Insights and Inspiration
from
the
Holy
Land
from
Rabbi
Ephraim Schwartz
"Your
friend in Karmiel"
March
29th 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 25 19th of Adar II 5784
Parshat Tzav-Parah
Holy
Earth
Yeshiva trips are a bit different than the family missions that I’ve been “guiding”. I don’t do a lot of them and truthfully, I don’t enjoy them as much. It’s not only because they pay less or pay late. Money has never been much of a consideration in doing what I do in life, much to my parent’s and probably my wife’s occasional consternation. If it were, I probably wouldn’t have chosen a career for 15 years as a Rabbi and outreach professional in an industry that is by definition quite religiously non-profit. Literally. As well being a tour guide in Israel, a country that seems to be subject to regular wars and Corona viruses that close it down every few years or so, isn’t the most financially strategic position to achieve and type of nest egg. Yeah, money was never really my motivation.
I’m more of a do-what-I-enjoy-doing
type of guy. I like connecting with people, sharing with them the things I’m
passionate about, introducing them to much of the beauty of the gifts that we
as the Jewish people have. Whether it’s Shabbos, Torah, Eretz Yisrael or
chulent and thereby appreciating my own life and faith even more so through
them. Really simple isn’t it. The whole life of Ephraim Schwartz in one
sentence.
So that being the case I really don’t enjoy the yeshiva trip
thing so much. First of all Yeshiva guys are generally not that interested in hearing
a tour guide tell them anything. They think they know it all. They discussed
the war endlessly and have figured it all out in the coffee room and late-night
dorm or dira discussions over sunflower seeds and cigarettes. Add to that that they’ve usually had boring
guides or Rebbeim in the past and have developed a tendency to tune out
anything that’s being said to them, particularly over a microphone on a bus. I
know and can relate. I was and pretty much and still am the same way. It’s like
I told some people in my shul who were complaining about the guys that leave
for my sermons on Shabbos and make a break-off Minyan and wanted me to put a
stop to it. I told them, that if I wasn’t the one talking, I probably would be
out there with them and kind of have to hold myself back each week from walking
out on my own speech. It’s just habit.
As well unlike my clients who are paying me to take them on the
trip and have an added financial incentive to actually enjoy, learn, experience
and listen to what I’m saying. After-all they just paid a lot of money for the
day. Yeshiva guys didn’t pay a shekel. They’ve just escaped from jail.
Lecturing and talking to them while they are prisoners on my bus impedes their
day off when they just want to have fun. The only thing that they have going
for them in terms of any relatability is that in some way they feel like
hostages- just on the way to the Gaza strip rather than being held in Gaza. The
problem is that the guy with the microphone- me- is their captor. Yeah… It’s a
rough job and I don’t do it often.
But yet throughout this war there have been the few times that I
have taken yeshivos and there is something special that happens on these trips
as well. Something that doesn’t happen on the family, couples, or group
missions that I do. See, the regular missions that I run are really more about
the people that we visit rather than the ones that are with me in my car or the
bus. The families that we give chizuk or support to. The bereaved, the
families of hostages, refugees, farmers or even reservist wives and children.
Those are my real clients, I tell anyone that comes with me. It’s them that I
care about, and I want to help and visit as many as I can in a day. I have no
time for lunch or bathrooms or dilly dallying.
When I take yeshiva guys though, than it’s about inspiring and
educating and connecting them. It’s more like tour guiding in that way. I never
really had any aspirations in life to be a Rosh Yeshiva, yet for those few
hours that I have them on the bus with me, I find myself sliding into that
role. I have a job to do. I can share or inspire them with something that
perhaps they won’t get anywhere else. Something that their own Rabbis or Rosh
Yeshiva won’t be able to convey to them. It’s kind of cool. I think about my
own Rebbeim that are probably turning over in their graves watching me. But the
truth is they were probably already doing that when I became a Rosh Kollel,
Rabbi or outreach director. I wasn’t the one they had banked on to be the
carrier of their legacies. I do it a bit different than they did. But hey, it
works and considering what could’ve happened had I gone over to the other side,
this can’t be too bad.
So I take the job I have seriously when I have these guys. We
have meaningful days and I try to convey to them important messages about the
situation we are in now, the responsibilities they have and even some of the
good sermons I gave on Shabbos that they probably would’ve walked out for and
missed in the breakoff minyan. As well I try to perhaps step them out of the
comfort zone and even more importantly out of their own Rosh Yeshiva’s bubble
and expand their thinking to new ideas that I believe are essential for them
and for all of us. I speak about Aliya and the mitzva to move here that they
don’t necessarily get in yeshiva. I speak about the heroism of our soldiers,
their mesirus nefesh,-their sacrifice and their holy work. I talk about
the incredible mitzvos that farmers and others that are just working the land, that
even a secular jew here fulfills that the Chasam Sofer describes as being equal
if not even greater than Torah study. But most of all I try to convey to them a
sense of appreciation for every single yid and to break down that elitist
attitude that perhaps yeshivas 70 years ago felt the need to impart to their
students to give them a sense of self-respect and mission in a world that didn’t
appreciate the concept, but that today is perhaps a little too over boarded in
my generally never humble opinion.
And so it was I found myself a few weeks ago having a disagreement
with one of the accompanying Rabbis or Rosh Yeshivas that was on the bus with us
about our next and final destination for the day-before our evening BBQ with
the soldiers. We had visited a kibbutz and seen the destroyed houses. We had
gone to the car-park and seen the shot up and burnt cars. We visited Sderot,
the police station and we even did some agriculture with a farmer helping him
with his clementine crops. The next stop I had planned was the Nova festival
site. I wanted them to go there and had planned to daven Mincha there as well. The
Rosh Yeshiva though objected. He precluded and tempered his hesitation with the
disclaimer that of course everyone that was murdered there died or more accurately
was killed al kiddush hashem- they were martyred. They’re kedoshim. Yet
he just didn’t feel comfortable bringing these boys to a place where there was
what he described as a “chilul Hashem” as well. After-all it was simchas
Torah. There was a concert going on. There were drugs, frivolity. Perhaps
dancing around a golden calf like environment. This wasn’t a place he felt that
his boys need to go to and daven at. I of course disagreed.
I explained to the Rosh Yeshiva, that I felt it was important to
come for a few reasons. The first was because I wanted the boys to connect to
the faces behind all that we saw, discussed and witnessed. This wasn’t just a
trip in history to understand what the Crusades or the pogroms back in Europe
looked like. This wasn’t a modern-day Israeli version of the “March of the
Living”. These were people. This is family. Our brothers, our sisters. The
hostages that are still sitting in Gaza, that are suffering and being tortured or
worse have faces, holy faces, that needed to be embedded in their minds and
hearts and then their prayers. The students need to see those neshomos
and that light on those posters and pictures that dot that holy bloodstained
earth. That’s the first reason I wanted to bring them there.
Now I said holy bloodstained earth and I saw the Rabbi cringe a
bit, which was kind of the point. At the time though I hadn’t yet seen this
week’s parsha. I was still unfamiliar with the incredible Chasam Sofer and what the Torah describes as to what in
Hashem’s eyes is considered and makes a holy place. He Jew-splains it better
than I ever could. It is the parsha of sacrifices. It’s the parsha that will
take us to the Temple.
The parsha begins with the discussion of three sacrifices, their
status and the location of where they were offered. But it’s the nuances that
count and that one needs to pay attention to. The first, the Olah offering we
are told is slaughtered and entirely burnt up on the North portion of the
altar. The Chatas- sin offering that follows is called ‘holy of holies- kodesh
kadashim’ and the Torah tells us is slaughtered and sacrificed
“in the same place as the Olah is slaughtered so should the
sin offering be slaughtered”
Similarly, the next up is the Asham guilt offering which
is also ‘holy of holies’ where we are also told
“in the same place as the Olah is slaughtered so should the
guilt offering slaughtered”
That law of where they must be slaughtered, rather than anywhere
in the Temple is one of the unique differences between kodshim kalim and
kodshei kadshim- more lenient and stricter- holier sacrifices. Yet what
the Chasam Sofer notes is that although we derive the location of the guilt and
sin offering from the Olah, the fact that the Olah is considered kodesh
kadashim is only derived as the Torah tells us from the Chatas and
the Asham- the sin and guilt offering. In fact the Torah goes out of its
way to describe its holiness as
“Kodesh Kadashim Ka’chatas Vi’Kasham- holy of holies like
the Sin and Guilt offering.
I know that generally speaking, all this talk of korbanos
and sacrifices kind of turns off the brain in most of us and makes us all a bit
blurry, but just stick with me one more minute because as the Chasam Sofer
teaches us, all of this back and forth comparisons the Torah goes out of its
way to teach us and reference is to give us one of the most important insights
of our lives. Particularly today.
You see, he notes the Olah sacrifice is really not brought that
often for a sin. It’s really only brought as an individual offering for one who
has hihurei aveira- someone who only contemplates sin, or for failure perhaps
to fulfill a positive commandment. It’s not for someone that has necessarily done
anything bad. Overall, he’s a pretty holy person. In fact, it’s also brought by
someone that entered the Temple while he was still not entirely purified. He wasn’t
a guy that was hanging out in the bowery. He was someone that’s an overall
pretty righteous guy. He wants to go to shul, to learn, to the Beit HaMikdash
and bring offerings.
On the other hand the sin
and guilt offerings are for the guys that have done bad things. They’ve violated
serious aveiros, they were negligent in their observance. They may have
stolen or sworn falsely. They may have gone to a dance festival on Simchas
Torah, not really ever having learned or appreciated what a holy day it is,
because they weren’t raised that way.
One can’t possibly
imagine that those guys or girls’ “atonement” or teshuva would be the
same as the tzadik who just had some negative thoughts. Who perhaps maybe
didn’t fulfill the mitzva of loving their neighbor like themselves to the highest
degree. Who maybe wasted some precious Torah time during seder, or thought
about getting a non-kosher phone. These festival going people might feel that
their atonement needs to be in a much deeper place or level. They can’t come to
the same place as the FFB holy yeshiva guys that might have just had some bad
thoughts. The torah thus tells us that’s not true. The chatas and
asham are in the same exact place as the Olah. Their place is
together. Their atonement is one. Their teshuva is just as beloved and
just as easy as the Olah one. Their place is just as holy.
But it’s even more than that he points out. For as we noted the
only place where the Olah-righteous one’s sin offering is in itself derived
to be “holy of holies” is actually from the chatas and asham’s. The
Tzadik and yeshiva guy is only holy because he realizes that the power of
teshuva is given for the worst of sins, and he is no different than them. It’s only when they realize that in fact- and
this is very deep here- that although to be holy means one has to do teshuva
and elevate oneself, but that’s not the highest level or even the objective. The real game is to achieve the Holy of Holies.
That state isn’t just a higher level of kedusha.
Rather it is the recognition that the lower level of sin from where you came
and lifted up from is in fact holy as well. We sin because Hashem puts us in
that situation, He wants us to not only atone, but to even see that sin we did,
the thoughts we had, the distance that was between us, was only so that we
could get closer. That makes it kodesh kadashim. Only after experiencing
the darkness, can we appreciate the greatest light.
To a large degree those that were at the Nova festival this past
Simchas Torah were what we call in halachic Talmudic terms, tinokos she’nishbu-
children who were captives and never really given the benefit of appreciating how
precious, special and incredible our Torah and it’s lifestyle is. They’re like
the Biebers babies- those cute little redheads who if god forbi- lo aleinu
if we don’t get back from those animals in Gaza and they’re raised as Hamas’niks,
as incomprehensible and horrific as that is to even think about, would not be
responsible for any sins that they do. That’s the status of anyone, our Rabbis
tell us that haven’t had a real healthy Jewish education. And yes you can be medayek
in my words- to include that to even those raised frum but didn’t receive that
and left it.
Yet there was some holy spark in their “captive- hostage”
neshomas that told them that on Simchas Torah they had to be happy. They
had to celebrate. They had to dance and rejoice. Hashem saw that holy spark that
remained and could never be extinguished and brought them to that festival. He
brought them there so that they could protect the rest of the country. As Hamas
who was planning on heading up to Ashkelon and Ashdod and massacre those cities
as well would get stuck for hours over there and therefore unable to carry out
a larger pogrom than the one they did. He brought them there so that their last
acts on this world would be to save Jews, to give their lives protecting one
another, so they could die as so many did with Shema Yisrael on their lips. He
brought them there because out of everyone in Klal Yisrael it was those special
and holy neshomos that He wanted closest to Him next to His throne of
Glory.
Those are the only neshomos that Hashem is taking in this
last sprint before the redemption. Every day I visit families who have lost
someone and each one is greater and holier than the next. Because we are on our
way to the Holy of Holies, where we will see the light from the darkest of
places and moments. We are on the cusp of entering the era when we understand
that there is no difference between the sacrifice and sins of the tzadik
and those of the chatas and asham. They are all just a tool to bring
us to the same place- the place of the chatas is the place of the asham.
The Olah is holy because he recognizes that the chatas is as
well. That all our sacrifices are equal and beloved. Because they all bring us
to Hashem Echad. We all need to do teshuva and we all need to see that
spark that Hashem has revealed in all of us. We and the bochrim in the
yeshiva (and the Rosh Yeshiva himself I somewhat respectfully intimated) don’t,
need to just “call” them “Kedoshim- martyrs”. We need to really
see them as the Kedoshim they are. As Hashem sees them. As the tinokos
she’nishbu-the holy precious children that Hashem chose to save and be His
sacrifices for the rest of us.
This week as well we read the parsha of Parah- the third
supplemental parsha before the month of Nisan and the rebuilding and
rededication of the Temple, God willing this year. It is a parsha that tells us
of the ultimate purification for death that is done by the sprinkling of the
ashes of the Red Heifer. Rashi tells us that the mother cow should atone for
the sin of her child, which is the sin of the golden calf. The sin where we
danced and sang and partied, because we thought that Moshe was gone. That there
would not be a redemption. That perhaps we needed a new path to Hashem. The
Talmud tells us that the truth is that sin was really not fitting for our exalted
level right after the giving of the Torah and revelation at Sinai. It compares
it to the sin of King David and Batsheva which was really way below his level
as well. Yet the reason it happened and we fell, the Talmud teaches us, is that
it was divinely orchestrated in order to teach us that we can do teshuva.
It’s why the mitzva of the Parah Aduma was given in Marah even before Sinai
and the Golden Calf sin. It’s the refuah- the antidote before the machla-
the malady. It’s the light that comes out of the darkness. It’s the holy of the
holiest.
The Parah Aduma process is that the pure Kohen becomes impure by
purifying others. It doesn’t make sense. But it does. Because holiness-kodesh
is perhaps staying away and separate and aloof from all influences. It means staying
locked away, and a Kohen is meant to do so and remain pure. Yet to ultimately remove
death. In order to reach kodesh hakadoshim, we sometimes have to go out
of the camp. We have to go out to the field far away; Chutz La’Machaneh
We have to step into the tumah in order to bring out its light. Because our
daily Olah- which on a communal level is the most commonly brought
sacrifice, brought twice daily, can only be the holy of holies its meant to be
if it understands that its power is from the chatas and asham of
the holy sinners of Hashem’s nation.
This is the parsha that we can only best appreciate the Shabbos
after Purim. The Shabbos after we just celebrated how the darkest genocidal
decree flipped around and turned into an eternal holiday. It’s after we’ve united
with our shekalim, we realize we’re each only a half without the other, without
Hashem. It’s once we’ve begun eradicating Amalek. With our Torah reading. With
banging out Haman’s name. (PS In our shul this year we also banged every time
it says the word “Chamas” in the megilla- four of them!). We drank until
Ad d’Lo Yada- until we understand that the blessing and curses, the good
and the bad, the tragedy and celebration, the chatas the asham
and the olah all come from Hashem. We become purified with that
knowledge and then we welcome in next week Parshat Ha’Chodesh. The new month a
new era. The festival of redemption. For then the entire earth will be filled
with His glory. The Beit Ha’Mikdash will be built. The sacrifices will have all
been brought.
Have a Parah-purifying Shabbos,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
************************
CHIZUK/TZEDAKA
OPPORTUNITY OF THE WEEK
SAVE A FARM- The farms in the
south of Israel are in dire straits. With the harvesting season for vegetation
already here, the farmers have a very narrow window of opportunity to harvest
their farms before they rot in the field. For most, the IDF does not allow them
entrance to their farm for security reasons. For others, the farmers themselves
fear for their lives and the lives of their families as rockets continue to
fall in their fields. And without workers, harvesting fields and hothouses is
an impossible task.
The survival of the Israeli farmer is
very much at stake. Farmers have already been severely hit by years of Covid.
This was followed by a sabbatical year of Shmitah - when no produce was grown
on their fields during the seventh year of the Shmitah cycle. Now, with the
struggles brought on by this sudden onslaught by Hamas, farmers will not be
able to survive.
They need help now! Help for agriculture
and animals to survive. Help for their family members to survive. Help to build
back morale - for the very ones who literally and figuratively help sustain the
people and nation of Israel.
Some damage cannot be undone. In all
probability, the country is facing a long war. Whatever funds the government
will allocate will be going to the war effort - as they should. The
government's commitment to pay the farmers restitution may take half a year or
more and will surely not cover their loss in its entirety. Historically, the government has allowed
agricultural imports from Israel’s Arab neighborhoods and other Middle Eastern
countries at a lower cost than Israeli-grown produce.
However, it is the farmer who has
sacrificed for so many decades to keep the farmland in Israeli hands. These
farmers, with their fields close to the Gaza and Lebanese borders, act as a
safety buffer to the Israeli cities. The farmlands are intricately linked to
Israel's first line of defense. As this war has proven, the farmers are paying
a very high price for their unwavering commitment.
If we don't help Israeli farmers now, we
will surely lose some of these farmlands, which in turn means that Israeli
produce will be affected for years to come. More importantly, it might affect
the future defense of Israel irreparably!
PLEASE SEND ME SCREENSHOTS OF YOUR
DONATIONS SO I CAN FORWARD TO OUR fARMERS and let them know that our Readers love THEM
and appreciate WHAT THEY’RE GOING THROUGH AND WHAT THEY DO FOR OUR COUNTRY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjitGHEQsaE
And here’s the link to donate
https://www.saveafarmfund.org/donate.php
YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE
WEEK
" Bei
nacht zeinen alleh ki shvarts.”- At night all cows are black.
RABBI
SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer
below at end of Email
33.The
energy production process in plants is called ___________.
Where
in Israel "Sudanian Flora" can be found?
A.
In the Judea lowland
B.
In the Negev
C.
On the peaks of the upper Galilee
D.
Along the Great Rift (Syrian-African rift)
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF
THE WEEK
https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/yiddelach
– In Honor of PURim MY latest new
release… Its; the only song I’m posting this week. You just have to listen to
it five times… If You want the Rap at the end… IT’s amazing… Tell me how much
you love it…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZsOsTjKVS0
– Incredible and inspired Dror
Yikra by my dear friend Reb Ari Lindner with words for the prayer for hostages
and Chayalim- well worth the listen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNrpzwsEkEc
- Hillarious Ari Lesser Purim Rap, LChayim
Rap
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsGt2TGGy_o
– Lipa’s
Purim Hoshia Es Amecha Purim Amalek!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UOSbMFTmIg&t=198s – Bardak’s
Purim On the way to Megilla…
RABBI
SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK
Thank You Hashem- Purim is over. Pesach is on the
way and hopefully with that the Geula- our redemption. Yet our sages tell us
that even after the redemption the holiday of Purim will continue. It will
never ever be over. We will still celebrate it. As well our sages tell us that
eventually all of the sacrifices will eventually as well no longer need to be
brought once Mashiach comes. There won’t be sin offerings, Olah offerings,
guilt or even the daily offerings. There is one sacrifice though that our sages
say will be forever and that is the thanksgiving offering that is mentioned in
this week’s portion: the korban todah.
Now the commentaries all deal with the questions of
what this means that the holidays will no longer be around or the sacrifices
won’t be around in the future. They have different approaches, to answer the
question. Some suggest that there are two periods of times. One is the
Messianic era when everything remains the same, and the other- what our sages
call l’atid la’vo- the ultimate end of days of the resurrection of the
dead then everything besides Purim and the thanksgiving offering will be
around. Others take a different approach and suggest the joy and revelation
will be so great in the Messianic era and thus there will be no more sins.
Therefore the other holidays will be batel- they will seem and be
considered meaningless and there will be no sin offerings compared to the great
days that we will be experiencing. But Purim and Toda are different. They are
eternal.
What makes these two so special. Perhaps the answer
is that they encapsulate what the entire Messianic era is all about. Purim is
when everything was turned around. When we celebrated and were able to thank
Hashem for what literally appeared to be the mass genocide of our people. We
saw that it was really for good. Similarly, when one makes the thanksgiving
offering it only comes when one has undergone a terrible circumstance. In fact
we are told that there are four such scenarios. One who travels over the sea
and is in danger. He’s not on solid ground. It’s just him on the raging waters.
As well even when one is on the ground but goes through the wilderness. He’s
away from everyone. It’s him in the desert and there’s nothing or no one to
help him. That sense of loneliness and darkness and then finding Hashem in
those places brings one to thanks.
The next two circumstances the Gaon of Vilna says are
even closer to home. The first is when one is in jail. He’s a prisoner. A
hostage perhaps. There one is amongst people, yet he is locked in. They’re not
helping him, He feels abandoned. It’s far deeper and much more painful. The
final one is when one is sick and suffering. He has everyone in the world there
for him. The best doctors in the world. But you know what. Even in that
situation he is in peril. Because ultimately only Hashem has the power to cure
and give and restore life. All four of those transformations and ordeals
obligate a thanksgiving. That’s the Korban Todah that was brought and as well
it is the special Gomel blessing and prayer that we still recite today.
The Baal Haturim says that when we recite the
thanksgiving blessing in Shemona Esrei that concludes
‘V’chol ha’chayim yodu sela”- all with “chayim-
life” will praise you. The word “ch’ay’i’m’
is an acronym for these four things. Chet- is chovesh/prisoner,
yud- yam/ sea, yud (again) yisurim. Sickness and
tribulations, and finally mem-midbar/wilderness. We recite this
blessing three times a day because all of our troubles in life can fall into
the lack of seeing Hashem in any of these scenarios. So from now on, when we
say this prayer perhaps we could pause a moment and think about how this prayer
is really eternal. It’s a taste of Mashiach. In that merit may we experience
the end to all of our tzaros now!
RABBI
SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
722 BC-Chizkiya the
righteous King- So much bad news in this column. It got worse
and worse and worse. Reading this column has been almost as bad as opening up
the newspapers these days. But then there’s a light. A miracle. Something
amazing. Purim is over and now let the good times roll. And they do in this
column as well with the advent of the great righteous king Chizkiya There
are sages that suggest he was the most righteous of all of the Kings of
Yehuda, even greater than Dovid and Shlomo as he never really sinned
as opposed to them. The truth is from where he was coming there really was only
one direction we could’ve gone and that was up.
Achaz, as we said, Chizkiya’s father was the
worst of the worst. desecrating the Temple, bringing idolatry literally into
the house of Hashem. Desecrating the service, banning Torah study, holidays,
killing Jews, civil wars, hostages. It was insane. Chizkiya’s first act
as king? Desecrating his father’s funeral and grave. Can you imagine? All have
gathered for the royal funeral of the king of Israel that reigned for decades,
and his own 25-year-old son who takes over, hauls his father out of his fancy
coffin and has him shlepped around the city on a blanket of reeds like a pauper
and doesn’t even bury him with the kings of Israel. That’s a statement! There’s
a new sheriff in town. He does all of this under the guidance of his Rebbi and
mentor the prophet Yeshaya- Isaiah.
After that he then
begins his major campaign. For 8 days he removes all of the idolatry from the
Temple. He rededicates it. He gathers in all of the Kohanim and the nation and begins
a national religious reform. He destroys all of the altars that no king had
ever been able to do before and destroys all of the idolatry. This was truly
Messianic. In fact, our sages even noted that Chizkiya really had the
ability to be Mashiach. Why it didn’t work out we will talk about. But in the
meantime we enter perhaps one of the greatest eras of the 1st
Temple, at least for the Judean kingdom. The ten tribes are gone already, yet Chizkiya
reaches out to the individuals that remained. He brings achdus amongst
the people. There are no longer us and them. North and South. Or even frum or
not. We are one nation and Chizkiya as we will see bring the people
together and bring us back to Torah.
And so we enter this
next era and hopefully with this era we will enter a new era in Klal Yisrael
today as well!
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE COW JOKES OF THE WEEK
“Why was the calf
afraid? He was a cow-herd
Why wouldn’t anyone
play with the little longhorn? He was too much of a bully!
What sound do you hear
when you drop a bomb on a cow? Cowboom!
What would you hear at
a cow concert? Moo-sic!
What’s a cow’s least
moosical note? Beef-flat!
What do cows do for entertainment?
They go to the mooooovies.
What do cows like to
do at amoosement parks? Ride on the roller cowster
What kind of cows do
you find in Alaska? Eski-moos!
(Who’s old enough to
get this one ?)
There was a herd of
cattle all standing on a hill when an earthquake struck. All of the cows fell
down, but the bull remained standing. The farmer noticing this went out and
asked the bull, "Why didn't you fall down like the rest of the herd. The
bull replied, "We bulls wobble, but we don't fall down."
The World explained
with Cows
Socialism -- If you
have 2 cows, you give one to your neighbor.
Communism -- If you
have 2 cows, you give them to the government; and the government gives you some
milk.
Fascism -- If you have
2 cows, you keep the cows but give the milk to the government, who then sells
you the milk at a high price.
Nazism -- If you have
2 cows, the government shoots you and keeps the cows.
New Dealism -- (FDR
Version) If you have 2 cows, you shoot one, milk the other one; then pour the
milk down the drain.
Capitalism --
(Reaganomics) If you have 2 cows, you sell one and buy a bull; you then sell
all the excess milk to the government who in turn ships it to fascist and
communist governments.
Anarchism -- If you
have 2 cows, your neighbor on your left takes one cow, and the one on the right
takes the other; while your backyard neighbor takes the milk, the bucket and
the stool.
Utopianism -- If you
have 2 cows, Mother Nature zaps the cows, turning their udders into eternal
milk-shake dispensers.
Radical Feminism -- If
you have 2 cows, you declare an amazonian state free of bull oppression and sit
around waiting for the cows to procreate on their own.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, silly. Cows go
MOOOOOO!!
**********************************
The answer to
this week”s question is D– Ok so the exam is over finishing off with another 50/50.
The first part every fourth grader should now. We all learned about
photosynthesis. The second part I had no clue. I guessed wrong with the Negev. I
was debating between that and the rift , ah well I guess its been that way for
most of this exam. So lets tally up my final score. As of now its
Rabbi Schwartz at 24 points and
the MOT having 9 points on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam. That would
give me a passing score of 72% if I it was tallied out of the 33 questions. But
its really only tallied from the 30 questions as you can skip 3 questions. So
it would give me an 80% on this exam. 13 years ago when I did the xam I got an
88 on. So not bad still. Next week new exam!!!
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