, we probably will fail again. But that’s because we have a powerful adversary that is always looking to take us down; our Yetzer Harah. Yet if it were up to us, and if Hashem gives us the strength to persevere that we need than it is truly our determination to not sin again.

 Can you say that? Can you tell Hashem, I really don't want to do it anymore. I want a better tomorrow. Please partner with me and then together I will be different. If you can say that boom. Clean slate. All sins are forgiven. And you have fulfilled the mitzva of teshuva and returning Hashem.

 But it gets better. Because do you know all of those sins we just got rid of? Don't lose track of them yet. They will come in handy. In fact, they may be our greatest asset. Our sages tell us that one who does teshuva out of love of Hashem his sins can be turned into merits. Meaning that there are two approaches to doing teshuva. One is called Teshuva m'yira'ah- teshuva out of fear or awe of Hashem. This could be either because a person is afraid of the punishments or out of awe from being in the presence of the greatness of Hashem. If one repents for the above reasons, then they are forgiven and cleansed. However, if one does teshuva because they have so much love for Hashem, they appreciate how precious His place in our lives is. How painful the sins we have done are to us for separating us and creating barriers from that love and unity that we are meant to have, then our sins actually become the merits that bring us closer and closer to Hashem. The greater the sin in fact the greater the closeness we can achieve as we are raising Hashem up from the depths that we have sunken. That is really the attitude that one can have to maximize their Yom Kippur Teshuva experience.

 The Bnai Yissachar writes that perhaps the key to achieving the teshuva that we desire is to experience the simcha of Yom Kippur, which the Talmud tells us was the happiest day on the calendar. One needs to feel an immense joy in their heart with the knowledge that we have the opportunity to have a fresh start, that we are together with our loving father and King that desires nothing more than to purify us. That should fill us with the greatest joy and love. If one acan experience this, than the rest of the work will be a breeze. And we will return to Hashem as He returns to us.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

Nov the city of  Kohanim - 878 BC- We had mentioned two weeks ago that Dovid after hearing that Shaul was out to get him fled to the city of Nov. The city of Nov as we mentioned hasn't been archeologically identified yet, but it is assumed to be somewhere in Shuafat area. There he had passed himself off as being on a secret mission for Shaul to Achimelech the Kohen Gadol. He stocked up on some supplies and took the sword that he had taken from Goliath when he killed him. However, he was spotted by Shaul's man Doeg Ha'Adomi and he fled the city. Well know the chickens have come home to roost.

 See, after Dovid had endangered his life to rescue the city of Keli'ah from the Philistines, Shaul knew he was out and about and began to form an army to attack him, asking anyone if they knew Dovid's whereabouts. Doeg, who was at one point one of the greatest rabbinic leaders of his time, becomes the symbol of the quintessential Baal Lashon Hara in this story. He was considered a Zaken Mamreh as well as he disagreed with the ruling that Dovid was permitted to ask the urim V'Tumim via the Kohen Gadol whether he was right in the path he had chosen. The court had ruled that anyone that was important to the Kingdom was permitted to do so, but Doeg disagreed. Thus he slandered Dovid and the entire city of the Nov, playing on Shauls paranoia, he tells Shaul that they hid and supplied Dovid and even gave him Goliath's sword.

 Shaul demands Achimelech be brought before him and accuses him of treason. When Achimelech denies any knowledge that Dovid was even an enemy of Shaul, Shaul doesn't buy it and he orders his two soldiers Avner and Amassah to kill him and all of the 85 Kohanim of the city. They refused. That did not make Shaul any happier, so he turned to Doeg and ordered him to kill them all and in order to send a message to kill everyone men, women, children, infants and all the animals in the city as well. The Chida writes that this story is one that makes one's hair stand up on their end, and the less that is said about it, the better it is. It is truly horrific. An entire city of Kohanim, children, women babies all killed by a Jewish army on the order of a Jewish king. And you think we have tzoris today?!

 But what makes this even more incomprehensible is that Shaul Hamelech is the same king that spared Agag the king of Amalek. He was kinder to our worst enemy, to the terrorist than he was to our own fellow Jews. Does that attitude sound familiar to you…? Our sages teach us from here that someone that has mercy on the cruel will ultimately be cruel to the merciful. Shaul was merciful to Agag that misplaced and misguided Jewish rachmanus for murderers and terrorists ultimately shows a callousness for Jewish lives and our own people, and will eventually lead to the most barbaric acts of cruelty to our own nation. This is perhaps the most important and relevant lesson that it seems after 3000 years we have not yet fully learned.

 After the city is wiped out the world gets back to Dovid via Eviasar, the surviving son of Achimelech who fled the city. Dovid mourns the death of these Kohanim and their needless blood being spilled and he feels guilty about this. Psalm 52 is composed by this incident where Dovid decries the baal lashon hara

L'menatzayach- for the leader. A maskil of David,

when Doeg the Edomite came and informed Saul, telling him, “David came to Ahimelech’s house.”

Why do you boast of your evil, brave fellow? God’s faithfulness never ceases.

Your tongue devises mischief, like a sharpened razor that works treacherously.

You prefer evil to good, the lie, to speaking truthfully…Selah.

You love all pernicious words, treacherous speech…

 The last interesting and fascinating aspect of this story is that our sages tell us that this city was anyways doomed before this incident. The Kohanim of Nov it seems were the descendants of Eli, the Kohen who was cursed that his children and house will ultimately be cut off because of the sins and desecration of Hashem of his sons Chofni and Pinchas. It is perhaps that justification suggests some of the commentaries that Shaul is never held accountable for their deaths. He was carrying out the verdict and prophecy from many years before hand upon them. Regardless this is certainly up there with one of the most tragic stories in tanach and atrocities committed by our own people against one another. We have always been it seems our worst enemies….

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE LOCKDOWN JOKES  OF THE WEEK

 

Honey, My parents are on the phone. Are we not going to them this Yom Tov or are they not coming to us…?

5780 Rosh Hashana Resolution-Kabalah- stay away from people that are negative

5781- Rosh Hashana Resolution Kabalah- Stay away from people that test positive

People say that the new lockdown rules are complicated. But for those used to Jewish law they are quite easy.

The Corona virus is contagious only from 2:00 today until after Simchat Torah. Except from 6:07 in Jerusalem or 6:03 in Karmiel and 6:05 in Bnai Brak Yom Kippur until after the fast where it is not contagious for the first 20 people in synagogue, or 10 people in courtyard. After that it is very dangerous.  But that is only for those 20 people that live within a KM that have that magical protection if you are outside of the 1 KM "eruv" you are at risk. If you are protesting it is not dangerous at all… masks should be the size of tefach depending on the shiur that you follow. Like a half a machine matzah should work.

 We are entering the 10 days of repentance when it is customary to aask forgiveness from everyone for all the pain we caused them. When 2020 is ready to ask I'm all ears.

 The problem with masks is that Rosh Hashana I was adjusting my mask and ended up buying Shlishi for far more than I had wanted to. I'm starting a chesed fund campaign soon…

Rosh Hashana was on the only two days of the week that we already have off from work and Sukkos has the longest Chol Hamoed when we are all going to be locked up anyways… Classic 2020 move!

Every year we begin our Kol Nidrei service in shul granting permission for us to daven with all of the sinners. This year all of the sinners have not given us permission to daven in shul….

 Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, told Joe Biden, "This morning, three Brazilian people died from Covid-19.”

Biden’s face went egg-shell white with shock. The blood drained from his face and to everyone’s amazement, he collapsed on the floor. Minutes passed and to everyone’s relief, Biden got up shakily and then sat back on his chair.

His staff was nothing less than stunned at this display of emotion from Joe Biden, nervously watching as he sat, head in hands.

Finally, Joe looked up and with a shaky quivering voice asked Dr.

Fauci, "How many people is a brazillion?

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Answer is A –  I many times get these two visits mixed up. Franz Joseph in 1868 and Kaiser Wilhelm in 1889. But I knew that they did blast open the Jaffa Gate to welcome one of them, as the legend goes so that his pointy hat will fit in the gate. But that certainly wasn't the reason why they came. The reason Josef came was for the Suez Canal's opening. And in fact it wasn't he that they broke open the Jaffa Gate for it was for Wilhelm. Now when Josef came they did pave the road from Jaffa to Jerusaelm that's not the Hejazi railroad that went all the way to Mecca but it was still a big deal. So the correct answer is Suez Canal. Another one right and the score But as of now we stand at  Schwartz 35 and 11 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.

 

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