Bageling- Parshat Miketz Chanuka II 5781/ 2020

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 "Your friend in Karmiel"

December 18^th 2020 -Volume 11 Issue 10 2^nd Tevet 5781

Parshat Mikeitz / Chanukah

Bageling

 

It was my second day in Des Moines Iowa. We had just moved from New York to help found the Des Moines Community Kollel. Needless to say it was a bit of a culture shock. New York is the Kosher Food capital of the United States. Iowa on the other hand lays claim to being the hog capital of America. Nobody talks to you in New York, although they will occasionally yell and swear at you -in Seattle they don't even do that- in Iowa though everyone says Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening and it generally is accompanied by a how-is-your-day-going and a minimally 5 minute long conversation. It took some getting used to. Whenever someone would engage me in these conversations I would hold my wallet tightly, cause in New York if someone says Good Morning they either are beggars asking you for money or muggers trying to rob you.

 

So here I was walking to shul and I was quite taken aback when Bill started heading in my direction. He seemed friendly enough at first, but then when I informed him I was part of the Kollel that had just moved here he gave me the speech.

 

"We don't need any of you New York black-hatters coming here and telling us how to do things. We've been doing it just fine without you!"

 

Now a lesser person might have taken offense or felt the need to defend themselves. But I'm from New York I'm used to abrasive people. I particularly have an affinity for Jews that feel strongly about how much they don't like other Jews telling them how to do things and that think they are doing things just right without me. I can relate to them. They feel strongly about their yiddishkeit. They don't want it shaken up. They have a fire. I can work with that. It's the apathetic ones that are much more challenging. The ones that don't care if there is a God, if they're Jewish or not. The one's that can't even enjoy a bowl of chulent. Those are the ones that are hard. But Bill was mine. I knew right then we were going to be friends and he was going to become frum.

 

So we began to learn. He would come to shul every day. He did before we even came there. It was the Iowa Orthodox shul way. They used a microphone on Shabbos, there was no mechitza separation between men and women and almost everyone drove to shul for Shabbos services. Yet for Iowa that was still called Orthodox. We didn't want to pray in that minyan on Shabbos so we made an early minyan and Bill was a regular there. After a while we got more people for our minyan than the regular one. It wasn't because ours was faster, there was no speech, because it was "more" Orthodox or even because we had a better Kiddush. In fact we didn't. The rabbi of the main shul didn't want competition so he prohibited us from having one so we would just study after davening and join the regular main shul Kiddush with everyone else. No, the reason we had more people for our minyan was because that way they could come daven and then go to work…. Oy…

 

(Interesting side note- an old time American Rabbi once told me that the reason why American shuls start at 9:00 AM or later on Shabbos- unlike Israel where it's hard to find a late minyan, was because it was started in order to make sure Jews wouldn't go to work on Shabbos. If someone didn't come, he was probably a Shabbos violator)

 

Now Bill had a bagel shop in town; "The Nosh". He had kosher bagels and kosher cheeses and shmears. As well he had kosher salami, bologna and turkey with which he would make non-kosher Rueben sandwiches of Cold Cuts and Cheese. Meat and Milk is a big no-no. I remember asking Bill once why he had to open up on Shabbos. He was a good guy. His religion was important to him. He learned, he davened, he came to shul. Bill however was prepared for the question and he explained it to me.

 

"See a lot of Jews out there only connection to yiddishkeit is that they eat a bagel Shabbos morning. Without that bagel they would be lost. It's for them I open. We need to keep them connected."

 

Again other Rabbis might be fazed by the incongruence of violating Shabbos and serving non-kosher Rueben sandwiches on a bagel to someone as a means of keeping Jews connected to the faith of their ancestors. But not me, I loved this stuff… I knew I would write an E-Mail about it one day and maybe even a book.

 

"I hear you, Bill. I think that's amazing. But why do you have to be the one to open it up? Why can't you just let the Goy that works for you run the store on Shabbos and you stay here in Shul with us?"

 

Bill looked at me with horror. It was as if I had just killed his mother. He was incredulous.

"Rabbi! The Goy?! What are you talking about…? He'll trayf up my store!"

 

And there you have it. It was my you're-not-in-Lakewood-any more-Dorothy. Welcome to Iowa.

 

There's much truth to Bill's understanding of the sad state of far too many of our brothers and sisters in America. The only connection they have is that "bagel". It's even become a verb that's found in the Urban Language Dictionary

 

Bageling- is a term for when you see someone you suspect is Jewish want them to know that you are or to find out if they are, so you say or do something Jewish in nature in order to drop the hint so they know you're one of the tribe.

eg "Oy Vay, I forgot my shmear at home." "He's such a Ganiv…" "Ahh a Mechaya…"  "What a shlep.."  "Where can I buy herring?" That's called bageling.

 

I've been bageled lots. You have no idea how many Jews out there that don't do anything Jewish, but when they see a jolly Rabbi they want to let them know discreetly that they despite all that, they're still Jewish. They haven't forgotten. It's not something they wear on their shirt. It's not something they share at their workplace, or even in their social circles. But that pinteleh yid is still there. It's the hole in the bagel. It's that seemingly empty core in the middle. But it really gives the bagel it's whole shape. It's waiting to be filled up. And Rabbi Schwartz loves dem bagels.

 

Now it struck me this week, and I'll explain why soon, that this ancient Jewish tradition actually has its roots in the Torah. In fact, this week's parsha shares with us the story of the initial "bageler". It was none other than the first time when there was a Jew out there that wanted to convey to his brothers that he was also one of the tribe. In fact, he was a tribe himself. None other than Yosef, the seemingly lost, externally assimilated brother who was the ruler of Egypt, but whose Jewish spirit was still as strong as ever. And despite his need to keep his identity under wraps he couldn’t help himself and needed to drop a few bagels his brother's way.

 

The Torah tells us that when he called them into his palace and confronts them and accuses them of being spies and demand that they return with their younger brother Binyamin, they don't recognize him,  and Yosef wanting and needing to see his brother tells them nothing. He's doesn't let down his guard at all. However when they return with Binyamin he invites them in and the bageling begins. He invites them for a meal, not just a meal it's going to be a pre-shabbos meal. Now the brothers obviously being Kosher eaters are kind of hesitant, but the verse tells us that Yosef tells them not to worry.

 

Vatavoach tevach va'hachein- (and he ordered) that meat should be slaughtered and prepared

 

The Midrash notes that Yosef had the animal slaughtered in front of them. "Yeah I know all about Kosher" he bageled them. "Yeah I even know about the sinew in the leg you can't eat". The midrash as well tells us that the word v'hachein- and he prepared, is a reference to Shabbos as the Torah tells us by the commandment to collect the Manna on Friday v'hachinu es asher yaviu- and they should prepare what they should bring before Shabbos, so as not to violate the Shabbos. Prepare it before Shabbos. Yosef is showing them that he- wink-wink, nod-nod, bagels them about Shabbos as well.

 

In fact, the Beis Ephraim notes that the verse continues and tells us that the brothers ate with him and they became drunk. Rashi explains that the reason they became drunk was because since they sold Yosef 22 years prior they never touched wine. They had vowed to stay away from the spirit. Yet that night they drank. Why did they break their vow? Zugt the Beis Ephraim it was because it was Shabbos. Their meal had started in the afternoon. But then it continued in the evening. Normally one doesn't get drunk from Kiddush wine, because it accompanies a big meal. But here the wine they drank for Kiddush came after the meal. Post-meal wine inebriates. But we see that Yosef, again bageled them. I know about Kiddush. He couldn't help himself. He was bursting at the seams. He knew the time was not ripe yet for the reveal, but being around so many Jews after such a long time, sitting at the Shabbos table with them, it was like trying to keep that jelly in the sufganiya. It was hopeless, its gonna come out and most likely all over your white shirt. So he bageled and Jews have continued that tradition ever since.

 

Now in Israel you don't get bageled, about being Jewish. Everyone is Jewish here. If you're living here and you're not Arab, a priest, or a Russian with a cross on then the chances are you're Jewish or at least think you are. Everybody says Shabbat Shalom, everyone says Chag Samayach, everyone is buying matzas Pesach time and is wishing you a Shana Tova and even a Chatima Tova High Holiday time. Even the Arabs. But what I have found is that Chanuka time of all times of year something else comes out. I get "Menorahed"

 

See, unlike other holidays, I would say most secular Israelis celebrate Chaukah by eating donuts but sadly most of them don't light menorahs; although certainly many do, as opposed to their American secular counterparts. But I don't think that a night of Chanuka has passed by since I moved here and light outside of my house that at least a few people have stopped and looked at my Menora and shared with me their own memories of Menoras lit. Some have taken pictures. Some have danced and sang with me. It was as if that little flame was calling to them. They wanted to Menorah me. They wanted to let me know that they also had a spark of Torah Judaism, of Mitzva Judaism, that they were more than just Jewish Israelis. They were holy too.

 

Last night an old lady passed by and Menorahed me. She took pictures and told me how beautiful it was. I told her that my Savta had bought it for me when I had gotten married. She told me how special that was and that she wanted to send a picture of it to her daughter and grandchildren in Canada. She shared with me that her daughter had made yerida and intermarried and she wasn't even sure if her grandchildren had ever seen a real Kosher Menora lit. I told her that I had a better idea for her.

 

"Whenever I light this Menora", I told her. "I remember my Savta. I feel her presence. She has been gone now for close to 15 years, but every Chanuka when I light that Menora I feel her here standing next to me. I even smell her very oily sufganiyot. We are connected. If you want to do something for your grandchildren. If you want to always be remembered. If you want them to always remember who they are. Where they come from. Then don't send them a picture. Buy them a Menorah. They will light it. They will remember. Their flame will be ignited. They will know who they are and what was important to you. Just as I'm sure that these little flames remind you of where you came from."

 

She cried. She thanked me. She decided that there was no need to take any pictures. She would send her grandchildren something more important. She would menora them.

 

The Mateh Moshe notes that the words by Yosef's bageling meal for his brothers v'HaCHeiN- spell Chanuka when rearranged. This is the holiday when the Jewish spark is awakened more than any other time of year, that amidst all the darkness and assimilation of Egyt, of Greece, of Boro Park, Lakewood, Iowa and even in Karmiel there is a spark that not only wants to express its Jewish identity, it wants to express the holy light of our Torah, our Mitzvos, our candles and our Menorahs. May we see that great light revealed once again in the Temple rededicated together will all of our lost flames when Hashem "Menoras" us again, but this time forever

 

Have a happy Chanuka and a hearty Shabbos and a light-filled week of miracles,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

                         ******************************

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" A guter yid darf nit kain briv, a shlechten yidden helft nit kain briv." A good Jew doesn’t need a letter of recommendation; for a bad one, it would do no good.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

8) The geological phenomenon of “bulbous” (calcite concentrates) can be seen mainly in:

a) The Hula Valley

b) Lissan marl (Chavar Halashon)

c) David Stream (Nahal David)

d) Negev

  RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

 Rabbi Schwartzes Chanukah Hit Compositions!

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/chasof-zeroah - My most lively Chanuka song and one you definitely need to sing by you Chanuka parties… Yitz Berry arrangements…

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/haneiros-halalu - You know you're bored with your old Haneiros Halalu and want something to lighten up you Chanuka listen to my composition and add it to your repertoire you will love it!

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/al-hanissim    –My amazin Al Hanissim composition that will make you want to start dancing and getting into the mood. Arranged and sung by the amazing Dovid Lowy!

Everyone Else's Chanuka 2020 New Releases!

https://youtu.be/WV8-fQiavdM  – Gad Elbaz Chanuka or Hanuka?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th_JeK14Oig  –  Y-Studs My Own Miracle

 https://youtu.be/25xLnkl1VQk -Happy Hanuka from Trump, Biden, Obama, Bernie and Trudeau great imitation!

 https://youtu.be/6xKbzuCz0pA - Chanukah Donut Party at the Shuk

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/ ERETZ YISRAEL CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 Gifts from Israel- Parshat Mikeitz– This week the 12 tribes all leave Israel. Until now at least Binyamin was in Israel. There was still something left. But now with Yosef's call for them to come back to Egypt and the famine finishing up all the food. They were done. And it was a terrifying prospect that awaited them. They knew that Yosef had the scoop on them. They had his money in their bags. They needed special to help. They needed the something that would find their way into Yosef's heart. And Yaakov had just the trick

 He tells the brothers that they should take with them the following

Kichu mi'zimras ha'aretz- take from the "zimra" of the land. The Targum and Rashi translates the word Zimra as the praiseworthy items of the land, like the word zmirot-the songs that we sing. In fact Rabbi Nachman wrote that this literally means the songs of Israel. Give Yosef a little sound of some Yoel Sharabi (I'm revealing my age here..), Ishai Ribo, Itzik Dadiya, Omer Adam. That Israeli music will pierce his heart. Those Eretz Yisrael niggunim will keep your souls holy and longing for your homeland. To return.

But it is deeper than that. Zemora- also means branches of trees. Yaakov then tells them to bring some of the species of Israel. Some of our holy fruit. Specifically dates honey, and some great nuts and spices. It's obvious this is not a bribe. He tells them to bring just a bit of each. This is not a fancy impressive gift at all like Yaakov had sent to his brother Esau. This was something deeper. He was sending the "ruler of Egypt" a message. In Israel we don't need too much. Egypt may have much more plenty. They have the Nile, they don't have famines. Israel does. But it's worth it. Because our little bit of nuts and our dates come straight from Hashem, they come straight as a result of our prayers. We may have to come down to Egypt now, but he tells his sons, never forget the gifts of Israel are not in how big and how much you have or amass. It's about the small little quality. It's food that was grown in the Land of Hashem.

 We read this Parsha around Chanuka each year when the rest of the non-Jewish countries have all their big fancy lights. We prefer the simple little flame of our Menora. It's a made in Israel holiday. Sure there was big wars, and big armies, and great independence and salvations. But at the end of the day we remember it all with a little flask of oil from the Holy Land. That's the message Yaakov sent down with his sons as for the first time since they were born, the country was going to be empty of its tribes. Remember the simplicity of where you came from. Take those songs with you. And understand that everything big and bright out there isn't worth a pistachio nut, a spice, or a date from the Holy Land.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

David's Ascent- 876 BC-  After the death of Shaul, one would think that Dovid's moment had finally come. There was nothing standing in his way of finally taking his already anointed by Shmuel Kingship. But one would be wrong. Nothing ever has been or will be simple for Dovid. But frankly Dovid is fine with it. He really has only one wish at this time. He wants to return to Israel from the Philistine land of Gat that he's been shacking up at. Achish, the king who just waged and won the war against Israel was on his way back and Dovid didn't want to be there for the victory celebration. He missed Eretz Yisrael and he wanted to go home.

 Yet Dovid, doesn't make a move without Hashem. He asks the Kohen and the Urim V'Tumim if he should return and he got the yes he was waiting for. He asked where he should go to and the answer was "Chevronah" to Chevron. And thus Dovid comes back home. Upon his arrival the tribe of Yehudah appoints him as King. Interestingly enough when Hashem tells Dovid to got to Chevron it is the only place in the entire Tanach where the word Chevron is spelled without a vav in it. The Midrash tells us it was to symbolize that the first 6 years that Dovid ruled in Chevron he only ruled over the area of Chevron. The rest of the tribes didn't accept him. (vav in gematria is 6). Today when one visits Chevron you can walk up to Tel Rummeida or Tel Chevron and see the houses that were there from the times of the first kingdom of Israel. There a wine handle with the seal of the Melech Chevron was found. Pretty cool!

 Who was running the rest of the Jewish people? So the Navi tells us that Avner Ben Ner, Shaul's former general had appointed Shaul's surviving son Ish Boshet to be the King in Shaul's place. Uh Oh. Now Avner had based his appointment on a verse and promise that Hashem had made to Yaakov when he was returning from the house of Lavan. There Hashem had told him that "Kings shall come out of his loins". The problem was that the only child to come out from Yaakov after that promise was Binyamin. The other 11 tribes were born already. So "Kings" plural means that at least two kings were meant to come from the tribe of Benjamin. And thus Shaul was the first and Ish Boshet was meant to be the second. And thus the ancient Jewish tradition of a divided kingdom and contested elections begins. Avner anoints Ish Boshet in Machanayim which is   on the eastern side of the Jordan river by Gilad and Menashe. It's where Yaakov met the angels upon returning to Israel. As far as my minimal research has done there are no suggestions as to where that might be today.

 Now although Ish Boshet was technically the King over most of the tribes. After about two years people started to desert. They wanted Dovid things were coming to a head. It was going to be time for a faceoff. Stay tuned next week for the story…

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S REALLY TERRIBLE BAGEL JOKES  OF THE WEEK

What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel

 How do you hold a bagel back? You put lox on it

 Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!

 Why did the bagel lose the election? He was the victim of a schmear campaign

 What does a bagel do when it can't get into its house? Call a loxsmith

 What do ghosts put on their bagels? Scream Cheese

 What did the bagel say to the Rabbi? I’m holier than you

 What does a Yeki bagel call its grandfather? Poppy!

 What do you call a bagel in fancy dress? A donut

 Why should you never start up with a Jewish Bagel maker? He knows Jew Dough

 I had to take a drug test at work today. They said they found Opiates. I told them it was probably the poppy seeds on my bagel. But then they asked about the THC, meth amphetamines, cocaine, and hallucinogens. I told them it was an everything bagel.

 What kind of bagel did the camper eat? A winnebago.

 The German consulate is in NYC for a big UN meeting with his Israeli counterpart. The clock hits 12:30 and the meeting breaks for lunch. Being that he's in New York, the consulate requests to go out to lunch at a local Deli. Yoav the intern is charged with taking him out. As they are sitting and eating the consulate turns to the intern and exclaims,

"I have to admit, these bagels are really delicious! We don't have bagels like this in Germany."
"Well," the intern replies, "whose fault is that?"

 An elderly couple are sitting in the living room, and the old man gets up, and says "I'm going to the store to get myself a soda, do you want anything?"

His wife says "I'd like an ice cream sundae. Here, I'll write it down for you so you don't forget--"
"I'm not going to forget," he waves his hand at her dismissively. "Ice cream sundae."
"With cherries and chopped nuts. You'll forget, I'm going to write it down for you."
"Woman I'm not senile! I won't forget! Sundae with cherries and nuts."
"And whipped cream. You're sure you won't forget all this? You forgot the last time. Please, I'll write it down so you won't forget."
The old man gave an annoyed sigh and left the house. He returned and handed his wife a bag.
"Here you go, I didn't forget."
She looked inside the bag and found a toasted onion bagel.
"Yes you did! I told you you would forget, and you did!" The old woman threw a fit. "You forgot the cream cheese!"

 A man is the head of a popular bakery in New York. The most popular thing they sell is their bagels, but the main bagel chef is out of town, so there are no bagels today.

One old woman has asked repeatedly if there are bagels, to which the answer is always no. For some reason, she keeps going to the back of the line and asking over and over if there are bagels.
The woman comes up to the front and once again asks for bagels. The man has had quite enough and asks her:
"Ma'am, how do you spell cat as in Catastrophic?"
She replies "C A T"
He asks her "how do you spell dog as in Dogmatic?"
She replies "D O G"
The man then asks her "how do you spell stink as in Bagels?"
The woman, confused, says "there is no stink in bagels" to which the man shouts
"THATS WHAT IVE BEEN TELLING YOU THIS WHOLE TIME!"

 ********************************

Answer is D –  Geology was never my strong subject and frankly most of my tourists aren't that fascinated by the subject. So to be honest I had no idea what the bulbous thing is. It was a guessing game for me. I pretty much eliminated the Hula Valley and Ein Gedi because I tour there a lot and have never heard or mentioned these things. I don't tour much in the Negev and when I do it's mostly by Mitzpeh Ramon where again I had never heard of it. I didn't even know where this Chavar halashon is so I went with that one. And I was wrong. The answer was the Negev and it seems in the Souther Negev by Har Tzin there is a huge filed of these calcite filled rocks that actually look pretty cool and are formed from Fossils. There are some people that suggest that Har Tzin is the Hor Hahar where Aharon Hakohen is buried but the common place for his grave is actually in Jordan which would make sense as he is buried on the other side of the Jordan River. The lashon Chavar thing it seems is near the Dead Sea and is these are the rock formations that are there. So the correct answer is Negev and I was wrong making the score now stands at 6 for Rabbi Schwartz and 2 for the Ministry of Tourism on this exam.