Insights and
Inspiration
from
the
Holy
Land
from
Rabbi
Ephraim Schwartz
"Your
friend in Karmiel"
March
1st 2024 -Volume 13 Issue 20 21st of Adar I 5784
Parshat Ki Tisa
Next Level
There
are three chapters of Tehillim that we stopped saying in my shul after October
7th. They are the three most recited Psalms that Jews recite in
times of trouble. Psalm 20 “la’mnatzaych b’yom tzarah”- Hashem answers
in times of troubles, Psalm 121 “Shir Hama’alos Esah Einai”- I lift my
eyes to the mountains and Psalm 130 “Shir Hama’alos Mima’amakim”- I call
to you from the depths. We’re probably the only shul that doesn’t say those
psalms these days. Everyone’s saying them- hopefully all the time three-times-a-day
by services. I like to be different though. I don’t do what everyone else does.
And neither does my shul.
See, my feeling is, that those Psalms with really meaningful
words-don’t get me wrong, are all October 6th Psalms. They worked in
the past. They bring salvation when you say the words and don’t think about
them too much. You can just mumble the words while you’re taking of your teffilin
and running out of shul. While you’re checking your phone for all those
messages you got that you held yourself back from checking during davening
because you know that guy sitting next to you in shul would glare at you if you
pulled out your phone. They’re a nice feel-good solidarity touch so you can
start your day and feel that you connected in some way to some trouble that’s
going on in Klal Yisrael, with someone who needed an extra prayer because they
were sick, some Rosh Yeshiva that was undergoing surgery or more recently in
Israel some political party that your Rabbi felt very strongly needed to win
more seats in the Knesset. Those psalms work for that. But things are different
now.
Now we are in a post October 7th world. Gog and Magog
is happening. The final painful birth pangs of Mashiach are upon us. And they
hurt like gehennom. There are no epidurals on the table. Pain,
suffering, widows, orphans, hostages, refugees and so so much death, darkness
and evil surround us in Israel and in the entire world. October 6th
Tehillim don’t work for that. You don’t pop a Motrin when you’re in labor. The
level needs to be raised to a whole new sphere. Everything we do needs to
change. And thus we don’t recite them in our Shul anymore.
Rather what we’ve started to do in the Young Israel of Karmiel,
(at least when I’m around- which sadly isn’t too often. Some of us have to work
for a living to pay for this Shul … Teaser for the upcoming annual Purim
campaign people…get your wallets ready…), is that we open up the actual
physical book of Tehillim which we pass around and recite three Psalms that we divinely
ordained randomly open up to. Nobody knows them by heart. Everybody needs to
read them inside. The words jump out at us as we are blown away by how much they
were written as if to be speaking to us right now. Hashem has chosen which ones
he wants us to say each particular morning and it’s amazing how many of the
psalms have the words Chamas in them.
It’s a different level of prayer when you have to read the words
inside. When they’re new, when they’re fresh, when they’re not what you’ve
always been saying, then
the tefillos we recite become more meaningful. It’s like the High Holidays
tefillos. They’re uplifting. You feel like you’re reaching places that you
never reached before. And that’s what the October 8th world needs.
As we’ve seen this past year in this weekly E-Mail, it’s not
only our prayers that take on a new level, but our Torah reading and portions
as well are speaking to us-if not screaming at us, like they never have before.
If you had any doubt about that, the title of the parsha should be a dead
giveaway. “Ki Tisa- when you will uplift the heads of the Children of
Israel”. OK, I’ll admit that the word “Tisa” also means to count, or to
carry, but all Hebrew words that have different translations but share the same
root are connected. They all have a common theme. Counting, carrying, uplifting
and even forgiving and atoning are all about bringing us to a different place.
A higher place. A place where the Shechina can be revealed.
What makes this even more interesting and relevant is that the
heart of this “uplifting” titled parsha is perhaps the greatest downfall and
calamity of our nation. The entire second aliya and most of the parsha is about
the sin of the Golden Calf, Hashem’s desire to wipe us off the face of the
earth, the devastating toll of the tribe of Levi killing the sinful brothers,
the plague that followed and Moshe’s ultimate prayers and Hashem’s forgiveness.
It’s the worst of times. It’s the least uplifting of times. It almost makes the
title “Ki Tisa” seem ironic. Yet in that title is a message for us as well. The
most devastating moments are the ones from where we can get and will get
uplifted the most from.
So how do we get there? How do we move past the devastation? How
can we turn it all around? This is the month of Adar after-all. It’s the time
of V’nahapoch hu- when Hashem turns around all the troubles and makes
them into festive holidays. The answer though is in the first few narratives
that precede our sin of the Eigel. The mitzvos Hashem commands us to do in
order that we are prepared for what will come our way.
The first mitzva is the giving of the half shekel. Each person
needs to contribute. Each person can do something. Each person has a part to
play. So reach into your pockets and cough it up. I’m sorry, did I say pockets?
I’m wrong. My mistake. Your pocket is soooo October 6th. That’s how
we donated when there was an appeal going around the shul for a cause. That was
perhaps your shul’s building campaign. That’s your child’s school building fund
pledge. Those are pocket donations. Your pocket and your wallet though are not
where it ends. It’s got to come from your heart.
Rashi notes that the word
“teruma la'Hashem- an uplifting for Hashem” is mentioned three times.
There are three gifts that need to be given. The first two are by the counting.
A half a shekel was given for the silver sockets by the original count and the
second was when the Mishkan was completed where each as well contributed
equally for the annual sacrifices. Those two are to atone for our sins and to
prevent plague. It’s the nuts and bolts of the building campaign and the maintenance
fund. In that we are all equal. We are all half. We are all responsible. It’s
not his sin more then my sins. When a calamity hits we’re all the “atbach al
yahud” that they want to get. It’s not his sin more than mine. Yet the
third donation Rashi mentions is the one for the actual building of the Mishkan.
It’s building a house for Hashem, it’s not a pocket donation. It’s as much as
you have in your heart. You can’t just write out check or even click on a link.
It’s next level. There’s gotta be a piece of your heart in that donation. And
everyone has to squeeze that heart to the next level.
Once we do that. Once we’ve recognized that we are all dependent
and responsible for one another-there’s no rich, there’s no poor, we each have
an equal part to play and to build, and once we’ve then as well opened up our
hearts, the next stage is to really start to cleanse ourselves. Or as the
Onkleus translates the word ‘V’Rachatzu’- which he normally translates
as wash, but here changes and defines it as sanctifies ourselves. We do that in
the copper basin. The basin that is covered with mirrors. For us to really
sanctify ourselves and to become a holy vessel for the shechina, you can’t
just take a nice shower or even a dip in the Mikva. That’s old school. In the
Mishkan, in the Temple, before you walk into and do the service where Hashem’s
presence is going to reside, we need something more. We need to take a hard
look in the mirror first. We need to find our inner beauty and spark.
The basin, our sages tell us, was built from the mirrors the holy
Jewish women used in Egypt to lift up and inspire the men to be with them and build
a Jewish future. They would show the men themselves in the mirror and tell them
“I’m prettier and beautiful ‘Mimcha’- which can be translated as than
you, but the Chasidic masters teach us that it translates as “from” you. My
beauty comes from you.
There’s a famous story that Rebbi Nachman has about the King who
hired two artists to draw a portrait of his kingdom. One worked very hard for a
year, the other lazed about. He was Israeli. “Aiilll geht too eeet”. “Yeish
zman- aiv’e gaht taiymmm”. At the end of the year the first person
revealed his masterpiece, and it was truly magnificent. One saw the palace, the
orchards, the sunset over the glorious walled city. When it was the second artists
turn to reveal his work, he unveiled his big curtain and lo and behold what was
behind was a mirror that reflected the first picture in all it’s majesty. There
was one difference between the two though. The second Israeli artist’s “painting”
being a mirror also reflected the image of the king standing before it together
with the artist that stood by his side.
Rebbi Nachman ends the story thought that although the king only
gave the first artist the bag of gold payment- and told the second Israeli
artist that he could enjoy the view of it reflected in his mirror. But he
enjoyed the 2nd “artist” mirror rendition even more than the first.
Because it showed him with the artist together. That is the Kiyor. That is the
mirrored basin. That is how one needs to “next-level” cleanse and sanctify
oneself in the mikdash. We need to see Hashem, the King in ourselves, by our
side. That reveals a holiness that a dip in the Mikva could never do.
We’ve opened up our wallets, our hearts, we’re part of one
whole, we’ve done our inner reflection and cleansing, it’s time to move on to
the next stage. Move up. The next mitzva is perhaps one of the most
fantastic ones in our history. It’s a mitzva that only one person in the
history of Klal Yisrael can do. It’s to anoint and make the special oil that everything
becomes holy with. Hashem tells Moshe- “V’Atah”- and you
take this oil. The oil that Moshe made not only lasted for centuries throughout
the entire first temple period and was used to anoint the Temple of Shlomo with
until it was hidden away, but we are told that it is only that oil that would
be used for the third Temple coming up soon as well.
Badatz Eida Chareidis mehadrin l’mehadrin oil is just not good
enough. Oil blessed by the Baba Sali, by Reb Chayim Kanievsky, even the flask
of oil miraculously found by the Maccabees is not good enough. It’s gotta be
Moshe’s oil. Because Moshe is that bridge that ultimately will connect us to
Hashem. He is the “mosheh” -the one that can pull us all up. We make all
the vessels, we build the house, we unite, and then we bring it all to Moshe
who takes everything we’ve made and elevates it. With the shemen- the
oil he reveals the neshoma that we’ve infused within it. And like oil over water,
it rises higher and higher. This oil is what every Kohen of Israel is inaugurated
and as well it is with this holy oil of Moshe every king and Mashiach himself will
be anointed.
Finally, we conclude with the bringing of the incense; the Ketoret.
It’s fascinating, the Midrash tells us, that Hashem tells Moshe that of all of
the vessels the most precious and beloved that He has is that Kiyor mirrored
water basin. As well when it come to the offerings that we bring Hashem tells
Moshe
“From all of the offerings they bring there is nothing more beloved
by Me than the Ketores. For all of the
other sacrifices are for their needs. How is this” The Chatas offering is for
sins, as well as the Asham. The Olah is for wrongful thoughts. The peace
offering is for atonement for positive commandments. But the Ketores is not for
any sin, any guilt, any atonement. It comes for Simcha- for joy.”
You know what the ultimate next level is? Simcha. Joy. It’s all
the spices together and the sweet smell that emanates from them. It’s the chareidi
Satmar chasid dancing with the Israeli soldiers waving a flag. It’s when the “secular”
left wing kibbutznik is holding the Kollel guy on his shoulder waving a poster of
Bibi Netanyahu. It’s when an Ethiopian Oleh and a Russian atheist and a
American college teenage birthright student grab hands with a Holocaust
survivor from Hungary and form a circle around a Torah scroll. It’s when this
Purim we are all dressed in costumes because we realize that even on the
outside if I look like Superman, or Achashveirosh, Queen Esther, a police
officer, a hobo or a clown on the inside there is an aroma of holiness of
incense that Hashem can’t just get enough of. That will wipe out any plague.
That will remove any anger. That will move Him to the next level as well. The
level that He has been waiting to come down to since Creation. That He hasn’t
moved beyond for so long. The level where His place and palace are down here
with us.
By the sin of the golden calf that follows this entire
narrative, when we fall to the lowest that we could fall to, Hashem tells Moshe
that despite His wrath there will always be a way built into Creation that He
can forgive us. That is the 13 attributes of mercy that He taught Moshe that we
need to recite and focus on. They work, Rashi tells us, even if we are not
worthy. Even though we do nothing to deserve it. Even if we are guilty as sin
and have not even repented. They work, Rav Moshe Shapiro tells us, because they
are “next level”. Because the entire purpose of the world is bring Hashem to this
world and connect Him to us. And thus even though the world is built on justice
and even on mercy, kindness and charity. But the 13 Middos are beyond
all that.
Kindness, justice, mercy are all October 6th. When it
gets so bad, when we are so far gone, when the entire function of the world is
in jeopardy, When Hashem and us have fallen so far apart from one another. When
we are so divided that it seems impossible that Hashem could ever be revealed
from us. That He would ever have a place to reside. Then the next level kicks
in. Then He brings us to a point where the only thing emanating from our nation
is the sweet smell of incense; of unity. Of the 13- which is Echad- the
one in gematria that brings us all together.
The world has changed since October 7th. We’ve
changed. Nothing is the same. It can’t be. The prayers are new level. They have
to be. The unity is like never before. The chesed, the charity, the
solidarity. There have been so many korbanot- sacrifices that Hashem has
taken from us over the past 145 days… and over the past 2000 years but what He really
is waiting for is the incense of unity, of purity, of holiness. The oil of Moshe
is ready for us to be anointed with. We just need to bring all that we’ve made
to Him to be sanctified. We need to bring it together. And then this Purim we
will see the salvation and the ultimate turn-around when heaven and earth unite
creating the ultimate new level.
Have a next level Shabbos,
Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz
************************
CHIZUK/TZEDAKA
OPPORTUNITY OF THE WEEK
Just when you
thought this E-Mail couldn’t get any longer… well here it goes. Don’t worry
it’s not like I have any extra time on my hands to write another column here.
In fact I’ve been meaning to do this already for weeks and it’s only now after
125 days of War that I finally have a chance to add this essential column which
is dedicated to giving you readers an opportunity to have a meaningful part of
helping out our country and nation by donating to a weekly link of a different
organization, a cause, soldiers, refugees, supplies, Hostage families, widows,
farmers etc… There are so many needs and I know that you want to participate
and help them not just read about them. So each week I will feature in our
E-Mail in this column another cause and link that you can contribute and make a
meaningful difference to. (this of course should not come at the expense of
your sponsorship of my weekly E-Mail or our upcoming Purim appeal in another
month 😊) But this is a way that you can bring
light and money to the so many that need it. Give what you can. But give
regularly and if you can I’d really appreciate if if you send me a screenshot
or message of your donation as I can then forward it to whoever receives it so
they know that it came from our helpful readers. So here we go…
SHUVA BROTHERS
CHESED TENT- On October 7th the small Gaza border
Shabbos observant village of Shuva was miraculously saved from the terrorists
that were swarming along the roads and highways and neighboring Kibbutzim. The
scene outside of their Yishuv though was devastating. Their were hundreds of
bodies that were piled up as it became the “safe” place were the army could
bring all of the murdered men, women and children by Hamas so they could be
extricated and taken to the Shura forensic center where they could be processed
and identified and that they wouldn’t be taken by Hamas.
The three Terebelsi brothers, Kobi, Dror
and Ariel jumped into action bringing coffee and meals to the soldiers and
members of Zaka that were working around the clock there, and once the bodies
were cleared, they established a tent there that would be able to provide the
basic needs and supplies for all of the soldiers that were arriving in the area
with just the shirts on the back to join the war effort and secure our homeland
and rid us of the terrorists.
That Chesed tent today has expanded and
is probably one of the center locations that soldiers coming in and out of Gaza
come to. There are hot meals prepared ther daily around the clock for them by
volunteers. There are showers, books, coffee and refreshments and supplies for
all of their basic needs that aren’t provided by the army. It’s a place to
chill. To relax, there’s a reading and learning and praying corner, there are
volunteers that come there to provide music for the soldiers. It’s totally
awesome. It’s chesed on steroids. Over 3000 soldiers a day frequent the Chesed
Tent. It’s all free for them and you can be part of the mitzva to help support
their efforts that continue to be essential to our soldiers.
Check out this short clip and link to see
some of their amazing work
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zb-xeobapHQ
And here’s the link to donate
https://www.jgive.com/new/en/usd/donation-targets/115306
YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE
WEEK
" Az
der soineh falt, tor men zikh nit fraien, ober men haibt im nit oif..”- When your enemy falls,
don’t rejoice; but don’t pick him up either.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK
answer
below at end of Email
29.The
name of the city mentioned in the bible as "It is the head of all
kingdoms" is___________.
According
to the Bible, during the period of which king did the "United
Kingdom" split?
A.
Zedekiah
B.
Josiah
C.
Rehoboam
D.
Ahab
RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO OF
THE WEEK
https://soundcloud.com/ephraim-schwartz/eliyahu-hanavi
– In honor of this week’s very
rare Haftorah reading, my tourists favorite and certainly most memorable fun
Eliyahu Ha’Navi composition and hit!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTlv0w-GYok
- Been listening to this all week… Baruch
Levine’s latest Kumzitz album…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZDd18DVaKg
–
Yaakov Shwekey’s latest Guf Uneshoman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mE2eu9BPU6w
– beautiful medley with Yisrael
Portnoy and TYH
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jru7taoVKM4
– This Amazing Ani Maamin from TAI
and Yonah Broder
RABBI
SCHWARTZ’S PARSHA PRAYER INSPIRATION OF THE WEEK
Hashem’s Prayer- There are a lot of prayers that we
have. All of them have been written by great men with holy spirits. Theyw ere
inspired by Hashem. The words have depth, they have meaning, they hit all of
the places that a human composed prayer needs to and can hit. But sometimes we
need something more than that. Sometimes we are in a situation where even our
cries and our tears can only accomplish so much. We have fallen so far, that Hashem
has reached a point where He’s done with us. It is at that and those moments
that Moshe Rabbeinu turned to Hashem and asked to see His “Face”. To achieve
the ultimate mercy. The Torah then tells us how Hashem told Moshe that no one
is able to see the Face of Hashem however we can see and appreciate the back of
Hashem. We can understand Him in retrospect perhaps, our commentaries explain.
It then tells us that Hashem came down in a cloud
VaYikra B’Sheim Hashem- and he called in the name of
Hashem.
Now Unkelos learns that Moshe called out and recited
these 13 attributes of Hashem, But the Midrash and Rashi seemingly learns as
well, that it was in fact Hashem that recited His 13 attributes. He taught them
to Moshe to teach us. Hashem said that even if all of our merits are used up by
the mere recitation of these 13 attributes we will be forgiven.
The Talmud in Brachos (7a) teaches us that Hashem
will have mercy even if we are not worthy, even if we are not deserving.
How does this work? What is this prayer? And to be
even a little heretical for a minute… Why don’t we see that it’s working? After
all we Nusach sefard people recite them daily by tachanun and even Ashkenazim
recite them during the High holiday season, on fast days, at times of prayer
and yet so often we don’t see our prayers answered. We don’t see that
guaranteed return on our prayers.
There’s a fantastic Midrash that describes Moshe
going up to heaven and Hashem was showing him around His palace up there. They
went from treasury to treasury where all of the rewards for man’s deeds are
found. These are for the one’s who do mitzvos. These are for those who raise
orphans. And so each treasury. Until he saw a huge treasure rom and he asked “who
this is for?”
Hashem said “He who has (deeds) I give him his
reward. And he who doesn’t I give him for free from here.”
There is only one condition to receive from what
seems to be the largest stockpile of reward and treasure and mercy, Rav Moshe
Shapiro teaches. You can’t have anything. You’re not on the line for reward.
You understand that there is really nothing that you have done or could do that
in anyway can get you anything of eternal value. You are not coming for payback
or with any merits. You’re coming and reciting these words because you
understand that you desperately need grace and a freebie from Hashem.
With this he explains is why all of our prayers High
Holiday begin with the words of how shamefaced we are, like paupers, like
beggars we come to you Hashem. It’s why whenever we recite the 13 Middos
we don’t even refer to Moshe by name. We call him the anav- the humble one. We
understand that the key is humility and a sense of total dependency. That’s how
we tap into this special prayer. That’s where Hashem has a huge storage house
waiting to pour down on us when we don’t deserve it. The reason perhaps why we
don’t utilize it and see the salvations we so desperately seek is because we
perhaps feel that we have some entitlement. We’ve done some things good. Hashem
owes us. We’re knocking on the wrong door and standing on the wrong line if those
are thoughts that are still in our heart. The special prayer Hashem teaches us
is to realize that we have nothing and to throw ourselves entirely upon Him. If
we do that… we are guaranteed to never be turned away.
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S
ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK
740 BC-Just When You Thought
it Couldn’t Get Worse– As
I learn these chapters of story of Achaz, my mind as I’m sure yours as well is
exploding. It is incomprehensible to us how low we have fallen back then. Civil
war Jew against Jew, taking captives, hostages, over hundred thousand killed,
each kingdom allying themselves with our enemies- the Kingdom of Israel
with Aram and Achaz with Assyria. It’s insane. And it gets
worse… much much worse.
The Navi tells us that
Achaz after Pekachya of the Northern Kingdom brought Aram
down against us to attack us approached Tigleth Pilessar of Assyria to
join forces with us. Rezin the king of Aram had gone all the way down to
Eilat and exiled the Jews from there joining forces with Edomites
who took over the South of Israel. This incursion into the South of Israel
inspired our “friends” in Gaza the Philistines to invade and
attack us as well. They conquered the lowland- the shefela. They
took over Beit Shemesh, Ayalon, Gederot, Socho Gimzo, Gedera the plains
and coastal cities of Israel and yes they took hostages as well. October 7th
was nothing compared to what was going on in the country. We were being
attacked on all fronts.
In order to get support,
we have two choices. Turn to Hashem and do teshuva or hit up the Goyim. Achaz
chose the latter. But he went a little crazy. He cleaned out all of the gold
and silver from the Temple and sent it to the King of Assyria,
who was quite happy to come to our aid… Or at least take our money. He then
attacked and conquered Aram killing Rezin and exiling them to a
place called Kir which some say is near Libya others place it
down by Iraq. Achaz was so happy that he went up to Damascus
to greet Tigelat Pilessar and he worshipped and brought sacrifices to
idolatry there to honor the king. Now one might think that’s just political-correctness,
but one would be wrong.
Achaz really really bought into this thing. He came
back to the Temple and decided to turn it into a Temple for this
idolatry. He had Uriah move over the old copper Altar of Shlomo where
the daily sacrifices were brought and he built an identical altar to the
one he saw in Damascus instead and started offering on that. He took
down the glorious water basin Shlomo had built. He closed the doors to
the Temple and only allowed access through his palace. And he built temples and
altars to idolatry all over Israel. This was bad news. This is sick… One can
understand why Hashem got fed up with us I would think.
Now as much as I’m
trying to show how much better we are then they were, I do want to point out a
few similarities that perhaps we should reflect upon as well. There is a mosque
on our Temple Mount. Jews are forbidden from praying there. There are churches
all over Israel. That’s’ idolatry. The government pays and subsidizes them, through
the religious ministries and protects them. Are things that different? You tell
me…
RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE PRAYER JOKES OF THE WEEK
(Start off with a very
teefeh joke…ponder it..)
On a cold winter
night; an older Irishman walks down the street using his prized glass flask of
whiskey to keep warm. Just as he returns it to his back pocket he slips on ice
and falls with a crunch. As he lay there assessing his injuries, he feels warm
liquid running down his leg. He closed his eyes and
said, "Please Lord, let it be blood."
Berel’s mashgiach was
giving his class a long talk on sin, prayer, and forgiveness. When he finished
the lesson, he asked little Berel, "What do we have to do before we ask
Hashem for forgiveness?"
Little Berel confidently
answered "Sin"
A ship is sinking, the
captain turns to the people on the boat and asks, "does anyone here know
how to pray?"
The priest on boards
says he can pray.
Captain: "Ok
priest, you pray. Everyone else will wear a life jacket. We are short of
one."
When I was just a
little kid, I used to pray for a bicycle. Then as I grew older I learned in
Sunday school, that's not how prayer works. So I stole a bike...and prayed for
forgiveness.
What do we muslims
call the early call to prayer that wakes us up in the morning? The Allahm clock
Where do Russian
Muslims go to prayer? Mosque O
I have a business
selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. The prophets are through the roof
so I guess you can say that business is booming.
Why do we say Amen at
the end of a prayer and not Awomen? Because we sings Hymns and not Hers.
A man walking along a
California beach was in deep prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord
grant me one wish."
The sky clouded and a
booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant
you one wish."
The man said, "Build
me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over any time I want to."
The Lord answered, "Your request is
very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking ;the
supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific;the concrete and steel it
would take. I can do it,but it is hard for me to justify your desire for
worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish,one that will
honor and glorify me".
After thinking long
and hard,he finally said,"Lord I wish that I could understand women. I
want to know what they feel inside, what they're thinking, why they cry,what
they mean when they say' nothing',and how I can make a woman truly happy."
After a few minutes
the Lord said, "How many lanes you want on that bridge? "
What’s the difference
between prayer in shul and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it.
Rabbi Grenberg from
Brookly, Bob a doctor, from Teaneck and an Moishe the Real Estate mogul from
Lakewood were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers on
their weekly game
Moishe was the first
to speak up: “What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!”
Doctor Bob: I don't
know but I've what this riddiculus shlep is all about!
Rabbi Greenberg: “Hey,
here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.”
Rabbi Greenberg: “Hi
George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow
aren't they?”
George: “Oh yes.
That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our
club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!”
(silence)
Rabbi Greenberg: “That's
so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
Doctor Bob: “Good
idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's
anything he can do for them.”
Moishe “Why can't
these guys play at night?”
**********************************
The answer to
this week”s question is C– Seems I’m on this 50/50 streak which is annoying. But
this was actually a pretty difficult question. I wasn’t sure where those words
in Tanach were coming from describing a city as Rosh mamlachot- head of all
kingdoms. I guessed Yersuhalayim which I figured is referred to as reishit- the
first in some capacity. But I knew I was probably wrong. Which I was. The
answer was in fact Chatzor in the Book of Yehoshua, which is in fact the
largest archeological stie in Israel that was where Sisra’s army came from. So
go that part wrong. But I got the second part at least the 2nd part
which was easy right. Of course the kingdom split by Rechavam who was the son
of Shlomo. Yeravam felt he was a loser and broke off and started his own
kingdom in the North. So at least I got
that part right and thus making the latest
score is Rabbi Schwartz at 21 point and the MOT having 7 point
on this latest Ministry of Tourism exam.
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