All Aboard- Pesach 5782 2022

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

April 15^th  2022 -Volume 11 Issue 28 14^th Nissan 5782

 

Pesach

All Aboard

 

Moshke was a simple Jew. He worked hard everyday as a water carrier for his little village. He had no time to learn, to read or to mess around and play games on his i-phone and post statuses. They didn’t even have i-phones or statuses back then, because nobody really had time for that back then. They got up early, they said some Tehillim, they davened and then it was out to the fields, to the chickens, the cows, and to the market to open up their shops. They came home late at night. They were tired. They prayed and ate. Wash, rinse, dry and start again. But Moshke always dreamed of one day going out to see the big world. He had heard about the big city, of their big palaces, their busy streets, monuments and all of these new fangled inventions and technologies that were there. One day, he told himself. One day I will get there. I will see and experience the incredible wonders I hear about.

 

Recently he had heard from one of his customers about this amazing new invention that people were talking about. It was something called a locomotive. A large wagon that hundreds of people could sit on and that traveled all over, without any horses attached to it. It moved almost miraculously by itself along a track. This sounded too amazing to be true. He asked someone how one can travel on something like this and he was told that he had to purchase a ticket and you merely go to the station, pay the man at the gate and you got a chance to ride upon it. Thoughts of a train ride like this filled Moshke’s dreams. He wanted to experience this more than anything else. He decided that he would do what it takes. He would scrounge, save, work extra hours and he would put away money each month for a year in order to fulfill this dream. His 40^th birthday was coming up and this was going to be his present to himself.

 

Finally the big day had arrived. Moshke takes his purse with all of his hard earned money and he makes the two day journey to the larger village where the train line would pass through. He walked through the night. He slept on the synagogue benches, but the truth is he didn’t even sleep that much he just had these images and dreams of the big city and this fantastic horseless carriage he would travel on. The next morning he was there and he went to the ticket counter and asked to purchase a ticket. The man behind the counter asked him where he wanted to travel to. Moshke had no idea. He just wanted to go on the train. How much money do you have, asked the puzzled ticket guy. Moshke poured out his purse and his all of  the rubles that he had worked so hard to scrimp and save scattered all over the counter. The man counted them and handed him a first class ticket to Warsaw. That’s the furthest you can ride, he told him. It’s a six hour journey and you can board the train right outside there.

 

Moshke came outside and stood by the tracks. He saw different lines of people. Where the man had pointed him to stand though seemed like a mistake. It was all the fancy people sitting there. Doctors proffessors, ladies in the fanciest French attire and aristrocrats. Moshke looked further down and he saw some middle class people waiting to board as well, but that wasn’t his chevra either. Only all the way towards the end of the tracks did he see more of his haymish blue collar peasants so he went back there and joined them. The train arrived and it was truly magical. The quarters were a bit cramped. It was standing room only. It was sweaty and hot and after a while it started to smell. But Moshke didn’t pay too much attention. He was busy looking out the window in wonder at the passing trees, fields and cities. It was marvelous. Exactly as he had imagined,

 

All of a sudden a burly man in uniform walked into their car and gave a loud call “TICKETS PLEASE!”. Moshke didn’t really understand exactly what that meant but all around him the train car started to empty out. People started to scatter. Two jumped under a seat, another three made their way to the bathrooms to hide, while three more started to exit quickly into the next car. Moshke fearing something dangerous was happening or perhaps this was what one was supposed to do in this situation as well started to crouch below the nearest bench on the train. Hiding there and cowering in fear Moshke hoped he was doing the right thing. .Yet the next thing he knew he saw the angry face of the ticket master glaring at him under the bench as he shlepped Moshke out by his collar.

 

 “Thief!” he yelled “Do you think you can sneak on a train without a ticket. Now you will pay the price and be thrown into jail”

 

Moshke didn’t know what this man was talking about.

“A whole year I worked, I saved, I put away money to ride on this train! Why are you calling me a thief?”.

The man looked at him skeptically. “You claim you bought a ticket? Then show it to me. Where’s the ticket the lady gave you at the counter.” Moshke obediently pulled out the crumpled receipt from his pocket and showed it to the man. The man checked the ticket and then turned to Moshke in surprise.”I don’t understand,” he said. “This is a first class ticket. What are you doing back here?  You should be sitting in the front. There are leather comfortable seats. We bring you drinks, there’s even Air conditioning and Wifi. Why would you sweat back here with all of the peasants and shleppers”

 

 Moshke turned to the man sorrowfully and said “But nobody told me. How was I supposed to know?”

 

“What do you mean you don’t know?! Can’t you tell by how much you paid for you ticket. Your holding he most expensive ticket there is in your hands. How is it possible that you don’t even know where that ticket places you…”?

 

And thus concluded the great Maggid of Dubna is what the story of Pesach is all about. See, the holiday that we are celebrating is a strange one. We slaved, we suffered, we lost everything we had. We were murdered, our children were thrown into the river and our families were torn apart. Hashem took us out. He saved us. He preformed miracles. We’re grateful. But the truth is wouldn’t it have been better not to go through all of that. Save the miracles. Save the Matzos, We’re moichel the four cups of wine and even the afikoman present. Why are we doing all of this?

 

The answer really dates back to our forefather Avraham. Hashem had promised him the land of Israel as our inheritance. It’s a first class country. It’s the most special place on earth. It’s His chosen land where ultimately we are meant to bring his Divine presence into the world. And you know that the King of all Kings doesn’t sit in economy class. Not in farshtunkeneh Egypt, Not in Lakewood, Not in Boro Park, Momsey or the Five Towns. That’s for the shleppers.

 

Avraham is in shock when he hears this tremendous thing from Hashem. Does He know that the Jewish people are really not that fancy. Not that holy even. We like Pizza, Shwarma, Teslas and nice big backyards and watching the world from a window on a train, or subway. You know like the second class citizens. Like the gentiles and other nations of the world. How will my children know? How will I know, Avraham asks, that we will inherit it?

 

So Hashem responds to Avraham that all we will have to do is look at the price. Look at this only nation that will suffer 400 years of exile outside of our homeland. That will suffer persecution wherever we go. That will be hated, despised, hunted, and almost annihilated again and again and again. A ticket with that price tag on it, is not a second class ticket. It’s too expensive. There’s something different about it. About us. About where we are meant to be sitting in the world. It’s not anywhere near the petty Atlantic or Pacific Oceans either. It’s not in smelly stuffy Europe. Even in Eretz Yisrael which is certainly the First Class Section of the train, it’s not about sitting in the station and watching the view outside the window from our car. It’s actually sitting right next to the Engineer (or is he called a conducter?) who has joined us and is showing us how the whole train is really only moving because we brought Him there. He’s at our side.

 

V’acharey Ken yetzu b’rechush gadol- Afterwards we will leave with great bounty, Hashem promises Avraham. Do you know what that bounty is? It’s knowing that we are holding first class tickets. It’s knowing that Hashem has chosen us from all nations to be His priests, his Kohanim to the world. That seder night when Hashem skipped over our houses. We were moved to the priority boarding section of the airport. We headed straight into the lounge where we could recline with a cup of wine. We were kings and for the first time we finally knew and understood the value of the ticket we were holding. We were ready to takeoff. To leave the station.

 

Pesach night we are going on a journey. We start that train ride heading to the station out of our poverty. Avadim hayinu- we were slaves. We were in the back. We were on the bottom. We were idolators. We didn’t know who we were. We hid under the seats. Sometimes they were in bunkers, in basements and in the woods. Other times we hid in fancy houses, in shiny cars, in luxury, wealth and prosperity or so we thought, but we still were sitting in the back; in the goyishe section. We didn’t know that we held tickets that were beyond this world. That were meant to bring us to Eretz Yisrael and to the Bais Habechira. But then the conducter Himself came and picked us up. He didn’t send any burly ticket men. He came Himself. He picked us up and told us how precious we are. How much He loves us. How he wanted and always wanted to sit next to us. With us. To sing. To drink 4 cups. To celebrate.

 

Our last stop is Nirtza. We have arrived. L’Shana Ha’ba’ah B’Yerushalayim. We are finally home. The horn is blowing. All aboard. The time has finally arrived. I can’t wait to see you. He can’t as well.

 

Have an incredible miraculous Pesach,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

Me meynt nit di hagode, nor di kneydlekh..- You don’t mean the hagadah, only the Matza Balls

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/melech-rachamon   – Listen to my latest Pesach composition  Melech Rachaman- It’s truly my nicest song.

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/eliyahu-hanavi - You have not done your Pesach Seder properly unless you sing this Rabbi Schwartz fan- favorite Eliyahoo Yahoo song. He’s waiting for you to sing it for him. It’s his favorite one

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/melech-rachamon   – Ok one more time just to make sure you remember it 😊

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1k6HmUY6Zk – And my favorite new Acapella Pesach release- 613 Acapella  A Billy Joel Pesach

 

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

23)  The Irgun (ETZEL) ship that sank off the coast of Tel Aviv was called: _________

The ship arrived at the coasts of Israel:

A)  Following Operation Agatha (“Black Sabbath”) (ha’shabat ha’shechora)

B)  Around the Partition Resolution

C)  On the evening of the declaration of the establishment of the State of Israel

D)  After the establishment of the State of Israel  

           

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/SHABBOS CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

Me and You -Pesach -  It’s not often that the Pesach Seder falls out on Shabbos evening and when it does it is an extra special dosage of love. See, in the Mitzva of counting the Omer which we will begin on Motzai Shabbos this year we will fulfill the commandment that the Torah tells us to count mimacharas ha’shabbos- the day after Shabbos. Our sages and Jewish tradition always understood that Pesach was also referred to as Shabbos. However the Saducees and literalists wold count after the Shabbos of Pesach. This year though we all would count Omer on the same day. Isn’t that cool in of itself?

 

However why is Pesach referred to as a day of Shabbos. There is in fact a special connection between the two days. See by Shabbos we are told that it is a covenant “Beini U’Bein Bnai Yisrael.- between Me, Hashem says, and the Children of Israel. The Maharit notes that the Torah doesn’t tell us Shabbos is a covnenant between us. Rather it says between Me and you. There is no one else involved. It is a private moment. It’s when the we unite and become one with our Creator. That really all got it’s start on Pesach night.

 

Pesach night the Torah and Hashem puts much emphasis that He is the one that took us out. There were no angels. There were no other forces. It was just us and Hashem. We became one on Seder Night. It is to a large degree when we became wed as a nation with Hashem. We circumcised before we ate our Pesach land. It was a treaty that bound us in blood and flesh with Him. It brought Shabbos that had been waiting since the Creation of the World down to our nation. Every Shabbos we remember Pesach- Zecher l’yitzias Mitzrayim- for Hashem on Seder Night who until that point was Master of the World from Above, finally had the nation where He could rest His presence on this world. This seder we experience that twofold love together. How amazing is that?!

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

This column will return after Pesach.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE TRAIN JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…

 

 What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the trains…

 

I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.

 

what do you call a train with buble gum? a chew chew train

 

Jim had always wanted to run a train. It was his dream since he was a child. His mind was set and no other career moved him the way a train had. He did well in school, and when he was accepted to the local Railway school, he was stoked.4 years later, he had his first job of running the train, and he could not contain his excitement. He went all along the tracks, left and right, forward and back, until he hit something on the rail and the train flew off the tracks, causing a disaster.

 

Jim was sentenced to death, executed by an electric chair. When asked for a last meal, Jim simply replied: "I will have one banana." After finishing his banana, he was sent to the chair. However, it didn't work. The electric chair had no effect. Jim was set free by the police force, and got a job at another train station. He sped along the tracks, he simply could not contain his excitement! However, he was careless and crashed into another train.

 

Jim, imprisoned again, was sentenced to death, by the electric chair. "What would you like for your final meal?" the chief of police asked. Jim simply replied "I would like two bananas." He finished his bananas and was again strapped to the electric chair, only to have it fail again. Jim was set free again.

Another train station had a job opening and Jim applied again. He went all over the tracks, left and right, until he ran over a man. Sent to death again, Jim had one request for his final meal. "I will have three bananas." After consuming his bananas, he was sent to the electric chair. He survived the biggest shock of his life.

"I don't get it," the chief of police said. "This electric chair is our best piece of machinery, yet you've survived three times. How do you do it? Is it the bananas you keep eating?"

"Oh, it's nothing," said Jim.

"I'm just a bad conductor."

 

Moshe is waiting on the platform at the station. He notices a Jewish man standing nearby and asks him for the time. But the man ignores him. Moshe then asks him again, and the man responds in the same way. Frustrated, Moshe asks "Excuse me, but I've asked you for the time twice, why are you ignoring me"

Suddenly, the man looks up and says, "We're both waiting for the train, if I answer you, then when we get on the train you will come and sit next to me, we will probably start talking, and I may invite you to my house for Shabbat, there you will meet my daughter, you will probably like her, you may eventually want to marry her, and to be honest with you, WHY WOULD I WANT A SON IN LAW WHO CAN'T AFFORD A WATCH?"

 

Sadie Cohen lived in an integrated neighborhood on Long Island. A neighbor, a very friendly and generous black woman, stopped by one Saturday and offered, "Mrs Cohen, I have to go to NYC this afternoon to meet my daughter. Can I get you anything?"

Mrs. Cohen thanked her and counter-offered, "Listen, I have a commuter's ticket for the train. Why don't you use my ticket, and you'll bring it back tonight. After all, it's paid for. Why should you pay extra?"

The neighbor thanked her and with the ticket in hand, made her way to the train station. When the train arrived, she boarded, and as the conductor walked through, he happened to glance at the ticket, noticing the name "Sadie Cohen.".

The conductor asked, "Excuse me, madam, are you Sadie Cohen , the person whose name appears on this ticket?"

The woman smiled sweetly and nodded her head in the affirmative.

More than a little suspicious, the conductor asked, "Would you let me compare signatures? Would you mind signing your name?"

The black lady turned indignantly to the conductor and snapped, "Man, are you crazy? You want me to write on Shabbos?

 

Sadie sits down next to an attractive man on the train and says, "You look just like my fourth husband".

The man replies, "Your fourth husband? So how many times have you been married, lady?"

"Three," replies Sadie.

 In an all-Jewish school, a Russian man decided to disrupt a math class. He stormed in and cried, "You Jews think you're so smart, try and answer this! There are seven trains going all around the country with sixteen cars on each train. There are thirty-three people on each car. How old am I?"

No one responds. A boy in the back stands up and says, "48."

Amazed, the Russian says "Yes! How did you know?"

The boy replied, "There's a man in our village that's twenty-four and is only half meshugah."

 After months of negotiation with the authorities, a Talmudist from Odessa was finally granted permission to visit Moscow . He boarded the train and found an empty seat. At the next stop, a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young man and he thought:

This fellow doesn't look like a peasant, so if he is no peasant he probably comes from this district. If he comes from this district, then he must be Jewish because this is, after all, a Jewish district.

But on the other hand, since he is a Jew, where could he be going? I'm the only Jew in our district who has permission to travel to Moscow . Ahh, wait! Just outside Moscow there is a little village called Samvet, and Jews don't need special permission to go to Samvet. But why would he travel to Samvet? He is surely going to visit one of the Jewish families there. But how many Jewish families are there in Samvet? Aha, only two - the Bernsteins and the Steinbergs. But since the Bernsteins are a terrible family, such a nice looking fellow like him, he must be visiting the Steinbergs.

But why is he going to the Steinbergs in Samvet? The Steinbergs have only daughters, two of them, so maybe he's their son-in-law. But if he is, then which daughter did he marry? They say that Sarah Steinberg married a nice lawyer from Budapest , and Esther married a businessman from Zhitomer, so it must be Sarah's husband. Which means that his name is Alexander Cohen, if I'm not mistaken.

But if he came from Budapest , with all the anti-Semitism they have there, he must have changed his name. What's the Hungarian equivalent of Cohen? It is Kovacs. But since they allowed him to change his name, he must have special status to change it. What could it be? Must be a doctorate from the University. Nothing less would do.

At this point, therefore, the scholar of Talmud turns to the young man and says, "Excuse me. Do you mind if I open the window, Dr. Kovacs?"

"Not at all," answered the startled co-passenger. "But how is it that you know my name?"

"Ahhh," replied the Talmudist, "It was obvious."

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Answer is D -This one was also pretty easy. The sinking of the Altalena an arms ship that was being smuggled into Israel by Menachem Begin who was leading the Irgun by Yitzchak Rabin which ended up killing 16 Irgun soldier was one of the most tragic stories in the founding of the State. Being didn’t trust Ben Gurion who wanted to absorb his army into one IDF and so Ben Gurion who understood that there could only be one Jewish army stopped them and demanded they disembark. Begin thought they were bluffing. They weren’t. Until the end of his life Begin never really forgave them. It’s a tragic story that’s final irony perhaps is that Rabin who killed Jewish soldiers was himself killed by a Jew. So the score is now Schwartz 18.5 and 4.5 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam.