Insights and Inspiration
from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
"Your friend in Karmiel"
May 2nd 2025 -Volume 14 Issue 25 4th of Iyar 5785
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale a tale of a fateful trip. That started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship. The mate was not a mighty sailin' man. He was a Tour guide Rabbi very unsure. He agreed somehow to sail that day with his son Tully and seven other Karmielim, for a five day tour… a five day tour…
Crash… Boom… Lightening…
The weather started getting rough.
The nauseous Rabbi’s lunch tossed.
If not for the help of Hashem your weekly E-Mail writer would be lost…
The chulent provider of Karmiel would be lost…
Your tour guide would be lost…
Yup… I’m back. I don’t know how much of this E-Mail I’ll get out this week. But hey, give me a break. It’s been an unreal crazy week Rabbi Gilligan Schwartz is back in Karmiel after a week out in the Greek Isles with Tully. (*check out video below in clips for the highlights.). It’s what we absentee tour guide fathers and Rabbis have to do for their children who they never see and spend quality time with because they’re working with other people’s children and tours all day… Usually one week together alone with their father gives them enough of a feeling that they’re not missing out on much… and lasts quite a while. Particularly the part about sleeping in the same small bed together for a week in our tiny little cabin. And hey I got a good deal, so how could I say no…?
Now, I’m not a fan of leaving Israel, particularly the week of Yom Hazikaron and Yom Ha’Atzamaut. It seems Hashem knew that if I’m not around that there wouldn’t be a part here and so he just set the whole country on fire…
But don’t worry he didn’t let me off the hook too easily either. Despite the fact that we had an amazing trip, but that last two hours back to Athens Hashem made me pay. It was crazy winds. It was like being in a washing machine on tumble clean (Is that even a thing… I haven’t done a load of laundry since I get married. It was kind of the point, to be honest.) I guess Hashem wanted me to take this Eretz Yisrael is only acquired with tribulations thing seriously. Fascinatingly enough as I looked at the Luach historical calendar it told me that today is actually the date that the Rambam first arrived to Israel as well for his short visit here. Whadaya know? He had a storm and almost died as well coming here. He even established a family fast day for all of his descendants to commemorate that trouble he had coming here. I’m not a big extra fast day person. Neither is my wife and kids. But it’s nice to know that Hashem wanted me to have the full Rambam coming to Israel experience. Me and the Rambam… not bad…
There is so much I want to share with you guys and hopefully will, about the lessons learnt at sea. The highlights and the adventures. I’ve got material for good few E-mails… Now I just have to fit them into the upcoming parshiyos. But I’m too wiped and time is short. And as well, I’d like to share with you an incredible insight not about the trip, but about the coming back to Eretz Yisrael. But not just my return, the return of all of us. Our return after 250 years of exile from our land in Egypt and 40 years in the wilderness, and our arrival and entrance to the land, that took place 3000 years ago. Our return to the land with the leadership of Yehoshua and what took place, this Shabbos and this past week.
Let’s first get the calendar straight. We arrived on the banks of the Jordan River after 40 years of wandering in the wilderness on the month of Shevat. Moshe there tells us that entire book of Devarim and dies on the 7th of Adar after which we mourn for him for a month. On the 7th of Nissan Yehoshua sends spies into the city of Yericho, they hang out by Rachav Ha’Zonah’s house and they come back and give him the all clear. The land is ready to be conquered. (Incidentally they also solve the personal shidduch crisis Yehoshua who was an older bachelor was having, by redding him to her and she becomes his bashert. Thus setting the precedent that the real solution to the Shidduch crisis is by moving to Israel, where you don’t have to wait until Shavuos to find your bride…).
On the tenth of Nissan they cross the Yarden and it splits just like Yam Suf did for Moshe. It seems that if you want to come into Israel, you need to go through a stormy sea. It’s an essential experience. Today the Israeli bureaucracy involved in making Aliyah tries to duplicate that experience by the mishigas they put you through before letting you move here. The day that we come here we head up to the Mt Gerizim and Eival, we have blessings and curses, we bury Yosef’s bones in Shechem and then we come back down right outside Yericho by Gilgal where we erect the Mishkan and start getting ready for Pesach. Our first Pesach in the Holy Land. The first time we’re bringing a Pesach offering and lamb in Eretz Yisrael as a redeemed nation. That year Erev Pesach, as it was this year for us, fell out on Shabbos. An occurrence that won’t happen for another 20 years and doesn’t happen to often. Meaning that our calendar year of the week this year is the exact one as it was when we first came into the land. On that note, let’s see what happens next.
From that Friday night Pesach Seder they had 7 days of Pesach and then the day afterwards Sunday, as it was for us), they head on over to the city of Yericho to conquer it. But the conquering of Yericho is not going to be a fair battle. Hashem promised us He’s going to do the work. Our job is to circle the walls of the city for 7 days with Shofars and on the 7th day, last Shabbos the 28th of Nissan, Shabbos Mivorchim of Iyar, the walls came tumblin’ down. The miracle was huge. It was great. We were flying high. Hashem gave Yehoshua a command though, on that day before the battle. Hands off of everything. This is not your war. It’s Hashems. It’s sacred. Not only that but Yehoshua decrees that the city of Yericho is never to be rebuilt. Despite the fact that there is a mitzva to settle all of the land. But he wants us to remember this miracle. He curses anyone who builds the city, he curses and warns anyone from taking any of the booty. This is all on that first Shabbos, last Shabbos, in Eretz Yisrael.
One can imagine the euphoria of the Jewish people after that battle. It’s like the 6 day war, but even better. Our first conquest went off without a hitch. And then came this week. The week after. The next on our hit list was the ciy of Ai. Ai Ai Ai Ai Tziyon… You know that song. I’m sure they sang it. There as well he sent spies to check it out this past week. The spies come back and say it’s easy. It’s no problem. There’s no point in waking up the Minister of Defense. Send 2-3 thousand people and that’s it the city is ours. The First Responders could handle it all. Why bother the rest of the army? Sounds familiar?
Yeah… that didn’t work out that well. The city of Ai came out and chased them away and killed 36 soldiers that day. Welkam to Eezrael. The people are devastated. Their hearts turn to water, the pasuk tells us. They feel like they’re drowning in a sea, after a first beautiful week on a cruise. Yehoshua, their skipper, is broken. And then the word comes down from heaven, why this happened. It seems that all of Israel has sinned. They have disgusted Hashem. This is not a good thing. What did we do wrong?
Get ready for this guys… It seems one guy, Achan, a leader, couldn’t resist and he chapped a few things from the city of Yericho. Boom. The whole nation is in danger. The ship is sinking. Yehoshua uses the Urim V’Tumim to figure out who it is. He then tells Achan to confess. Which remarkably he does. He doesn’t ask to push off accountability until after the war and the settling of the land. He admits. He takes his punishment like a man. The Jewish people stone him to death. And remarkably our sages tell us that he goes straight to heaven. He has atoned. We have atoned. The storm is over. The real conquering of the land that we need to do- not miraculously with Hashem shofars and the Ark, but with our holy army and holy Chayalim. Our soldiers who understand and learned the lesson, that we are one nation, that we are responsible for one another in a very real visceral way. That the sin of one is the sin of all of us. That there’s no passing the buck. That if one person drills a hole in the bottom of the boat under his own seat, then we will all sink. We will all drown.
From there we go back to Ai. We take an army of thirty thousand this time around. We draw them out of the city. We ambush them. We burn it down while they’re gone. It’s cool. It’s like a blowing up beeper thing. We win the war. We settle the land. That’s what takes place this week. That’s our lesson when we come back home and return to the land.
The Gemara tells us that When Yehoshua surrounded the city of Yericho, each day they sang the Aleinu prayer as they shofared around the city. In fact that first letters of each sentence of Aleinu begins with a letter from Yehoshua’s name (backwards), or at least his original name Hoshe’a.
Aleinu Li’shabayach (Ayin)
Shelo Sam Chelkeinu- (Shin)
V’anachnu Korim- (Vav)
Hu Elokeinu Ein Od (Hei)
Even cooler than that is the second paragraph of Aleinu is Al Kein Nikaveh Lecha, begins with the letters of none other than Achan. The guy who taught us that most important lesson in his death. The one who admitted. The one who accepted his fate. The one who revealed the lesson to Bnai Yisrael how we are all responsible for one another. That the sin of one is the sin of us all. When we recite Aleinu each day, it is us saying that praise to Hashem. It is a prayer of us asking Hashem to reveal Himself to the world. To bring us to Eretz Yisrael. To build the Bais HaMikdash. To reveal the His Kingship to the whole world. To destroy evil.. Aleinu starts with the letter Ayin and ends with the Hashem yimloch l’olam va’ed- Hashem should rule for eternity. The last letter is Daled. The ayin and daled spell eid- a witness and testimony. That’s what we are saying. It’s what we are asking for. The other prayer that is similar to that which we say twice a day is Shema. The last letter of Shema is ayin and the last letter of Hashem Echad is daled. The Kingship of Hashem being revealed is dependent on His One-ness. And His One-ness can only be revealed when we are one as well.
There were two highlights for me on boat trip back to Israel. The first was each morning getting up and davening at sunrise in middle of the sea. It was glorious. I said Hallel two days, (and a third if I would’ve said it on Yom Ha’atzamaut 😊). I sang to Hashem about the splitting of the sea, the crossing of the Yarden, and of the glory of the sun rising over His creation. It was just me and Hashem on those mornings and we were so connected. It was awesome.
The second highlight was all of us lying out on a beach at night (or as Gilligan would say “an uncharted desert isle”) with the stars some Ouzo and a BBQ. We got to know one another. Who were the 7 of us? Well, we had Avremy, our skipper who was raised in a chareidi settler city in the heart of the West Bank and was a life coach, definitely not a millionaire. There was Yosef and his son. Yosef moved to Israel when he was 18 from the Ukraine, not even having learned that he was Jewish until he was 13. His father was a goy, and only his great grandmother on his mother’s side was Jewish. Yet being raised a few miles from Medzibuzh, where Yosef used to fish as a child from not far from the Ukrainian village he was raised in, seems to have had the light of the Baal Shem Tov penetrate his heart and his journey brought him to Israel, where he still fishes, but also learns every day and sends his children to cheder.
The other castaways on our boat, were Ronen, a sabra child of Russian Olim that was raised in Karmiel, Yishai, a young Morocan sefardi scribe, whose grandfather a Kabbalist who was blind and worked in Israel upon moving here as an engineer of quality control, and finally Eliezer a child of South African and American Olim who was raised in Chareidi yeshivos, studied in Kollel for many years, until becoming a lawyer, representing religious causes in Israel. And then it was me and Tully. Tully who moved here when he was not even one, and me, which is just too much to describe, and you know it all already. If not come on my tours for the life and times…
It was incredible how diverse and how different we all were. Our backgrounds, our upbringings, our lives, our goals, our experiences. Yet we were all on the same boat. We each saw a spark in one another. There was light that was coming out of that bonfire on the beach that was under the stars that was much brighter than the few logs that we threw inside. It was a fire that was coming down from heaven. It was the light of Hashem that shining down when Jews come together and realize we are all on one Islands. We are called Ivri, because of that Island that is different and separate from the rest of the world. That Island is called Eretz Yisrael. It’s from there that we will reveal the shechina when we all cross the sea to get here. When we each make it through our personal stormy exiles, our Egypts. When we come home.
The parsha this week is Tazria Metzora. It’s about the Jew that can’t stop speaking bad about others. He’s the hole in our boat. He gets thrown out of the camp. He needs to go through a purification of water and blood to come back in. He needs to have his offering shook up and down like waves of a stormy sea before he rejoins the nation. Eliyahu Ha’Navi and Mashiach are busy healing Metzoras. They’re fixing those sins of negativity and fighting that remain between us. They’re removing those bandages. We count to Shavous. And we are getting closer and closer to the return to Israel. To the revelation of Hashem. The prophet tells us that the ultimate redemption will come
Ki’yemei tzescha mei’eretz Mitzrayim- areinu niflaos- Hashem will show us miracles like the same days when we left Egypt. This year it’s the same days. May we merit to see the the conclusion of that verse
U’malah ha’aretz dei-ah es Hashem- and the world will be filled with the knowledge of Hashem
Ka’mayim la’yam michasim- like water covers the land!
Have an blaringly amazing Shabbos and a Chodesh Iyar Tov!
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
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YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
" S'iz a shturem in a gloz vaser” - It's a storm in a glass of water
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
16. An outline of urban planning in which streets cross each other at right angles is called ______
In which 20th century decade, were most of the buildings in Israel constructed in the
“International” style built?
A. 1910-1920
B. 1930-1940
C. 1950-1960
D. 1970-1980
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://youtu.be/JG12V8lPE9k - Rabbi Schwartz and Tully Karmielim Greek Island Cruise!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhIgMrxVFl4 – Ari Goldwag’s latest Acapella Today’s the day!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhIgMrxVFl4 - Now Jewish Nanny (formerly Non) cool Podcast from Meaningful Minute…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCMQch7Kea4 – In Reb Shayaleh’s hands…
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
(Next week this column will IYH pick back up… stay tuned as we enter the era of the destruction of the Temple and should be a zechus for the rebuilding…)
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE SAILOR JOKES OF THE WEEK
Which sailors blow their nose the most often? Anchor chiefs.
What is a sailor’s favorite type of detergent? Tide.
How does the sea say hello to a sailor? Waves
An old sailor once said that you could hear the calm before the storm. He said it sounded like a C flat.
Why do sailors like to eat carrots? Because it allows them to sea better.
Why don’t sailors like to go shopping for new hats? Because they are worried about capsizing.
What is a sailor’s least favorite type of vegetable? Leeks.
What’s a sailor’s favorite type of candy? Lifesavers.
Why can’t sailors play cards? Because they’re always standing on the deck!
Yankel and Berel are out enjoying themselves one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking.
Berel says to Yankel, "listen, Yankel, I have a problem, you know I don't swim well at all."
But luckily, Yankel remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class years ago when he was just a youngster and so he begins pulling Berel towards safety. After fifteen minutes of this, however, Yankel begins to grow quite tired – all his energy had left him. And finally, just 100 feet from land, Yankel asks Berel, "So Berel do you suppose you could float alone?"
Berel replies, " Yankel, this is a heck of a time to be asking about money!"
One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.
The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river."
Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, but only after almost drowning a couple of times.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength ... and the tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, but only after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.
The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...and the intelligence... to cross this river." And poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.
A man wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her, "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?"
Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side:
"For Sale.”
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The answer to this week”s question is B- There is always one question at least on this exam that I will have no clue about. It’s why they only make you answer 30 out of 33 questions. This is the one that I would’ve skipped. I have no clue nor care about architecture Israeli style or history. I don’t think anyone really does. I didn’t even bother guessing this one. The answer to the first part is hypodemic, orthogenic or Grid and the answer to the second part is 1930-1940 (I guessed randomly 1970-1980) anyways this one was entirely wrong and thus the new score is Rabbi Schwartz 10 Ministry of Tourism 6 on this exam so far. Oy….
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