Karmiel

Karmiel
Our view of the Galile

Friday, March 29, 2024

Holy Earth- Parshat Tzav- Parah 2024 5784

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

"Your friend in Karmiel"

March 29th 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 25 19th of Adar II 5784

Parshat Tzav-Parah

Holy Earth

Yeshiva trips are a bit different than the family missions that I’ve been “guiding”. I don’t do a lot of them and truthfully, I don’t enjoy them as much. It’s not only because they pay less or pay late. Money has never been much of a consideration in doing what I do in life, much to my parent’s and probably my wife’s occasional consternation. If it were, I probably wouldn’t have chosen a career for 15 years as a Rabbi and outreach professional in an industry that is by definition quite religiously non-profit. Literally. As well being a tour guide in Israel, a country that seems to be subject to regular wars and Corona viruses that close it down every few years or so, isn’t the most financially strategic position to achieve and type of nest egg. Yeah, money was never really my motivation.

 

I’m more of a do-what-I-enjoy-doing type of guy. I like connecting with people, sharing with them the things I’m passionate about, introducing them to much of the beauty of the gifts that we as the Jewish people have. Whether it’s Shabbos, Torah, Eretz Yisrael or chulent and thereby appreciating my own life and faith even more so through them. Really simple isn’t it. The whole life of Ephraim Schwartz in one sentence.

 So that being the case I really don’t enjoy the yeshiva trip thing so much. First of all Yeshiva guys are generally not that interested in hearing a tour guide tell them anything. They think they know it all. They discussed the war endlessly and have figured it all out in the coffee room and late-night dorm or dira discussions over sunflower seeds and cigarettes.  Add to that that they’ve usually had boring guides or Rebbeim in the past and have developed a tendency to tune out anything that’s being said to them, particularly over a microphone on a bus. I know and can relate. I was and pretty much and still am the same way. It’s like I told some people in my shul who were complaining about the guys that leave for my sermons on Shabbos and make a break-off Minyan and wanted me to put a stop to it. I told them, that if I wasn’t the one talking, I probably would be out there with them and kind of have to hold myself back each week from walking out on my own speech. It’s just habit.

As well unlike my clients who are paying me to take them on the trip and have an added financial incentive to actually enjoy, learn, experience and listen to what I’m saying. After-all they just paid a lot of money for the day. Yeshiva guys didn’t pay a shekel. They’ve just escaped from jail. Lecturing and talking to them while they are prisoners on my bus impedes their day off when they just want to have fun. The only thing that they have going for them in terms of any relatability is that in some way they feel like hostages- just on the way to the Gaza strip rather than being held in Gaza. The problem is that the guy with the microphone- me- is their captor. Yeah… It’s a rough job and I don’t do it often.

 But yet throughout this war there have been the few times that I have taken yeshivos and there is something special that happens on these trips as well. Something that doesn’t happen on the family, couples, or group missions that I do. See, the regular missions that I run are really more about the people that we visit rather than the ones that are with me in my car or the bus. The families that we give chizuk or support to. The bereaved, the families of hostages, refugees, farmers or even reservist wives and children. Those are my real clients, I tell anyone that comes with me. It’s them that I care about, and I want to help and visit as many as I can in a day. I have no time for lunch or bathrooms or dilly dallying.

 When I take yeshiva guys though, than it’s about inspiring and educating and connecting them. It’s more like tour guiding in that way. I never really had any aspirations in life to be a Rosh Yeshiva, yet for those few hours that I have them on the bus with me, I find myself sliding into that role. I have a job to do. I can share or inspire them with something that perhaps they won’t get anywhere else. Something that their own Rabbis or Rosh Yeshiva won’t be able to convey to them. It’s kind of cool. I think about my own Rebbeim that are probably turning over in their graves watching me. But the truth is they were probably already doing that when I became a Rosh Kollel, Rabbi or outreach director. I wasn’t the one they had banked on to be the carrier of their legacies. I do it a bit different than they did. But hey, it works and considering what could’ve happened had I gone over to the other side, this can’t be too bad.

 So I take the job I have seriously when I have these guys. We have meaningful days and I try to convey to them important messages about the situation we are in now, the responsibilities they have and even some of the good sermons I gave on Shabbos that they probably would’ve walked out for and missed in the breakoff minyan. As well I try to perhaps step them out of the comfort zone and even more importantly out of their own Rosh Yeshiva’s bubble and expand their thinking to new ideas that I believe are essential for them and for all of us. I speak about Aliya and the mitzva to move here that they don’t necessarily get in yeshiva. I speak about the heroism of our soldiers, their mesirus nefesh,-their sacrifice and their holy work. I talk about the incredible mitzvos that farmers and others that are just working the land, that even a secular jew here fulfills that the Chasam Sofer describes as being equal if not even greater than Torah study. But most of all I try to convey to them a sense of appreciation for every single yid and to break down that elitist attitude that perhaps yeshivas 70 years ago felt the need to impart to their students to give them a sense of self-respect and mission in a world that didn’t appreciate the concept, but that today is perhaps a little too over boarded in my generally never humble opinion.

 And so it was I found myself a few weeks ago having a disagreement with one of the accompanying Rabbis or Rosh Yeshivas that was on the bus with us about our next and final destination for the day-before our evening BBQ with the soldiers. We had visited a kibbutz and seen the destroyed houses. We had gone to the car-park and seen the shot up and burnt cars. We visited Sderot, the police station and we even did some agriculture with a farmer helping him with his clementine crops. The next stop I had planned was the Nova festival site. I wanted them to go there and had planned to daven Mincha there as well. The Rosh Yeshiva though objected. He precluded and tempered his hesitation with the disclaimer that of course everyone that was murdered there died or more accurately was killed al kiddush hashem- they were martyred. They’re kedoshim. Yet he just didn’t feel comfortable bringing these boys to a place where there was what he described as a “chilul Hashem” as well. After-all it was simchas Torah. There was a concert going on. There were drugs, frivolity. Perhaps dancing around a golden calf like environment. This wasn’t a place he felt that his boys need to go to and daven at. I of course disagreed.

 I explained to the Rosh Yeshiva, that I felt it was important to come for a few reasons. The first was because I wanted the boys to connect to the faces behind all that we saw, discussed and witnessed. This wasn’t just a trip in history to understand what the Crusades or the pogroms back in Europe looked like. This wasn’t a modern-day Israeli version of the “March of the Living”. These were people. This is family. Our brothers, our sisters. The hostages that are still sitting in Gaza, that are suffering and being tortured or worse have faces, holy faces, that needed to be embedded in their minds and hearts and then their prayers. The students need to see those neshomos and that light on those posters and pictures that dot that holy bloodstained earth. That’s the first reason I wanted to bring them there.

 Now I said holy bloodstained earth and I saw the Rabbi cringe a bit, which was kind of the point. At the time though I hadn’t yet seen this week’s parsha. I was still unfamiliar with the incredible Chasam Sofer  and what the Torah describes as to what in Hashem’s eyes is considered and makes a holy place. He Jew-splains it better than I ever could. It is the parsha of sacrifices. It’s the parsha that will take us to the Temple.

 The parsha begins with the discussion of three sacrifices, their status and the location of where they were offered. But it’s the nuances that count and that one needs to pay attention to. The first, the Olah offering we are told is slaughtered and entirely burnt up on the North portion of the altar. The Chatas- sin offering that follows is called ‘holy of holies- kodesh kadashim’ and the Torah tells us is slaughtered and sacrificed

 in the same place as the Olah is slaughtered so should the sin offering be slaughtered

 Similarly, the next up is the Asham guilt offering which is also ‘holy of holies’ where we are also told

 in the same place as the Olah is slaughtered so should the guilt offering slaughtered”

 That law of where they must be slaughtered, rather than anywhere in the Temple is one of the unique differences between kodshim kalim and kodshei kadshim- more lenient and stricter- holier sacrifices. Yet what the Chasam Sofer notes is that although we derive the location of the guilt and sin offering from the Olah, the fact that the Olah is considered kodesh kadashim is only derived as the Torah tells us from the Chatas and the Asham- the sin and guilt offering. In fact the Torah goes out of its way to describe its holiness as

 Kodesh Kadashim Ka’chatas Vi’Kasham- holy of holies like the Sin and Guilt offering.

 I know that generally speaking, all this talk of korbanos and sacrifices kind of turns off the brain in most of us and makes us all a bit blurry, but just stick with me one more minute because as the Chasam Sofer teaches us, all of this back and forth comparisons the Torah goes out of its way to teach us and reference is to give us one of the most important insights of our lives. Particularly today.

 You see, he notes the Olah sacrifice is really not brought that often for a sin. It’s really only brought as an individual offering for one who has hihurei aveira- someone who only contemplates sin, or for failure perhaps to fulfill a positive commandment. It’s not for someone that has necessarily done anything bad. Overall, he’s a pretty holy person. In fact, it’s also brought by someone that entered the Temple while he was still not entirely purified. He wasn’t a guy that was hanging out in the bowery. He was someone that’s an overall pretty righteous guy. He wants to go to shul, to learn, to the Beit HaMikdash and bring offerings.

  On the other hand the sin and guilt offerings are for the guys that have done bad things. They’ve violated serious aveiros, they were negligent in their observance. They may have stolen or sworn falsely. They may have gone to a dance festival on Simchas Torah, not really ever having learned or appreciated what a holy day it is, because they weren’t raised that way.

 One can’t possibly imagine that those guys or girls’ “atonement” or teshuva would be the same as the tzadik who just had some negative thoughts. Who perhaps maybe didn’t fulfill the mitzva of loving their neighbor like themselves to the highest degree. Who maybe wasted some precious Torah time during seder, or thought about getting a non-kosher phone. These festival going people might feel that their atonement needs to be in a much deeper place or level. They can’t come to the same place as the FFB holy yeshiva guys that might have just had some bad thoughts. The torah thus tells us that’s not true. The chatas and asham are in the same exact place as the Olah. Their place is together. Their atonement is one. Their teshuva is just as beloved and just as easy as the Olah one. Their place is just as holy.

 But it’s even more than that he points out. For as we noted the only place where the Olah-righteous one’s sin offering is in itself derived to be “holy of holies” is actually from the chatas and asham’s. The Tzadik and yeshiva guy is only holy because he realizes that the power of teshuva is given for the worst of sins, and he is no different than them.  It’s only when they realize that in fact- and this is very deep here- that although to be holy means one has to do teshuva and elevate oneself, but that’s not the highest level or even the objective.  The real game is to achieve the Holy of Holies. That state  isn’t just a higher level of kedusha. Rather it is the recognition that the lower level of sin from where you came and lifted up from is in fact holy as well. We sin because Hashem puts us in that situation, He wants us to not only atone, but to even see that sin we did, the thoughts we had, the distance that was between us, was only so that we could get closer. That makes it kodesh kadashim. Only after experiencing the darkness, can we appreciate the greatest light.

 To a large degree those that were at the Nova festival this past Simchas Torah were what we call in halachic Talmudic terms, tinokos she’nishbu- children who were captives and never really given the benefit of appreciating how precious, special and incredible our Torah and it’s lifestyle is. They’re like the Biebers babies- those cute little redheads who if god forbi- lo aleinu if we don’t get back from those animals in Gaza and they’re raised as Hamas’niks, as incomprehensible and horrific as that is to even think about, would not be responsible for any sins that they do. That’s the status of anyone, our Rabbis tell us that haven’t had a real healthy Jewish education. And yes you can be medayek in my words- to include that to even those raised frum but didn’t receive that and left it.

 Yet there was some holy spark in their “captive- hostage” neshomas that told them that on Simchas Torah they had to be happy. They had to celebrate. They had to dance and rejoice. Hashem saw that holy spark that remained and could never be extinguished and brought them to that festival. He brought them there so that they could protect the rest of the country. As Hamas who was planning on heading up to Ashkelon and Ashdod and massacre those cities as well would get stuck for hours over there and therefore unable to carry out a larger pogrom than the one they did. He brought them there so that their last acts on this world would be to save Jews, to give their lives protecting one another, so they could die as so many did with Shema Yisrael on their lips. He brought them there because out of everyone in Klal Yisrael it was those special and holy neshomos that He wanted closest to Him next to His throne of Glory.

 Those are the only neshomos that Hashem is taking in this last sprint before the redemption. Every day I visit families who have lost someone and each one is greater and holier than the next. Because we are on our way to the Holy of Holies, where we will see the light from the darkest of places and moments. We are on the cusp of entering the era when we understand that there is no difference between the sacrifice and sins of the tzadik and those of the chatas and asham. They are all just a tool to bring us to the same place- the place of the chatas is the place of the asham. The Olah is holy because he recognizes that the chatas is as well. That all our sacrifices are equal and beloved. Because they all bring us to Hashem Echad. We all need to do teshuva and we all need to see that spark that Hashem has revealed in all of us. We and the bochrim in the yeshiva (and the Rosh Yeshiva himself I somewhat respectfully intimated) don’t, need to just “call” them “Kedoshim- martyrs”. We need to really see them as the Kedoshim they are. As Hashem sees them. As the tinokos she’nishbu-the holy precious children that Hashem chose to save and be His sacrifices for the rest of us.

 This week as well we read the parsha of Parah- the third supplemental parsha before the month of Nisan and the rebuilding and rededication of the Temple, God willing this year. It is a parsha that tells us of the ultimate purification for death that is done by the sprinkling of the ashes of the Red Heifer. Rashi tells us that the mother cow should atone for the sin of her child, which is the sin of the golden calf. The sin where we danced and sang and partied, because we thought that Moshe was gone. That there would not be a redemption. That perhaps we needed a new path to Hashem. The Talmud tells us that the truth is that sin was really not fitting for our exalted level right after the giving of the Torah and revelation at Sinai. It compares it to the sin of King David and Batsheva which was really way below his level as well. Yet the reason it happened and we fell, the Talmud teaches us, is that it was divinely orchestrated in order to teach us that we can do teshuva. It’s why the mitzva of the Parah Aduma was given in Marah even before Sinai and the Golden Calf sin. It’s the refuah- the antidote before the machla- the malady. It’s the light that comes out of the darkness. It’s the holy of the holiest.

 The Parah Aduma process is that the pure Kohen becomes impure by purifying others. It doesn’t make sense. But it does. Because holiness-kodesh is perhaps staying away and separate and aloof from all influences. It means staying locked away, and a Kohen is meant to do so and remain pure. Yet to ultimately remove death. In order to reach kodesh hakadoshim, we sometimes have to go out of the camp. We have to go out to the field far away; Chutz La’Machaneh We have to step into the tumah in order to bring out its light. Because our daily Olah- which on a communal level is the most commonly brought sacrifice, brought twice daily, can only be the holy of holies its meant to be if it understands that its power is from the chatas and asham of the holy sinners of Hashem’s nation.

 This is the parsha that we can only best appreciate the Shabbos after Purim. The Shabbos after we just celebrated how the darkest genocidal decree flipped around and turned into an eternal holiday. It’s after we’ve united with our shekalim, we realize we’re each only a half without the other, without Hashem. It’s once we’ve begun eradicating Amalek. With our Torah reading. With banging out Haman’s name. (PS In our shul this year we also banged every time it says the word “Chamas” in the megilla- four of them!). We drank until Ad d’Lo Yada- until we understand that the blessing and curses, the good and the bad, the tragedy and celebration, the chatas the asham and the olah all come from Hashem. We become purified with that knowledge and then we welcome in next week Parshat Ha’Chodesh. The new month a new era. The festival of redemption. For then the entire earth will be filled with His glory. The Beit Ha’Mikdash will be built. The sacrifices will have all been brought.

 Have a Parah-purifying Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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CHIZUK/TZEDAKA OPPORTUNITY OF THE WEEK

 

SAVE A FARM- The farms in the south of Israel are in dire straits. With the harvesting season for vegetation already here, the farmers have a very narrow window of opportunity to harvest their farms before they rot in the field. For most, the IDF does not allow them entrance to their farm for security reasons. For others, the farmers themselves fear for their lives and the lives of their families as rockets continue to fall in their fields. And without workers, harvesting fields and hothouses is an impossible task.

 The survival of the Israeli farmer is very much at stake. Farmers have already been severely hit by years of Covid. This was followed by a sabbatical year of Shmitah - when no produce was grown on their fields during the seventh year of the Shmitah cycle. Now, with the struggles brought on by this sudden onslaught by Hamas, farmers will not be able to survive.

 They need help now! Help for agriculture and animals to survive. Help for their family members to survive. Help to build back morale - for the very ones who literally and figuratively help sustain the people and nation of Israel.

 Some damage cannot be undone. In all probability, the country is facing a long war. Whatever funds the government will allocate will be going to the war effort - as they should. The government's commitment to pay the farmers restitution may take half a year or more and will surely not cover their loss in its entirety.  Historically, the government has allowed agricultural imports from Israel’s Arab neighborhoods and other Middle Eastern countries at a lower cost than Israeli-grown produce.

 However, it is the farmer who has sacrificed for so many decades to keep the farmland in Israeli hands. These farmers, with their fields close to the Gaza and Lebanese borders, act as a safety buffer to the Israeli cities. The farmlands are intricately linked to Israel's first line of defense. As this war has proven, the farmers are paying a very high price for their unwavering commitment.

 If we don't help Israeli farmers now, we will surely lose some of these farmlands, which in turn means that Israeli produce will be affected for years to come. More importantly, it might affect the future defense of Israel irreparably!

 PLEASE SEND ME SCREENSHOTS OF YOUR DONATIONS SO I CAN FORWARD TO OUR fARMERS  and let them know that our Readers love THEM and appreciate WHAT THEY’RE GOING THROUGH AND WHAT THEY DO FOR OUR COUNTRY

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjitGHEQsaE     

 And here’s the link to donate

https://www.saveafarmfund.org/donate.php

 YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Bei nacht zeinen alleh ki shvarts.”- At night all cows are black.

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

answer below at end of Email

33.The energy production process in plants is called ___________.

Where in Israel "Sudanian Flora" can be found?

A. In the Judea lowland

B. In the Negev

C. On the peaks of the upper Galilee

D. Along the Great Rift (Syrian-African rift)

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/yiddelach   – In Honor of PURim MY latest new release… Its; the only song I’m posting this week. You just have to listen to it five times… If You want the Rap at the end… IT’s amazing… Tell me how much you love it…

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZsOsTjKVS0   – Incredible and inspired Dror Yikra by my dear friend Reb Ari Lindner with words for the prayer for hostages and Chayalim- well worth the listen.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNrpzwsEkEc -  Hillarious Ari Lesser Purim Rap, LChayim Rap

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsGt2TGGy_o   – Lipa’s Purim Hoshia Es Amecha Purim Amalek!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UOSbMFTmIg&t=198s   – Bardak’s Purim On the way to Megilla…

  RABBI SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK

Thank You Hashem- Purim is over. Pesach is on the way and hopefully with that the Geula- our redemption. Yet our sages tell us that even after the redemption the holiday of Purim will continue. It will never ever be over. We will still celebrate it. As well our sages tell us that eventually all of the sacrifices will eventually as well no longer need to be brought once Mashiach comes. There won’t be sin offerings, Olah offerings, guilt or even the daily offerings. There is one sacrifice though that our sages say will be forever and that is the thanksgiving offering that is mentioned in this week’s portion: the korban todah.

 Now the commentaries all deal with the questions of what this means that the holidays will no longer be around or the sacrifices won’t be around in the future. They have different approaches, to answer the question. Some suggest that there are two periods of times. One is the Messianic era when everything remains the same, and the other- what our sages call l’atid la’vo- the ultimate end of days of the resurrection of the dead then everything besides Purim and the thanksgiving offering will be around. Others take a different approach and suggest the joy and revelation will be so great in the Messianic era and thus there will be no more sins. Therefore the other holidays will be batel- they will seem and be considered meaningless and there will be no sin offerings compared to the great days that we will be experiencing. But Purim and Toda are different. They are eternal.

 What makes these two so special. Perhaps the answer is that they encapsulate what the entire Messianic era is all about. Purim is when everything was turned around. When we celebrated and were able to thank Hashem for what literally appeared to be the mass genocide of our people. We saw that it was really for good. Similarly, when one makes the thanksgiving offering it only comes when one has undergone a terrible circumstance. In fact we are told that there are four such scenarios. One who travels over the sea and is in danger. He’s not on solid ground. It’s just him on the raging waters. As well even when one is on the ground but goes through the wilderness. He’s away from everyone. It’s him in the desert and there’s nothing or no one to help him. That sense of loneliness and darkness and then finding Hashem in those places brings one to thanks.

The next two circumstances the Gaon of Vilna says are even closer to home. The first is when one is in jail. He’s a prisoner. A hostage perhaps. There one is amongst people, yet he is locked in. They’re not helping him, He feels abandoned. It’s far deeper and much more painful. The final one is when one is sick and suffering. He has everyone in the world there for him. The best doctors in the world. But you know what. Even in that situation he is in peril. Because ultimately only Hashem has the power to cure and give and restore life. All four of those transformations and ordeals obligate a thanksgiving. That’s the Korban Todah that was brought and as well it is the special Gomel blessing and prayer that we still recite today.

 The Baal Haturim says that when we recite the thanksgiving blessing in Shemona Esrei that concludes

V’chol ha’chayim yodu sela”- all with “chayim- life” will praise you. The word chayimis an acronym for these four things. Chet- is chovesh/prisoner, yud- yam/ sea, yud (again) yisurim. Sickness and tribulations, and finally mem-midbar/wilderness. We recite this blessing three times a day because all of our troubles in life can fall into the lack of seeing Hashem in any of these scenarios. So from now on, when we say this prayer perhaps we could pause a moment and think about how this prayer is really eternal. It’s a taste of Mashiach. In that merit may we experience the end to all of our tzaros now!

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

722 BC-Chizkiya the righteous King-  So much bad news in this column. It got worse and worse and worse. Reading this column has been almost as bad as opening up the newspapers these days. But then there’s a light. A miracle. Something amazing. Purim is over and now let the good times roll. And they do in this column as well with the advent of the great righteous king Chizkiya There are sages that suggest he was the most righteous of all of the Kings of Yehuda, even greater than Dovid and Shlomo as he never really sinned as opposed to them. The truth is from where he was coming there really was only one direction we could’ve gone and that was up.

 Achaz, as we said, Chizkiya’s father was the worst of the worst. desecrating the Temple, bringing idolatry literally into the house of Hashem. Desecrating the service, banning Torah study, holidays, killing Jews, civil wars, hostages. It was insane. Chizkiya’s first act as king? Desecrating his father’s funeral and grave. Can you imagine? All have gathered for the royal funeral of the king of Israel that reigned for decades, and his own 25-year-old son who takes over, hauls his father out of his fancy coffin and has him shlepped around the city on a blanket of reeds like a pauper and doesn’t even bury him with the kings of Israel. That’s a statement! There’s a new sheriff in town. He does all of this under the guidance of his Rebbi and mentor the prophet Yeshaya- Isaiah.

 After that he then begins his major campaign. For 8 days he removes all of the idolatry from the Temple. He rededicates it. He gathers in all of the Kohanim and the nation and begins a national religious reform. He destroys all of the altars that no king had ever been able to do before and destroys all of the idolatry. This was truly Messianic. In fact, our sages even noted that Chizkiya really had the ability to be Mashiach. Why it didn’t work out we will talk about. But in the meantime we enter perhaps one of the greatest eras of the 1st Temple, at least for the Judean kingdom. The ten tribes are gone already, yet Chizkiya reaches out to the individuals that remained. He brings achdus amongst the people. There are no longer us and them. North and South. Or even frum or not. We are one nation and Chizkiya as we will see bring the people together and bring us back to Torah.

 And so we enter this next era and hopefully with this era we will enter a new era in Klal Yisrael today as well!

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE COW JOKES OF THE WEEK

“Why was the calf afraid? He was a cow-herd

Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn? He was too much of a bully!

What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow? Cowboom!

What would you hear at a cow concert? Moo-sic!

What’s a cow’s least moosical note? Beef-flat!

What do cows do for entertainment? They go to the mooooovies.

What do cows like to do at amoosement parks? Ride on the roller cowster

What kind of cows do you find in Alaska? Eski-moos!

 

(Who’s old enough to get this one ?)

There was a herd of cattle all standing on a hill when an earthquake struck. All of the cows fell down, but the bull remained standing. The farmer noticing this went out and asked the bull, "Why didn't you fall down like the rest of the herd. The bull replied, "We bulls wobble, but we don't fall down."

 The World explained with Cows

Socialism -- If you have 2 cows, you give one to your neighbor.

Communism -- If you have 2 cows, you give them to the government; and the government gives you some milk.

Fascism -- If you have 2 cows, you keep the cows but give the milk to the government, who then sells you the milk at a high price.

Nazism -- If you have 2 cows, the government shoots you and keeps the cows.

New Dealism -- (FDR Version) If you have 2 cows, you shoot one, milk the other one; then pour the milk down the drain.

Capitalism -- (Reaganomics) If you have 2 cows, you sell one and buy a bull; you then sell all the excess milk to the government who in turn ships it to fascist and communist governments.

Anarchism -- If you have 2 cows, your neighbor on your left takes one cow, and the one on the right takes the other; while your backyard neighbor takes the milk, the bucket and the stool.

Utopianism -- If you have 2 cows, Mother Nature zaps the cows, turning their udders into eternal milk-shake dispensers.

Radical Feminism -- If you have 2 cows, you declare an amazonian state free of bull oppression and sit around waiting for the cows to procreate on their own.

  Knock knock.

Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No, silly. Cows go MOOOOOO!!

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 The answer to this week”s question is D– Ok so the exam is over finishing off with another 50/50. The first part every fourth grader should now. We all learned about photosynthesis. The second part I had no clue. I guessed wrong with the Negev. I was debating between that and the rift , ah well I guess its been that way for most of this exam. So lets tally up my final score. As of now its

 Rabbi Schwartz at 24 points and the MOT having 9 points on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam. That would give me a passing score of 72% if I it was tallied out of the 33 questions. But its really only tallied from the 30 questions as you can skip 3 questions. So it would give me an 80% on this exam. 13 years ago when I did the xam I got an 88 on. So not bad still. Next week new exam!!!

 

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