Insights and
Inspiration
from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim
Schwartz
"Your friend
in Karmiel"
August 11th
2023 -Volume 12 Issue
44 24th of Av 5783
Parshat Re’eh
Parental
Limitations
“You’re
not my mother”.
“You
can’t tell me what to do!”
There
is a basic premise in that oft quoted retort by one of my children to the other.
These days it’s Tully to Elka, who’s pretty much repeating everything back to
her, what he had heard her say to Rivkah and Shani when she was told by her older
sister what she wasn’t allowed to do.
My
older kids were different. Yonah, pretty much did everything Shani told her to
do unquestionably, and Rivkah just did everything right. Shani pretty much
asserted that parental role and was seemingly able to convince my first two obedient
kids that her word was the law. This was despite them getting into trouble
again and again for all the things she suckered them into doing. Elka and Tully
though were different. They’re the father’s kids. No older sibling was gonna
tell them what or where they could go, what they could take from the nosh drawer
or not, or what chores they should or shouldn’t be doing. They perhaps
rightfully recognized that their older sibling wasn’t their “boss”. Only
Mommy could tell them what to do.
Now
although Daddy had a little bit of authority in the family- yet they knew as
well- that even I really could be usurped. They could pull the “Mommy didn’t
tell us we can’t”, or “Mommy said we could do this” and I would be
outvoted and ranked as well. That’s part of the price I pay for pretty much
abdicating all household and parenting obligations and responsibilities to the
only one of the two of us that were thrust in this job that had any idea how to
do this. I admit it’s a bit demeaning. But hey, I figure I’m saving on the
therapy bills if the kids had to be raised by me. And thank god it seems like it
was the right decision.
Now
the underlying premise though in that fight that all parents have heard their
children having is that “Mommy” does have the right to tell their children what
to do. And maybe in most families Daddy does too. Kids understand that there is
an authority that brought them into the world. That provides for them. That
took care of them and changed their diapers. That puts food on their table. And
that even loves them. It gives us the right to “tell them what to do”. As well
all know on the first Tablets of the Luchos of the Ten Commandments which
begins with “I am Hashem your God”, the conclusion of those first five
commandments which are the mitzvos between Man and Hashem is Honor Your Father
and Mother. We’re like God to our kids. We’re partners in their Creation with Hashem.
And as Bill Cosby would say “I brought you into this world- and I can take you
out…”
Yet,
there are limits it seems even as to what parents can direct their children to
do. “Why do I have too…” they whine. Because I’m your Father- that’s why!
“But it doesn’t make any sense.”
“It’s
not fair…”
“You
let himmmm do it…”
“She
doesn’t have to…”
“Why
am I the only one that has to…”
See
above answer to all of these questions. I’m your father. I told you. That’s
why. If you want to add to the above what my parents always told me- and I’m
sure yours did as well, you can say.
“When
you become a parent- you can do what you want with your children. But under my
roof… within my walls… as long as you’re in my house… and I’m paying your bills…you’re
doing what I tell you to do.”
Yet
despite that as parents as well we are bound by our Parent. Obviously, we can’t
tell our children to violate any of the Torah laws. Not that I imagine any of
us would want to do that. But as well from a halachic standpoint the authority
a parent has over his children is limited to providing for the parents needs.
To honor them, to feed them, to help them out, as well a child is even obligated
to have awe from one’s parents. They shouldn’t contradict them- despite the
fact they may disagree or even are correct. By the way for the boys out there
that’s a good preparation for being married. Yet, things that have to do with
their own personal lives- such as what career to pursue- if to pursue one at
all, who to marry, even when to go to sleep or whether to go to yeshiva or not
is not necessarily under the purview of that mitzva. Although as parents we are
obligated to educate or children and discipline and perhaps even the best word
to use is to inspire them to lead the proper path.
I
know this is disappointing to some of us parents out there. I mean, aren’t we
paying the bills? Didn’t we bring them to this world? Shouldn’t we as parents
have the ability to say yes and no to things that are beyond just taking care
of our needs. Although, pretty much in my case that’s really all I’m around to
do usually. The answer is a deep and powerful one. It’s one that can be found
in this week’s Parsha and it’s one that is always read this time of year when
we approach the month of Elul; the month of love, the month of returning to our
Father.
It’s
a fascinating Parsha this week. I mean all of the Parshiyot since the beginning
of Devarim are. After-all this is our final speech from Moshe, our shepherd and
leader. It’s his final Mussar schmooze to us. He starts off with the blessing
and curses and urges us to choose life. Choose the good life. The eternal life.
Do what we’re supposed to do. What we’re here for. What will be best for us.
The Parsha then tells us of those dangers that will take us away from our
mandate and our fulfillment. The goyim and their idolatrous ways that will
tempt us and seduce us. Get rid of them. Destroy them. Bring the light of Hashem
to the world. To the land. To ourselves. But it’s not just the goyim that we
have to worry about. It can happen from amongst us as well.
False
prophets, cities of rebellion and idolatry, individuals that will seduce us
that will try to convince us that there’s something better out there. That we
will find fulfillment and meaning somewhere else. What should our response be?
U’biarta
ha’rah mi’kirbecha- burn them. Destroy them. All of them. Everything they own.
Their entire city. Leave nothing but a Tel Olam- a pile of ancient ruins in the
wake. Ouch!
It
seems harsh. It seems unreal. Un-fatherly. In fact, our sages tell us that the Ir
Ha’nidachas never really happened. Fascinatingly enough the Rambam even
suggests that unlike any other death penalty sentence that has been given- in
this one case if the city repents then it’s judgement isn’t carried out. Yet,
it seems dramatic and harsh. Which is perhaps why the next paragraph in the Torah
is so important although it seems unrelated. It is the law of what being a
child of Hashem means. And strangely enough it’s not what you or I might have
thought it would be.
The
Torah tell us
Banim
atem La’Hashem Elokeichem- You are children of Hashem, your God.
And
what does that then mean? We should keep Shabbos? Maybe build a Temple for Him?
Be kind, be just, be observant, learn Torah? Nope… that’s not it. Rather the verse
continues..
“Lo
TisGodedu- You shall neither cut yourselves nor make any baldness
between your eyes for the dead.”
Huh?
Really that’s it? Don’t cut myself for a dead person. Don’t get a mohawk? What
does that have to do with being children of Hashem? The Sforno says an incredible
idea that could be life changing. He explains that the reason why people mourn
so dramatically is because they are not children of Hashem. When they die. It’s
over. The party is over. Their father is gone. Their mother is no longer with
them. They fell lost and their lives are meaningless without their beloved. It’s
not so by us. We always have a Father.
Every
Shabbos at our Shabbos table we have been reading from a great book by my dear
friend and fellow Mishpacha columnist Sruli Besser about Rabbi Dovid Trenk appropriately
titled “Just Love Them”. It’s an amazing biography about an incredible
person who was able to fill his students with the love that he had for them. I
recently saw a video clip from his widow who was talking about how people come
over to her and express their grief over the loss of her husband that she
suffered. Her response to them always has been.
“He’s
not lost. I know exactly where he is.. He’s in a better place then we are and
he’s still here with us as well…”
That
is the children of Hashem. We need to know that we are all the children of Hashem
even after we hear about the terrible and worst of the worst of us that might
even pop up in our history. Or that even pop up today. Or are even own
children. Or that are even even us…We are never gone. We are never dead to the
point where we should wring our clothing, our bodies and rip out our hair. We
are children, Rebbi Meir teaches us even in the worst of the worst sins. And
yet we are all different.
The
Talmud reads the word Lo Tisgodedu differently- homiletically. We
shouldn’t make agudos agudos… It says that we should separate ourselves
into different groups, different parties, different factions. Don’t make
smaller and smaller boxes that nobody besides you and your neighbor could fit
into. Do you know why? Because we’re all
children of Hashem. Each and everyone of us. And each and every one of us has a
specific purpose. A special role. An eternal love that our Father has for them.
How can you write them off? How can you make a separate party? Why do you think
they’re dead? Don’t you see that by saying and doing that and even thinking
that then what you are really doing is ripping a cut into your own flesh. That
you’re pulling out your own hair. That if they are dead and if they are not
special and they are not chosen then neither are you…
The
next verse that follows this verse Moshe continues and tells us
“For
you are a holy people to Hashem, your God, and Hashem has chosen you to be a
treasured people for Him, out of all the nations that are upon the earth.”
Rashi
points out that there are two things in this verse. The first is that we are
holy because of our forefathers. It’s in our DNA. It’s nothing we ever did to
earn it. We just have good parents and we come from special blood. And Hashem
loves that. Yet, it doesn’t end there. Rashi continues and tells us that He
chose us to be his treasured people. His am segula. It’s not our
forefathers. It’s not because of the things that we do or don’t do. We’re His
children and he wouldn’t trade us for anything and it’s not even because there’s
only slim pickings out there. There is this love that He has for us. For me.
For you. For his children. He chose us and as the Lubavitcher Rebbi notes in an
incredible sicha- when you choose someone it’s not because you’re choosing
their qualities. Because then one would be choosing a quality. You’re choosing
their looks, their brains, their personality, their hair, their sense of humor.
That’s not choosing us. That’s not choosing me.
Hashem
chose us because we are just precious to Him, and therefore nothing can or will
ever take us away from that. Not even a seducer, a false prophet or an entire
city. Because we are His children.
The
reason why a parent can’t command a child how to lead their life, although they
should certainly inspire them and have nothing more than they want for them but
to have the best life, is because, their life isn’t always meant to be what we
think it should be for them. They have to find their own place. They have to
become their own people. They need to be the child of Hashem that their neshoma
points them to become and it may be very different than what we parents might think.
We
read this parsha as we enter the month of Elul. It’s a month that all of us
start to return to our Father. He’s out there in the field waiting for us. We’ve
seen Him there this past vacation on all our trips and for those fortunate enough
to be in Eretz Yisrael touring all over this incredible land that we’ve read
about in last week’s Parsha that He’s promised us and after 2000 years allowed
us to return back to. The greatest impediment to teshuva, to that return, is
the lack of sense or belief that my Father really cares about me. Little ol’
me. Moshe, tells us that it’s not true. Od Avinu Chai- If our Father is
still alive then that means His children are as well. That means I am. It means
I can come home. It means we can be together. It means that my neighbor, my brother,
my friend are all one family. Re’eh- see, Hashem tells us. That is the blessing
we just have to choose life.
Have a loving Shabbos and a blessed month of Elul,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
************************
YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
“Oif
aigeneh kinder iz yederer a blinder..”- When
it comes to one’s own children, everybody is blind
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
NEW EXAM STARTING THIS WEEK WINTER 2023!
1. The name of
the holiday ending the Ramadan fast is___________.
What is the
Shahada?
a. The first
Surah in the Quran
b. Another
name for the Quran
c. Declaration
of faith
d. A holy war
(Jihad)
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFGNNWk441k
- Magnificent
song by Abie Rottenberg sung by incredible nephew Yehuda Litke!
https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/good-shabbos
–You’ve missed this song… admit
it… You don’t even know how you made Shabbos without it for so long.. Here it
is back again my Good Shabbos song…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwjjqgyXxGk
– V’Tovah Ani- beautiful song
by Akiva Gelb I am worthy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S6-7RxVw0Y
–
Coming to Elul need to hear Eitan Katz’s Niggun Elul right?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRHAK34b968
–
And of course the latest hilarious Bardak release… These guys really rewrote
the book… love em
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR
PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
The Hit List Continues-. After having wiped out the Kings of Israel
and Yehudah and all of 70 children of Achav one would’ve thought
that Yehu would have taken a break. But he was on a mission from Hashem.
The vengeance that Eliyahu had promised that would rain down upon the house of Achav
wasn’t over yet. There’s still more killing to do.
Next on the hit list is the family of Achazaya
of Yehuda who came to see how things were fairing. They reached out to Yehu
in the Akod Ha’Roim- the shepherd’s gathering place where they sheared
the sheep, claiming to see how things were fairing. But Yehu could tell
that they were not on his team. They were following in the ways of their father
who had partnered with Yehoram whom he had already killed. So he killed
all of them. 42 in all. Boom!
Interestingly enough, the location of where this
took place could have possibly been discovered. In the West Bank not far
from Jenin there are two Arab villages one is called Kfar Qud and
one is called Beit Qud. Near Kfar Qud there is an ancient well with
many earthenware archeological remains from this time frame. Its location would
in fact put it in between Jezre’el and the Shomron and would be
on the path through the Dosan valley that Yehu would’ve traveled. The large
well would make sense as we know from through out the Tanach even in the times
of Yaakov Avinu and Moshe Rabbeinu the shepherds always gathered
near a large well. I’ve never been there personally as it’s Area A and Israelis
can’t go there. Yet who knows maybe soon we’ll get rid of all of our enemies
there as well as Yehu did and return. One thing is for certain- it’s still
a violent place, perhaps the remnants of Yehu’s massacres.
Next he bumps into the Yehonadav who was
a Kenite convert from the descendants of Yisro. He quickly gets on board
with Achav and he brings him up to his chariot making him his right hand
man. He needs one because the next task is the biggest. He comes back to Shomron
and kills all of the family and supporters of Achav. He has rectified
all of the sins of Achav’s house finally. The vengeance has been fulfilled.
Yehu is now firmly sitting on his throne. Yet, his job and his killing is not
done yet. There’s still all of the idolatry that is in the land. The prophets and
worshippers of Baal are still out there. It is only after they as are as
well taken care that his job will finally be over. Next week we’ll see how he
does that…
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE CHILDREN JOKES OF THE WEEK
There was a rabbi known for his constant preaching about the need
to nurture children with warmth and love.
One time he noticed some children who were playing in the freshly
laid concrete outside his newly renovated home, their little feet leaving
lasting impressions. He became irritated and started chastising the children.
A congregant asked, "How can you, a person who devoted his
entire life to teaching warmth to children, speak this way?"
To which the rabbi replied: "You must understand. I love
children in the abstract, not the concrete."
In the 1970's, a Russian school inspector is questioning the
children. He points to one of the boys and says, "Who is your
father?"
The boy replies, "The Soviet Union."
He then asks, "Who is your mother?"
"The communist party," came the reply.
"And what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"I want to be a Stankhanovite worker for the glory of the
state and the party."
The inspector then points to one of the girls and asks, "Who
is your father?"
The girl answers, "The Soviet Union."
"Who is your mother?"
"The communist party."
"And what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"A heroine of the Soviet Union raising lots of children for
the state and party."
The inspector looks round and sees a Jewish boy tucked away at the
back trying to look inconspicuous. He points and says, "What's your
name?"
The boy replies, "Mendel Abramovitch."
"Who is your father?"
"The Soviet Union."
"Who is your mother?"
"The communist party."
"And what do you want to be when you grow up?"
Mendel replies, "An orphan."
Mordechai, his wife and their three children have just finished
their shopping and decide to get a taxi back home. So he hails a cab and says
to the driver, "If you turn off the meter, how much will you charge to
drive us to Brooklyn?"
"For you and your wife, I'll charge just $12,"
says the taxi driver, "and I'll take the 3 children for free. Is that
OK?"
Mordechai turns to his children and says, "Jump into the
taxi, children, this nice man will take you home. Your mother and I will take
the bus."
Mendel was passing by his Chaim's bedroom and was astonished to see that his bed was
nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that
was addressed to "Daddy."
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling
hands
and read the letter.
Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to
elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and
you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But
I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight
motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the
whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really
hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other
people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS
so Stacy can get better.
She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad, I'm 16 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get
to know your grandchildren.
Love, Your boychik Chaim’l
PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Yanky's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life
than a report card That's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's
safe to come home.
Four Jewish ladies are playing a game of cards in Miami Beach.
The first lady sighs and says, "Oy..."
The second lady nods, sighs and says, "Oy vey!"
The third lady says, "Oy veys meer!"
The fourth lady chimes in: "Enough talk about the children
already. Let's get back to the game."
Even though they were brought up strictly orthodox, Shlomo, 8 and
Isaac, 10 were very naughty brothers. When anything went wrong in Golders
Green, they were nearly always involved.
One day, a friend visited their parents and mentioned a Rabbi who
was having great success with delinquent children. As they were finding it
difficult to control their boys, they went to this Rabbi and asked whether he
could help.
He said he could and asked to see the younger boy first – but he
must be alone. So Shlomo went to see the Rabbi while Isaac was kept at home.
The Rabbi sat Shlomo down across a huge, solid mahogany desk and he
sat down on the other side. For 5 minutes they just sat and stared at each
other. Finally, the Rabbi pointed his finger at Shlomo and asked,
"Where is God?" Shlomo said nothing.
Again, in a louder tone, the
Rabbi pointed at Shlomo and asked, "Where is God?"
Again Shlomo said nothing.
Then the Rabbi leaned across the desk, put his finger on Shlomo's nose and
shouted, "For the third time, Shlomo, where is God?"
Shlomo panicked at this, got up and ran all the way home. He went
straight up to Isaac’s room and said, "We are in big trouble,
Isaac."
"What do you mean, big trouble, little brother?" said Isaac.
Shlomo replied, "God is missing... and I’m sure they think
we did it."
********************************
The answer to this week”s
question is C -. Ok… new exam
and already I’m not off to the greatest of starts… I only got this one half
right. Muslim holidays are really not my thing. I guessed it was called Id Al adcha-
which is the holiday of the sacrifice, when they believe the akeida of Yishmael
took place… Yeah… like Xtians Muslims are not the most creative of religions.
The correct answer though is Id al Fitr- which I should’ve known as Fitr is
fast breaking which is after Ramadan. I did get the second part of the question
right though. I knew that Shahada is their declaration of faith. Pretty much
the entire prayer is the one sentence that Allah is great and Muhammed is his prophet.
I remember that because the Arabic word Shahada comes from the Aramaic Sahadusa
which is testimony. Not sure which comes from which. So off to a even race with
Rabbi Schwartz having a half point and the MOT having Half point
as we start this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.
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