Purim Surprise- Parshat Pikudei 5779 /2019

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land
from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

March 8^th 2019 -Volume 9 Issue 23-1^st of Adar II 5779

Parshat Pikudei

Purim Surprise

Things were different back in the day. When I went to yeshiva in Israel for a year, it meant that I was going to be away from my parents for the year. My mother gave me these little sticky things that you stuck on something called envelopes. They were meant for this ancient form of communication called “writing letters”. I was supposed to take a thing called a pen that had a dye called ink in it and write these letters to my parents to share with them how my Israel experience was going. It’s not like we never talked. They had these things called pay telephones back then, they were operated by inserting a little coin with a hole inside of it called an asimon. (The holes were not to tie a string through and let it down and then pull it up again after the phone clicked before the coin dropped into the box- although some people in yeshiva thought they were). When the call connected- usually a collect call from Ephraim Callmebackinmyapartment. There would be a 15 second delay or so. It was not an easy form of communication. Conversation was challenging. I called about once a month or so and was able to usually just make sure to communicate the most important two words- “Send Money”. Sometimes I got in a “I love you and miss you”. But that was only to insure that the first two words were not a bracha or prayer livatala- in vain.

Today we have yeshiva students and seminary girls that seem to talk to their parents a few times a day. Some even Facetime on the smartphones they have hidden under the mattresses. You are not a good parent if you don’t visit your child in Israel at least a few times during the year besides of course bringing them home for Pesach and Sukkos and for your second cousins engagement party. $25,000 a year for a year in Israel it seems is not enough to prove your affection for your child. Yeah… It’s a different world. I knew my parents loved me when I got regards and a “package” with my mother’s cookies in them along with a message asking why she hadn’t received aforementioned letters from me. I blamed it on the Israeli mail system. Sometimes it can work in your favor.
Now after a year in Israel, I wouldn’t say I was getting homesick, but I did miss my family, my mother’s cooking and my friends. So when the opportunity arose and I was contacted by an organization that wanted me to fundraise and go around collecting for them before Purim and they were willing to pay my ticket I jumped at it. Now we Schwartzes like surprises. So I decided not to tell my parents I was coming in. The plan was I would arrive a few days before Purim collect in New York and on Purim afternoon fly to Detroit and surprise my parents in middle of their Purim Seuda. It was going to be amazing.

Well, my collecting in New York was not that successful and come Purim morning, I had certainly covered my expenses and even made some money above that, but not nearly what the organization was hoping for. So pulling out my last card I went to a very wealthy person who had a thing for drunk yeshiva guys and was offering money for every shot you could take of his really terrible whiskey. I cleaned off the bottle. I made my money. But I was a bit woozy when I got into the Russian kahr sehervees that would take me to the airport. I changed out of my costume which was sweaty and dirty from all my dancing, but it seems I forgot to change my big clown shoes that had a big toe sticking out of it. He helped me to my gate. You know you’re in bad shape when the big African American woman sitting next to you asks to change her seat. But I made it. I was in Detroit.

Now I had planned in advance for this to be a surprise. So my good friend picked me up at the airport along with a big chicken costume. As we approached my home I called my cousin in Bnai Brak who I had already prepared for this and then conferenced him in with my parents in Detroit who had just begun their seuda. This was a new invention back then and my parents had no way of knowing that when my cousin was on the phone with them asking them what to do with their son who was drunk all over their house and me screaming in the background that I loved them that I was really in fact a block away from their house. A few minute later when I entered their Purim seuda dressed in the bird costume with some other friends of mine all dressed up and dancing around the table, they just assumed it was the regular yeshiva guys dancing around. However, when I approached my, of-dateable-age, sister and started chicken flirting with her and started to hug her, my mother ripped off the costume head and was shocked to find me there. “Happy Purim!”, the prodigal son had returned. My father looked at the glass he was drinking, looked at the phone he was just talking to me on and looked at me bewildered. I told them I didn’t receive any letters or packages lately and decided to make their purim a little happier. And it was. At least what I remember from it.

Welcome to the month of Adar for the second time! The month of joy on top of joy. In a regular year we have only about two weeks to get ready for Purim and start increasing our simcha level. This year we have 6 glorious weeks. The great Chasidic master, the Maor Va’shemesh suggests that the first Adar is for tzadikim- the righteous, the second Adar is for the baalei teshuva- the ones who have returned. The tzadikim start activating and increasing their joy right away. Us, not-so-righteous, need another month to get into it.

There is a difference though between- the repentance of Adar and teshuva before Rosh Hashana. There we repent out of yirah- out of fear and awe of the upcoming days of judgement of the Yom Kipurim- the day like purim. On Yom Kippur we have an appointment for judgement with Hashem. We prepare for that. Purim on the other hand is more like the “Surprise!! I’m here!!” type of visit. In Adar we repent out of joy, out of the incredible realization that Hashem is in our midst, inside of us, even when we can’t see him on the outside. Even when we are facing death, destruction and genocide. Even when you think He is really a world away.

After-all the original adar in the times of Esther and Mordechai were exactly that. The two weeks before the original Purim were, like the two weeks before Tisha B’Av in Spain before the impending expulsion of the Jews. It was like the two weeks before Poland or France were invaded. And yet we remember this time each year by increasing our simcha. By returning and seeing him, even when it seems darkest. By finding Him inside of ourselves and each other even when we feel He is far far away.

This week we conclude the book of Shemos. The book of our exile and redemption concludes that Moshe could not enter the Tent of Gathering, the mishkan, the house of Hashem when the clouds had descended upon it. It is dark. Hashem is hidden away. Even Moshe is locked out. Just like in the times of Purim when we were in Persia thrown far far away from our land. And yet next Shabbos as we approach the holiday of Purim we see the light. Parshat Vayikra, the next book begins with Hashem calling to Moshe. Calling him personally. Like one would call a friend. Our sages tell us that each of us receive that call. Hashem is telling us that He is inside of us. We need to be megaleh the nistar- we need to reveal the son that may be hiding in a chicken costume. We need to see the name of Hashem in the book of Esther, the king, as The King whose name may not even visible at first glance. Who might seem he is far away in our cousin’s house in Bnai Brak. That’s the joy of Adar. Ripping off that costume’s head and reuniting with our Father in heaven. The prodigal son has returned.

I saw an incredible insight from the Shemen Hatov. In recounting all the materials for the Mishkan the torah tells us

Shemos (39:1) And they made from techelet (blue wool) and purple wool and scarlet wool mesh garment to serve in the kodesh. And they made garments of sanctity for Aharon as Hashem commanded Moshe.

Rashi notes on that verse that the mesh garments referred to here were not clothing. As all the Kohens clothing were made out of linen and that is not mentioned here. Rather “mesh clothing” is a reference to garments that were made to clothe the vessels of the temple as they were wrapped up in them when they travelled. The Shemen Hatov notes that if that is the case then it would seem that whenever it refers to the clothing of the kohanim the term mesh garments-bigdei sheish- is always used. Why? Isn’t that a reference to garments that cover holy vessels. The answer is that the kohanim themselves are holy vessels. We are all holy vessels. There is the shechina hidden deep inside of us, that sometimes makes it difficult to see. We’ve all got our chicken costumes on. They are suits, they are ties, they are shtreimels, knitted yarmulkas and black hats. They are the faces that we put on when we believe we are in control of our destiny. They are the faces of galus/exile that feel more American or Israeli than we feel like children of Hashem.

It’s because we haven’t called home in a while. We’re tired old school Jews that are still using asimonim to talk to Hashem. We need real Facetime. We need to hear the call of Vayikra of next week’s Torah portion and see the behind the clouds and costumes that blur our truest essence. The month of teshuva Part II has arrived. In Elul, we are told the King is in the field. In Adar he is even closer. He is knocking outside our door ready to join us for our seuda. Are you ready to open the door?

Have a doubly happy Shabbos and a joyous Rosh Chodesh Adar!

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

“A hun iz gut tsu esn zalbenand - ich un di hun..”– A chicken dinner is best when shared by two - me and the chicken

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

Q From where did the “Etzel” fighters depart before they stormed the Acre prison?

A. Shuni

B. Hanita

C. Atlit

D. Ramat Raziel

RABBI SCHWARTZES COOL VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/techelet-mordechai – You really won’t have a great Purim Seuda unless you learn this song and sing it again and again! My Techelet Mordechai

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1oQnDO9fVE –A young Jackie Mason great!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qJRgbFeP6A   – Evolution of Jewish Music fun! Meir Kay and Benny

https://youtu.be/_EqAa4nmtYY  -Rav Scheinbergs Purim surprise

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S “LOMDUS” CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

Parshat Pikudei– Lamdanim are kind of like grammar teachers with imaginations. Meaning that they read your paper and red mark all of the things that are improperly written- like grammar teachers. However then they stop and say perhaps it was meant to be written precisely the way it is written and the reason it seems wrong to me is because I’m not reading it properly. Yeah I never had a grammar teacher that was a lamdan. I just got the red marks for all my lack of or improperly placed punctuation and grammar mistakes. But I’m not God. My work didn’t deserve imagination. The Torah and the words of our sages are written precisely and therefore when faced with an improper grammar problem, read it again, be lamdan you will uncover incredible meaning.

This weeks Torah portion which recounts all of the work of building the temple cocludes that portion with a verse that most grammar teachers would have placed a big red stripe thru.

Shemos (3932)And all of the work of the mishkan was finished, and the children of Israel did like all that Hashem had commanded Moshe, so they did do.

Now the way that my English teacher probably would have had me write the verse is the other way around. The children of Israel did all that Hashem had commanded Moshe to do and the work of the Mishkan was finished. It seems backwards the way that the Torah writes it.

The Alshich Hakadosh notes this, but he reread the verse and understood it precisely the way it is written. See by writing the Mishkan was completed, before it tells us that the Jews did what Moshe had commanded them is in fact telling us that they really didn’t complete the mishkan. In fact it says that specifically. It says we did “like” Hashem commanded not “as” Hashem commanded. The Torah is not a teenager girl that likes to throw the word “like” randomly in to sentences. If it says “like” it means we didn’t do it precisely as. It was similar to what Hashem commanded. What happened?

The Alshich tells us that we really couldn’t do it. How do we build a home for God? We had trouble with it. So Hashem completed the Mishkan. “The Mishkan was completed” as the verse tells us. It happened by itself. It happened by Hashem. The Torah then tells us that the Jews did like Hashem told us and you know what? ‘And so they did.’ Hashem considered it as if they had done it. We merely need to try to do the best we can. Hashem does the rest and he considers our best efforts as if we had actually done the act He requested of us. Amazing. Aren’t you glad you didn’t just put red marks through it all?

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

33 Kings in one tiny country 1265 BC – The final tally of the conquest of the land of Israel we are told in chapter 12 of the book of Yehoshua consisted of 33 Kings. Now we have a pretty tiny country. 31 Kings are a lot. I guess that’s where the tradition started that today everyone in this country thinks they are a melech. The commentaries actually say something fascinating they suggest that in fact these kings had kingdoms other places but they all wanted to have a piece of Israel as well and thus established min-fiefdoms here. I mention this to my tourists as we walk through the Old city of Jerusalem and they see all the churches that are there. Most of them were built at the end of the Ottoman Empire in the 1800’s, and they were built by everyone from the Austria Hungarians, Russians, French, English and even Americans all trying to get a piece of Eretz Yisrael in the waning Turkish Empire. Some things never change.

So there are a list of 33 Kings in total. Two of them Sichon and Og the giants on the other side of the Jordan River which today is Jordan and the Golan were conquered by Moshe. The 31 of Yehoshua many of them we have uncovered today and found Canaani burnt ruins that were destroyed by Yehoshua. Let’s see how many of them we can place. First the easy ones

Jericho-check! Ai-check! Jerusalem-check! Chevron-check! Lachish-check! Gezer-check! Arad-check! Afek- check! Yokne’am-check! Kadesh-check! Dor-check! Megiddo- check-! Chatzor- check! Besides Yericho, which we don’t have access to I’ve been to all of them.

Some of the less famous ones that are mentioned that we have are tel yarmut- near beit shemesh, I’ve been to Park Adulam also in that area which is named after the Canani city of Adulam although never been to the tel there. The rest archaeologists have all types of suggestions as to where they are. Generally, the process of connecting the dots are tanach’s descriptions of their location, archaeological finds in the area that date to the 13^th century BC and interestingly enough Arab villages nearby that have similar names. One of the benefits of having people live here even when we didn’t are that many of the names stuck. But we’re back now so it’s time to start resettling them!

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S SURPRISE JOKES  OF THE WEEK

A woman calls the Rabbi. "I was just notified my husband won the 250 million lottery. I am afraid he will faint when he hears the news. What to do?"
"Send him to me first," says the rabbi.
The man comes to the Rabbi.
"Abe, what would you do if you won the lottery"?
"Ha Rabbi, me? Never! I don't have mazal.
"But who knows maybe you will win. What would you do?"
"Rabbi, stop making jokes with me, it is not happening."
"Abe, let's talk theoretically. If you would win what would you do?"
Rabbi! If I won the lottery, I swear to you, I would give you half!
And the Rabbi fainted!...

Sarah comes home from her long stay in Uganda and surprises her mother Bette, who is in the process of lighting the Friday night candles and serving the matzoh ball soup. Bette is so thrilled she can't stop hugging and kissing Sarah.
Finally she says, "Sit down, darling. Tell me all about what you were doing."
Sarah says, "Mum, I got married."
"Oy, mazeltov," says Bette, "But how could you do that without telling me? What's he like? What does he do? Where is he?"
"He's waiting outside while I tell you."
"What are you talking about? Bring him in. I want to meet my new son-in-law."
Sarah brings him in and to her consternation, Bette sees a black man standing before her wearing an evil grin, a feathered cod piece, an ornate head dress, animal tooth beads and holding a tall spear.
Bette says to Sarah, "What did you do?! Are you hard of hearing?   I said RICH doctor!"

Chaim comes home from golfing to find his wife, Rochel on her hands and knees cleaning the floors with a toothbrush for Pesach.

 "I'm here to help you, my dear," he says.

 "Oh, no!," replies Rochel knowing the mess Chaim makes whenever he tries to “help”, "The best way for you to help me is to go back to the golf course."

Two hours later, Chaim is back again and a surprised Rochel says, "Chaim, what are you doing home so early?"

 to which Chaim impatiently replies, "Did you think I was going to help you all day?"

Rabbi Landau has always been secretly sad that he's never been able to eat pork. So one day, he flies to a remote tropical Island and books into a hotel. “No one will find me here,” he said to himself. On the first evening, he goes to the best restaurant and orders the ‘roast pork special’. While he’s waiting, he hears someone call his name. Rabbi Landau looks up and sees one of his congregants walking towards his table. What unbelievably bad luck – the same time to visit the same restaurant on the same island!
Just at that moment, the waiter puts on his table a whole roasted pig with an apple in its mouth and says, “Your special, sir.”

Rabbi Landau looks up sheepishly at his congregant and says, "Would you believe it - you order an apple in this restaurant and look how they serve it!"

Rabbi Levy is walking home from shul one shabbes when he sees Issy in front of him. Issy is a learned and respected man who can hold his own with the rabbi on tulmudic discussions. As Rabbi Levy tries to catch up with Issy, he is shocked to see him go into ‘The Chinese Crab’ restaurant. As he looks through the window, Rabbi Levy sees Issy giving his order to a waiter and a short time later sees the food arrive – a plate of shrimps, lobsters and crabs. As Issy picks up the chopsticks and starts to eat, Rabbi Levy bursts into the restaurant and confronts Issy.
"Issy, just what do you think you are doing coming into this restaurant and ordering this treif? You are not only violating everything we are taught about the dietary laws, but you also seem to be enjoying this food."
"Rabbi," says Issy, "did you see me enter this establishment?"
"Yes."
"And did you see me order this food?"
"Yes."
"And did you see the waiter bring the food to me?"
"Yes."
"And did you then see me eat the food?"
"Yes."
"Then I don't see a problem, rabbi. Everything was done under full Rabbinical Supervision."

Jacob goes to the races for the first time. As soon as he arrives at Ascot, not knowing anything about horse racing, he goes straight to the paddock to take a closer look. To his surprise, Jacob sees a rabbi blessing one of the horses. Jacob thinks he must be onto a good thing so he writes down the number of the horse and places a £3 bet on it. The horse wins and Jacob wins £21.
Jacob immediately returns to the paddock and there, as before, he sees the rabbi blessing another horse. He writes down the number of this horse and bets his £21 winnings on it. It comes in first and Jacob now has over £100.
This process goes on race after race until Jacob has won £4,650.
It’s now time for the last race of the day and Jacob watches the rabbi bless the final horse. So confident is Jacob that, although the horse is a 20-1 outsider, he bets his entire £4,650 on it. But, Oy Veh, this time the horse struggles in last, a good 20 lengths behind the field.
Jacob is so upset with this outcome that he runs over to the rabbi and says angrily, "Why did every horse you bless win except the last one, rabbi? He came in last."
The rabbi replies, "That's the problem with you Reform Jews. You don't know the difference between a brocheh and a kaddish."

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Answer is A–  I was nervous about this one. I definitely did not know the answer, despite the fact that I guide Akko Prion all the time and tell the story there. I never cared, nor did my tourists where the Irgun soliders that dressed up like telephone repairmen to place explosives on the prison bars on top of the Turkish bathouse, left from. So when you don’t know use the process of deduction that can sometimes be found in the elimination of choices that they give you. All the choices generally have to have something connected to the answer and if you know the rest then you can guess the correct one. Hopefully. OK so here was my thinking. Hanita was a fortress in the North that was choma u’migdal, -a small illegal tower and stockade settlement that was put up overnight so that it could be considered part of Israel. So not that one. Atlit was a refugee camp where the British held Jews that smuggled into the country and they broke out of there as well. Not that one as well. Ramat Raziel is named after the head of the Irgun David Raziel and it wasn’t even called that until 1948 after the breakout of 1947. So that leaves Shuni. And whadaya know I was right! Upon googling it turns out that it was the primary training base of the Etzel or Irgun. So the score is  Schwartz 17 and 3 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam so far.