Insects and Instigation
from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your skinny friend in Karmiel"
March 16th 2022 -Volume 11 Issue 24 13th
Adar Beis 5782
3 weeks and 3 days since the decree of the Green Passs ended
2 years and 14 days that the Ministry of Health and some
masochistic people are still walking around wearing masks.
Purim
Gastrically Bypassing Purim- Top
Ten List
(If you can’t “stomach” more Gastro conversation/Jokes from me skip to the bottom Ok… Mom…)
Tis the season again. The holiday of endless food baskets filled
with hamantash, candies, little grape juice bottles and all types of nosh with
cute little themes and poems attached that you quickly search for and throw out
and repackage to give to the next cute little costumed neighbor child whose
name you can’t remember in exchange for the one that he gave you. This is a
very important mitzva. See, in a month from now it’s Pesach. All this stuff has
to go. Now after two years of Corona that had toilet paper and food shortages
fears we have to celebrate just as the Jews in Shushan did. We need to fill our
homes with what my grandson calls “junk food” and then make sure that there’s
not even a crumb left when we search our house for chametz. This shows that we
are happy that Haman didn’t kill us. It shows we are happy that Hashem saved us.
It shows that we like our friends and neighbors enough to pass all of the junk
that we get on to them. Because there is a contest going on, much like
Achashveirosh’s beauty pageant, it’s called the person with the last prettiest
Shalach Manos in their house loses. You get extra points if like Queen Esther
you don’t even know where it came from and who their parents are. Happy Purim Klal Yisrael. Let the games begin.
Now this year as all you faithful readers of my weekly E-Mail,
status followers, Mishpacha readers and the two tourists I’ve taken since
Corona started (well at least until two months ago) know, I’m a bit of a
disadvantage. See my stomach is pretty small these days. It’s about the size of
an egg. A few nibbles on a hamantasch and I feel like a hamantash. I feel like
I ate Haman. How am I gonna finish all of this stuff before Pesach? Now I know
my shul and friends have senses of humor, it’s kind of why they are my shul and
friends. And I know they’re already plotting to send me these extra large size
cakes, Costco size bags of nosh, massive hamantash, kugels of all types and
plenty of carbonated drinks that I am not allowed to have. I will look weak,
frail, pathetic and yes even feminine and dietetic, while my tiny little twin
grandchildren who have just started eating solids eat more than I do. Ha Ha… I
will laugh. Very funny. So cute. So original. But now I’m stuck with all of
these foods. There won’t be enough people to dish them out to. I will lose the
Purim game.
Now I know you’re thinking that I should just share them with my
children. But I only have two left at home and Elka is not a big eater and
Tully is a picky one. He only likes food that he buys with my money at the
Makolet. My money that I never give him but that he somehow gets my wife to
give him. Every day. There’s a benefit to being the ben zekunim favored youngest
child. So that leaves my grandchildren. Yoel’s mother trained him not to eat to
much “junk food” thus thwarting her father’s effort once again to sugaring up
his grandchildren and sending them home. And the twins…. Well they have
potential, particularly Moshe (chulent), although Ari (kugel) is not lagging
that far behind, but they are still hampered by these small little mouths that
can’t get it all in yet, despite how much I try to stuff them when their mother
or grandmother- who they some time call Mommy being that they’re here all the
time- or they would if the could talk-
isn’t looking.
So I guess I’ll have to figure it all out on my own. But I’ve
already shared too much family information here. My mother is going to start
complaining to me. “ Why does everybody in the world have to know and hear
about every little mishigas in your life!!” Followed by the traditional “Enough
already!” “Dai Kvar!!”. She sometimes does the Hebrew thing to me
hoping that perhaps that the language gap is the reason that I seemingly
constantly ignore the Mussar imecha… I’m not ignoring Mom. It’s this
keyboard of mine. It just spits out things on my screen that I have no control
over. I would read it and edit it of course- but let’s be honest… who has time
to read all of this anyways… So any ways enough with the mishigas. It’s the
time of year that every one is waiting for. It’s Purim and besides the mitzva
of shalach manos, giving gifts to the poor, eating a purim feast and reading
the Megilla, it’s time as well for the annual Rabbi Schwartz Top Ten Purim
List. Incidentally, for those that are unable to fulfill all the above mitzvos,
you all can really do them with my E-Mail. Pick up a hamantash, a drink of
wine, reach into your wallet and donate and sponsor a weekly E-Mail and then
read megillas Schwartz. Granted it’s a bit longer, but at least you don’t have
any drunk yeshiva guys banging around your house or children in costumes
twirling graggers and shooting off dynamite in your ears while you’re reading.
So here we have it the 5782/ 2022 Rabbi Schwartz Top Ten List.
This year obviously with all of the new awareness of the benefits of my Gastric
Bypass surgery and my 100+ pounds of weight loss, I realized that the only
reason why we in fact have the Purim story and the great celebratory day that
we will be experiencing is because nobody did that stomach surgery. There are
all deeps of hidden kabalistic references to this in the Megilla, which only
now I can reveal to you. So pick up a hamantash which non-coincidentally is a
cookie that has its stomach cut out of it and lets begin.
RABBI SCHWARTZE’S TOP TEN GASTRIC
BYPASS STOMACH SALVATIONS
10) Now as we know from our sages the reason why the Jews were
punished and the whole story begins is because the Jews participated in the 180
day long feast of Achashveirosh. Ummm… 180 days of feasting? Yes it’s true that
it takes me longer to eat a half a bowl of chulent even for dinner. Whereas in
the past I could just inhale a crockpot down, now it’s a good hour before I can
make it through a quarter of a bowl. But 180 days seems like a very long time
of feasting.
So there are two interpretations
behind this. The first is that they were preparing for the surgery that they
would be having and then you really must pace yourself and practice eating very
small bites and then resting in between or playing on your phone while your
children tell you about their day. Thus Achashveirosh made the feast so long so
that all those getting ready for surgery would be able to have time.
The other pshat is that it was after they prepared for
the surgery and were approved by the doctors to go forward with it, having lost
the necessary weight prior and shown that you are well equipped to make the
proper changes in your eating habits. There is nothing stopping you from going
back now and fressing until the actual surgery itself, so you have to make up
for all of the lost time and meals you had over this ridiculous pre-surgery
exercise they put you through, so you have 180 days of pure gorging.
However one thing is clearly obvious. The only reason why all of
this happened is because the Jews didn’t have the surgery. If they would’ve
they really wouldn’t have been that interested in a 180 day feast. How much
could you eat anyways? A cracker? A piece of herring? Not worth the shlep. Not
worth the sin. The whole thing wouldn’t have started. There would never have
been a decree against us. We would never have been saved.
9) Achashveirosh in middle of the feast tells his wife Vashti to
come out and display herself in all of her glory to all of the people attending
the feast. She refuses. Now as we know this was not a modest woman at all. Her
original name was actually Nasty, but Persians have a hard time pronouncing the
letter ‘n’ and the ‘sh’ so it became Vashti. So why did she refuse to come? The
answer is obviously she was quite overweight, I mean 180 days of feasting
doesn’t to wonders for your waistline. Yet, if she had done the surgery, again
there would have been no problem. The truth is if she had done the surgery she
wouldn’t have had a problem coming out without any clothing as pretty much
nothing really fits and it all falls down anyways. Ask my first tourists after
my surgery if you don’t believe me. They got a view of Eretz Yisrael they never
thought they would get.
By the way if you understand this then you will of course
understand what happened to Vashti. See, the megilla doesn’t say anywhere that
Achashveirosh killed her. Rather that kingdom was taken from her and given to
someone much better. Rather it says the king was depressed because he
remembered was he was gozeir on Vashti. The word gozeir people mistakenly
translate as decree, but in fact the same word means cut. Yes, the King ordered
that Vashti should have the bypass surgery as her punishment. She was then too
skinny. Her clothing didn’t fit and would fall down all the time and obviously
the King was looking for someone after that who would never have any weight
problems. See, I told you I would reveal
big secrets here…
8) Now the next part of the story as well becomes much more
understandable. Achashveirosh did not want to deal with this problem any more.
No more women with weight issues. Everyone would have the surgery before they
met with him. In fact that’s why each girl brought to the king had to be 6
months in Shemen Ha’mor- which again people mistranslate as myrrh oil, but in
fact means More shamein- More fat. They had their last meals and then
they had 6 month of besamim and tamrukey nashim. Besamim is
spices and marak is soup. Spicy women soup. After the surgery you can’t
eat solids so they just had spicy soup. Esther of course was beautiful and
didn’t need surgery. She was already perfect. She didn’t tell the king that she
was Jewish of course as per Mordechai’s instructions because he knew that the
King would never believe that a Jewish woman with all her chulent cooking and
holidays would not have a struggle with her weight. And thus the story begins.
7) Now after the King has his new wife, he is quite grateful to Haman
and of course elevates him. Everyone in the kingdom’s wives are now having the
surgery as per the new rules. The men though are getting fatter and fatter than
ever. Haman in his sick diabolical plot decides to terrorize the Jews by
issuing a decree that they all have to bow down to him. Have you ever seen a
fat Jew bow down? It’s hilarious. Their pants split, they krechtz getting up,
it’s why it’s one of those atonement things we do on Yom Kippur because there
is nothing that is a bigger atonement then bowing down on the floor and hearing
that rip of your pants while you are saying Baruch shem kevod malchuso l’olam
ve’ed. Mordechai though refuses to bow down. He believes in Hashem. He will not
engage in this entertainment for Haman. Pants splitting is a sacred Yom Kippur
act. It will not be defiled for the this man’s evil amusement. By the way this
sheds light on why it is called Yom K’purim. Purim is like Yom Kippur. Just without
the pants splitting.
6) Moving along we have the story of Mordechai catching Bigsan
and Seresh plotting to kill the king. They are annoyed that everyone is having
the surgery. See they used to be in the carbonated drink industry. They had a
chain of slurpee stores. Bigsan was in fact the guy that came up with the Big
gulp and Seresh is a conjunction of slurpee slush. Obviously after the stomach
surgery their business tanked faster than a Corona tour guide as once you have
the surgery you can’t drink carbonated soda anymore. So they plotted to
assassinate the king. How? They were going to poison his slushy. Mordechai who
was pretty much the only one that would frequent their slurpee store as
everyone else stopped going overheard their conversation and reported it to the
King. The two of them were hung up. Bigsans last drink was Coca Tolah (hanging)
while Seresh had a lemon flavored carbonated soda which from then on was called
Seresh- Up.
5) Mordechai and Esther realizing that the sin was the Jews eating
too much by the feast of Achashveirosh and that the Jews were not getting the
message with all these surgeries that their wives had to have and their
clothing falling off realized that something had to be done. So they decreed a
fast. They made everyone change into tight skinny pants that cut off your
circulation that all ripped on them. As it says Mordechai himself wore ripped
clothing to demonstrate this. They figured if Hashem would see how miserable
Jews get without food, like a good Jewish Mother Hashem would have mercy and
feed us. We would stop kvetching. He wouldn’t let us all die and the let the
world be populated by cows and sheep that would never be turned into Kosher
hamburgers and shwarma. They were right. We re-pant-ed. (I’m having way to much fun with this… by the
waist… I mean way…). And the miracles start to happen.
4) Seeing how Hashem had accepted our prayers. Esther invites
Haman and Achashveirosh to a meal. Haman is very excited by this. His wife
Zeresh hasn’t cooked anything decent in a long long time. She’s been too busy
popping out 10 little baby boys for him and suffered hyperzereshemesis, which
means she was just nauseous all the time. Being goyim, they didn’t even have a
bris- so no bagels and lox either or shalom zachor arbis- chickpeas.
This really upset him as when the Jews had parshas zachor he thought they were
making fun of that fact. So, a feast with Esther who he knew made the best
brisket and potato kugel in the kingdom was something he really looked forward
to. Esther though wanting to bring heavenly divine omens to that feast (like on
Rosh Hashana when we eat the apple in honey, fenugreek and black eyed peas
whatever that’s meant to symbolize) served Kishka,and chopped liver to remind
Hashem of all of the Jewish kishkas that were chopped out in surgery. The
livers were foi gras that were stuffed goose livers and from veal or fattened
baby cows. So Hashem really understands the point. We were once fat and happy
and now we have no kishkas and our livers are all chopped out. Sometimes you
really have to explain yourself.
3) Now is the time to unravel another one of those conundrums in
the Megilla for you. Why did Esther have to make two feasts. Why couldn’t she
just reveal Haman’s diabolical plot after the first one. The answer of course
is that she knew that she the two of them needed to have an extra sleepless
night in between. Now as all good Jews know there is nothing that will keep you
up at night as much as the heartburn that one suffers after a good haymish well
cooked shmaltzy Jewish meal. You have to realize that this is before the invention
of Tums or Omeprazole. So she shmaltzes them up and of course Achashveirosh
can’t sleep and he asks to be brought the book of records. (this was as well
before my long weekly E-Mails were around that would work as well.) There he
hears about the heroic story of Mordechai who saved him and he was not given
any reward. Haman, at the same time was suffering the after effects of all of
that kishka and veal chulent that Esther had served by the seuda. Goyim really
are not cut out for Jewish food. He pops in to Achashveirosh at precisely the
wrong moment to ask if he has any laxatives for him, and Achashveirosh orders
him to take Mordechai for a spin around in his horse wearing the Kings clothes.
What makes this story so funny and ironic is the of course the Midrash that Haman’s
daughter chucks out the leftover chulent on his Haman’s head that he threw up
in the garbage previously.
2) We are getting close to the finale here. There is one last
seuda. Because if you really want Achashveirosh to start to sympathize with the
Jews, you really have to give him a two day yom tov with one meal after another
after another. By the way that’s why Purim has so many days, like this year. 14th,
15th, Shabbos… it’s the gift that keeps on giving. More and more
seudos. Achashveirosh understands that if Jews keep eating like this, there is
no force in nature that can ever take them down. Its an exercise in futility
for the nation that doesn’t really even exercise. So when Esther points out
Haman as the man who would take away Achashveirosh’s access to Jewish deli,
bagels, cheese danishes and gefilteh fish he remembered that this was the same
guy who convinced everyone to have the stomach surgery in the first place that
started this whole mishigas. “I’ll give you a gastric bypass” he roared “how
about we bypass you at the neck down and your 10 sons as well for that matter.
String em up…” And then give that brand new kitchen that you built to Esther
and Mordechai so they can make some more delicious Jewish food for me. And thus
we were saved.
1) And thus in every year and year the Jews throughout the world
will read a scroll called Megillas hester- the revealing of the hidden. We need
to open up our kishkas and take out that name of Hashem that is covered in all
the fat of our exile. We give food gifts to one another, to remember those days
when we could once eat all of the food ourselves and now we have no more room
in our bypassed bellies for them. We give charity to the poor because we have
so much extra money on all the food that we can no longer buy and eat. {True
story: I bought a shwarma in a half a pita last night- not a laffa, not a half
a laffa, not even a pita, it was a half a pita. I didn’t even know they sold
sizes that small. It was only 17 shekel.}. And then we have a feast. The feast
is mostly wine. Because with wine we reach the point of not knowing anymore, if
I had a surgery, if I didn’t have a surgery. Did I eat already? Didn’t I eat
yet? Is that my plate? Is it the guy sitting next to me… what’s his name again?
Oh yeah that’s Tully my son… He looked familiar. It’s been a busy month I haven’t
been around much.
And then we are truly
happy. We know that is our friends, our family, our nation and our God that are
what’s most important. We know that even though we are still in Exile, even though
some people are still wearing masks because they haven’t heard the news yet that
Corona is over. Or because they want to keep those mask companies or the government
employees from the Ministry of Health that are getting kickbacks from them in
business- because what they get from Pfizer isn’t nearly enough to buy a 2nd
yacht, a new tesla or a machsan in Yerushalayim with. We know that the
Bais Hamikdash where we will have so many sacrifices, so many first fruits to
bring, so much divine gastrointestinal goodness is still not here yet. But it
is coming. It is around the corner. It’s just a few snips with a surgical knife
at the foreskin of our hearts and bellies. It’s a bit of teshuva out of love
and joy that we need to do. Then we will have the ultimate simcha. We will see
the miracles that our ancestors witnessed in those days once again today!
Have a Fraylecheh heureux contento
glucklich, schastlivyy saeida felice sasta Kuàilè de Purim Samayach!
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
This
week's Insects and Instigation is sponsored by Vladmir Putin and many Russian uglyarchs.
They heard that Jews don’t like to sponsor these weekly E-mails and they want
to chap the great zechus that this will provide for them to win their battles
and avoid being banned from their yachts. Zelensky sponsored next weeks in
honor of his brave Ukranian soldiers who haven’t fought this hard since they
killed all of our great grandparents that lived in Ukraine. I really bless both
sides that they should both kill all each other and leave us out of it. And may
all of the Jews living there and really any where else outside of Eretz Yisrael
finally get the point and come back here. There’s plenty of Russians in Karmiel
you’ll feel right at home…
Das
vedanya!
***************************
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH
PROVERB OF THE WEEK
Ven men lebt fun der pushkeh iz laidik di kishkeh...- When one lives out of the charity box,
his stomach remains empty.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE
WEEK
https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/layehudim
– It’s Adar! Time for Rabbi
Schwartzes greatest hits for Purim!! This one with Dovid Lowy singing my
geshmak Layehudim. Get on your dance shoes…
https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/techelet-mordechai
– And here’s my amazing Techeles Mordechai
with the one and only Yitz Berry singing this great Purim seuda composition of
mine.
https://youtu.be/4NBlKCtQSe0
– Gad Elbaz Purim crashers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBiinGwk0Cg
– Bardak is back with a hilarious Purim Shalach Manos video
https://youtu.be/WR-kZWo97Ho - Shwekey
Ein Davar Ra- Roshey teivos for ADAR never chapped that… great song…
https://youtu.be/WR-kZWo97Ho - Shuki
Solomon- Ad D’lo Yada some funny Hebrew words song… who cares its fun..
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM
QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
19)
Haman’s youngest son was named _________
Which one of these is certainly not
a descendant of Haman
A)
Vladmir Vladimirovich Putin
B)
Joseph Robinette Biden
C)
Adolf Schickelgruber Hitler
D)
Donald James Trump
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS CONNECTION
OF THE WEEK
Cleaning Lady -Purim Shabbos is not
an easy day for our women to get ready for. Cleaning, cooking, laundry and
other things that I don’t know about. Thank God it only comes once a week and
they can be off the rest of the time shopping for clothing and drinking ice
tea. But that once a week is certainly a hard time. But that is the fate they
must suffer for having given Adam a forbidden fruit in the garden. They should’ve
given him some erev Shabbos chulent, kugel and herring with tam tams. But
because they messed up and made him a fruit platter instead-probably because
they thought it was healthier which we men of course knew was not true, every
erev Shabbos they need to make up for that in spades by making a whole Shabbos properly.
Now this fate lasted until Purim time in Shushan where
the Jews ate from the forbidden feast of Achashveirosh. We thought, hey! Free food,
Achashveirosh is making Kiddush, lets eat. But we didn’t realize that we are
only supposed to eat our wives kiddush that they worked hard to prepare us. So
Achashveirosh then made a wicked decree that from then on each man will rule
over his own house only and all of the wives must make kiddush for their
husbands. But then Queen Esther came into the picture and it all changed and balanced
out.
See Esther hired 7 cleaning ladies as it tells us in the Megilla.
One for every day of the week. Now the Talmud tells us that she did this in
order to remember which day was Shabbos while she was in the palace. She even
called the 7th one Shabbos shiktza.. Now she really could’ve
just had the one for Shabbos, but Esther was wise and understood that the women
as well needed to enjoy Shabbos and not come to the table half wiped. So she
instituted that yes, every man could only eat and enjoy what his wife makes.
However every wife from then on in should have a cleaning lady to help her get
ready for Shabbos. And of course one cleaning lady for Shabbos is not enough.
You need one to help you get ready each day of the week for Shabbos. Sunday, shiktza
does the dishes from Shabbos, Monday cleans out the crockpot that has been
sitting soaking with water since Shabbos. Tuesday does the laundry and washes those
tablecloths. Wednesday she folds them Thursday she starts picking up all of the
toys your grandchildren left over the floor because your daughter has twins that
live in your house and another grandson that doesn’t clean up unless you sing a
song for him and you forgot the song. And Friday is sponja day. And thus for all
times the women once again fixed the sin of the Garden of Eden and were entitled
to keeping Shabbos again
The men were not happy about this as they looked at their
credit card bills and diminishing bank accounts. So they instituted the fast of
Esther to fast and pray for the day when one day we will not have to pay for
cleaning help anymore. That we can have Shabbos the good old fashion way again.
When we would just come home from work and everything would magically be ready
all by itself like it used to.
But until that time… we sing we sing a song to the Shabbos
queen who is of course every Jewish wife like Esther and we welcome her to our
house that the cleaning lady cleaned for us and that we happily pay for. And we
tell ourselves over and over again that whatever we spend in the honor of
Shabbos does not come out of that divine budget that Hashem granted us on Rosh
Hashana. It’s why we bought the extra herring and nuts when she sent us out to
the store even though it wasn’t on the list. Well it works for Maria, Nellie
and Svetlana Shabbos Shiktzas as well. All our expense are covered by Hashem.
So let the women enjoy to and celebrate Purim together with them as it’s the
day when the Shabbos maid first was invented.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN
ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
Purim - 2023 CE- The Jews in
Jerusalem are happy. Mashiach has finally arrived. There is a Bais
Hamikdash sitting in Jerusalem on the Temple Mount. It was pretty cool
how it came down from heaven all made out of fire and landed right on top of that
ugly golden pimple that defiled our holy site for so many centuries. It
smothered it to smithereens and everyone cheered. We were back where we wanted
and prayed to be and this time for good. Let the party begin.
Now it hasn’t been an easy year that’s for sure. I mean that
incredible war that took place between Putin and Biden that through Israel in
the middle of the whole thing was a bit insane. I mean we should have seen it
coming. Our prophets always told us that the final war would be between GOg and
MaGOg. Yeah “Go” is like ‘go in’. Get it Put -“in” or bye (d)- ‘in. But who
would’ve thought that we would be caught in the whole thing. Sure there was a
Jewish guy in Ukraine running the country and he was former comedian. And we knew it would be a
funny story. But really? Ukrainians? Home of Rebbi Na Nach Nachman? That’s
where the fire of redemption would come out of… a bunch of drunk breslavers
missing out on one Uman Uman Rosh Hashana smuggling into the country would
shlep Israel into the war? But hey? Hashem works in funny ways.
Now the truth is some Jews saw it coming. They were smart enough
to realize when they started beating up Jews every day in the streets of Boro
Park and Lakewood, and it wasn’t even over double parked cars that Galus was
almost over there. Yes, there were some that mistakenly thought it was just
time to move to Miami or Boca, but for the most part that was just chasidim who
couldn’t resist picking up Puerto Rican cleaning help right over the border.
But most of the rest of the Jews, like the Jews so long before in all of our
exiles packed up their pizza shops, their Teslas, their Pomegranates, their
Seasons and Evergreens and packed Pizza Time and Essen Pastrami sandwiches and
left. They came home before they got sent to Kamala’s concentration camps. (by
the way you should’ve chapped as soon as Kamala got into office being that her
name is the same letters as Amalek backwards… just saying…).
They came home. Miraculously their kids did not go off the
derech in five minutes despite what some of the Rabbis in America who had been
trying to hold on to their jobs and congregations had been telling them for
decades. Unlike in America where that never happens. They actually even
developed a taste for real falafel since coming; shwarma they always knew they
couldn’t get there. They even discovered real kedusha for the first time. And they
were very surprised how little it cost them. They even got their kids into
schools right away, their daughters got married (Ok they had to buy them a dira…but
it was cheaper than Jackson). It was amazing.
But the best part about this Purim is that there is no Pesach
cleaning afterwards. All the holidays are over besides Purim. You can save your
shalach manos forever. Yom Kippur is now a day of rejoicing. We threw out that
long ,machzor we suffered with for 2000 years and now we just watch the Kohein chuck
a goat over a cliff and we are all forgiven. Tisha B’av and all of those fasts
are now holidays full of singing and dancing. And the best part is that this
Mashiach guy is an amazing leader for the first time. Bennet cleans his toilets
and it was fun watching Lieberman drive Mashiach around on his donkey all day
while all the chareidim and Liebermans own chareidi children and grandchildren
dumper garbage on his head.
Yes it is Purim 2023 that we have been waiting so long for.
Make sure you get here on time to experience it…
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S V’NAHAPCOH SERIOUS INSPIRING TORAH OF
THE WEEK
Answer
is D – The answer of course is
Trump. But that’s only because his middle name is John not James. Donald John Trump
though. I’m not sure about. I mean he definitely has Hamanic proclivities with
everyone bowing down to him. Although I think Putin out does him on that matter
where the man literally has everything except one Jew in Ukraine that won’t bow
to him and so he decides to kill all of them. Well, thank god it’s miserable
murdering Ukrainians he’s killing (Ok obviously not the Jews that were stupid enough
to have stayed in that farshtunkeneh country- Hashem should preform miracles for
them and the Chabad guys who hung out with them). Bur Trump has a lot of
Achashveirosh tendencies as well certainly when it comes to women and beauty paegents.
But for that matter so does Biden who has this hair smelling fetish and is
certainly a foolish king of Achashveirosh proportions. But I guess Schikelgruber
really takes the cake in Amaleki tendencies. Too bad we didn’t know that was
his middle name back then. We could’ve had a lot of fun with it. So once again
I got this question right. As I do most questions. Because after all I cheat
and look them up on most weeks. Listen what’s a good tour guide if you can’t
make things up right? So the score is now Schwartz 100% and and MOT
(Ministry of Tourism) a losing failing organization that did nothing for our
tour guides during Corona one big fat ZERO.
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