from the
Holy Land
from
Rabbi Ephraim
Schwartz
"Your friend
in Karmiel"
March 17th
2023 -Volume 12 Issue
22 24th of Adar 5783
Parshat Vayakhel-
Pikudei- Ha’Chodesh
(Don’t miss our book offer
and free sampler here Rabbi Schwartzes Pesach
book Sampler! CLick! )
I
haven’t yet weighed in yet, for you dear readers, on all of the action,
protests and politics going on lately in Israel. I’ve never really been one
that has been too interested in Israeli politics and since my surgery I really
don’t weigh too much either- on anything. Frankly, I find the whole political
thing here kind of silly. In my generally never humble opinion, politicians are
really a waste of energy, breath and time. I don’t get why so many people are
into it. Why they follow them. What possibly redeeming nature and enjoyment do
they get out of promoting the agendas and personas of those that are clearly quite
capable of promoting themselves. In the end none of them are really worth anything.
They will all sell you out. They will all disappoint you. So why even go there?
Now,
the truth is American politics isn’t really much different. But it’s much simpler.
Two parties. Two candidates generally. It’s all about money in my pocket and
who I think will give me more and that’s it. It’s got nothing to do with
religion. It’s got nothing to do with shidduchim. It really has no
spiritual ramifications. It’s all about dollars and cents. Which translates
into voting for the Republican in the meaningless office of President who
really doesn’t effect my bottom line but yet aligns with most of my political
views, and then hypocritically yet pragmatically voting Democrat for the local
candidate who will afford those Kollel Rabbis more social service programs. Unless
of course, you’re from the rich chevra whose taxes might go up… then you shmear
them both. And just make sure you pay them to stick in enough loopholes for
your accountant to find for you. But who you vote for there really doesn’t make
any moral statements about yourself. It’s just who you think will be better for
the “Economy-Stupid” as one great candidate said when I was growing up.
In
Israel though who you vote for is as religious as whether you eat g’brochtz
on Pesach, what Nusach tefilla you daven, and whether you carry in the eiruv
or not. It defines your religious orientation. They have made voting into the
614th mitzva in the Torah. Yes, it’s a biblical commandment not
merely a rabbinical one. And going out and rounding up votes, hanging posters
and signs and playing those silly jingles from your radio is fulfilling the
mitzva la’mehadrin min ha’mehadrin. It’s the hechsher (preparation)
for the mitzva, no less than baking your own matzos and building your
own Sukka. Maybe even more so… And unlike the States where it is all about the
money- here it is about the money too- but it’s framed that it’s about your
God, your observance level and your inner moral spiritual compass. Your either
with us or against us. There is no in-between.
Yet,
in the end, what I don’t think they get is that all of these politicans will ultimately
disappoint you. They’re all losers. They’re all self-aggrandizing narcissists
that all claim to be saving the world. Yet in the end, it really becomes clear
that it was always only about them. That’s the situation in all politics today
and Israel and the Jewish people are at the top of that game.
I
understand why this is. I also understand why this will never change in the
near future until Mashiach gets here. See, in previous generations there was
some modicum of patriotism that motivated individuals to run for public office.
Sure, they were also out for the kavod… it’s only natural and only
human. Yet, today the world has changed. Today if someone is running for public
office, they really have to be seriously meshuga. You have to be so
hungry for glory, for honor, for fame and fortune that you are ready to
sacrifice everything and anything else to achieve that burning goal and desire.
Today
we are living in a different world than 30-40 years ago. Today the media is out
to get you. Out to shmutz you. There are no secrets anymore in today’s
world. All the skeletons- and who doesn’t have skeletons-are out there to be
blasted to the entire world. They will find someone, something, somewhere,
anything shmutzy that they can pin on you since you were a young man in
high school and put it on the front covers of their newspapers or the top page
of their websites. You will be viral. Literally.
Who
in their right mind would want to subject themselves or their family to that
type of scrutiny? We all have things in our past and maybe even in our present
that we don’t want to be front page news. That we’re not proud of. And even
though we know that everyone else has that too, but there was once a thing as
keeping one’s private business private. Not anymore. And as minor or as far
distant in the past one has moved from that; it doesn’t make a difference.
Today it is front page news. And it will remain there forever. And they will
make it much worse than it really was. It’s scary. It’s enough to make any
rational person, say fuggedaboutit. As a result, it only leaves in the candidate
pool- the people that are such megalomaniacs that will be the ones that are running
for public office. So why spend time and energy talking about meshuganes…
Yet,
perhaps now is the time to talk about this stuff. You can’t really avoid it.
The country is on fire. The entire world seems to be obsessed with this whole
judicial reform issue going on Israel. Every shnook has an opinion. Dershowitz,
Biden, “Rabbis”- both male and family and confused genders have something to
say. Left wingers are rioting like chareidim in Meah Shearim usually do when a
soldier walks down the street. Decorated “Zionist” patriotic generals are
telling people not to serve. And for what? Because they lost an election. Because
the people decided that perhaps they should have a say in the laws that get
passed in this country, rather than the elite self-appointed Supreme justices,
who feel they know better than everyone else?! They scream Democratzia! But
democracy is decided by the people at the voting booth, is it not? Having a
court that appoints itself, decide what laws could and should be passed, what
government committees elected by the people should be allowed to allocate, to
strategize, who is and is not allowed to serve in a government despite the fact
that the people elected and voted for them, is the opposite of democracy. It’s
theocracy and the judges are the “Theos” in that crazy ‘cracy’.
So
yes, I can’t avoid talking about it… I think Hashem wants us to talk about it. Because
when the entire world is talking and focused on something it’s a sign from
heaven that we need to take it apart and see it through Hashem’s eyes. What He
wants from us. What our perspective should be. And what better place to start
then this week’s Torah portion; the conclusion of the Book of Shemos and
Parshat Ha’Chodesh that we read this week, the last of the four special parshiyos
read before Pesach as we enter the month of Nissan; the month of our
redemption.
The
four-week cycle started with getting ready for Purim with the donation of
Shekalim. Those shekels pre-empted Haman’s on Purim and prepared us for the
ultimate goal of building a Home for Hashem and the sacrifices we bring there.
Parshat Zachor was all about eradicating evil and wiping out Amalek. Hashem wants
a clean house when He gets here and all the Amalekite-shmutz that
challenges our faith has to be thrown out and erased. Parshat Parah,, read last
week, adds a level of purity to our Home. We are cleansed. We are purified. The
sins and Tumah of the past have been eradicated and we are holy. Which
then brings us to Ha’Chodesh. It is the Torah reading of how we become partners
with Hashem in this world. We establish the months. It is based on two
witnesses coming to court. To a Jewish court. To a holy court. To the real
Supreme Court. It is the final step in the geulah. Pesach the holiday of
liberation can only happen when we understand how and what a Jewish court
should look like.
Parshat
Vayakhel and Pikudey which discuss the actual building and collection for the Mishkan,
took place on Rosh Chodesh Nissan this week. Yeah, as I told you it’s a timely
topic. As we know in the times of the Bait Ha’Mikdash the court was right there
on the Temple Mount. Our sages tell us that this is so that they always
remember that anyone who rules in the way of Hashem is His Partner in Creation.
You’re the roommate of God, right there living in His house with Him. Separation
of Church and State? Yeah… But Synagogue and State, Torah and the Jewish court
system, it’s all one big Bais Ha’Mikdash and us, together with Hashem. His law
and our law are the same. It is the worlds law. Because His presence will be
revealed when that we shine that concept out to the entire world. We just need
to give Him the court that He is looking for.
It
is perhaps even most fascinating that the person in charge of the service in
the Mishkan and the Bais HaMikdash, none other than the Kohen Gadol who is the
only one who enters the Holy of Holies on Yom Kippur, wears the most prominent
of his garments- the breastplate front and center on his chest. The breastplate
which contains the names of the tribes of Israel as well as the name of Hashem which
would light up the stones of the breast-plate called the Urim V’Tumim; the
lights and devotion or the sincerity. The center and the focus of the Kohen
Gadol and those who would see him would be this Choshen Mishpat-
which translates as the Choshen or breastplate of Judgement and its role
and its name comes from the idea that it is there to atone for any travesty or
distortion of judgement. That’s what is at the heart of it all. The connection
between the two concepts couldn’t be any clearer.
But,
they can be… See the word Choshen is not a common word. In fact, it’s
not used for anything else besides this Choshen. Yet, The ARI’ZL tells
us some interesting secrets about this word Choshen. He notes that it is
fascinatingly the same letters as the word Nachash-snake. As in the
original snake in the garden of Eden. Even more fascinating is that the
gematria of the word Choshen is the same as… hold on to your hats…
Mashiach! Judgement, Snake, Mashiach… What do these things have in common?
Do
you know what the temptation of the snake was to man in garden of Eden. Vi’hiyisem
kei’elokim- Eat from the tree and you will be like God to know Good and
Evil. What does it mean to be like Hashem? To know good and evil.
Hashem
knows what’s right and wrong for us and for the world. The temptation of the
snake is to make us think that we are “gods” and do as well. There is only one time
where the Torah uses the phrase of Elokim- god when it is talking about
men. Do you know where that is? It’s by a court. We are told to bring the
judgements to court el ha’elokim- to the judges. The role of the judge
is bring the law of Hashem to this world. Not to be God but to bring the people
to the law of Hashem. The temptation of the snake is to make him think that he
is god. He knows what’s best. The atonement for that distortion of justice-of
that nachash is the choshen- the breastplate.
The
word nachash, interestingly and non-coincidentally as well is used as a
verb in the Torah. L’nacheish- is someone who portends to know the
future. It’s really the same concept and the same sin, in fact the English translation
of l’nacheish to tell the future is to “divine”. It’s to think that you
know what is going to happen. It’s why you think you’re so qualified, perhaps
the only one qualified to cast judgement. Because if things don’t work out the way
that you see good and evil then the world will fall apart. Sure, Hashem tells
us in the Torah-what good and evil and right and wrong is, but the corrupt egotistic
judge thinks he knows better. He ate the fruit. The punishment of the snake in
the garden is perhaps the one that is most appropriate for that ego. Eat dirt,
baby! Crawl on your belly, as low as you can go… humble pie. That’s the only
cure for snake-judges that think they are gods.
This
month, god willing, though we will see Mashiach. Mashiach is the final fixing
of that sin of the nachash, for Mashiach will bring us all to Hashem and
His Torah. He will anoint the Kohen Gadol and restore that light of the name of
Hashem that is the Urim V’Tumim in the Choshen to shine out the
sincerity of our beliefs and our devotion to Hashem. The world senses this is
coming. It’s time. Everyone is talking about judicial reform in Eretz Yisrael.
It is the last step before the geula. But the reform that we are looking
and awaiting is not going to come from the Knesset. It won’t come from
democracy. It won’t be a result of protests and counter protests and it won’t
happen as long as the supreme court is not connected to the Bais Ha’mikdash. It
needs to be Supreme with a capital “S”.
The
only prayer in Shemona Esrei that tells us what Hashem loves is the one that
discusses the return of the era of the judges of past. Melech Oheiv Tzedaka
U’Mishpat- the King who loves tzedaka and justice. It is as well that the
only prayer that tells us that without that we will have yagon v’anacha- despair
and wailing. That’s what the protests are- lots of despair and lots of wailing.
Yet
it’s not just us that are wailing. Hashem is protesting in heaven as well. But
He is not protesting the sorry state of the justice system in Israel. He is
protesting that we’re not davening hard enough for the real justice system.
That perhaps the idea of a Divine Torah court is too frightening and too
intimidating for us to wrap our brains around. That even we religious observant
Jews would be more than happy with a court that just let our children not serve
in the army, gave money to our yeshivas and Kollels and didn’t tax our
disposable plates and sugar drinks. That is what Hashem is protesting in
heaven. That we’re willing to settle for that… That we think that’s all we
need. All we can get… All that should be… If that’s the case then in reality we’re
really not that different then those other protestors in that way. We want it
our way and not Hashem’s way or at least not entirely so. Ouch!
But
the protests will end. Mashiach will come. Nissan is here. It’s parshat Ha’Chodesh.
This is the week that we are born anew. Chadeish Yameinu K’Kedem- That
Hashem returns us to that Gan Eden M’Kedem- that world where there is only one Judge,
and His word is always True.
Have judiciously renewing Shabbos and a redemptive
Chodesh Nissan Tov!
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
*************************************************
PESACH IS ALMOST HERE HAVE YOU GOTTEN THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
FOR THIS HOLIDAY YET???
(All proceeds go to supporting our local shul who”s campaign
recently you may have not yet contributed to although you had meant to of
course… 😊)
HERE”S
A FREE SAMPLER LINK!!!
Rabbi Schwartzes Pesach book Sampler! CLick!
Can you believe that Pesach is right around the corner? The great
holiday is coming around the bend and I’m sure you’ve started getting ready
with your preparations. Making your plans, cleaning your house, buying your
matzos, finishing up your Chametz and even beginning to think about all of the
inspiration that you will tap into this great holiday and that you will share
with your family.
Well, as usual when it comes to inspiration and insights, we want to
be here to help you and therefore we’ve got the best gift you can buy yourself
or whoever you wish to share this holiday with. None other than Rabbi Schwartz’s
two great books aptly titled
"The
Most Enjoyable Book You'll Ever Read About Pesach"
That totally sold out is in its second printing and the follow-up
that original work
From
the Back page blurb
Really?!! The most enjoyable book about Pesach?
What will I find here that I haven't heard before?
You'll have to read it to find out. One thing we can guarantee is
that this book will certainly be one that you will be able to enjoy over and
over again.
With his world-renowned wit and wisdom and his love for every Jew,
Israel, and inspiration (and chulent), Rabbi Schwartz brings to life the
timeless and yet original messages and ideas that the holiday of Pesach can and
should mean to every Jew.
TABLE
OF CONTENTS INCLUDE GREAT CHAPTERS ON
Shabbos
Ha’Gadol, Exile, the Plagues, Pesach Seder and Redemption
And great
articles enjoyably and mystically titled
Just
one Shabbos,
Kid-ding
Around
Ani
V’Atah
The
Worst Jew
Bedtime
Stories
Of Mouth
and Men
Plagued!
Animal
House
Jewish
Trip Planning,
The Holy
Prophet
A
Song for the Ages
Make
Me Proud
And many many more…
AND
THEN ROUND OUT YOUR COLLECTION WITH BOOK NUMBER TWO CREATIVELY TITLED…
The-
'Next'- Most Enjoyable Book You'll Ever Read About Pesach""
Your
Most Enjoyable Pesach Book 2.0.
From the slave pits in Egypt to the jungles of Africa, the streets
of Jerusalem to the locked-down houses in Karmiel, Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz with
his enthusiasm, inspiration and laughter, guides you through the holiday of
Pesach as you've never experienced it before.
Whether you've joined him on tours, read his Mishpacha
magazine columns, been inspired by his teachings, or whether
you just like his picture on the cover of this book, you are sure to be enlightened,
inspired and entertained. This year God Willing will finally be the year of Redemption
IYH and you want to make sure your ready for that special passion of Eretz
Yisrael and appreciate Pesach in the most enjoyable way with Rabbi Schwartz
Great
chapters include
Imaginary worlds
Scar-place
Jungle time
Coro-nachas
The first seder
Zaydie maysehs
Plague-demic
Hitting the jackpot
Galus america
The morning after
and much much more
It's the perfect Pesach Prep book, an amazing Seder accompaniment
and the perfect way to enjoy your holiday as never before
From
the back cover
Quotes- That Were Never Said
This is a really great book, I'm so glad that my son become a
rabbi, tour guide, and author rather than a Doctor or a Lawyer ."-My
Mother
Our father is a very wise man and we love listening quietly at the
Shabbos table to his Torah E-mails -My children
"This is a
really great book, I'm so glad that my son become a rabbi, tour guide, and
author rather than a Doctor or a Lawyer ."-My Mother
"This book has changed my life in so
many ways; I attribute all my success in life to Rabbi Schwartz's insights and
weekly Inspiration."-- Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz
"I knew that when I threw him out of my Yeshiva it would inspire him
to become the next leader of the Jewish people."-
-Quite a few of my Rabbis and Principals
“This
book contains no pictures of women and barely mentions any female names—
besides the ones who make chulent- Most Jewish magazines
“I love being on a diet; it makes me feel so healthy."-
The author
From the beginner to the greatest scholar, from the Kabbalist to
the Chasid to the Yeshiva student, young and old, this book will definitely be
the most enjoyable book you've ever read about Pesach.
STOP
CLEANING FOR FIVE MINUTES AND CLICK ON THE LINK-YOU DESERVE THE BREAK-YOU KNOW
THIS WILL MAKE YOUR PESACH EVEN MORE ENJOYABLE
This
is almost as important as buying Matza!!
To order this book which is not available in stores this year,
please respond to this E-Mail to Rabbi Schwartz
The book is a 65 NIS or $20 USD donation for
one or both for 125 Shek or $36 to the Young Israel
of Karmiel and Rabbi Schwartz'es weekly insights
(plus shipping where
necessary)
Please be in touch and be the first ones to get this for this year,
before it hits stores next year...
TO RECEIVE THIS BOOK PLEASE SEND AN EMAIL TO
with your mailing address
2) by Paypal at our blog http://holylandinsights.blogspot.co.il/
***************************************************
YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK
““Vos ken vern fun di shof az der volf iz der rikhter?.”- What will become of the sheep if the wolf is the judge?
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer below at end of Email
15) During
WWI, forces from Australia and New Zealand fought in Israel. The acronym of
their names is:
Who got off
his horse when he entered the Jaffa Gate?
A) General
Gordon
B) Kaiser
Wilhelm II
C) General
Allenby
D) Kaiser
Franz Joseph
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYzh71Lxhcw
–Beautiful Shabbos medley with Yossi Green Motti Vizel
Benny Laufer and Malchus amazing choir
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ltu-PioKm0
-Latest
Rabbi Yoel Gold story Arab remembers Jewish story..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izR8_gr5_gI
– Reb
Chaim Kanievsky amazing story with father of killed soldier
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AcwzFRXvEk
– Ari
Goldwag and Avi Stewart beautiful rendition Count the Stars… a beautiful Abie
Rottenberg rendition
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR
PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
Food Miracles- 690 BC- Having resurrected the dead with
the son of the Shunamite woman, Elisha moves on to preform more
miracles. Just as in the time of his Rebbi Eliyahu Ha’Navi, Elisha
as well has a famine that takes over the land as a result of the Jews not
following the mitzvos. It seems if Hashem wants to send us a message he hits us
in our bellies.
The first miracle takes place in Gilgal, this is not far
from where Elisha returned from Eliyahu Ha’Navi’s “departure from
this world in his fiery chariot up to heaven and when he first became a
prophet. On the way back we discussed a few weeks ago about his miracle of
making the salty water sweet. This time around he ups the notch when he sees
the hungry student prophets and he tells them to go out and find some food for a
chulent stew, One of the students, who couldn’t of been the brightest one, found
some gourds-which is never good to put in chulent and puts them in the pot. The
problem was that they were poisonous and when the students started eating it they
started getting sick. This is no problem for Elisha. He tells them to
take some flour and chuck it in and sure enough miraculously it becomes
delicious and edible. Chulent crisis averted.
Fantastically- my wife likes this vort- the Abarbanel says that this miracle took
place naturally to show and teach the people that sometimes natural remedies
like flour can cure all better than the best medicines and vaccines. Hashem can
bring salvation from anything, we don’t need science. It’s all here already in
the simple things Hashem already put on the world. Yeah… you anti-vaxxers
should see this Abarbanel.
The second miracle he preforms is not in making bad food good, but
in multiplying food. A man comes from Baal Ha’Shalisha- a place it seems
in the Shomron. There is an Arab village called Kfar Tluth- which
in Aramaic the word that is three like shalisha, which is just near Karnei
Shomron and South of Kalkilya. The Talmud tells us it is where the corps
grow earliest. The man brings 20 loaves of barely for the prophets. The problem
is that is not nearly enough for over 100 prophets. Once again Elisha
says no problem put it before them and there will be leftovers even. And so it
was.
An aside here about these miracles is that they are all amazing,
but as well they are revealing about the fallacy of the unoriginal religion
called Christianity which steals almost verbatim these miracles. In Kfar
Kana Yoshka turns water into wine just as Elisha turned it into oil.
Elisha takes a a little food and multiplies it and whadaya know the New
Testament talks about Yoshka in Beit Tzaida- near the Madrassa
hike doing the same. They steal the resurrection story as well… It’s all bubeh
maysehs… As I said it’s a very uncreative religion that really took much of
their stories from Tanach.
During my tour guiding
course whenever they would take us to these places and churches where these
stories took place, inevitably my fun was finding where they stole it from.
There is only one Hashem, one Torah and we are here in Eretz Yisrael to shine
out the emes to the world. It’s about time we started showing these guys how fake
their religion really is. They know it… They’re just waiting for us to be brave
enough to tell them. And that’s after-all why we’re here.
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE JUDGE JOKES OF
THE WEEK
Judge:
"Lady, you shoplifted a can of tomatoes, so I sentence you to four
weeks in prison, one for each tomato."
Lady's
husband: "Your honour, don't forget she also stole a can of peas."
At the
height of the Israeli political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney
attacked a witness. “Isn't it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted
five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”
The
witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.
The
prosecutor again blared, “Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand
dollars to compromise this case?”
The
witness still did not respond.
Finally,
the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”
“Oh,” the
startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
What does
a judge have in his lemonade? Just ice
A judge
was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What
are the grounds for your divorce?"
She
replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the
property with a stream running by."
"No,"
he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It
is made of concrete, brick and mortar, your honour" she responded.
"I
mean," he
continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I
have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said,
"Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car
carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any
infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes,
both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music,
but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am,
does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a
week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally,
in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a
divorce?"
"Oh,
I don't want a divorce,"
she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He says he
just can't communicate with me!!
The doctor
told me I had only six months to live, so I shot him dead. The judge gave me
fifteen years. Problem solved.
What did
the judge say to the constipated lawyer? Motion denied…. OYYY
A
California state trooper pulls over a car and walks over to the driver. “Today’s
your lucky day.” he says. “We have a program to promote seatbelt use. I
pulled you over because you were wearing your seatbelt. You will receive a
reward of $5,000. So, what are you going to do with the money?
The man
thinks for a moment and answers, “I think the first thing I will do is go
out and get a drivers license.”
His wife
in the front passenger seat screams out, “Oh for goodness sake, officer
don’t listen to him, he always talks nonsense when he’s drunk.”
The
commotion wakes up their friend in the back seat. He sees the officer and
screams to the couple, “I told you we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car.”
And then
there is a banging from the trunk followed by a voice, “Ay amigos, did we
cross the border yet?
"
Judge: I
order you to pay $10,000 Mario: Why?
Judge: It’s
a fine.
Mario: No
itsa not.
A man is
in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing
your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"
"Guilty",
said the man in the dock.
At this point a man at the back of the court
stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!"
The Judge
asked the man to sit down and to refrain from making any noise. The Judge
continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of
killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?
"Guilty",
said the man in the dock.
Again the
same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty
rotten stinking rat"!! At this point the Judge called the man to the
bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue
with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can
understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?"
He replied
"He is my next door neighbor".
The Judge
replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain
from any comments". The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't
understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he
said he didn't have one"!!!
A woman
was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said
she was a schoolteacher.The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have
waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court."
He smiled
with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write, 'I will not run a
red light' five hundred times."
LOVE THIS
ONE!!
A man in
rural Arkansas is brought before a judge for his preliminary hearing.
"What
is the charge, counsel?" The judge asks.
"Bigotry,
your honor," the prosecutor replies. "This man has three wives."
"You
idiot," the judge
says. "That ain't bigotry, it's trigonometry."
********************************
The answer to this week”s question is C –ANZAC is the Australian New Zealand Corps. They’ve got a nice
memorial for this army by Beer Sheva which joined with the British to throw the
the Turks out of Israel in WWI. Allenby is the general who out of humility got
off his horse unlike Kaiser Wilhelm when he came into Jerusalem. He didn’t want
to come in as a conqueror rather as pilgrim returning to the Holy Land. So got this one right again and now the score is now 12.5 for Schwartz and 2.5
for Ministry of tourism on this exam so far…
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