Karmiel

Karmiel
Our view of the Galile

Friday, February 16, 2024

An Eternal Memorial- Parshat Teruma 2024 5784

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

February 16th 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 18 7th of Adar 5784

 Parshat Teruma

 An Eternal Memorial

 

Eli wanted to buy a food truck, perhaps even a fleet of them. It wasn’t for him. It was for Elkana, his son. Elkana was learning to be a chef before October 7th. His dream was to have such a truck in order to drive around to soldiers and bring them quality good food. There’s nothing like food that brings Jews together and that was Elkana’s dream. That dream ended with Elkana’s death along with 20 of his brave soldier brothers, our martyrs when Hamas blew up the building they were inside of in Gaza.

Elkana did not merit to realize his dream, he was taken too young at age 21 defending his country, wiping out the evil, fighting for Am Yisrael. Yet Eliyahu, his father wants to see Elkana’s dream fulfilled. His brother told me that Elkana excelled at Kibud Av Va’Eim. This food truck that Eliyahu plans to go around with will bring all Elkana’s brothers together with their father as they help him with it. They will fill the void that Elkana left. They will restore the light that was vanquished.

For Linda it wasn’t a food truck. It was a small memorial corner in her backyard that she wanted to build for Yonatan’s memory. He had so many friends that still come over all the time. He was someone who loved life. Who fought hard in the army and brought a smile and joy to anyone that knew him. Despite the fact that its over 120 days since he was murdered at the festival on Simchat Torah-the festival where he saved lives evacuating people, his friends visit his grave and just sit there and mourn him

When his mother last talked to him he assured her that he would be alright. He would be home soon. That she needn’t worry. His father had passed when he was a child, he as well was a hero serving as Bibi Netanyahu’s driver. Yonatan Chai Azoulay, Linda’s son was even named after Yoni, Bibi’s brother who was killed saving Jews who were hijacked and kidnapped by the heroic Entebee rescue operation. It seems that Yonatan as well like his namesake was destined for that same fate.

Yet Linda wanted him to remain Chai. Her dream was that her backyard would have a place where his friends could come to remember him. Where she could have Shiurei Torah, nights of inspirational singing. Where Yonatan’s spirit would continue to give life and inspiration to the so many he touched in his short 23 year old lifetime. There he would live on and be remembered for ever and gather eternal zechusim- merits.

Elchanan Kalmanzohn’s father, Rav Benny had a bigger dream for his son Elchanan’s memory. As we sat with him in Otniel in the southern Hebron hills, he told us how Elchanan and his brother Menachem went down to Kibbutz Be’eri that Simchas Torah morning after finding someone to cover their responder unit in the Chevron area for them. There they spent 15 hours rescuing and evacuating door to door under fire over a hundred residents. In one home they rescued a mother who was in labor, in another Elchonon stopped to help an older woman find her hearing aide. There were some homes that were too terrified to even allow them in until they recited Shema for them.

Elchanan was killed by terrorists during that operation and his brother was wounded. His wife and the five orphans he left behind understood what a hero he always was, yet they didn’t even know that he was a member of the intelligence Mossad as well as being a decorated soldier at the young age of 42 when he was taken. His gravestone there in Otniel is the only one that bears both of those emblems.

While a Sefer Torah was dedicated in Be’eri for his neshoma, Rav Benny told us that the family wanted to do something special to memorialize him. When they were going over some of the options, they remembered Elchanan’s will and testimony that he wrote a few years back when his Uncle Rav Mickey Mark was murdered by terrorists on the way home, with his 15-year-old son Padidya and daughter Tehilla in the car 7 years ago. {Rav Mickey’s son Padidya, Elchanan’s cousin, was killed as well a few weeks ago in Gaza leading a unit. The pain doesn’t end….}

In Elchanan’s will that he wrote at that time to his family. He told them that if he should ever be killed he wanted to be buried in Otniel. This was his home. His life’s mission was settling Eretz Yisrael. Redeeming it from the Arabs and expanding Jewish life to all the borders of our land that Hashem had returned us to. He wanted to build and grow the village that they lived in. And his final words he wrote that even if god forbid the government ever saw fit to give the land to the Arabs in some type of two state “rip-us-to-piece”s agreement, then his body should remain there. It shouldn’t be exhumed and moved. Otniel is his home. And thus Rav Benny told us his legacy would be to start a new neighborhood in Otniel L’zichro. A caravan where would the first families could move in. It would be named after Elchanan and his legacy and response to his murder would be to increase our settlement of the land.

The stories and memorials continue and go on and on and on. There are the so many Torah scrolls that have been dedicated in memory of fallen soldiers. There haven’t been too many houses that I have paid a Shiva call to that haven’t handed me a Tehillim or Torah work that has been dedicated to their fallen son. There are close to 1500 kedoshim that have been murdered since October 7th. Five hundred and sixty-nine of them are soldiers. There are tens of thousands of orphans, widows, grieving parents and siblings. There is no one in this country that hasn’t lost someone that they were in some way connected to. We’re a country in mourning. One that has lost too many of its finest sons. Yet in that darkness there is a bright light that is shining stronger and stronger. The Bais Ha’Mikdash is being built on the light emanating from the sacrifices- the korbanos on the sacred ground of our holy land that is being redeemed. For our soldiers are not dead. Am Yisrael is Chai.

This week we begin the story of the building of the Mishkan, the temporary dwelling place for Hashem that is the prototype of what will ultimately be the Bait Ha’Mikdash in Jerusalem where the Shechina will ultimately reside. Our sages tell us that this is really what the purpose of the entire Creation of the World and mankind is all about.

Rotza Hashem Dira Ba’tachtonim- Hashem wanted a dwelling place down here.”

It’s our job to build Him one. Maybe that’s the reason Jews have always been drawn to Real Estate. We were Chosen as we learned in last week and the previous weeks parsha of Yisro and Mishpatim at Sinai to be His contractors on this world. To build Him His eternal Home. Fascinatingly enough as we mentioned last week the narrative of the Sinai revelation and the giving of the Torah was divided over two Torah portions, with a break in the middle that contained all of the laws of Mishpatim. Similarly, but taken to even the next level we have the portions that discuss the building of the Mishkan divided into four portions.

The first two this week’s Parshat Teruma and next week’s Tetzave, are about the commandments to raise the money for the various vessels and necessary components of the Mishkan; the Ark, the Menora, the Table and the Altars and beams. While next week will discuss the clothing of the Kohanim. The last two portions of the Book of Shemot Va’yakhel and Pikudey discuss the actual collection and construction. It’s a lot of words in a book that’s pretty thrifty on Divine ink. Sandwiched in the middle is the story of the sin of the Golden Calf. The obvious questions the reading of these parshiyot beg is why so many words, why so many times do we need to repeat this and why is this interrupted by the story of the Golden Calf? That last question, though leads to perhaps the biggest question which is when did this whole story really occur? Was it before the sin or afterwards? Why is it split up like this with no clarity as to when this occurred?

Fascinatingly enough the answer to this last question actually quite typically Jewishly is a dispute. We Jews never agree on anything. Yet, the Lubavitcher Rebbe teaches us that all three of the opinions about how this all occurred are in fact true and contain an eternal lesson for all of us that is even more powerful today.

The first opinion is that of the Zohar, that both the commandments to build the Mishkan and the actual collection of Parshat Va’Yakhel take place before the sin of the Golden Calf. In fact, it even notes that’s why for the sin of the Eigel they took the gold and jewelry from their wives because it was all used up for the Mishkan. Rashi on the other hand understands that this week’s parsha of the commandment as well as the following parshiyot take place after Moshe came down from the Mountain and we sinned. The Ramban finally takes the middle approach where the command was before the sin, but the collection wasn’t until afterwards. Three opinions that are all true in some metaphysical way and they contain a message for us.

The Rebbe understands that each of these three approaches, as well as the three basic materials of the Mishkan, gold, silver and copper, all correspond to a different type of Jew. There are the righteous ones, as we as a nation were after the Sinai revelation when we were cleansed of all our sins. The tzadikim might assume that they don’t need the Mishkan. They don’t want to be busy, building physical buildings. Shlepping wood, banging nails, sculpting gold and weaving curtains isn’t really their thing. Gold? Silver? Money? Phewww… that doesn’t interest them. They’re above that. They just want to sit and learn and daven. They want to rise above this world. Leave that for everyone else. They want a yeshiva exemption. The Torah thus tells them with Moshe’s commandment, that it’s time to roll up their sleeves and get to work. We were put on this world to raise it up. To connect Heaven and Earth to build a physical stone and mortar building for Hashem.

The second group are the Jews that Rashi describes who sinned by the Golden Calf, repented and were forgiven. The Baalei Teshuva. They are perhaps in some capacity greater than the righteous. The Rebbi sees them as being represented by the gold. It’s rare. It’s something that’s not easily acquired. It’s rising up to Hashem rather than bringing Hashem down to us that the Tzadik who is silver does. They as well might feel that the Mishkan is not for them. It’s for the righteous to uplift the world. The Baal Teshuva has been-there-done-that already. It might be dangerous for him to go back in. To get back to the places that he was, to the working world, to the physical existence and continue that past. To him as well Hashem commands, get back and finish the job. It’s not over until the Mishkan is built. Until I have a home. Don’t go all Israeli on me and stop in the middle of the project because “eets good enaf”. It’s not over until it’s over.

Finally, we have the last set of Jews. The ones that sinned and haven’t done teshuva yet. According the Ramban it is to these Jews in between the purity of Sinai and the aftermath of the Eigel timeframe that the mitzva was given to build the Mishkan. They are the copper. The simple ones. The word copper in Hebrew is nechoshes- which shares the root of the word nachash- snake as in original-sin-snake. The tainted venomous sin that we got rid of at Sinai but reinfected ourselves with the sin of the Eigel. They/we are as well essential. Perhaps even most essential, as the foundation of the Mishkan, the bolts that hold it all together are the simple Jews who haven’t done teshuva necessarily yet. They just have that holy untainted spark that is awaiting to be uplifted. They are the basic cogs of the Mishkan. They are what make up the foundation of where the Shechina will call its home.

Yet there is an even deeper connection behind the placement and interruption of this story of the building of Hashem’s home. It’s not just dispersed between the Sinai revelation and the sin of the golden calf. More specifically our Parsha begins after the conclusion last week of Moshe going up to heaven to receive the Torah after the revelation of the Ten Commandments. The Mishkan begins with a mortal flesh and blood man who leaves this world. He is taken up above. The nation down below feels they are lost without him. That they can’t go on. That life will not and can’t be the same without his light. It is into that void that the commandment to build the Mishkan is given. It is right then and there that Hashem tells Moshe to command the nation to take that energy and that emotion and channel it into building a Home for him.

Each Jew had a special connection to Moshe and each one felt that they had lost him in some way. Will he come back? Won’t he? Who ever heard of someone coming back down from heaven? Who ever heard of someone coming back from Gaza…? For many Jews the day after the euphoria and Simcha of the giving of the Torah on the 7th of Sivan (Sivan is gematria October… just joking…but c’mon the connection is really eerie… and you started to try to figure it out…) was a day of mourning. Their Moshe was gone. What do you do? Can you show faith? Can you keep that faith? Can you build a Home for Hashem with the knowledge that this is really for the good? That it’s the last piece before the Shechina will come down… That even if you’re the most righteous person there’s work down here to do; to connect with those that aren’t as observant as you. That even if you’ve sinned that you’ve worshipped idols and made festivals around golden calves. Can you believe, feel and understand that Hashem still wants you to get up and bring your gifts, your copper to His sanctuary? That you can be the holy korban He chose for His altar.That although you may have not yet done teshuva, that you may feel unworthy, but this has never been about you. It’s about all of us together.

The Mishkan is about creating a united nation made of gold, silver and copper Jews. It will contain an Aron that have the original holy tablets written by Hashem that are untainted, with its broken shattered pieces sitting side by side with the new Tablets written by Moshe. It will rest in the Holy of Holies at the heart of the Mishkan. It’s that Oneness that is the basis and only way that Hashem can have a home here. If even one child is not at that Shabbos table, is still in Gaza, hasn’t yet returned and brought their spark, their teruma, their gift, their uplifting of the world, then the table is not complete. The Oneness of Hashem is not at rest. It’s not really home.

This week, unlike most years the 7th of Adar the day that Moshe Rabbeinu died does not fall out on the week of Parshat Tetzave as it generally does but rather on Erev Shabbos of Teruma. Even this yartzeit like most things this year are different and therefore there must be a message in it for us. The answer perhaps is precisely in what we are seeing and undergoing right now. Our great Chasidic masters teach us from the Zohar that every Jew has a spark of Moshe within them. It’s that eternal spark that he implanted in our DNA that is the pure Torah he taught us. While Moshe was with us, we didn’t realize that it was within us to be able to activate that spark. That we had a Moshe inside of us that as his name translates can pull up the world. Batya, Pharaoh’s daughter named him that as he was pulled up himself from the water and he thus then had the power to bring everyone up with him. We have that power as well. That power first became recognized by us when he went up to heaven. When we felt he was no longer with us. When we felt lost.

It is then Hashem tells us in this week’s portion that we can build Hashem a house that will uplift the world to Him. That the Shechina resides in us. That Moshe is still alive. That we are eternal. That we can build an eternal home. That we can bridge that gap between heaven and earth, with our actions, with our mitzvos, with the things the Torah, Moshe taught us, the Torah’s we learn and teach, the achdus and unity we bring, the kindness that we do and the charity we give.

We read this portion this week right after the yartzeit of the 7th of Adar. We read this parsha at a time in our history where the building of that Bait Hamikdash is being paved on the foundations of the memorial acts that we are building for the so many martyrs that we know are really not gone. That they are up above with Moshe. They are looking down as the Shechina is coming closer and closer to its resting home. The eradication of Amalek that Moshe started in that first battle after we left Egypt is finally coming to its conclusion. It’s not only being won by the army that is no less heroic and holy than the one Yehoshua led at that time, but it is being won by soldiers who turn their eyes to the Mountain. To Moshe with his hands uplifted. To heaven asking Hashem for mercy and strength. May all of these merits, and the power of all of the sacrifices and kedoshim that Hashem took from us bring that Home down to us this month of Adar, with all the children and our Father home.  

Have a joyous Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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NEW COLUMN!!

CHIZUK/TZEDAKA OPPORTUNITY OF THE WEEK

Just when you thought this E-Mail couldn’t get any longer… well here it goes. Don’t worry it’s not like I have any extra time on my hands to write another column here. In fact I’ve been meaning to do this already for weeks and it’s only now after 125 days of War that I finally have a chance to add this essential column which is dedicated to giving you readers an opportunity to have a meaningful part of helping out our country and nation by donating to a weekly link of a different organization, a cause, soldiers, refugees, supplies, Hostage families, widows, farmers etc… There are so many needs and I know that you want to participate and help them not just read about them. So each week I will feature in our E-Mail in this column another cause and link that you can contribute and make a meaningful difference to. (this of course should not come at the expense of your sponsorship of my weekly E-Mail or our upcoming Purim appeal in another month 😊) But this is a way that you can bring light and money to the so many that need it. Give what you can. But give regularly and if you can I’d really appreciate if if you send me a screenshot or message of your donation as I can then forward it to whoever receives it so they know that it came from our helpful readers. So here we go…

 

A Chesed Food Truck of the family of fallen soldier Elkana Yehudah Sfez- Elkana was a hero and soldier that fell this past month along with 21 of his comrades fighting in Gaza. We miraculously visited his mourning family and they shared with us how special he was and how his unfulfilled dream and plan was to become a chef and bring good food to soldiers in a food truck uniting Jews and giving chizuk to our brave soldiers. His family has taken on this project to be his living legacy that Eliyahu, Elkana’s father and his brothers plan on driving around daily giving that gift to others. Please help the family raise the necessary funds by contributing to this campaign, bringing nechoma and consolation to the family, creating a zechus for Elkana and bringing chizuk and achdus to Klal Yisrael.

 

Here is a litte video link or two about Elkana

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAFxLnlvvSo

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIycfST56YU

 And here’s the link to donate

 https://my.israelgives.org/en/fundme/bringromhome

 

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Aider es kumt di nechomeh, ken oisgaien di neshomeh “- Until the consolation comes one can go out from their soul.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

27.The name of the line separating two drainage basins is ___________.

In which settlement in the Galilee lives a large Bedouin community?

A. Tiberias

B. Basmat Tab'un

C. Mi'ilya

D. Safsufa

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/vatem -  My latest release- an amazing gorgeous new song to be sung about our upcoming redemption… V’Atem- Wings of Eagles… thank you Dovid Lowy for arrangements and Vocals! Let me know what you think!!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XNucai5q3wSeems like wings of Eagles is on all good people’s minds… This Luzy Klatzkow and Rabbi K’s latest release as well “Wings”

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZeiIjNGR4o  Eitan Katz new release of golden oldie Chamol with so much more meaning and heart in NY concert…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_9hnZFp_2w  Ari Goldwag and Dovid Lowy collab…on the nicest song on his new album release. Tomorrow is Now!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15HBrgWPGoY   Naftali Kempeh’s latest release Yeish Inyan

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK

Before the ArkThis week we begin to read the narratives of the Torah that describe the construction of the Mishkan; what the Torah describes as the resting place of the Shechina. It’s a new revolutionary concept for our nation and perhaps even for the world. It seems that until that point there were temples for idolatry. As well we have sacrifices and prayers that were always present from the Creation of Man. We believe that Hashem is everywhere, and one can daven to Him and connect with him any place. Yet here we are introduced to a central gathering place of service to Hashem. To a large degree the Mishkan was meant to be a temporary building for the few weeks it took to get into Eretz Yisrael and build the ultimate house for Hashem. It’s a lot of Torah-Scroll word space for a temporary building. Yet, as we know The truth is for thousands of years we’ve been “davening” and servicing Hashem in temporary galus/exile buildings and shuls then in His one Home in Yerushalayim. And thus the messages of the Mishkan and the idea of coming together and gathering to reveal the shechina are derived from the Mishkan and its service.

 The different components of the Mishkan are all things that bring together and represent the different factions of Klal Yisrael. The external altar made of copper and wood is the simple Jew. Interestingly enough the Midrash tells us that the wood it is made out of represents the forefathers, they were planted by Yaakov, Avraham had the angels under the tree, Yitzchak as well carried wood to his binding on the altar which will become the place of the Mizbayach. The altar are the prayers of every Jew, our sacrifices and that we are all children of Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov. We start our Shemona Esrei with the connection to them mentioning the merit of our forefathers.

  Next we have the Menora and the Shulchan which represent both those individual Jews that represent the light and wisdom of the Torah and the ones that are the Gomley Chesed and supporters of Torah. Each Jew can find their place in one of these pillars. We have doctors, lawyers, accountants, Torah scholars and we have business men, philanthropists, Charity organizations that give and provide life. That is the second blessing of Shemona Esrei.

 Finally we approach the Holy of Holies. Within it is the Aron. It’s symbolic of the Har Sinai, where Hashem revealed Himself to us. When we became His holy nation. There we were united as one. There only one person, the Kohen Gadol can go in. We are all united with Him. He is like Moshe. He is our Shaliach Tzibur, our Chazan. He stands before our Aron today in our Shuls. That is the third blessing of the Holiness of Hashem that can then be revealed in all of us. Our shul has become the Mishkan. Our prayer has returned us to Sinai. It is then after we have done this service that we can continue with the rest of our requests. Because then our prayers are no longer for our personal needs. Rather they are for the world. They are for the Shechina. They are for the Bait Hamikdash and Hashem’s presence in Yerushalayim. May we finally have those prayers answered.

 

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

 

740 BC-Achaz the Wicked King- You know the saying how the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Well that’s not always true particularly when it comes to the Kings of Yehudah. Last week we discussed the righteous King Yotam, this week we learn about his successor and son a real rotten apple Achaz. Achaz was one of the most evil Kings of Yehuda, who until that point hadn’t too bad over the years. Achaz brought them though to their lowest point. He not only introduced idolatry to levels it had never been brought to before with the worship of the Baal but he brought in the worship of the Molech in the valley of Gei Hinom which included the sacrifice of children by passing them through fire. Sick, sick people…

 In fact today the valley of Gei Hinom by Mount of Olives and the boardwalk of Jerusalem outside of the old city still maintains its name because of that worship that took place there. Achaz sent his own sons through the fire, but the midrash tells us that Chizkiya his righteous son was miraculously saved because of the merit of his future descendants Chananya, Mishael and Azarya who generations willingly allowed themselves to be thrown into a firey furnace rather than worship idols. Their ancestor was saved in the merit of the children. There’s a message there for us today, when our young men are eradicating the evil and going through fire to avenge the blood of our children who were burnt and slaughtered. Yet Achaz’s cruelty and evil led to the wrath of Hashem against his kingdom in perhaps one of the most incomprehensible wars. Hashem brought the Aram from up in Syria to wage war against Achaz and to make matters worse the Book of Divrey Ha’Yamim tells us that the King of Israel, Pekachia as well took advantage of the situation and as well went to war against Achaz. Brother against brother facing off as enemy armies. The tragedy is uncompromisable.

 In that civil war Divrey Ha’yamim tells us Pekachia killed 120,000 men of Yehuda all in one day. The thought they were acting out in the name of Hashem because of the evil worship of Achaz but in truth it was a horrible war that led to even greater atrocities. They took captives and hostages from Yehuda 200,000 women, children, boys, Jews taking each other captives and hostages! They looted, the spoiled. We were Hamas- but were Jews doing this to our brothers… It’s incomprehensible that Sinat Chinam could reach such a level.

 Ultimately Hashem sent the prophet Oded to rebuke and warn the Kingdom of Israel about the evil of their ways. And thus the men of Ephraim heard this rebuke and feared the Divine repercussions and returned and clothed those hostages and returned them to the city of Yericho to Yehuda. One would hope this would bring an end to the war and to the evil of Achaz. Yet, it only emboldened him more. He saw this return of his hostages as a victory. A sign that he could do what he wants and continue in his evil path. The contzeptzia hadn’t been broken. And so he continued to sin. Next week we will talk about how much further and lower we can fall.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S FUNNY GRAVESTONE JOKES OF THE WEEK

 “I saw a gravestone that said ‘Here lies a math teacher. He finally found peace in being a sum of all parts.'”

 “My friend’s gravestone says ‘Beloved coffee lover. He couldn’t espresso how much he meant to us.'”

 “On another gravestone, it reads ‘An avid baker. Life really kneaded him, but he always rose to the occasion.'”

“A musician’s gravestone reflects ‘He was always in treble, but found harmony in the end.'”

 “A chef’s gravestone bears the words ‘He spiced up our lives and left us with seasoned memories.'”

A skydiver’s gravestone bears the words ‘He soared through life and embraced the fall. In the end, he took a leap of faith.'”

 “On a magician’s gravestone, it says ‘He pulled off disappearing acts with such poise. Now he has vanished into eternity.'”

 “A carpenter’s gravestone reads ‘He crafted a life full of love and sawdust. Now he’s nailed the final masterpiece.'”

 “In memory of a librarian, the gravestone declares ‘She was always bound to books. Now she rests between the pages of history.'”

 “A comedian’s gravestone states ‘His jokes will forever echo in our hearts. Laughter was his final punchline.'”

 

A lawyer’s wife died. At her grave, everyone was appalled. The tombstone read, “HERE LIES PHYLLIS, WIFE OF ATTORNEY MURRAY WILLIAMS; SPECIALIZES IN DIVORCE AND MALPRACTICE”.

Murray burst into tears. His brother said, “You SHOULD cry, pulling a cheap publicity stunt like this. Murray said, “You don’t understand. I gave them my business card”

His brother apologized.. But then he continued “…and they didn’t include the phone number!”

 Two men walking in a cemetery find a recent gravestone , so they read it:

"Here lies an honest man and a competent lawyer"

So one of the guys turn to the other:

"When did they start burying two people together?"

 

What is written on a very successful hacker’s tombstone? “R” His IP is well hidden.

Why would I want to buy a tombstone? It's the last thing I need.

 

Yankel was blessed with 12 children yet that was turning out to be a problem for him when he was trying to rent a house.  No landowner would allow him to rent their house due to the number of children he had. Frustrated, Yankel told his wife to visit her father's tombstone and bring all but their youngest child with her.

He then visited a property and told the landowner that he would like to rent the place.

"Is this your only child?" asked the landowner.

"No, I have 12 children" replied the man.

"Then where are the other 11 kids?"

"In the cemetery with my wife," he truthfully replied.

 

Late one night, Jack takes a shortcut through a cemetery. Hearing a tapping sound he becomes scared and quickens his pace. The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits. Then he notices a man chiseling a tombstone.

"Thank goodness!" Jack says to the man. "You gave me a fright of my life. Why are you working so

late?"

"They spelled my name wrong."

 

There was once a man named Odd. He was very embarrassed by his name and didn't want anyone to know about it. When he died he had no name written on his gravestone. One day a bunch of tourists came to his town and visited the graveyard where they came across a gravestone with no name on it.

"That's Odd!" He said.

 

This morning as I was walking through I saw someone crouching behind a gravestone. I said, 'Morning.

' He said, 'No I'm just lost my keys.'

 

After my friend died from an allergic reaction to peanuts, I went to his funeral. Everyone got upset when I put an Epipen on his tombstone.

So I explained: "It's what he would have wanted"

 

**********************************

 

The answer to this week”s question is C– Ah well… there goes my streak. I got the first part right. Well sort of… I knew the answer in Hebrew for the Water Drainage Basin line- I wasn’t sure of it in English. That’s what happens when you take the course in Hebrew. So I knew the answer was kav parshat ha’mayim. They talked a lot about the fact that there’s a mountain range through the middle of Israel and the water flows down on both sides of the country. Part of the whole Syrian African Rift thing. It’s also why the Avos and most civilization begins in the middle of the top mountain range so as to maximize the water flow on both sides and dig cisterns.

Part B though I got wrong. I had no clue and guessed. Mi’ilya. I knew it was either that or Bosmat Tivon. I was wrong bed coin flip. Mi’iliya not far from my house actually, near Maa’lot is actually a Catholic Arab village. Hmm.. never knew that, see learn something new every day… But lost my streak but still doing pretty good on this exam.   So the latest score is Rabbi Schwartz at 20 point and the MOT having 6 point on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.

 

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