Un-marriage-ables- Parshat Ki Teitzei 2020/ 5780

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

August 28^th 2020 -Volume 10 Issue 44 8^th Elul 5780

 

Parshat Ki Teitzei

Un-Marriage-ables

"But we're in love, Rabbi" She told me. As if that was somehow supposed to impress me and change my mind. It didn't. The truth is I felt bad for Michelle. She was a great girl. Raised in a non-observant, but very "Jewishy" home, she had really been coming a long way in her Jewish journey in growth in yiddishkeit. She was a regular at my classes and Shabbos table. I had high hopes for he to go off to Israel and to study in a yeshiva there for girls. But then Derek came along. Over the past few months she had been spending more and more time with him, and it seems that "things" had been getting more serious. When we finally had our sit down to talk about their relationship I saw that she was clearly torn. She had never imagined herself with a non-Jewish partner, but yet… she was in love.

 

"I've dated a lot of Jewish guys, but I've never connected to any of them the way I do with Derek. He's deep, he's sensitive, we connect on so many levels. Sure I know it won't be easy. He's definitely not interested in being Jewish. But he has tremendous respect for my choices and connection to Judaism. Doesn't love conquer all? If we care and love each other enough, maybe we can make it work."

 

My heart went out for her. She really liked him, and he really was a nice, great guy. He just wasn't from the tribe. He wasn't her bashert. But you really can't convince a girl in love that love really isn't enough. That despite what Hollywood, novels, and society have been telling the world for centuries marriage is so much more than love, and as powerful and overwhelming a feeling that love is, it doesn't possess the ingredients to build the amazing Jewish home that she had dreamed of. The love she was feeling really didn't have the power to accomplish anything meaningful.

 

I had to be harsh. She knew I cared, so I could get away with it. So I told her about Dor Yehsorim.  See when Orthodox young men and women meet for the purpose of marriage there is a test that they take to see if the two of them are compatible. This is not an internet dating site, don’t worry. Tay Sachs, is a terrible diesase that can only occur if both parents possess a certain gene found in Ashkenazic Jews. Statistics are that if they are both carriers there is a 25% chance that their children will have this terrible debilitating disease that usually ends with the child dying at a very young age under terrible conditions. If only one parent has the gene though it is not a problem, it cannot be transmitted. So all young men and women take this test when they are in school and are given a number and when a shidduch is mentioned the numbers are exchanged and without revealing if either is a carrier they tell you whether the match should move forward.

 

Now I shared with her a story of a couple that didn't do the test initially. However, after their engagement they got tested and whadaya know? They found out that they were both positive for the gene. Now what? Should they go forward with the marriage or not? Maybe love conquers all?

 

What if the fiancé was diagnosed with a terrible disease? AIDS? What if you found out that they were bi-polar (and didn't take meds)? They couldn't have children? They had a gambling problem or a drug addiction.  Does love conquer all…? It obviously doesn't, despite how much love one has for another and how great they make you feel and how they may even be fantastic people that you would want to help and sit by their bedside. They're not what you would choose as marriage material. Because marriage is bigger than that and finding the right person for that particular role is gonna take other more important qualifications than love.

 

What's it gonna take? Well this week's Torah portion of Ki Teitzei has a lot of tips and mitzvos of who not to marry. Let's check out some of them and see if we can create a Jewish dating profile of what to look for and not to look for.

 

Well, the first story in the parsha is the mitzva of Yefas Toar. She's a non-Jewish women that in fact one is permitted to take for a wife, after a quickie one month conversion. She is captured during war, and it seems that this mitzva is a concession to soldiers who seem to have major testosterone flowing during warfare. The Torah rather than putting this soldier through what would seem to be too difficult of a challenge, permits her to the soldier if he can put up with her whining and mourning for her family that she lost in war for a month. It's pretty brutal. Certainly not politically correct. But thank God, the Divine editor, of our Torah has no fear of being "cancel cultured". He wasn't writing a column in the NY Times. He was writing lessons for us. And he speaks truth to us, as He knows us. After-all He did make us.

 

This woman, seemingly an innocent victim, the Torah seems to say is a bad idea to marry, although she is not prohibited. The following portion describes the wayward children that come out of such a marriage and the case of a husband who eventually hates his wife. Yes, she's a yefas to'ar- she's beautiful and yes, right now you feel you can't live without her. And yes, that love even allowed you to put up with her in the worst of times. You saw her crying, you saw her mourning, you saw her disheveled. All those wonderful life cycles that our smart women only show us after they have a ring on their finger and are good and married. Who knows what the shidduch crisis would look like if the average yeshiva bachur got to see that before they were married. Shhh… let's not tell them. But guess what? even having been through all of that together doesn't allow that love will conquer all. You can marry her if you like…but don't come running back later crying why it didn't work out.

 

Later on in the parsha the Torah goes even a step further and discusses a Jewish woman that one "couldn't resist"- as obscene as that sounds, and he either seduces or takes advantage of her without the sanctity of marriage. The halacha is that she is now his forever (as long as she wants). It has nothing to do with whether he loves her or not. In fact, the few cases Tanach mentioned after such incidents took place the "boyfriend" or seducer generally is disgusted by her afterwards. Building a home with her, the torah tells us is not predicated on his love for her or how much he may desire her anymore or not. It's about responsibility that one has for the woman he has committed a marital act with.  In a regular marriage a man has a choice if he wishes to stay married or not. Each day he's there it's because he chooses to be there. But in these cases, since he took away her choice about being in the situation she is in, he no longer has that choice anymore. Only she does. So it's not a marriage built upon love necessarily. Yet the Torah tells us that one can still build and make a marriage out of that. It may not be what he's looking for. But tough luck. It's what he chose, it's what he's obligated to do. As my mother taught me. "You make your bed- You lie in it"

 

These laws all seem to address that marriage is not and should not be about the desire for the other person. Good looks or attraction does not a good Torah marriage make. Our sages tell us that it is forbidden for someone to marry somebody without seeing their spouse first. I'm pretty sure that Zoom dating isn't good enough. The reason given is not so that he can be sure he is attracted to her. Rather fascinatingly enough, in the words of the Talmud it's "so that he shouldn't be disgusted by the way she looks". Reb Matisyahu Solomon, the mashgiach in Lakewood asked a boy once in yeshiva how his date was. The young bachur responded ambivalently that she "nisht shlecht" (not bad). He told him "Az vos ken zein shlect mit a nit shlecheter- What can be bad about something not bad!" Baruch Hashem all Bnos Yisrael have a natural beauty and chein. It's not something to worry about or even to put on one's "must-have" list. It's not what will make a good Torah marriage, and if desire and love are all you have on your "list"". It's too short.

 

The Parsha then takes it a step further as it details men and women that are not permitted to marry into the Jewish people. All of them are forbidden to marry someone and become part of "Kahal Yisrael- the community of Israel. The Torah starts this list with a man that has been injured in a dramatic way that he can no longer have children. I'll leave out the gory details. Interestingly enough though this only applies if this is not a natural born condition. Someone born with a fertility problem even of a physical nature can get married with a regular Jewish girl.

 

Reb Mosh Feinstien explains that the reason for this prohibition is because when getting married is not just two people living alone together on an island happily ever after. Marriage is about becoming part of the community. It's about building eternity. It's about raising a family. Someone who was born unfertile has their bashert that was born with them. Someone that underwent something that left him that way, may get married to woman that is forbidden to join the community, as we'll see. He can even be righteous person and marry a righteous person, such as a convert. But joining Kahal Hashem, means that there was nothing that was done to you to prevent you from making that family. Our sacred bris is the only sign and mark we make on our body to remind us of the importance of procreation in our place as the community of Hashem. Because a Jewish marriage is not just about love.

 

That idea follows to the next law, which again seems to be go against modern political correct thought, is the prohibition to marry a mamzer (male) or a mamzeres (female)- this is someone who was born of a forbidden relationship whether an extramarital one or one with a forbidden family member. A mamzer/es can never marry anyone that doesn't come from a similar background. Not only the mamzer but all of their future descendants are prohibited to marry anyone that is not as well invalid to marry into the disti

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 " Der shainker hot lib dem shikker, ober di tochter vet er im nit geben." The saloon-keeper loves the drunkard, but he wouldn’t give him his daughter in marriage.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

The “Sigd” holiday belongs to the following community:

A. Yemenite

B.  Ethiopian

C.  Karaite

D.  Samaritan

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

 https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/lulay-heamanti-kavey - In honor of Elul enjoy my most beautiful & inspiring Rabbi Schwartz composition Lulay He'amanti arranged and sung by Dovid Lowy

 https://youtu.be/maaumNbBGDE -Hillel Kapnick inspiring beautiful song U'Teshuva from his new Elul Disc

 https://youtu.be/kqzMDBdeQC0   – Yaakov Shwekey's latest song L'Dovid in honor of Elul

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biP3Cirl9DY –Shlomo Katz awesome Everlasting love farbrengen

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 Parshat Ki Teitzey – Shiluach Hakein-Sending away the mother bird- Pigeons are annoying birds. They chirp outside my window early in the morning, they leave droppings all over the floor outside my house and last month I found a strange smell in my office, and it turns out that one of them made a nest outside of my window and I've got spoiled bird eggs sitting there. Yet, these fine feathered  'boids' as they say in Brooklyn actually get a mitzva of their own and it's one that the Torah tells us merits long life, and in these scary times that can't be such a bad thing.

 In the short verses about this strange mitzva the Torah tells us

 Devarim (22;6-7) If, along the road, you chance upon a bird’s nest, in any tree or on the ground, with fledglings or eggs and the mother sitting over the fledglings or on the eggs, do not take the mother together with her young. Shalayach Tishalach –Send away the mother, and take only the young, in order that you may fare well and have a long life.

 So in a nutshell- or eggshell to be more accurate, if one finds a kosher birds nest; kosher birds being robins, doves, pigeons, mallard ducks or even Canadian geese what my father calls "katchkas", then there is a mitzva to send away the mother bird and to take the eggs or chicks. It's not necessary to keep the eggs or chickens, just pick them up and put them down again after sending away the mother bird. You do this, the Torah tells us that you'll be granted long life, according to one opinion in the talmud this means in the eternal world. Not bad, for what our sages describe as a pretty easy mitzva.

 Now we don't have reasons for mitzvos. We have taam'ey hamitzvot- tastes of the mitzva, which are ideas that we can take out of the mitzva that has meaning for us. There is certainly a component of mercy as not to take the babies in front of the mother. Yet our sages say we can't certainly say that is the reason as it is arguable, after all why take the babies at all? Others suggest that there is an idea of not destroying an entire species, much as the mitzva of not slaughtering a mother cow and their calf in the same day. Yet, the Ramban tells us that there are all types of deep kabbalistic mystical reasons behind this mitzva that are not for the layman. The Zohar though does say that the cry of the mother bird does elicit Hashem's compassion for his children, and he showers us with mercy when it we fulfill this mitzva.

 One of the important things about this mitzva is making sure you've got the mother bird. As both of them sit on the nest this is not easy to tell. Most laymen can't tell the difference but here's a tip. The ladies usually sit on the nest by night and the men by day. Whether there is a lesson here as to which parent should be in charge of putting the children to sleep is up to you to decide. It's also not a mitzva that you should wait around to do. After the chicks are born it's usually only about two weeks or so before they start to fly and then the mitzva can no longer be fulfilled.

 Now the Torah is quite specific that this mitzva is for one that encounters a bird on the road. This means that the bird, nest, eggs or chicks have to be ownerless, on public property. A nest found on private property, including your own, like the one on my home office window, would belong to the owner of the property and therefore wouldn't be obligated in the mitzva. Yet more often than not we find people fulfilling this mitzva on birds they find be their house. The way this can be done, some authorities offer, is by being mafkir them, declaring it ownerless in front of three people. In doing so one can then send the mother away in fulfillment of the mitzva.

 If you are a bit queasy, it's not neccesary to acutally hold the mother bird in ones hand. You can chase the mother bird away by making noise or tapping the nest with a stick. It is neccesary to pick up the birds or eggs though. A blessing is not recited though on this mitzva according to most authorities.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

  Dovid rise to Glory - 878 BC- Dovid's return to Shaul after the slaying of Golyas and the trouncing of the Plishtim was with great fanfare. Shaul's palace was most likely in Tel Al Ful near Givat Zeev. It can be seen supposedly from Givat Shaul in Jerusalem which is one of the reasons it was called Givat Shaul although it's quite far away. But it was also called Givat Shaul after the Rishon Litziyon in the times of the Ottoman Empire Reb Yaaakov Shul Elishur. The women would come out to the streets and cheer how Shaul had killed thousands but Dovid had killed 10's of thousands. This obviously was upsetting to Shaul, who already had been informed that his kingdom would be shortened as a result of his failure to wipe out Amalek. Yet Shaul's resentment of Dovid it seemed went a step further than plain old jealousy. There seems to have been some depression that infected Shaul, perhaps as a result of having lost the divine spirit that rested upon him. Ironically it was only Dovid that could calm him as he played the harp for him. Yet it was twice during those moments of Dovid playing for him that Shaul attempted to "by mistake- On purpose" try to kill him with his spear. But it didn't work. Hashem was watching out for Dovid and Shaul was realizing the game was over.

 The next plan for Shaul was to perhaps have Dovid killed in some crazy military mission. Now earlier on the Navi told us that the soldiers ha told Dovid that whoever kills Golyas will have his daughter's hand in marriage. It's not clear if that was a guarantee given by Shaul or if it was just 'the word on the street'. Regardless Shaul was not that forthcoming. Technically Shaul's oldest daughter, Meirav, after whom the yishuv by Mt. Gilboa where  many of Shaul's family is remembered is named, should've been wed to Dovid, but Shaul had her married to someone else. So the next in line was Michal, who anyways was pretty in love with Dovid. But Shaul wasn't going to make it easy for Dovid. He had word sent to him, that rather than the typical dowry that one should give for a daughter's hand in marriage, Shaul wanted revenge against the Plishtim. How about 100 foreskins of the some Plishtim terrorists. Mazel Tov!

 Now Shaul had expected that Dovid would never make it out of this seeming suicide mission, but never bet against Dovid. He came back with 200 orlos. Take that. This obviously exacerbated the situation even more between the two and things were going to start getting nastier and nastier. So if there's one lesson you should learn from here… never ever complain about your father-in-law again Dovid had worse…

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S MARRIAGE JOKES  OF THE WEEK

 Mr & Mrs Goldberg had just got married. On their way to their  home, Mr Goldberg said to his new wife “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?” 

Abe steps out of his building to hail a taxi and immediately finds one. As he gets in, the cabbie says, “Perfect timing, just like Saul.”

“Who's Saul?” asks the passenger.

“Saul Gold, of course,” says the cabbie. “Now there was someone who got what he wanted — like a taxi just when he needed it. Not like me; I always have to wait ages when I need something.”

“Nobody’s perfect," says the passenger.

“Except Saul,” says the cabbie. “Saul was a great athlete and could have played in the NFL. Not like me – I'm just a couch potato. Saul danced like Astaire. Not like me. I've got two left feet.”

“Sounds like Saul was really someone special.”

“You can say that again,” says the cabbie. “He even remembered everyone’s birthday. Not like me. I always forget important birthdays and anniversaries. And Saul could fix anything in the house. Not like me. If I change a fuse, the whole neighborhood has a power failure. And Saul knew how to treat his wife. He could always make her feel good and never answered her back even if she was in the wrong. He always complimented her on dinner. Not like me. I'm always getting into arguments with my wife.”

“What an amazing person. How did you meet him?” asks the passenger.

“Well, I never actually met Saul,” replies the cabbie.

“Then how do you know so much about him?” asks the passenger.

“I married his widow,” replies the cabbie. 

 A family of Schmohawk Indians were sitting around the fire one night. There was papa Geronowitz, mama Pocayenta and the daughter, Minihorowitz. 

"So, nu," says Minihorowitz, "You'll never believe." 

"What?" says Pocayenta. 

"Today, at high noon, someone proposed to me." 

"So what did you say?" says Pocayenta." 

"I said yes" 

"That's wonderful," says Pocayenta. "She said yes! Did you hear that Geronowitz? Our little Minihorowitz is getting married." 

"I heard," says Geronowitz, "I'm kvelling. So who's the lucky boy?" 

"Sittin' Bialy." 

"Sittin' Bialy?" says Pocayenta," of the SoSiouxMe tribe?" 

"That's the one," says Minihorowitz. 

"Oy, Geronowitz! The SoSiouxMe's! There are so many of them. How can we feed them? How can we get them all in our teepee for the wedding?" 

"We'll think of something," says Geronowitz. 

"Geronowitz, get me a buffalo for the wedding. I can make buffalo tzimmes from the meat and we can make an extra teepee from the hide. Get me a buffalo." 

So Geronowitz goes out to hunt a buffalo. A day and night goes by and Geronowitz has not come back. Another day and half the night and Geronowitz comes home exhausted, staggering and empty-handed. 

"Geronowitz I've been worried sick. Where have you been? Where's my buffalo?" 

"It's like this," he says. "On my first day out, I hunted high and I hunted low and I finally found a buffalo. But this buffalo was scrawny with no meat on his bones for buffalo tzimmes and barely enough hide for a rain hat. So I settled in for the night to try again the next day. 

The second day, I looked high and I looked low, from this way and that way and I finally found a buffalo. He was big with lots of meat and lots of hide, but I tell you, Pocayenta, this was the ugliest buffalo I ever saw in my life. This, I thought to myself, is not the buffalo for my daughter's wedding. So I carried on looking. I went up hills and I went down hills and I found a big buffalo. It was, as buffaloes go, a beautiful buffalo. If I say so myself, it was  the perfect buffalo. This, I said to myself, is the buffalo Pocayenta wants for Minihorowitz's wedding. 

So I reach into my backpack quietly for my tomahawk as I tip-toe over to the buffalo. I raise my tomahawk slowly over the buffalo's neck when suddenly, like a bolt of lightning from the sky, I see it." 

"See what?" says Pocayenta. 

"I've brought the dairy tomahawk!" 

 Sadie sits down next to an attractive man on the train and says, "You look just like my fourth husband". The man replies, "Your fourth husband? So how many times have you been married, lady?" 

"Three," replies Sadie. 

 A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Mom, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. 

He then says, "Okay, Mom. Guess which one I'm going to marry." 

She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle." 

"That's amazing, Mom. You're right. How did you know?" 
"I don't like her."

 Christine and Daniel fall in love and decide to get married - but only on condition that Christine becomes Jewish. So she goes to see Rabbi Levy for some advice. 

Rabbi Levy tells her, "You will have to learn how to keep a kosher home, light shabbes candles, keep two sets of crockery and a few other simple things." 
"That sounds easy to me, rabbi," says Christine, "I can easily do that." 
Then Rabbi Levy says, "The last thing is, you must go to a mikva." 
"A mikva?" says Christine, "what's that?" 
"It's a pool of water," answers Rabbi Levy, "and you must immerse yourself completely for a few seconds." 
"I'm sorry, rabbi, but I have a phobia about putting my head underwater. I'll go into the water up to my chin but I won’t put my head under the water. Will that be OK?" 
"I suppose it will do," replies Rabbi Levy, "you’ll be mostly Jewish but you will still have a 'Goyisha kop'."

 Sharon had lived a good life, having been married four times. Now she stood before the Pearly Gates. The angel at the gates said to her, “I see that you first of all married a banker, then an actor, next a rabbi and lastly an undertaker. Why? This does not seem appropriate for a Jewish woman.” 

“Oh yes it is”, Sharon replied. “It’s one for the money, two for the show, three to make ready and four to go.”

Moishe had just had a medical check up. "I hate to be the one to break it to you," said the doctor, "but you've only got about 6 months to live." 

"Oh my God" gasped Moishe, turning white. 
A few minutes later, after the news had sunk in, Moishe said, "Doctor, you've known me a long time. Do you have any suggestions as to how I could make the most of my remaining months?" 
"Have you ever married?" asked the doctor. 
Moishe replied that he had been a bachelor his whole life. 
"You might think about taking a wife," said the doctor, "after all, you'll need someone to look after you during the final illness." 
"That's a good point," said Moishe, "and with only 6 months to live I better make the most of my remaining time." 
"May I make one more suggestion?" asked the doctor, "marry a Jewish girl." 
"A Jewish girl? Why?" asked Moishe. 
"It'll seem longer."

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Answer is B –  Another fairly easy one for anyone living in Israel, although I doubt if any Americans knew this. Sigd is a Ethiopian holiday that is 50 days after Yom Kippur, according to the new calendar they established about 150 years ago. It is a day of prayer, fasting and celebration. It's not sure what or why it was established but it seems that it had to do with the removal of Christian persecution and the reunification of their Beta Israel community and their reconnection with Torah like in the book of Nechemia that inspired them.  Another one right again and the score is Schwartz 31 and 11 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam my grade is looking up..!

Longings... Parshat Shoftim 2020/5780

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

August 21^st 2020 -Volume 10 Issue 43 1^st Elul 5780

Parshat Shoftim

Longings

I was looking back at my notes of the drashah (sermon) I gave this shabbos last year in my shul. I had shared with my shul an idea and song that I had composed about some words that we will recite repeatedly this month Yes, in my shul one of the perks my congregants have is that they get to hear my new compositions with all of its hidden meanings and inspiration first.(click on the song down below by the Videos of the week) The words are from the extra psalm that we add into our davening. Psalm 27 L'Dovid Hashem Ori V'yishi- Hashem is my light and salvation is recited this entire month. The conclusion of this chapter of tehillim are the words of my song

Kavei el Hashem chazak v'ameitz libecha v'kavey el Hashem- Long for Hashem, be strong and He will give your heart courage and long for Hashem.

I told my shul, that my B"- non-stop summer of tour guiding was over. I think from Lag Ba'Omer until the first week of Elul (last year) I had maybe 5 days, that I wasn't working and touring with tourists.  (This year it's been more like 5 days of touring since Purim) It was good and exhausting. It was time for my vacation, finally. See usually after the summer is over, usually around the second week of school, is when I go away. There are no tourists then, I can get a nice vacation home/ Tzimmer with a pool and Jacuzzi for about a quarter of the price. There are no tourists, no traffic; it's just me and my family with a nice beautiful view from the glorious Galil of the hills and valleys. In the right places we can even see the Mediterranean. Ah mechaya… it's what keeps me going all summer long. Actually the first two days I usually just go by myself, because after a long summer of talking all day long for months on end, I just want quiet. The rest of the family joins from Friday thru Sunday. I introduce myself to them once again, after them not having seen much of me for a few months. By the end of the weekend, they're ready to pay someone to take me out of the house on a tour again. Mission accomplished.  

So there I was, driving my last family back to Yerushalayim for my last tour. It was a crazy day. We had started in Yerushalayim. We hit the coastline Akko, the old city and speedboating, we hopped over to Meron for Mincha and went up to Tzfat for a quick tour of the old city. We even went up to the Golan for a sunset view of the Syrian border from Mt. Bental and then to top it all off we had dinner by the Kinneret in Tiverya. It was an insane day. I was ending off the summer with a bang. But I was energized because I knew my vacation was right around the corner. I was by the finish line. And then my phone rang…

"Hi Rabbi Schwartz, I got your name from a friend of mine. We decided to stick around in Eretz Yisrael for another week. We were wondering would you be free next week to tour our family…"

Kaveh el Hashem- I was longing for my vacation. I wanted the peace and quiet. But I'm very bad at turning down any tourist requests. I have a Divine responsibility to share my love and passion of Eretz Yisrael with everyone, especially the ones that want to pay me for it… And besides who knows when an international pandemic might come and I might be out of work… So

Chazak V'Ameitz Libecha- I strengthened my heart and told them no problem… and once again I pushed off my longing V'kavey el Hashem- I longed for my vacation with Hashem. Fast forward a year later after 4 months of 'vacation'… I long for those days when I could share Eretz Yisrael with my tourists once again…

We have entered the month of Elul a month that our sages note is an acronym of the words Ani L'Dodi V'Dodi Li- I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me. It is a month of longing for Hashem and his longing for us to return to Him.  Shlomo Hamelech in Shir Hashirim describes Yom Kippur as Yom chatunoso- our wedding day, when we received the second tablets and Hashem forgave us for all our sins. Elul is like that betrothal period when we are longing for that chasuna day when we will be reunited with our Beloved. And every day of that engagement our longing should grow and grow.

There is an incredible Bnai Yissachar on this week's Parsha that shares with us exactly what those ga'aguim- the Hebrew word for longing should be about. At the end of the parsha we are told the mitzva and procedure of going out to battle. As in all of the mitzvos in the Torah there is an eternal message we are meant to take out its teachings despite that we no longer have ancient enemies or wars that we are fighting. Yet our sages read this portion as one that can be taken homiletically. The enemy is our yetzer hara- our evil inclination, that is trying to stop us from returning to Hashem. He is the enemy. The camp that is coming against us. So we prepare for this battle and the Kohen and the officers come out to charge us up for battle. We can do it. And then we are given the exemptions; the list of three categories of people that have specific challenges that they need to take care of before they enter this battle.

The Bnai Yissachar finds a hint to these three groups in the words of Dovid Hamelech, the commander in chief of our army in the words of the Psalm

Tehillim (89:3) Tashev enosh DAKA- You have brought man to the crushing point

Va'tomer shuvu bnai adam- and you say 'return son of Man'

 

The word 'da'k'a'- crushing point' is an acronym of three words dira, kerem and isha- he who built a home-dira, planted a vineyard-kerem, or just got married-isha. These three people are three challenges one needs to overcome, three areas of growth that one needs to work upon before being ready to join the fight- the battle to return to Hashem our beloved. What do they represent and what are their message to us?

 

Now there are many commentaries that see the three basic challenges mentioned in Pirkey Avot that take a man out of this world; Kinah-jelaousy, taava- desire and kavod-the pursuit of honor. The vineyard being the sign of jealousy as seen in the famous Tanach story of King Ahav coveting the vineyard of his neighbor Navot the Jezre'elite. Ta'ava is represented by isha, the woman that one desires. And kavod-honor is the person who built a house as the verse tells us that once we conquer the land and build houses we can become haughty and arrogant. But the Bnai Yissachar takes this idea a step further, he talks about the natural longings that one has yet to experience and realize. One has to 'get their own house in order' before embarking on that battle with the yetzer hara. For the battle we are up against is not just to conquer our enemy. It is to bring a new reality to the world; to reunite eternally with our beloved.

 

The first category is 'he who built a house and has not yet inaugurated it". We are going out to fight a battle and the picture and image we need to have in our mind is that the purpose of our battle is to build a house for Hashem. To establish His dwelling place down here in this world. But before we do this we need to know that our own homes are established. Hashem is not looking to live in a nasty neighborhood with neighbors-us- that don't know how to build and inaugurate-be mechanech- holy homes. Are our own homes one that He can feel comfortable living next to? Or do we have things that perhaps He might not be that happy with in them. Are they homes of peace and harmony, or are we the 'noisy' neighbors always fighting, gossiping and airing our garbage all over the front lawn? If we haven't been mechanech our own homes how can we do battle for His?

 

Next up we have the vineyard. Our sages tell us that the vineyards and wine represent torah. It is that yayin hamishumar- that hidden wine of wisdom found in our holy book. Each Jew has their own 'vineyard', their own piece of Torah that they are meant to reveal in this world. It's amazing to think about. Rabbi Akiva had his Torah that he had to reveal, Rashi had his and The Baal Shem Tov and Rebbi Nachman had theirs. And just as the Divine revelation was given to them to reveal their portions, each of us have our own. We need to plant our own vineyards. Reveal our own Torah in the world. If we haven't then we aren't prepared to do the battle that will reveal that divine light into the world.

 

Finally, we have the man who has betrothed a woman and but has yet to have bonded with her. She is not yet fully his. They haven't become one. There is no love like that of a chasan and kallah. There is no greater longing than for that wedding day. The love Hashem has for us we are told is Ahavas Olam- and eternal love, but also all of the love in the world. Meaning if one took all the love between every bride and groom, every parent and child, every friend for one another in the entire world. And then one took all of that from every generation from the beginning of time, that is the love Hashem has for us. Ahavat Olam. Before we go out to reunite that beloved with us, we have to experience that and fulfill that love to its completion in our own lives. We need to feel what that actualization of that desire a bride has for groom is like, then we can be strong enough to take anything that the Yetzer Hara might throw at us. For there is none fiercer fighter than one that is fighting for what they love.

 

This year has been the year of longing.  For millennia we have been waiting and longing for Mashiach; for Hashem to return, for His House, for His light. But we than went back to our regular life and pushed those hopes to the backdrop of our busy, hectic lives. This year though there isn't anybody that isn't longing for the end to finally be here. Kavey el Hashem… We all realize how broken the world is and we pine for a better fixed one. But in Elul we are meant to desire more. Chazak v'ameitz libecha- we need to strengthen our hearts, we need to dream bigger, we need to be prepared to fight and fix everything we can because our beloved is waiting for us. He is calling to us. The astrological sign, the mazal of the month of Elul is the besula-Virgo, the girl that is waiting to get married and find her beloved and that is waiting for that great wedding day. V'Kavey el Hashem. May this month be the one where all of our longing finally brings us to our home.

Have a super Shabbos and blessed month of Elul,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

 " Dos gantse lebn iz a milchome..!"- All of life is a war.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

41) The J- Trail and the Gospel Trail pass through:

A.  Mount of Olives

B.  Mount Zion

C.  Kinarot Valley

D.  The Banias

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

 https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/lulay-heamanti-kavey - In honor of Elul enjoy my most beautiful & inspiring Rabbi Schwartz composition Lulay He'amanti arranged and sung by Dovid Lowy

 https://drive.google.com/file/d/1AG4NvTMvkxbHnOqC53GqefLkAE2-Pyig/view– Curious what Yeshiva life is like during Corona? Check out this inspiring video from Yeshivas Ohr Elchonon of what Corona Zman looks like… (Thank you Spitz Family for forwarding!)

 https://youtu.be/Oa6z-Il4vnU  – A really beautiful Eli Hertzlich song Hinei Kel Yishuasi

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9f03XF0rSG0 –One of the most beautiful songs ever redone by my dear friend Dovid Lowy- Bereshit Olam

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S6-7RxVw0Y – Eitan Katz Elul song! Awesome…

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/MITZVA CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 Parshat Shoftim – Bal Tashchis- At the end of this week's parsha the Torah begins to tell us the laws of war. It is properly one of the least likely placed one would expect to find this mitzva. But that's the beauty of the Torah and Judaism. The little things make all of the difference. There is no rule book of law that would ever have a law like this one.

 Devarim (20:19-20) When in your war against a city you have to besiege it a long time in order to capture it, you must not destroy its trees, wielding the ax against them. You may eat of them, but you must not cut them down. Are trees of the field human to withdraw before you into the besieged city? Only trees that you know do not yield food may be destroyed; you may cut them down for constructing siege works against the city that is waging war on you, until it has been reduced.

 That's right. We're waging war against our enemy. We could be fighting for our lives. And yet the torah is telling us we can't chop down a tree that produces fruit needlessly. In the words of the Chinuch this is to teach us to love the land and learn the ways of the righteous.

 "For this is the way of the pious…they who love peace are happy when they can do good to others and bring them close to Torah and will not cause even a grain of mustard to be lost from the world…"

 Don't get me wrong I love mustard as much as the next, but to think about this during the time of war. To think about how Hashem created a world of goodness and our wars that we are fighting are to make the world a better place. A world that sees Hashem in every tree and the goodness he provides for us. So it is precisely here where Hashem tells us to remember what we are fighting for. We're not barbarians.

 Now this mitzva is not only in times of war. There is a prohibition to cut down any fruit tree needlessly. It's even a prohibition outside of Israel, although some commentaries note that like many sins, in Israel this even more grievous.  According to the BeHag there are two prohibitions not to destroy and not to cut them down. The Ramban even suggests that there might be a violation of the positive commandment that you shall eat them. Three prohibitions for what might seem like a small act of cutting down a tree. That's pretty heavy.

 Now it seems that it would be permitted to cut down trees for a reason as the prohibition is only for wanton destruction. And in fact if the value of the lumber is worth more than the tree produces in fruit then one would be permitted. As well if one needed the land for building purposes it would also be permitted as commercial values are also taken into account. (Aesthetic, landscaping reasons though are not permitted) Yet, the Talmud seems to note that there is a mystical danger involved that can come from it. One of the Rabbis in the Talmud even attributes the death of his child to him having cut down a fruit tree. Thus even in situations where it is permitted there are poskim that recommend uprooting the tree and replanting it somewhere else.

 As well this prohibition is not only limited to trees. The Rambam writes that this prohibition is extended at least rabbinically to any needless destruction, although there are some that even read the following Rambam to be a biblical prohibition.

 Sefer Ha-mitzvot, Positive Commandment (6)-"And not only trees, but whoever breaks vessels, tears clothing, wrecks that which is built up, stops fountains, or wastes food in a destructive manner, transgresses the commandment of Bal Taschit, but his punishment is only flogging by rabbinic edicts"

 There are times that destruction is permitted for the sake of a mitzva. We rip our shirts for mourning for a death or when we come to Yerushalayim and see the old city when we haven't been there. We break a glass by a wedding to remember Yerushalayim. It's even mentioned that when a teacher wants to make a strong statement or a protest they can break something for effect. These are all considered for a purpose despite the fact that it would seem that we are destroying needlessly.

 Finally, there is one last area of halacha that this is mentioned and that is regards to passive waste. A question was posed if one has a wedding or an affair and there is food that is being thrown out afterwards that is still good, is it the owners responsibility to make sure it is put to good use or not. The Chazon Ish seems to rule that it may not be the owner's responsibility or violation as the baal simcha isn't actively wasting the food. Yet there are many great organizations that have developed to donate the food leftovers. That was great in a pre-corona world. From what I understand they are pretty challenged these days. A Man is compared to a tree. Life is a gift. If we appreciate those gifts, we have we will naturally want to share them with others. And that is the way we make the world a better, more godly place.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

  Dovid and Goliath Part II- 878 BC- We left off last week with Dovid's offer to Shaul to do battle against the general of the Plishtim, Golyas. Shaul suits up Dovid in the traditional heavy armour, helmet sword and shield. But Dovid was a little guy. He wasn't used to walking around like this and he wanted it to be clear that this was going to be a miraculous victory. "Lo b'cherev v'lo bchanis- not by sword or javelin does the salvation of Hashem come" . Dovid then goes out with his little slingshot and chooses 5 smooth rocks from Nachal Ha'alah. It's lots of fun to bring children there and have them choose rocks. Like I said before, there's nothing like making navi come alive.

 Golyas meanwhile comes out and see's Dovid and he is incensed. How dare they send out this unarmored young lad against him. He bellows out that he will feed his flesh to the cattle of the field. Dovid shoots back at him that he will feed his flesh to the wild beasts and the birds and chop off his head. Dovid is using the traditional Jewish psychological warfare on Golyas. He is unsettling him and throwing him of balance. Golyas comes charging, Dovid rips out his slingshot and boom! The rock slams into his helmet. There is a fascinating midrash I like to share about how the helmet didn't want to open for the rock. I guess in that good old rock paper sciscors game the metal should smash the rock and not the other way around. So the rock cuts a deal and in exchange for allowing the rock to penetrate inot Golyas's head it will give metal the mitzva of Bris Mila which until then was done with flint rock (as the Torah tells us by Tzippora, Moshe's wife who circumscised her son).

 After Dovid fells Golyas, being true to his word he has to chop off his head. But he can't shlep out the heavy sword. So once again the Midrash tells us that Golyas's right hand man was someone named Uriah Hachitti. Dovid promised him that if he gave him the sword he could convert and marry a Jewish woman. Mistake on Dovid's part… For the woman Uriah was ultimately given was none other than Batsheva who was meant to be Dovid's bashert. Isn't it cool to have a tour guide that knows all these cool midrashim to tie everything together.

 So Dovid chops off his head. The Plishtim never ones to be trusted to keep their side of the bargain which was that they would become servants to the Jews, began to flee. They fled to the city of Shearayim.not far from Beit Shemesh off highway 38 today known as Churbat Kayefeh a great archeological site to visit. And from there they went all the way down to Ekron And Gat the Plishti cities near the coast. He then brought the head of Golyas back to Shaul.

 Shaul sees him coming, he knows Dovid is meant to be his son-in-law as his daughter was promised to the person who slays Golyas, and thus one of the most toxic biblical father-in-law/son-in-law relationships begins. More about that next week.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S WAR JOKES  OF THE WEEK

 During World War II, a sergeant stationed at Fort Benning gets a telephone call from a prejudiced woman.

"We would love it," she said, "if you could bring five of your soldiers over to our house for Thanksgiving dinner."
"Certainly, ma'am," replied the sergeant.
"Oh... just make sure they aren't Jews, of course," said the woman.
"Will do," replied the sergeant. So, that Thanksgiving, while the woman is baking, the doorbell rings. She opens her door and, to her horror, five black soldiers are standing in front of her.
"Oh, my!" she exclaimed. "I'm afraid there's been a terrible mistake!"
"No ma'am," said one of the soldiers. "Sergeant Rosenbloom never makes mistakes!"

 Yankel is sitting on a passenger train that is fully loaded, and a German soldier, on leave, shares a compartment with a decrepit lady, a beautiful young French woman, and a young French man. The train enters a tunnel, and no one can see anything.

A kiss is heard, then a hollow slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel, the German has a horrible black eye.

'So unlucky' thinks the German soldier. 'The French man gets the kiss and I get the blame!' 'Well done, my girl!' thinks the old lady. 'You stood up to that brute!'

The beautiful woman is puzzled. 'Why would that German kiss that old lady?'

Yankel, meanwhile, thinks 'How clever I am! I kiss the back of my hand, hit the German and no one suspects me!'

 An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass. 

The CO says, "Are you crazy? You just joined the Israeli army, and you alreadywant a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!
The CO was so impressed, he asked, "How did you do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I
approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab
tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, 'Do you want to get a
3 day pass?' So we exchanged tanks!"

 The Israelis and Palestinians are fighting a battle. From the israeli side, a machine gun fires, “bang bang bang bang bang bang bang.”From the Palestinian side, a rifle goes “bang bang”

This goes on for a bit until suddenly, the Palestinian side goes quiet.
A head pokes out of the Israeli foxhole. “Hey Muhammad! You run out of ammo?”
“Yeah!”
“Well come on over, i’ll sell you some!”

 At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies.

One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, "Will we have to fight in a World War Three?"

"Yes, comrades, in all likelihood, you will," answers the general.

"And who will be our likely enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks.

"The likelihood is that it will be China."

The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. How can we possibly win?"

"Well," replies the general, "think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs and the Jews have been the winners every time."

"But sir, " asks the panicky officer, "do we have enough Jews?

 Itzik Epstein enrolled in the elite Israeli Paratrooper unit called “Tzanchanim” and while its soldiers are known for their bravado, Itzik was a little nervous.

On his first day of class Itzik asked his instructor, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"

The training officer looked at Itzik without hesitating and answered, "The rest of your life."

 General Marshall is in charge of the American Army, and he is visiting his colleague General Goldstein, who is in charge of the Israeli Army. Marshall arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Goldstein. They both walk around the place, and Marshall asks: "So how are your men?"

"Very well trained, General."

"I hope so. You see, my men over at the United States Army are so well trained, you see, they're the bravest men in the world."

"Well, I'm not so sure about that General," replies Goldstein. "My men are very brave, too."

"I'd like to see that," says Marshall.

So Goldstein calls private Barak and says: "Private Barak! I want you to stop that tank simply by standing in front of it!"

"Are you crazy?" says Private Barak. "It would kill me! Are you some kind of fool?"

Goldstein turns to a Marshall and says, "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."

 

A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger & fries. The reporter ate it and said “Now, I can die.”

The BBC Reporter said, "I’m a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what’s about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.”

The ISIS leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and dictated some comments. The reporter then said, "Now I can die knowing I stayed true until the end.”

The ISIS leader turned to the Israeli commando and said, “And now, Mr. Israeli tough guy, what is your final wish?”

“Punch me in the face ,” said the soldier.

“What?" asked the leader, “Will you mock us in your last hour?”

“No, I’m not kidding. I want you to punch me in the face ,” insisted the Israeli.

So the terrorist leader shoved him into the open and kicked him in the behind. The soldier went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from under his flak jacket, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he jumped to his knapsack, pulled out his carbine and sprayed the terrorists with gunfire. In a flash, all terrorists were either dead or fleeing for their lives. As the soldier was untying the reporters, they asked him, “Why didn’t you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to punch me in the face first?”

“What?” replied the Israeli, “and have you report that I was the aggressor?

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Answer is C–  This was pretty easy because I pass it all the time. The Yoshka trail was classic Israeli entrepreneurism. It was established in 2007 by and Israeli hiker that saw the potential for tourism and marketing by creating a trail that could travel in the "footsteps of the 'New Testament'. The truth is even if I didn't know the correct answer it is easy process of elimination. The two places the J-man hung out were Jerusalem and the Galile. The Jerusalem options are not the right answer because there are two of them. Har Tzion and Har Ha Zeitim. So that leaves the Kinnarot and the Banias. He was in the Banyas, but that's only one site. The Kinnarot valley that starts near Tzippori and covers most of the places Yoshka "relieved himself" in this country is the more logical answer. So I got this one right and the score is Schwartz 30 and 11 for MOT (Ministry of Tourism) on this exam my grade is looking up..!