A Day in the Life- Parshat Pikudey 2024 5784

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

 March 15^th 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 22 5^th of Adar II 5784

Parshat Pikudey

A Day in the Life

Back in my previous Tour Guide life before October 7^th I very rarely would give my clients and the families that  hired me to tour with them an itinerary of what we would do. I even wrote a whole E-Mail for those of you that remember on the many reasons behind that policy. (You can read it here-if you didn’t receive it after you drove me crazy a million times asking me for one https://holylandinsights.blogspot.com/2022/11/i-tinerary-unplanning-parshat-lech.html ). Needless to say, in a nutshell I always felt that an itinerary was the enemy of a good day. I wanted to meet them first, get a better feel for what’s best for them. I didn’t want to be locked into anything in case, as usually would happen, the schedule changed. We were late, we got stuck in traffic. I didn’t want them to feel they missed out on something. I wanted them to enjoy every part of the day-which kids never do if they know that there’s something exciting at the end of the day. I liked to keep that surprise element about what’s coming next open. So there was no itinerary on a Rabbi Schwartz day. If you came with me on a tour you had to do so on faith. Trust me, or at least your friend that recommended you take me on a tour. And Baruch Hashem, I don’t think I’ve ever disappointed.

 Well, guess what? Now the tables have turned on me. Welcome to my new life. I’m a “war guide” now. My clients are no longer tourists or even “war”ists. My clients are- as I tell the good people from America, who call me daily for these “Chizuk missions” that I now do-the people whom we visit, we strengthen, we help, we comfort and whom we donate to. They are the focus of my daily trips. They are the ones that I care about and are there to service. The widows, the orphans, the soldiers, the farmers, the families of hostages, the wounded, the hurting and the bereft. Everyone else with me in the minibus or car are just coming along for the ride. They’re just carrying the luggage. The luggage filled with all of the heart, tears, love and money that we are delivering.  My real clients are the children of Hashem that we will be visiting.

 The problem though is that Hashem has a funny way of also not planning itineraries for me. He has His own ideas about where I’m going to be going and He doesn’t like to share them with me either. It’s payback time for all of the clients I had in the past, that I made go through that trial of faith before starting a tour with me. He’s not telling me, just as I never would tell them. Mida k’neged mida- Tit for tat. But just like a Rabbi Schwartz tour. I’ve learned in this daily process He’s been putting me through,  He will never disappoint me with a less than spectacular miraculous day.  

 Every tour, every day, it’s another adventure. You’ve read some of them already in these weekly missives that I somehow try to pass off as a Dvar Torah- so you don’t feel too guilty reading it in shul in the middle of the Rabbis speech or kabbalat Shabbat. Yet at the same time you could read it in the bathroom and not feel too guilty either… Who does that for you? 😊 But this week though being it’s Rosh Chodesh Adar and Hashem was feeling exceedingly joyous He decided to have some real fun with me as He rachets up His “surprise-here’s-where-you’re-going-next” factor.

I woke up Monday morning with a day that I had somewhat planned- which is pretty much all I even feel I could do. I had a basic outline and schedule which included picking up my clients at 9:30 AM from the Waldorf, heading over to the hospital to visit some soldiers at 10, I was going to visit a hostage family at some point in late morning and take their son to a carnival that I was hoping my clients would be inspired to help sponsor after meeting him. As well in the evening I had made up to bring pizza to soldiers for Rosh Chodesh  and sing and dance with them a bit and be home back in Jerusalem about 8 or so. Sounds like an amazing day right? I thought it did and was quite proud of myself for putting all those little pieces together to make it happen. Things had clicked. Hashem had gotten me all the right appointments I needed. The timing seemed great.  Little did I know that He was just playing with me. He was having some pre-Purim Rosh Chodesh Adar fun with His Yeled Sha’ashuim- Ephraim Schwartz- His personal little play-toy.

I wake up in the morning to go to davening to the sight of an empty parking spot where the mechanic who had taken my car a week ago and who had promised me that I would see my car in the morning, as he would leave it there for me. Well, the car wasn’t there. I called him up frantically and listened to his Israeli excuses about why my car wasn’t there. The truth is I really didn’t listen. It was irrelevant. I needed my car. I had tourists to pick up. What was I supposed to do? He did the Israeli “ahh jahst tek ah Ohto-buuuz to mai houzzz in Givat Zev”. I wasn’t taking a bus in the morning in traffic. I didn’t have time for that. And that’s how I knew that my day was already going to be different. Here we go again.

 I walked out of the BNB that I stay by to try to get a cab and lo and behold one just pulled up just as I exited. Ok… that’s nice and convenient. The cab driver asked if I had ordered him, I told him I didn’t to which he responded that he really wasn’t working then. He had just come to have coffee with his mother up the block. I begged him to give me a ride to Givat Zeev to get my car. It was strange that he wasn’t jumping at the fare, but I just wrote it off to typical “I’m -doing-you-a-favor-by-taking-you” Israeli version of customer service and gratefully got into his cab. I was wrong though. Because as we started to schmooze, he told me that he really doesn’t work that much anymore at all. He pretty much stays at home most of the time. You see his son was murdered at the festival. Not only was his 24-year-old son Amit killed, but his son’s fiancé Nurell and her sister Roya were killed there together with him. I slowly started to understand why my car wasn’t where it was supposed to be parked this morning. Hashem had other plans for me today.

 While we drove to Givat Zeev where he lived, his wife Orly who pretty much hasn’t left the house in 5 months called. She didn’t sound in good shape at all. He told me she hasn’t slept more than an hour or two straight a night in the past few months As well his 22-year-old son Omer called in. He had a dream last night that his brother came to him and he told him that everything would be b’seder. I didn’t know that I was the b’seder Hashem had sent. But now I did. I told Yossi, that I would be over later that night with my group of chizuk givers and thus my crazy day on Hashem’s plan commenced.

After I jumped in my car and quickly davened at Belz down the block I rushed backed to the Waldorf. I after all had to pick up my people to go to my appointment in the hospital with the soldiers. At least I thought I did. It seems I was wrong though. See, because about 15 minutes away my hospital contact called me to tell me that they were running late. I would need to push off my visit for an hour. Hashem was generous and gave me 15 minutes to pull this off, and so I quickly called my friends in Chabad of Katamon where they make about 3000 sandwiches a day for children of refugees and Reservist wives who have enough on their plate- excuse the pun and asked if they needed a hand or two for about an hour to help, which of course – another pun there, they did. Good. Baruch Hashem! Making sandwiches this morning just became part of our itinerary, I told my tourists as they got in the car. Or at least His itinerary.

 As we were wrapping up the sandwiches- these terrible puns keep coming- quite literally. They called again from the hospital to tell me that I had another hour to fill as the soldiers we were meant to meet were not yet out of therapy. Oy… Hashem is really playing with me here… I quickly made a phone call and whadaya know? My good friend at Eretz Chemda was relieved to hear my voice, as he just got 20,000 pairs of tzitzis just dropped off by the army for soldiers that needed whatever hands and time I could spare to help make. So now we’ve got tzitzis making on Hashem’s itinerary. OK… I’m flowing with this…

Finally, we finish the tzitzis and are making our way to the hospital. The visits with the soldiers and the Osim Samayach organization was incredible (donate below!). The soldier’s stories were one after another mind-blowing. (you really have to start watching my daily whatsapp statuses to appreciate all of this! Send me an email with your number or better yet message me at +972-50-597-0649 and I’ll add you). What they’ve done. Their passion. Their faith. Their sacrifice. What they’ve lost and how much they want to keep doing and seeing this through until the end. By the third soldier however I realized that my plans were going to have change again.

See one of the couples that was supposed to come with me and help sponsor the carnival I had planned to join had to cancel and didn’t come along that morning. The one woman, Ilana, who did come was my only potential sponsor left and I really wanted to take her to this hostage family. They really needed to meet her, and she really needed to meet them. They needed her special neshoma and chizuk that she could give. But she had told me in the morning that she needed to be back at her hotel at 2:00 PM, as she hadn’t really spent time with the grandchildren she had come to visit. Well now, because of all of the delays it was not going to happen. It was already 1:15 and I wasn’t going to be able to make it to their house and have a meaningful visit and get here back on time.

All of this is racing through my brain as we’re meeting our last soldier and he’s telling us about how he was injured when the building he was “clearing” in Chan Yunis had been blown up by an RPG. As he’s talking and I’m already giving up hope and planning in my mind to just take her back to the hotel and go with the other family to visit the hostage family and figure out how to pay for this carnival, the soldier says something that catches my ears. He tells us how not only was he wounded in Gaza, but in fact he was at the festival as well on October 7^th and he was rescued from there by a security guard that was incredible and was good friends with his other friends there. Would you believe it? The guard that helped his friends and him was none other than Rom Breslavsky the hostage in Gaza whose mother we were on the way to meet, who really didn’t have too much information about her son from and since that morning when he was taken. I videoed his story for his mother and Ilana with tears in her eyes turned to me and told me that she is obviously going to come with me to the hostage family. Hashem had His plan and tour and she was on board!

 So we headed out to their house blown away that out of all of the soldiers in the world, Hashem found the one that he wanted us to meet to bring this video to his mother. He even rearranged our schedule a bit so that we would have the perfect timing to meet him. When we arrived, it was perfect timing as well. Sivan, Rom’s aunt had just gotten there with the younger brother Ziv. And yet much to my surprise Ziv decided that he wasn’t interested in my carnival, and he ran off to the mall with some friends. Oh well, no carnival now…

The truth is I didn’t really have a sponsor anyways at this time, but now once again I had to make new plans. While Ilana and the other family were talking to Rom’s mother who was really emotional about the video and their meeting, I was on the phone trying to figure out where I was going next. Baruch Hashem my farmer Shachar said that he would be able to meet with me as he ahd lots of lettuce and greens that he needed help harvesting. So I thought at least I was good to fill up my former carnival slot until our soldier pizza delivery. Perfect! Thank You Hashem! But I was wrong. Hashem still had fun in His bag to play with me. This was just another part of His game.

 We left the Breslavsky family after our emotional visit. Ilana and the family exchanged numbers and they promised to be in touch-which is really the most important part of our visits. These families need constant chizuk and the meetings we have are really for my good people from America to adopt the people that we meet and to be their lifelines. About 20 minutes from Beit Shemesh though on the way to the farm, Shachar my farmer called me to tell me that he had to apologize but he got called out and wasn’t going to be able to meet with us. I turned my eyes to heaven at that point and just smiled. Hashem is really in an Adar mood. v’nahapoch hu meant that he was going to turn around my whole day.

 Desperate for something to do I made a quick call to my friend from the Beef Jerky boys in Beit Shemesh and asked if we could come on over and help him out prepare and package some good cow for our chayalim, so they have some basar in the belly when they wipe out Amalek. It’s hard to really get into the spirit with tuna fish from their army rations. He was a little hesitant as he had another group there at the present, but once they left, we would be fine. So we could come over and hope for the best. I was beyond hope. I had faith. Hashem was driving our day and He’s usually on target and doesn’t waste any of my time. And I was right.

Just as we pulled up, the other group packed out (actually I had the wrong address and by the time we got to the right address the other group was literally just walking out!).We had a blast slicing and preparing the beef Jerky knowing the soldiers would be getting the necessary protein they needed that evening thanks to us and then we popped out to daven Mincha with the boys. When we came back though Chani, the mom on our group told us that she now understood why we had to come to the Beef Jerky instead of the farming. For she had been given a new job while we were davening which was to put stickers on each bag that they had just printed up. The stickers had the names of hostages that one could daven for and have in mind when they made their blessings. The stickers that we were putting on today?  None other than Rom ben Tamar’s! Hashem had sent us there so I can send Tamar a video of them so that she would know that even though Ephraim Schwartz and his friends may have left their house. But Hashem had not forgotten about them or Rom. He was still with them. She still could have faith and chizuk.

From there it was off to pick up the pizza for soldiers and bring them some Adar cheer. It was fun, amazing as it always is. You can’t imagine what a few slices of pizza and the knowledge that appreciative Americans flew across the ocean to bring them can do to build our army’s morale. Finally our incredible day on Hashem’s itinerary concluded going over to Yossi my taxi driver from the mornings house where we hugged, cried, comforted and sang with him with Orly and their son Omer over the loss of Amit. Yossi told me as I was leaving that after that cab ride in the morning (which felt like a year ago) he spoke to Amit’s fiancée’s grieving father, Menashe, who had lost his two daughters and they both decided that this was a sign from heaven that they needed to do something more for the neshomos of their children. They had already put out a Tehillim, a birkat Ha’Mazaon and even a Tikun klali, yet today they decided they were going to do the ultimate memorial. They were going to try to raise money for a Sefer Torah for their children. We were the first to contribute to this new campaign, that Hashem had decided was an important part of His plan. And thus our day came to an end. The story and book is over. Welcome to my life.

 On that note this week’s parsha is also the conclusion of a Book; the book of galus and geula- exile and redemption, as the Ramban calls it, the book of Shemot. Our book started off with us going down to Egypt. With names. Each Jew, each family. We are each special. We are stars that Hashem counts. The book concludes however with the final verse that tells us that Hashem is with us in all of our travels. He is there l’einei kol beis Yisrael b’kol ma’aseihem- the cloud and the fire of Hashem is there day and night wherever we go. It’s a strange verse and ending. Parshat Ma’asei with our travels doesn’t come until the end of Bamidbar. At this point in time historically we were a few days away from Israel. What travels? Where were we going? Why is this the end of the book of redemption? We’re still in Galus. We haven’t come home yet.

The answer is because the function of redemption, the purpose of the Creation, is when we realize and experience that Hashem is with us in all our travels. Hashem doesn’t need a home down here. It’s quite nice up in heaven. He created this world so that He could be with us. So that He could live with us. So that He could hold our hands on every trip, on every journey, in the darkness of night and in fire and in the morning in the light. The Mishkan isn’t and never was about a building campaign. It was about the shechina residing in each and everyone of us always.

 Each and everyone of us, we find out in this week’s final ‘closing credits parsha’, has every screw, every bolt, every pillar, every gold, silver and copper accounted for. There’s nothing left over. Each person’s donation is there. That’s what this week’s boring parsha is about. Nobody stays for the ending credits of a movie. Well, almost nobody stays. The mother whose child is the screenwriter, the 10 year old boy who’s father was the extra in that street scene. They’re waiting to see their names in lights. We each play in an important essential part of the parsha, in the Mishkan. We each have a contribution that is mentioned and accounted for.

 The parsha tells us Hashem is walking with us every day. He’s journeying with each of us all the time. He’s got your sandwich for gan in the morning with Rabbi Schwartzes crew from America to make it, even though you might think Hashem abandoned you when He threw you out of your home or your father is fighting in Gaza. He has your tzitzis taken care of and made this morning even though you may have never worn a pair before, despite the fact that they don’t sell any in Chan Yunis where you’re serving. He’s going to visit you in the hospital and the shechina is resting on top of your bed. He’ll even let you send a message to the family of the security guard who saved you and give them strength. It’s not a big deal for the Creator of the World. He’s right there with you. He’s actually Planned the entire day around you. That is redemption. That’s the book that we concluded. We are the credits that are scrolling down the screen. We are the names and Shemot that went down to exile and we are each the precious stones on the breastplate of the Kohen and the bolts and brackets of the home of Hashem. The movie is almost over. The last names are gone, the final sacrifices Hashem took from us that are sitting next to His holy throne of glory are waiting to accompany that shechina down here to its final eternal resting place. Chazak Chazak Vi’nitchazek!

Have a joyous Shabbos and an exuberantly happy Adar again!

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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CHIZUK/TZEDAKA OPPORTUNITY OF THE WEEK

Just when you thought this E-Mail couldn’t get any longer… well here it goes. It's been 158 days of War and this essential column is dedicated to giving you readers an opportunity to have a meaningful part of helping out our country and nation by donating to a weekly link of a different organization, a cause, soldiers, refugees, supplies, Hostage families, widows, farmers etc…

There are so many needs and I know that you want to participate and help them not just read about them. So each week I will feature in our E-Mail in this column another cause and link that you can contribute and make a meaningful difference to. (this of course should not come at the expense of your sponsorship of my weekly E-Mail or our upcoming Purim appeal iup above! 😊) But this is a way that you can bring light and money to the so many that need it. Give what you can. But give regularly and if you can I’d really appreciate if if you send me a screenshot or message of your donation as I can then forward it to whoever receives it so they know that it came from our helpful readers. So here we go…

 

Osim Sameach- Dovid Tzarfati is one of the most amazing young men I have ever met. About five years ago as a young yeshiva student then and currently learning in the Chevron Yeshiva he had a car accident in the Golan Heights with some friends of his where sadly some of them died. He himself was hospitalized for many months and during his stay he came to appreciate how miserable hospitals are and how an important part of the healing process is having visitors, guests and good food brought to you. Thus upon his full recovery he studied to become a paramedic and then utilizing and developing many contacts in the medical world as well as in the hospitals he began a volunteer organization where thousands of volunteers from seminaries and schools as well as guest come and visit and bring gifts and food to patients and most of all Simcha. Coffee, popcorn, carnivals for children, musicians, clowns, and special events as well as being a loving caring heart and support fro every family in hospitals all over Israel.

During Corona Dovid’s teams visited people in their homes and brought them cheer and food and now with the war they have become the address for the many that want to volunteer and visit soldiers and bring them the cheer that is so necessary to the hundreds that are in Tel Hashomer- Sheba, Shaarei Chesed and hospitals all around Israel. Their efforts cost a lot fo money and you may not be here in Israel to visit those soldiers. But won’t you please donate and help Dovid and his incredible organization?

 PLEASE DO AND SEND ME SCREENSHOTS OF YOUR DONATIONS SO I CAN FORWARD TO DOVID and let him know that our Readers love him and appreciate his hard work for our soldiers.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MTU0pOlpLY   

 And here’s the link to donate

 https://www.charityextra.com/charity/osimsameach/admin

 

YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" A mayse uhn a moshl iz vi a moltsayt un a tsimes.”- A story without a moral is like a meal without a sweet dish.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

31.The peacocks tail is an expression of communication between animals and it is called_______.

Which of the following birds is considered an invasive species?

A. Tristram's starling

B. Common Myna

C. Eurasian coot

D. The Great Tit

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/yiddelach   – In Honor of PURim MY latest new release… Its; the only song I’m posting this week. You just have to listen to it five times… If You want the Rap at the end… IT’s amazing… Tell me how much you love it…

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOE9N6yIlEM   -  Shoshanas Yaakov new tune from the one and only Yehudah Green!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHWuF50uVH4 – Incredible song by Shlomi Shabbat composed by Yossi Hershkovitz who was killed in Gaza and a father, teacher and inspiration to all. Hauntingly called Gam Ki Eilech B’Gai Tzalmaves as I walk in the shadow of death.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5K6peWWEDI – Found this really amazing song Malachim ba’madim- angels in uniform! Go soldiers!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wfOrbgIKpw   – Benny Friedman and Moshe Tishler on a Am Yisrael Chai Mashup!

 

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK

100 Sockets- The parsha is called counting. Pikudei. I’m not a numbers person. It’s already boring. Yet each number, each bit of gold and copper that was given had to be accounted for. The Torah gives us the exact number of everything. But to be honest, I really don’t care much. That is of course until I understood that there is an eternal lesson in each number. Perhaps the most essential one though of all is the one hundred sockets or “adanim” that were donated. The Baal Ha’Turim and other commentaries note that the verse contains in it a secret plague-stopping secret. The Navi tells us that in the times of Dovid Ha’Melech he sinned and brought an evil eye amongst the people by counting them. We’re not supposed to count people. We use tzedaka or verses to count them. Yet when Dovid did that a plague broke out and from that time our sages tell us that the cure for that plague or the vaccine perhaps even more accurately so the plague doesn’t fall upon is to recite 100 blessings each day. For the money of the half shekel went to those silver sockets. They didn’t come from the regular donations but rather from the mandatory half shekel count.

 What’s the connection between sockets, blessings, counting and plagues, I’m sure you’re wondering? The answer the Chidushei Ha’rim is that the word socket oden- is like the word Master. It is understanding that Hashem is at the nuts and bolts of everything. A plague happens when we don’t see Hashem. When He’s covered up. The word mageifa-plague in fact is in Aramaic the same word to cover up and seal a barrel magufa. When things don’t function normally it means that Hashem’s light is somehow being blocked. There’s a screw that’s loose. The bolt is not firmly in the socket. Or as they say in Hebrew the teka isn’t in the sheka. So we have to say blessings. One hundred times a day to keep everything functioning smoothly. To tighten our connection. To remain plugged in.

 When we count each person, then they just become another number. 51, 52, 53… They’re part of one whole and frankly are irrelevant in of itself. It’s what the Nazi’s tried to do to us when they tattooed a number as they came into Aushwitz on their arms. Hashem tells us that when we do that we are blocking the light of His presence. It brings a plague. A mageifa. Thus in order to restore that we have to recite a blessing. We have to bring out that light again. We daven three times a day. That turns on the power for all day, afternoon, and evening for all of the blessing to flow. But it doesn’t end there. Each day we have to as well make sure we are counting the blessings that we receive throughout the day. To see Hashem and let His light shine out. In that way we always will stay connected.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

722 BC-Exile- So the time of the eventual exile of the ten tribes commenced. This week we read the parsha of Pikudei which Rashi states utilizes the word Mishkan twice as it is a collateral for the two temples that would be destroyed. The beginning of the end of our life in Israel in the first commonwealth is with the exile of Sancheirev or Tiglet Pilessar or Shalmenessar who according to some were all different names of the same person. The exile of the ten tribes took place in three phases. The first was in the 20^th year of Pekach when Assyria attacked him and Aram and the Northern and Eastern portions of Israel were exiled. Hoshea then became king.

 The next phase was 8 years of peace as a vassal state under Assyria and then Pul came down and basically exiled 7/8 of the remaining tribes and we lost the Jews of Reuvein and Gad on the eastern banks of Jordan and the ones that had been up in Damascus. As well the temples of Yeravam and the golden calves were destroyed and thus Hoshea opened up the gates to Jerusalem as we mentioned last week. We had the opportunity to become a united nation from the tragedy, but we didn’t.

 The final blow came when Hoshea stopped paying tribute and decided to go for his independence by holing up with Egypt in the South. That was the straw that broke the camels back. Sancheirev wouldn’t put up with this. This was the 7^th year of his reign. And Sancheirev came and sieged Israel for three years until he destroyed them and exiled the tribes to the other side of the Euphrates, some suggest in Turkey or Iraq somewhere near Ninveh. Yet to make matters worse it wasn’t just that Sancheirev exiled the nation as well, he moved new inhabitants in. We will learn about the Shomronim next week and what they did to us. And maybe even see a Purim connection as well.   

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE BEEF JERKY JOKES OF THE WEEK

 Sometime in the 1970s, on an absolutely freezing day, a shipment of meat arrives in a town in the Soviet Union. The townspeople, bundled to their eyeballs, line up outside the town store to wait to be given their rations. After about an hour, a man comes out of the store and announces,

 "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you, but there isn't enough meat for everyone, so the Jews have to leave." The Jews in the line leave grumbling.

 About an hour later, the man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't enough meat for everyone, so anyone who is not a member of the Communist party will have to leave." More grumbling as the non-Party members depart.

 Another hour goes by and the man comes out of the store again and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't enough meat for everyone in the line, so anyone who wasn't a member of the Party before 1956 has to leave." More grumbling as all the younger Party members leave. A few old people remain in the line.

 Another hour goes by. It's now getting dark and it's cold. The same man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't any meat. Go home."

 One old lady in the line turns to her neighbor and says, "See? It's like I told you. The Jews always get the best treatment ..."

 A woman's poem

He didn't like my salt beef

And he didn't like my cake.

My kichel were too hard...

Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't make the borsht right

He left the cholent stew.

I didn't wash his gatkes…

The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer

I was looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and gave him a potch...

Like his mother used to do.

 

Do not use "beef_stew" as a password! It's not stroganoff.

 I said to the woman at the deli, “I’d like to buy a corned beef and pastrami, with pickles.”

She replied, “Sorry... We only take cash or card.”

 

Difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef

 I saw Han Solo crying while eating his beef. Later I asked why. He said it was chewy.

  I’ve started investing in stocks; beef, chicken and vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

 Christians, Muslims, and Jews are always fighting, but Hindus never have any beef......

 When vegans get into an argument is it still called beef?

I have no idea. But if it gets physical, all vegans know the art of foot karate. They call it tofu.

 I went to the store for some beef broth. But they were all out of stock

 If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called?'American'.

 When vegans have an argument, is it still beef? No. It’s leaf.

 Yankel goes into a fancy Israeli restaurant and orders the main dish special of the day. After a few bites he calls his waiter over and says “Waiter! Is this a Prime Rib or Filet Mignon?

“ Can't you tell by the taste of it?” Dudu asks him back

“No!”

“Then why do you care?”

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 The answer to this week”s question is B– This is one of those questions that there is no question I would’ve skipped. I had no idea. Nor do care about the answers. But hey I got it half right. But that’s mostly luck. Mostly luck because I eliminated the tristramite which is all over Ein Gedi and they’re pretty friendly birds. I went with Myna which is the correct answer because it has an annoying whiny sounding name. The first part of the question about peacocks though I had no clue and frankly coulnd’t care less about what I discovered is called the ahndicapped evolutionary principle. Which is basically that if you take a handicap and pretend it’s a a strong point then you can win. It’s like a migoo in gemara talk. Basically the colorful tail is a handicap because it makes you more vulnerable to predators. So the fact that the peacock struts its tail is showing that it’s not scared of enemies and means it must be strong. So the more it struts its tail the cooler the females thin it is. There’s a message in that, but I’m too tired to think about it. Well anyways I’m still on my 50/50 streak so the score is Rabbi Schwartz at 22 points and the MOT having 8 points on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.

 

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