Something Fishy- Parshat Shemini 2019 /5779

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land
from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

March 29th 2019 -Volume 9 Issue 26-22^nd of Adar II 5779

Parsha Shemini /Parah

Something Fishy

We had been married a few weeks. Sheva Brachos were over. We finally had our kitchen set up in our small apartment in Flatbush. Our lives were getting normal. Well... as normal as two young, twenty-something-year olds can when be, when after knowing each other for about two and half months, having met less than a few dozen times (including our engagement period), and having spoken less than a hundred hour, we were embarking on spending the rest of our lives together with one another. Like forever and ever and ever and ever-rest of your lives together. Pretty much the typical yeshiva young couple dating and engagement thing. But hey, she was the first girl that wasn’t my sister that seemed to like talking to me. Not that my sister liked talking to me, or even admitting that I was her brother. She still doesn’t by the way. So we settled into our lives. We found out who we each really were and we started to set up our home.

So it was only natural as things came together, that my wife told me one of those early nights that I shouldn’t get caught up late in Kollel. She was making dinner for the first time. This was exciting. Dinner in my own house, cool! Now I would no longer be a yeshiva guy, standing in line waiting for dinner with my plate in hand, or alternatively more often having to run out and pick up some fast food on the road. I was a married man. I had a wife, and she was making me dinner. I was finally an adult. So all day I dreamed of that dinner. This was what it was all about. I didn’t even eat lunch. I skipped all the way home like little red riding hood. It was our night.

I walked in and the table was all set. There were candles, our new wedding china and silverware and a folded napkin. She brought out a nice well garnished slice of salmon. Rice with vegetables, I think the vegetables were just for show. There were even goblets with wine. So we ate, we schmoozed, I finished the fish, and I complimented it. Then I waited. She looked at me strangely. What was I waiting for?

“Oh!” I said “is that it?” Now my wife was a bit perplexed.
“Of course that’s it, what do you think?”
 Oh, nothing, I tried to catch myself, It’s fine. Everything was delicious. Amazing. Really!
It wasn’t working. She wasn’t letting up. What do you mean “That’s it”?

It’s really fine, I tried explaining. It’s just that where I come from fish is usually just an appetizer. Y’know, something you eat before the you bring out the main course, which is usually a dead warm-blooded animal on a plate. It could’ve had wings, but preferably one that walked on four legs. Maybe on Thursday we would order pizza, but that was only because we would be able to have some Thursday night chulent “to’ameha- Shabbos tastings afterwards.

Now it was my wife’s turn to be shocked.
“Well where I come from, fish is a meal. You eat flayshigs on Shabbos, maybe once or twice during the week. But quiche, fish, pasta, and stir-fried vegetables with tofu were all dinner fair.”

I looked around for hidden cameras. Was this a joke? Was I being scammed? I saw my whole life pass before my eyes. Why hadn’t we discussed this? Did we really spend so much time talking about the philosophical differences between watching a video on your computer versus going to the movies, or the advantages of living in America instead of Israel, or whether corporal punishment is a good way to raise children and if we were believers in nature or nurture, and we didn’t discuss perhaps the only real important topic of ‘what’s for dinner?’ Fish was something you ate before the soup. It was decorated with a carrot on top and buried in horseradish. Sometimes it had tomato sauce that you dip your challa in. It was a cousin of the stuff that came in cans that I ate for lunch every day. I was feeling faint.

The night did not end pleasantly. I told her that she could make what she wanted, as our apartment was strategically 5 minutes away from a flayshigs fast food joint (Kosher Delight ob’m). It seems every apartment in Flatbush is. That did not go over well at all. I thought I was being generous and non-demanding in that concession. I didn’t understand, that I was married to someone who actually believed that my carnivorous ways were unhealthy. That wanted to spend many years together with me. And she had a vision of making healthy meals for her husband each night. It’s 25 years later (this week! Mazel tov!). Guess what I ate for dinner last night? Well at least there’s a place that sells Thursday night chulent down the block.

Now I guess you can understand why I became a tour guide. A man needs shwarma. Not me of course, I’m fine with fish. But my tourists, certainly deserve to eat a good laffa with meat inside of it for dinner. And I would never let them eat alone. That would just be rude. Oh, the sacrifices I make for you.

Which of course brings us to this week’s Torah portion. The parsha that tells us about what animals we can eat and which we can’t.  So what’s up on the Torah’s menu for the Jewish people?  I just want to point out that it starts off with the main course which is obviously flayshigs.

Vayikra (11:2) These are the animals you may eat, among all the cattle that are upon the earth. Any one among the animals that has a split hoof which is separated into hooves and that brings up its cud.- that one may you eat.

Next up we have fish. Which is obviously the appetizer and the Torah tells us that we require fins and scales- snapir and kaskesess. Interestingly enough the Talmud tells a secret that every animal that has scales has fins, although not everyone that has fins has scales.

The Torah then tells us which birds we can’t eat, and which bugs we can. That’s obviously for those that can’t afford to eat meat as the main course and fish as the appetizer.

Now as I ate fish last night, and as it is my anniversary coming up, I decided that it is worthwhile to explore the fish thing a bit in honor of my wife. Fascinatingly enough, the ARI’zl and other works of kabbalah note that fish are in fact the highest and holiest of animals to eat. As opposed to steaks and lamb chops which require proper halachic slaughtering to be kosher, fish just need to be yanked out of the water and they can be immediately thrown on the grill and be enjoyed. You can even eat them raw in sushi, herring or lox. He explains, rather mystically, as he generally does that cattle are created out of the element of earth. They are more physical. They need more action to uplift them. Birds and poultry are a combination of earth and water and wind and thus require shechita. But not as extensive as the four legged animals. It’s why they are kosher if you only cut either the wind or food pipe (although we do both of course) as opposed to cows and sheep that need both. We don’t have to remove the fats, the sinews of birds. They are holier than cows. Perhaps that’s why they’re not as tasty?

Fish however are the highest of the high. They are created out of the element of water. Water is mercy. Water is what the world was before anything physical came into it. Water is torah. Fish you can just slam in your bagel with cream cheese. Even more mystically the AR”I suggests that tzadikim that are reincarnated, and have to come back to this world for some small tikun-rectification- that they did not accomplish in their life, come back as fish. The rest of us? Mooooo…baahhhh… Shwarma, steak, hamburgers and schnitzel. We need a Jew to really slaughter us, kosher us and cook us in a chulent before making a bracha on us at our Shabbos table. Fish? A little chrayn and that hidden soul is good to go up to heaven.

But it is deeper than that. Twenty thousand leagues under the sea, deep. (Curious how many of you got that reference, and how many of you went to Lakewood schools J). The signs that the Torah tells us of the animals being kosher are called simanei taharah- signs of purity. Hashem created animals for us to eat and some for us not to eat. Some have the power to elevate us. Some have the power to “stop up our hearts” spiritually- not physically. Tumah- is stoppage. Timtum halev- the blocking of the heart is what happens when we eat non-kosher. So Hashem gave us signs so that we know what to eat and what not. The question though is, what are the significance of the signs. Wouldn’t it have been much easier if he had put just a big OU or OK on the kosher animals. Maybe a triangle K or Rabbanut Rammalah on those questionable ones- Shhhh I didn’t say that. What’s with the fins and scales, or for that matter the hooves and cud?

The Shel”a Hakadosh explains that as we noted fish are connected to the holy people, the talmidei chachamim, the scholars. They swim in the ‘sea of Torah’. They are surrounded by the divine ocean of mercy. There are two attributes that they possess; fins and scales. The scales are attached to him. They are his protection. The fins on the other hand (or flipper) flap. They are what allows him to swim higher and higher. What are they symbolic of? The scales are, a Jews protection is what is attached to him. It is the traditions that he received from his teachers, his parents. They are the yiras shamayim- the fear of heaven that protects him from sinning. The Baal Hasulam suggests that they are the challenges- the dvarim kashim- that he overcomes, that reinforces him. (the name kas-kashim). That is what makes him Kosher. If he has scales you automatically know that he has fins. He can breathe. He can swim in any current. For the fins, they suggest represents that personal growth. The Torah that you find, the Torah that has yet to be revealed as you plummet with those scales attached to you to the new places. To changing waters, challenges and new worlds that your previous generations never encountered.

You may even reach a world where in the words of the Sulam- is Soneh po ohr elyon- it is hated the upper light- which he suggests is the root of the word snapir. There are worlds like that, there are fish in the sea that only have those snapir. They don’t have scales. They don’t have tradition and the fear of Hashem to protect them. Not all that have snapir/ fins have scales. But the Torah tells us that the fins themselves have the ability to be the sign of holiness as well. The Torah could have just told us any fish with scales and we would know automatically that it was kosher, because every fish with scales has fins. But it wanted to teach us about how we can become purer. How we can swim and what was out there in the murky waters that we would have to avoid.

Similarly, one can understand hooves and cud in the same way. The land animals that we eat are the ones that interact with this world. They are pure if they have split hooves. They realize that there is good and evil, and the two shouldn’t mix. They shouldn’t be PC’d over. They need to tread on this world separating into two, either the things that can be elevated or the things that should be left behind and smashed down and left on the ground. Once you know this and have only walked on a trail of separation, a good holy discerning path, then the things you ingest spiritually in this world, much like Elsie the cow should be regurgitated, again and again and again. Hafoch bo vhafoch bo d’kulo bo-turn it around and around for all can be found in it, our sages tell us about the Torah and its study. Don’t take anything for granted. Ask. Chew on it. Bring it up again and again and keep tasting its sweet succulent juicy flavors. Animals that just swallow it down in one shot, are not kosher. It’s a sign of impurity. We are a holy people and we eat only holy food.

So where does that leave us? Hungry, I guess. It’s almost Shabbos, don’t worry. The chulent is on the pot. The chicken is in the soup. The gefilte fish is heating up.  There’s even some salad on the side, or at least some chummus and matbucha. Shabbos is the day we are meant to express ourselves as the world comes to its holy culmination. We bring all the levels of creation together in a masterful feast, as we sing songs to our Creator for giving us this special world. Not everyone is as lucky as me, to have the best cook in the world preparing that Shabbos meal for them. But that’s your fault. You should’ve checked it out beforehand. See that much-my wife’s cooking skills-I at least clarified while we were dating! Happy Anniversary, dear and I look forward to many more delicious meals together. You can even serve fish- as an appetizer.

Have a tasty Shabbos!

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

“Bemokem she-eyn ish iz a hering oych a fish.” Where there is no worthy man, even a herring is a fish.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

Q.  Places where the poetess Rachel lived:

A. Degania and Motza

B. Jerusalem and Tel Aviv

C. Kinneret and Yavne’el

D. Alumot and Kfar Tavor

RABBI SCHWARTZES COOL VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5S_uY4riOw  – Classic Gefilte Fish Yiddish song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qu0h5ThceEw   –Lior Suchard mind-blowing mentalist cool!

https://youtu.be/i87AqI-os4E – Avraham Fried preforming for Chayalim on Purim

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWdX2PW4QbQ    -Lech Al Zeh- New Arie Goldwag composition with Dovie Fisher

https://youtu.be/PVa3BwXy7v8 – The three stooges fish song! Golden oldie

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S “LOMDUS” CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

Parshat Shemini– The Beis Midrash is not the only place where one can shine their lomdus skills. True lamdanim whenever they open their mouths express themselves lomdishly. It is fascinating to read some of the public speeches by some of our great lamdanim. Dinners, appeals, weddings, bar mitzvas and funerals. If there’s a speech to be made it should have some lomdus in it. For lomdus is truth and if one wants to convey a truth there is no better way then lomdus to do so.

This week’s Torah portion has a fantastic idea that was revealed by Reb Nochim Partzovitz at the funeral of Reb Chaim Shmuelevitz. Of course as every good lamdan does he began with a Rambam. The Rambam says

(Aveilus 13:10) One does not cry over a deceased person more than three days. However, when the deceased is a talmid chacham- a scholar then each is according to his wisdom but one does not cry for more than 30 days.

So Reb Nachum noted that this law seemingly is derived from the last verses in the Torah that describe the mourning for Moshe. There is tells us

Devarim (34:8) and the children of Israel cried for Moshe for 30 days. And the days for the crying of the mourning of Moshe ended.

What is interesting he notes that in our Torah portion it doesn’t mention how long the crying and mourning for the children of Nadav and Avihu is meant to be. In fact, it seems that the crying and mourning for them is eternal as it says.

Vayikra ( 10:7) And your brothers the house of Israel will cry the fire that Hashem has burned.

The Torah leaves it open-ended, not like the typical 30 day period delineated by Moshe and other tzadikim. He therefore explained that the crying for their deaths is not over the mourning of their loss. For the loss, one is only permitted to cry for 30 days. Here the Torah added a new dimension to mourning though “crying for the fire, Hashem burned”. When one witnesses the sanctification of Hashem’s name, His measuring level of din-judgement, then Hashem’s name because exalted. We are meant to examine our deeds and repent and praise Hashem. He notes that it is for that reason that this is in fact the only place where the Torah commands us to cry-

(Ibid) the house of Israel shall cry

as opposed to other places where the Torah just tells us that the crying was reactionary

(ibid). And they cried for Moshe.

This is what we are meant to incorporate when we are faced with the death of a righteous person. This is a crying that is meant to be eternal. The loss of the tzadik? That is only a 30-day cry. The awe of the Shechina- and the precise exacting judgement of Hashem- that is a fire we are always meant to be keeping in front of our eyes.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Division of the Land 1265 BC – One of the most important things I like to point out to my tourists, wherever we are touring is that every Jew has a portion of the land of Israel. When we came into the land it took us 7 years to conquer the land and 7 years to settle it. The land was divided into 12 portions for the tribes. The tribe of Yosef received a double portion for Ephraim and Meanashe, while tribe of Levi didn’t receive any portion, rather the received cities throughout the country where they lived to inspire the Jewish people. 9 and a half tribes received their portion on the western side of the Jordan river, While Reuvein, Gad and half of the tribe of Meanshe were on the eastern side.

 The division was done in a fourfold process. A pretty impressive miraculous feat. The Kohen Gadol Eliezer the son of Aharon called up each tribe by name and announced what portion they would be receiving. They would approach they would put their hand into the box and take out a random paper there and whadaya know it had their name on it. They would then put their name into the other box and whadaya know again it had the name of their portion on it. Not a bad mentalist trick that not even Lior Suchard (video below) could pull off.  Then they lottery paper itself called out the names and the portions. Take that Harry Potter sorting hat- Everything comes from us people. What, you thought JK Rowling came up with the idea? Finally, the heads of each tribe would divide the land according to each family. Everyone got a portion. We all have a piece of Eretz Yisrael.

The “sefarim” tell us that just as each one of us has a soul with its own unique purpose and sparks that it is meant to elevate and shine forth on this world. The point of connection of each soul is the biblical portion in Israel from where he is meant to derive that spiritual energy from and connect it to Hashem. So when my tourists are here I ask them to try to be cognizant of that little spark inside of them that will start to beep and shine up when they are at a certain spot. That may be their spiritual point of connection. On the other hand it might just be heartburn from the shwarma they just ate. But who knows? But the truth is if they do identify that point of connection than it could reveal to them, what tribe they are from. And once you know that than the sky is the limit in being able to biblically become more self-aware. Each tribe has its own strengths and challenges. Its own spiritual journey. So over the next few weeks I will share with you the different portions and cities of each tribe, just as I do with my tourists. Who knows? Maybe you will find yourself.

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE FISH JOKES  OF THE WEEK

What did the fish say when he posted bail? "I'm off the hook!"

 Why don't fish like basketball? Cause they're afraid of the net

Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!

 What do you call a fish with a tie? soFISHticated

What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark!

How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles

Why do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.

Why don't fish pass their exams? Because they work below C-Level.

Why did the fish cross the road? To get to the other tide.

How do shellfish get to the hospital? In a clambulance.

What do you call a fish with two knees? A tunee fish. 

What party game do fish like to play? Salmon Says.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!

How do you keep a fish from smelling? Cut off his nose. OYYY! This is getting painful already!

What was the King of Russia's favorite fish? Tsardines!

What do fish need to stay healthy? Vitamin Sea.

 What is a dolphin's favorite TV show? Whale of fortune!

What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather!

Which day do fish hate? Fry-day!

What kind of fish chase mice? Catfish.

. What do you call an underwater social network? Fishbook

A fish and a crab were playing with a ball. Then the crab wouldn't toss the ball back to the fish. The fish cried, "You're shellfish!".

If you think of a better fish pun. Let minnow.

"Noah," says the Lord, "for the next flood, I want no animals on board, just fish. And not any old fish, but only carp, in glass tanks."
"And this time," says the Lord, "think big, Eight decks at least."
"I got you," says Noah, "what you want is a multi-story carp ark."

Sadie went to her doctor for a checkup. Afterwards, the doctor said to her, "I must inform you that you have a fissure in your uterus, and if you ever have a baby it would be a miracle."
As soon as she got home, Sadie said to her  Bernie, "You vouldn't belief it. I vent to the doctah and he told me - 'You haf a fish in your uterus and if you haf a baby it vill be a mackerel'"

As Moses and the children of Israel were crossing the Red Sea, the children of Israel began to complain that they were very thirsty after walking so far. They couldn’t even drink from the walls of water on either side of them because they were made up of salt- water.
Whilst Moses was looking around for some fresh water, a fish from the wall of water told him that he and his friends were willing to help. They would use their gills to remove the salt from the water and force it out of their mouths like a freshwater fountain for the Israelites to drink from as they walked by.
Moses accepted this kindly fish's offer with gratitude, but the fish said there was a condition. That fish always had to be present at the Seder meal that would be established to commemorate the Exodus, since they had a part in the story.
When Moses agreed to this, he gave the fish their name, which remains how they are known to this very day, for he said to them, "Go Filter Fish!"

************

Answer is B–  I answered this too quick. Got it wrong. It was really a trick question. The famous poetess Rachel composed el artzi, ani v’ata and v’lu as well as hundreds of other “classics”. If none of these Israeli songs are familiar to you, don’t feel bad, I think it’s only old school Sabras and tour guides who are forced to learn this stuff that do. No I knew that her main hang was in Kinneret. So I just went with that answer. Turns out she wasn’t in Yavnie’el. The right answer was Jerusalem and Tel Aviv where she spent the last years of her life. Oh well, I probably should’ve spent more time thinking this question through. But in real life I don’t think I wil ever have a tourist who even heard or is interested in Rachel, let alone care where she lived. Your allowed 5 freebees so I’m still doing well over here though. So the score is Schwartz 18 and 4 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam so far.

Kosher Pigs- Parshat Shemini 2018 /5778

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

April 13^th  2018 -Volume 8 Issue 25 28^th Nissan 5778

Parshat Shemini/ Tazria / Metzora

Kosher Pigs



Yankel was sick. He was deathly ill, in fact. There was not much that they could do for him. He went from doctor to doctor, from specialist to specialist, none of them could diagnose him. They all just nodded their heads and noted that if he continued to deteriorate he didn’t have much time left on this world.

Finally someone mentioned to him the greatest specialist in Europe. He was known to find the cure for everything. Yankel, got himself and appointment and the Doctor after completing a whole series of test noted that he had since this condition once before. It was curable. However when he heard the cure Yankel gulped. His only remedy it seemed would be to consume the chopped liver of a pig. Yikes!

Now Yankel, like your weekly inspiring E-Mail Rabbi, liked chopped liver. But pig liver…?! Chazer! It seems sacrilegious to even say the word chopped liver when you talk about pig.

But Yankel, of course, knew that the most important mitzva in the Torah is to stay alive. Pikuach nefesh- the sanctity of Jewish life has precedence of all but the three cardinal sins, of which of course pork is certainly not one of them. So chazer it would be. Yet Yankel was not ready to eat the same chazer that his heathen gentile neighbors were eating. He was better than that. He would have his pig slaughtered, by a proper shochet, just as if it were a prime rib for his Shabbat meal. In that way there would be some semblance of yiddishkeit, some thing that separated Yankel from his neighbors, in this eating.

But like all good plans, this one had a hitch as well. See after the shochet slaughtered the pig, with Yankel standing over him religiously looking on. Yankel asked him to continue to do everything that he would do as if this were a cow, or a sheep or any other kosher animal. So the shochet began to check the internal organs of the animal to make sure that none of the were blemished. And whadaya know? The pig had a slight aberration on his lung. If this were a cow, it certainly wouldn’t be glatt; the top level clean and smooth meat we would want to see. But perhaps the blemish went  even deeper, perhaps there was a hole in the lung. That would render the animal un-kosher. Yankel couldn’t have that.

So our Yankeleh and his shochet, who had no experience in pig blemishes, took the questionable organ to the local Rabbi, to have it checked out. The Rabbi examined the lung and told Yankel, that it was fine. It was not a problem. “But is it kosher, Rabbi?” Yankel asked. “I only eat the best kosher standards. I have never compromised in the past.” The Rabbi looked at poor Yankel and told him. “Yankeleh, what can I tell you. Kosher it will never be. A pig will always stay a pig. I can let you eat a pig. But I can never declare it Kosher. A chaer blaybt a chazer-a pig wil always remain a pig.”

I read this story many years ago when I first began my work in Jewish outreach. It was in a book title “The Kosher pig and other Jewish curiosities.” The author who was a reform Rabbi, interestingly enough, had written a book about many of the Kosher pig questions he had over the years. Questions that sought “halachic”, “Jewish” perhaps even Torah insights and direction to things that were certainly even by his more lenient or non-Orthodox albeit traditional standards chazer/trayf.; Kosher-pig questions.

There was the person in his congregation that was getting intermarried to an Episcopalian and wanted to know if it was problematic during the Omer period, which we are now counting, when Jews customarily observe laws of mourning and don’t get married. There was the other congregant that went jogging each morning and wanted to know if he was permitted to drink on Yom Kippur after his run, because it would be dehydrating. There was the couple who upon having their first baby wanted to know if the Rabbi could resolve the issue that they were having. See the mother was sefardic and wanted her son named after her father who was alive. The father though was Episcopalian and the mother claimed that made him Ashkenazi and she knew that Ashkenazim did not name after living relatives. So was she permitted to name her son after her father still? Oy…

See these are what the author calls Kosher-pig questions. I laughed when I read the book. At least until I became a Rabbi and moved out to Iowa. Iowa, in case you didn’t know, lays claim to the largest hog population in the United States. It would make sense therefore that it was going to be the home to lots of Kosher pig questions as well.

These are some of my favorite ones. We used to make an early Shabbat minyan there, as we weren’t comfortable praying in the “Orthodox” shul that did not have a separation between men and women and used a microphone for Shabbat services. In time though we had a larger attendance then the regular minyan, because we had all the people that went to work on Shabbos. The question that was raised was, is it alright to advertise our services, knowing that people would come pray in order to go to work on Shabbos. On one hand they were praying in our more “halachic” minyan. On the other hand, they were going to work, if they prayed in the later minyan they would at least be spending more time in shul and less at work. Either way most people didn’t live within walking distance, so perhaps creating and advertising and early minyan would be encouraging people to drive to shul. On the other hand, they would probably be driving anyways…. See Kosher pigs questions…Welcome to Iowa

 We had Bill who had the kosher bagel store. He had kosher bagels with Kosher, cheeses and shmears. He also had kosher turkey, salami, baloney and deli. His Rueben bagel sandwiches with melted cheese and deli together were about as trayf as can be, violating the biblical prohibition of Milk and meat. {Something that is not easy to find as McDonalds cheese burgers,-also trayf are not “milk and meat” prohibited because the meat is prohibited by itself prior to being cooked with the cheese. In order to attain the solely milk and meat prohibition it has to be Kosher meat and cheese. When I asked Bill why he was open on Shabbos. After all he was a good guy, he came to shul, he studied with me regularly. Why not close his business on Shabbos.He explained to me that for many Jews their only connection to yiddishkeit was eating a bagel on Shabbos. He had to be open for them; without their Shabbos morning bagel they would be lost from our people. I nodded my head at his sincerity and told him how wonderful it was that he was so dedicated to the Jewish people. But then using my Rabbinic acumen asked him why he couldn’t get the goy-his non- Jewish employee to open up for him on Shabbos, that way he could stay in Shul and observe the day and those “bagel-Jews” would be fine. He looked at me with horror and disappointment as if I was suggesting who-knows-what. “The goy, Rabbi? He said, “He’ll trayf up my store!”

We had plenty of other ones as well. There was the woman that had intermarried that wanted to know if she could or even should study or practice the laws of family purity. Although that ould seem like it doesn’t’ get more Kosher pig than that, the answer we got from the Debrecener Rav was that she should, for that way she would at least be separated from her husband for certain intervals and a non-Jewish marriage wasn’t made to keep these laws. I had Kaddish for pet dog questions, and a Kohen that refused to marry his girlfriend whom he was living with, because she was a divorcee and that would mean he had to give up his Kohen status, according to him. Yes… I had my share of Kosher pig questions. In fact when we spoke about making our own Kosher organization there in Des Moines our symbol was going to be a pig with K inside of it. The Chazer-K. I’m not sure how it would’ve went over though.

This week the Torah portion in America- is Shemini. {In Israel, as last Shabbat was the day after Pesach for us we read that already and are a week ahead of you at Tazria/Metzora} Being that I am in America this week, for a wedding, and last week on the holiday I didn’t write about this Parsha- so my Israeli readers are still in the dark about it. It’s this week’s Parsha of the week. Hopefully by next week Mashiach will be here and you’ll all be in Israel and I won’t have to write two E-Mails. But anyways the end of the Parsha discusses the laws of Kosher and non-kosher animals. This of course will lead us to some kosher pig questions of our own. And perhaps some insight and inspiration-after all that’s why you’re here…right?, To why it is that the Kosher pig syndrome is perhaps the most significant and defining one of our generation. So here we go. The Torah tells us of four non-kosher mammals.

Vayikra (9:4-7) But these you shall not eat among those that bring up the cud and those that have a cloven hoof: the camel, because it brings up its cud, but does not have a [completely] cloven hoof; it is unclean for you.

5 And the hyrax, because it brings up its cud, but will not have a [completely] cloven hoof; it is unclean for you;

6And the hare, because it brings up its cud, but does not have a [completely] cloven hoof; it is unclean for you

;7And the pig, because it has a cloven hoof that is completely split, but will not regurgitate its cud; it is unclean for you.

So we have three non-kosher animals that don’t have the hooves but chew their cud. The pig though is the one that is the opposite. It has the split hooves, yet it does not chew its cud. The Gaon of Vilna brings the Midrash that notes that each of the four animals represents one of the four exiles that we have been through. The camel is Babylonia, the hare is Greece, Hyrax is Persia and the pig represents the exile we are in today Rome, the West…America? The Talmud in Yoma tells us

Yoma (9:) The first ones that their sin was in the open the date of the end of their exile was also revealed. The last ones who sin was hidden, so too the end of their exile has been hidden from them.

It concludes with the enigmatic statement

Rabbi Yochanan said It is better the nails of the first ones then the belly of the last ones.

The Gaon of Vilna explains that the difference between the first three animals and the last ones. Is that the first three are all obviously by the lack of their split hooves not Kosher. You can see that right away. The pig on the other hand has kosher hooves. It likes to show them off. It pretends to be kosher, to be moral, to be righteous. But look at its kishkas. Look a little deeper and you will see outside of the surface and deep inside it’s as trayf as can be. chazer-trayf. The first exiles the Jews were idolatrous, they immoral, they didn’t hide it. They were like the first three animals and Hashem seemingly preferred that, as their exile was also revealed it was only 70 years. Our kishkas, were still pure seemingly. Our liver was kosher J. The last exile, Rome we pretended to be religious. We showed off our split hooves. They were very yeshivshe looking. We had payos, shtreimels and chalav yisrael. But it was all a show. It was all worried about the externalities. It was kosher looking pigs. Our bellies of the last generation, Rebbi Yochanan tells us, didn’t come to close to those non hooved toenails of the earlier ones. And thus we are sent into an exile without an end. We are sent into an exile to a nation that claims to be more moral than any other. That is the one we are in until today.

This past week was Yom HaShoa in Israel. I was listening to a radio program here in New York in Hebrew.88.7 FM, I think. By the way, I just want to let you know how cool that is. It’s funny in Israel I never listen to Hebrew radio, but in New York I do. Also Kosher pig I guess. Keep the Israeli Jews feeling like their living in Israel although they are still here. Have your Israel and 13^th Avenue too! But I digress…Anyways, this man was discussing the Holocaust and he said something fascinating. He suggested that one of the primary lessons that we as Jews are meant to take from the Shoah is that is shined a light to the world. That the most moral, cultured, civilized society of the time-ergo Germany. Was really just a pig in disguise. They were in fact just externally moral. Inside they were bankrupt. Evil. Barbaric. A Chazer blaybt a chazer. A pig is a pig and is never kosher. That is the exile that Hashem has shown us and that we are in.

How do we leave this exile? The Yismach Moshe suggests that only way is to conquer Esau/Edom, who on the outside pretends to be so pure. Is by being the Yaakov that grabs on to his foot, his hoof and shows to the world the fallacy of a non-Torah world. A world that does not believe in Hashem. Yaakov is the power of Torah. Torah is that light that we shine on our actions to examine if what we are doing is truly moral, is truly inherently pure. Judaism isn’t about the externalities. It’s about fulfilling the will of Hashem.

We are in the period of the Omer now. We count each day as we get closer to the moment and the energy of the holiday of Shavuot when we received that Torah. This is the time of year, when we each need to shine that light of Torah into our daily actions. Grow a little more. Learn a little more. The kosher pigs questions reveal that deep desire of even the most distant of us to find that light and become kosher. Become holy. Become like that sheep of Hashem awaiting its shepherd to bring us home. The Talmud tells us that the reason a pig is called chazir which means return, is because one day in the Messianic era the pig will return to being kosher. The pig was neve kosher though, you ask? Perhaps it means that kosher pig in all of us. The time of return is here. Let’s come home.

 

Have an amazing Shabbos and an incredible Chodesh Iyar Tov,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 

“Fun a khazers ek ken men keyn shtrayml nit machen.”- You can't make a shtreimel out of a pig's tail.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

 

Q. Places where the poetess Rachel lived:

A. Degania and Motza

B. Jerusalem and Tel Aviv

C. Kinneret and Yavne’el

D. Alumot and Kfar Tavor

RABBI SCHWARTZ COOL VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

 

https://youtu.be/6N_yJG5Imrw    - What an incredible and moving story and message. Acheinu by Shabbat.com in honor of Yom Hashoah

 

https://youtu.be/pCB4v68Bb3g  – Non observant Jews go Kosher for a week!

 

https://youtu.be/mabKr9s52EE  – Certainly very beautiful and interesting on many levels give a listen to “kiddish” by Nishma

  

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S HAFTORA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 

Although we are separated by Torah portions between Israel and America. Israel being a week ahead with Tazria/ Metzora. We share the same haftora as this week we have the special haftora that is read when Rosh Chodesh- the new month falls out right after Shabbos on Sunday. The Haftora which begins seemingly right in the middle of a story starts with the words

Shmuel I (20:18) And Yonatan said “Tommorow is Rosh Chodesh”.

This haftora reading is mentioned in the talmud, it is therefore a much earlier source and it is agreed upon by Sefardim and Ashkenazim. So it certainly deserves a bit of extra appreciation.

The story in the haftora is about the not yet- King David, his friend and brother- in- law Yonatan and King Shaul his father in law. Dovid was nervous that Shaul was going to kill him again. He was suffering from paranoia and depression and Dovid was usually his target. Yonatan wasn’t sure and so he developed a plan with Dovid. That is where the haftora begins from.

Yonatan tells Dovid that tomorrow will be Rosh Chodesh and it seems the tradition back then was that there would be a great feast each new month. Dovid would miss the party. And Yonatan would gauge Shaul’s reaction. If he was upset at Dovid’s seemingly innocuous absence, it would be a sign that it would be safe. If he got upset, which he did, then Yonatan would send a message to Dovid by shooting arrows and giving him a signal.

The connection between the haftora and perhaps the message we are meant to think about each erev new month. Is that we are in the position of Yonatan, Dovid and King Saul. There is a new month. It is a new beginning. Dovid will be King. Shaul’s Kingdom is coming to an end. How will you relate to this new opportunity? We will you still keep your old baggage. Like Shaul does and not utilize the opportunity and freshness to start anew and get on board. Or will you like Yonatan choose Dovid. Choose the future. Move forward and change and grow. Dovid as well assures Yonatan that despite his father trying to kill him, Dovid will not allow that to define him. That is the past. That is his father. Yonatan can have a new start and fresh relationship that the past doesn’t define.

We can as well each new month. It is our opportunity to move forward and onward.

Chodesh Tov!

 

King David (904 BC) – Born to the home of Yishai in Bethlehem Dovid was anointed clandestinely by the prophet Shmuel much to everyone’s surprise to become the King of Israel. The Tanach gives an incredible description of Dovid

Shmuel I (16:18) He knew how to play musician, he was mighty, a man of war, who was understanding of people, a man of great physical stature, and Hashem was with him.

Don’t you love how it starts out with his musical qualities?

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

The Holocaust (1930’s and 40’s – We’ll pause for this week in our Eras and places that we have been ordering chronologically from the Creation of this week in honor of Holocasut Memorial day in Israel or Yom Hashoah. The holocaust has certainly been long accredited by many secular and even some religious Zionists as being the rationale for the State of Israel coming into being. We earned it. We need it. Never Again. We shall never forget.  It is certainly a topic and era that the early state wanted to fortify as part of the culture and ideology of the State. As a result of that there have been many musuems and places where one can learn about the topic and era. The most notable of course is Yad Vashem, although that was not the first Holocaust museum. The Ghettos fighters museum in Akko has that distinction, as it was built in 1949 to commemorate and share with the next generation the heroism and story of the Ghettos and the revolt against the Nazis for survival. As well there is the yad layeled children exhibit there which is really a view for children of what life was like in the Ghetto.

Also notable is Yad Mordechai in the South has a museum dedicated to the Warsaw Ghetto and revolt. One of their most significant displays is the cattle cars that you go in as the camera shine yellow stars upon you. One last off the beated track and perhaps the most religious oriented of memorials is the Martef Hashoah by Mt. Zion and Diaspora yeshiva with its’ virtual cemetery for the families that have dedicated stones for those that have died and have no burial.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TOP FIVE CLEANING QUOTES OF THE WEEK

 

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. -Winston Churchill

“Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.”― George Bernard Shaw

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S REALLY TERRIBLE PIG JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

Q: How do pigs write top secret messages? A: With invisible oink!

Q: What is a pig's favorite color? A: Mahogany

. Q: What do you call a pig with no legs? A: A groundhog.

Yesterday a pig invited me to see his new home. Actually it was quite stylish.

Q: How do you take a sick pig to the hospital? A: In an hambulance!

Q: What do you call a pig that does karate? A: Porkchop!

Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus? A: a porky-pine

 Q: What do you call it when you cross a dinosaur and a pig? A: Jurassic pork!

Q: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? A: If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

What do you call a pig that's not fun to be around? A boar.

Where do flying pigs go? Hogworts

 

Rabbi Landau has always been secretly sad that he's never been able to eat pork. So one day, he flies to a remote tropical Island and books into a hotel. “No one will find me here,” he said to himself. On the first evening, he goes to the best restaurant and orders the ‘roast pork special’. While he’s waiting, he hears someone call his name. Rabbi Landau looks up and sees one of his congregants walking towards his table. What unbelievably bad luck – the same time to visit the same restaurant on the same island! 

Just at that moment, the waiter puts on his table a whole roasted pig with an apple in its mouth and says, “Your special, sir.” Rabbi Landau looks up sheepishly at his congregant and says, "Would you believe it - you order an apple in this restaurant and look how they serve it!"

 

A Nazi walks into a bar with a duck under his arm. Yankel the barman says "sorry we don't serve pigs in here," The Nazi says "Its not a pig its a duck" The barman says "I am talking to the duck."

 

Moishe and Mindy were driving down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, Moishe asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," replied Mindy "the in-laws."

 

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Answer is B – This one was really difficult for me as 1920’s Israeli music is really not my thing. Nor is it any of my tourists, so I’m not that worried. See the only thing I knew about Rachel Bluestien or Rachel the poetess as she is known is that she had some turid affairs if I remember correctly with some of Israels early Zionist leaders, she loved the Kinneret and she worked on the ladies farm there and is buried in the Kinneret cemetery; next to the lake that she composed the famous “Kinneret Sheli” song. So I would have guessed the Kinneret answer. However I was jut in Yavniel for Pesach and nothing there reminded me of anything to do with Rachel. So I in fact went with the correct answer Jerusalem and Tel Aviv where she spent the end of her life. She was also in Deganya. D was totally wrong though.