Karmiel

Karmiel
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Thursday, October 29, 2020

The Man in the Mirror- Parshat Lech Lecha 2020/ 5781

 

Insights and Inspiration

from the

Holy Land

from

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

 "Your friend in Karmiel"

October 30th 2020 -Volume 11 Issue 3 12th Cheshvan 5781

Parshat Lech Lecha

The Man in the Mirror

It's story week for our Insights and Inspiration. I've got a few so you might be in for the long haul this week. But I figure what else do you have to do important anyways? If you did, you would have unsubscribed long ago. So the first story is a classic Rebbi Nachman of Breslav story, although it's one that is told in a lot of cultures, it's fascinating to hear how his ending is different than theirs. But we know the Jewish version is always going to have a different slant. The most profound one.

So there's this king- there always is- who has a beautiful new palace. The palace has these huuuge walls. You've never seen walls this big. In fact, they were the biggest and greatest walls ever. Nobody makes walls like this king makes walls. (Sorry, I've been bingeing way too much politics this week.) So the king hired these two great artists to decorate them. He wanted the most incredible mural in the world on these walls. One that would depict the entire kingdom, the glory of his office, the MAGAnitude of all that he brought to the kingdom in the four years since he had become the greatest king of the greatest country of the world. (I really have to stop this.) Each artist would have a wall and they had one year to complete their painting.

Artist number one, let's call him Michelangelo, got to work right away. He built scaffolds, hung tapestries, ordered the finest watercolors and brushes and began working fervently. He would rise early each morning, meditate for an hour and then, as if in a trance, would paint until the late hours at night. And what a painting it was turning out to be. Lakes, rivers, valleys, mountains of all our colors and sizes, Cities, towers skyscrapers and castles. There were of course the requisite naked angel babies with harps and the glory of the king could be seen in all of it.

Artist number two, Yankel, was a little different. He would come each day and go to the Mikva in the shteeble next door and then have a cup of coffee with the boys. He would go in and daven, stick around for some herring, kichel and bromfen afterwards. Make a l'chaim or two. He'd do his daf yomi and then stroll over to the palace and just chill. Write an E-mail or two on his phone. Listen to some shiurim here and there. Think about his previous tours that he used to give in another life. He'd call his wife, bother his children and then it was time for lunch. You get the point… He pretty much didn't do anything. Not that I can relate at all…

The date was getting closer. It was the last week before the king came to check out the work. The people in the palace were in shock. What was Yankel thinking? Michelango's painting was the most incredible thing in the world and Yankel's wall was still bare. Va'yavo ha'yom- the day finally arrived. It seems that Yankel had gotten up early that morning, as his wall had a big sheet over it, just like Michelangelo's, waiting to be revealed with pomp and a big rally when the king arrived. Well, Air Force One pulled up, the king pulled up to the palace, the crowds went crazy the music started to play and then the moment finally arrived. A hush overtook the room, the lights went down and all eyes turned to Mikey's wall. The sheet came off and everyone was in awe. It was glorious. No one had ever seen anything so magnificent in their lives. The king was clearly pleased. Yankel's turn was next. Once again there was a hush, Yankel stood proudly next to the King and the great sheet came off and….it was the almost the exact painting. There was one difference though. Actually there were two differences, but only in Rebbi Nachman's version.

The first difference was that the picture of Yankel had an ornate golden frame around it. But besides that the painting was exactly the same. The hills, valleys, the palaces and skyscrapers they were all there. The reason why it was exactly the same was because what Yankel had done was hang a mirror on the wall that reflected the other wall brilliantly. What a cool Jewish idea! That is the end of the story in most versions. The Arab folklore version of the story is that the king rewarded Mikalo with treasure chests of gold and diamonds. When Yankel asked what his reward was, the king told him that he had given it to him. It was in the mirror. A cute ending. Maybe even a Jewishy one. But Reb Nachman had a different take. In his version the King liked Yankel's "painting" even more than the other one and he rewarded twice as much. Why?

Story number 2. This one, though I'm telling you, but not for the reason or lesson you might assume. This story took place a few years back in a yeshiva in Netivot, Israel. It seems that the Rosh Yeshiva was having a challenging time with a student. The boy wouldn't follow any of the rules. Not a day went by that there wasn't trouble with Berel. The Rebbeim befriended him. They spent extra time. They offered him rewards, they threatened. They tried connecting him with older boys that could influence him. Nothing worked. Not only was he doing bad but he was taking more and more boys down with him. It seemed that there was nothing left to do but to expel him. But of course before doing something as dramatic as that they knew that a Gadol had to be consulted. Throwing a boy out of yeshiva these days it seems is considered- dinei nefashos- a life and death decision. (Man, things have changed since the days when I got thrown out of yeshivah-os) a gadol needs to be asked. So he headed off to the gadol hador; Reb Aharon Leib Shteinman.

As he sat before Reb Shteinman and presented the boy's case he told the Rav that he felt that he had done all he could for him. Rav Shteinman after hearing all of the issues raised his head and asked the Rosh Yeshiva what the boy's name was. When the Rosh Yeshiva told him it was Berel, Rav Shteiman continued and asked what the boy's mothers name was. Hmmm was this some spiritual-mystical-name thing that Rav Shteinman was searching for? He knew Reb Chaim was big into having "the right" names, but he didn't realize that Rav Shteinman was in to that as well. Regardless the Rosh Yeshiva didn't know the mother's name, but he assured Rav Shteinman that he can call and find out. But at that, something changed in Rav Shteinman's normally calm and peaceful demeanor.

He looked at the Rosh Yeshiva in shock. How was it possible that he didn't know the name? Didn't you just tell me that you did everything you could for him? How can you say you did everything if you have never davened for his success? If you have never implored shamayim to give him a lev tov, help him with his challenges, lift him up and inspire him. What type of Rosh Yeshiva are you if you don't know the name of the boy's mother so you could properly pray for him? Is it any wonder that the boy would not be successful if he doesn't feel that his Rebbi cares enough to even pray for him?

Now I know that you think I'm telling you that story to show you how important it is for Rebbeim to care for their students is. Or alternatively to show you what a gadol b'yisrael is that has such deep penetrating insight in to the mindset of a student or to the obligation of a teacher. But that's not what the story is about in my eyes. It's about something much deeper and more powerful. It's the difference between Avraham of this week's parsha and Noach in last's. It's the difference between a Jew and a gentile and according to the Baal Ha'tanya it's the difference between a chasid and a misnagid as well.

But let's start slow before we get to the final story and explanation of the first two. The Tifferes Shlomo of Radomsk asks what was the difference between Avraham and Noach. The Torah tells us that Noach was a tzadik. In fact, he's the only person in the entire Torah called a tzadik. He stands against his entire generation and he rebukes them certainly as Avraham would've. I'm sure Noach offered classes, did outreach work and tried as hard as he could to get them to repent. He was a tzadik after-all. And yet he failed. Rashi notes that had he lived in Avraham's generation he would not have been considered at all. Avraham on the other hand was successful. He is the father of our nation. This week's parsha tells us that he came to Israel with the souls that he made in Charan. There were 10's of thousands of souls that he inspired to believe in Hashem and abandon idolatry. This was more than just that Sarah made a better chulent than Na'aama, Noach's wife. What was the difference? What was Noach missing? What did Avraham get?

Reb Shloimeleh thus quotes the holy Zohar that tells us that Noach's failure was that he didn't daven for his generation. Had he davened he may have been successful. Avraham on the other hand davened for each of his students. He even implores Hashem on behalf of Sodom. He prays on behalf of Yishmael (loo Yishmael yichiyeh lifanecha), he doesn't stop praying. He teaches his nephew Lot to daven and his prayer to be saved when he is fleeing also works. Hagar prays, Yishamel cries out to Hashem, as does Eliezer. It seems Avraham's yeshiva is all about prayer. That is the difference between Avraham and Noach

But then the Radomsker goes deeper. Why didn't Noach pray? And here's where it hits home the most. The reason he didn't daven was because he didn't think it was up to him to change Hashem's will. He didn't think his prayer would make a difference. He didn't feel Hashem wanted him to try to daven and save the sinful, evil world that was not repenting. He didn't see himself in the mirror.

Do you know what the second difference was between Mikey's painting and Yankel's mirror was? Reb Nachman says, it was that when the king looked at Michelangelo's painting he saw the glory of the kingdom, but he didn't seem himself. When he looked in Yankel's mirror the king saw his own image there looking back at him. It was the king being revealed in the kingdom. But even more significant to the Kings image that he saw was that he saw Yankel who brought that image out to the world standing next to Him as his partner in that glorious picture. The point that Noach missed is that Hashem wants us to change the world with our prayer. He created us and wants to see us standing next to Him and create new and better realities with our Tefilos that didn't exist until then. We are meant to be part of the picture.

Noach indeed eventually learned that lesson, just a bit too late. After the flood he builds an altar and for the first time he davens. He prayed like he never did before. He prayed for all of those prayers that he should've said in the past, but didn't because he didn't believe they would work. The prayers he didn't say because sometimes it is just easier to build an Ark than to believe that Hashem has actually given us the paintbrush of prayer to change His Divine Will. Noach davened for all of the evil of the world for all future generations. We are all alive from that prayer and altar. Hashem smelled it and immediately made a covenant that it will never happen again. No matter how bad we ever get. It can't happen. Hashem brought a rainbow as a sign for that eternal covenant. The rainbow represents the colors on the canvas of Creation that Noach just partnered and painted with Hashem. Mankind will never be destroyed. Noach with his prayers painted that into creation. He finally saw himself in the mirror with Hashem and understood that Hashem wants our two sense. He wants us to partner with Him in the world. He wants us to be Avrahams and Moshes who will argue, daven, implore and paint that perfect picture of the world that sometimes He wants to destroy.

Hashem wants every Rebbi to know that his teffilos really really do have the power to change that problem student. It's not just about caring for the student. It's about recognizing the tremendous koach our tefillos on behalf of someone who we think has no hope can turn that child entirely around; can create a new reality. A Rebbi that doesn’t understand that is missing the boat. He's painting his own glorious mural of his own Torah and lomdus that he is teaching, but there is no mirror there that the King can see himself in. There is no reflection where the king sees the Rebbi as His partner; His artist. When Noach prayed like that, Hashem answered his prayers, the rainbow shone and the world changed forever.

And now for the the last story or really quote from the Baal Hatanya, Reb Shneur Zalman of Liadi (1745-1812), known as the Admor Hazakein and founder of Chabad chasidut and ideology. When he was a young child he was already recognized as prodigy. When he turned the age of  twenty he decided it was time for him to "exile" himself to a place to Torah for his further development. There were two schools at the time. One in Mezritch, led by the Maggid which focused on chasidus and primarily on avodas ha'tefilla- the service of prayer. The other school was in Vilna and there one was taught "how to learn" Talmud. Reb Shneur is quoted as saying that to learn how to study Talmud he felt he could figure out already, but to know how to daven that was something he needed to learn. So it was off to Merzitch and the Jewish people changed forever. His teachings became the foundation of the Chasidic movement both in learning, in halacha, philosophy and of course in prayer.

As is know the Chasidic movement in its early stages was faced by virulent opposition by the mitnagdim-antagonists that saw them as a threat to the Rabbinate and  theTorah centered scholarship that they promulgated. Accusations were hurled on both sides, excommunications, a lot of "fake news" without the benefit of Facebook and Twitters fact-checking services. There was no canceling and ultimately both sides had leaders sent two prison by informers. Yiddelach doing the goyim's bidding for them- "for the sake of heaven" of course'. While in a Russian prison the Baal Hatanya was subject to interrogation and he was asked about this new revolution and break-off called Chasidus that he was starting. The interrogator told them that they heard of strange practices, of hours of meditation and prayer and isolation and perhaps even incendiary groups getting together and singing and praying for hours on end. What was this all about. What are these new institutions he is establishing?

I won't paraphrase here. I'll merely translate the quote that was released from the Rebbi's personal diary of that interrogation. It's too awesome and provocative for me to even try to edit it.

"It was customary in days of old for there to be two big buildings in every Jewish community for prayer; a Beit Knesset/ synagogue and a Beit Midrash- study hall. The Beit Knesset was for the average layman who was busy working all day and were more often than not were not necessarily even literate. The Beit Midrash on the other hand were for those that were more knowledgeable. It was a place where they could pray at length with devotion; each man according to the ability of their heart and intellect. In fact, in our great works we have testimonies of the great people two centuries ago (that would be in the 1500's from his time) who would describe daily morning prayers taking 2 hours or more as a result of the devotion of their hearts.

But then came some Rabbis that weren't proper. They didn't want to trouble themselves to daven with such intent and at great length. And since they didn't want to find their status lowered in the eyes of the people they thus began to degrade the importance of prayer and instead focused on elevating the significance of the study of the Talmud. They studied in the middle of their prayers and during the time of prayer and they prayed hurriedly without kavana. Following this they would immediately study with their students with great depth and sharpness in order to impress them with their wisdom and make their own names great in the land. And thus these students themselves also began to pray rapidly without proper intent, out of their fear of their Rebbi who ruled over them or in order to ingratiate themselves to them.

Yet there always those yechidei segula- special treasured ones-in each generation that davened at length and with devotion. They have been the ones that are called Chasidim from the earliest times…."

Wow! I don't know if this hit you in the face as much as it did me. Has tefilla been to me just been another mitzva I do on the side, but learning is of course the center of it all? Can I even imagine going to a yeshiva just to learn how to "daven"? Do I really believe that it is in my power of prayer to change the world? I can stop Covid, I can heal the sick and change the decree and even the will of Hashem? Have I ever spoken to Hashem like Noach after the flood; like Avraham when he argued on behalf of Sodom, like Moshe after the golden calf and other numerous times? Like all of our imahos who were barren and their prayers changed that "reality". Like Mama Rachel who has never stopped crying for her children. Have I ever seen myself in the mirror, during my prayers standing next to Hashem and revealing the portrait of His image and mine and marveling at the world we have created together? We created through my prayers. Am I chasid, or just a Michelangelo wannabe that thinks he's doing everything that he can but missing the most essential aspect of the entire portrait. I've forgotten that the King wants to see me next to him in the picture.

In many of our prayers and specifically when we end our shemona esrei amida we conclude with the words yehi ratzon milfanecha- may it be the will before You. It's a strange almost archaic way of speaking. But do you know who else uses those similar words? Hashem, in the creation of the world. Yehi ohr- let there be light, yehi rakia- let there be sky, yehi meorot- let there be planets…When we daven we are creating a will before Him; yehi ratzon. Just like Hashem had a will to create light and all of creation, we are creating a new reality that didn't exist before we said our heartfelt prayers to change the world. To make it a better place, a healed place, a fixed place. A world where the shechina resides, where everyone can see that magnificent Kingship. Hashem likes stories as much as he likes art. He's waiting for us to complete ours. Our painted wall is almost built. We just need to get re-elected to finish it. Ken yehi ratzon.

Have an absolutely fantastic Shabbos,

Rabbi Ephraim Schwartz

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RABBI SCHWARTZ’S FAVORITE YIDDISH PROVERB OF THE WEEK

" Emess iz nohr gefint in der sidder.." Truth is found only in the prayer book."

RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TOUR GUIDE EXAM QUESTION OF THE WEEK

NEW WEEK-NEW EXAM

GRADE YOURSELF TOGETHER WITH ME ON THIS WINTER 2019 TOUR GUIDE EXAM

answer below at end of Email

1) The rock at the tourist site in Rosh Hanikra is essentially:

A) Chalk (kirton)

B) Basalt

C) Calcareous sandstone (kurkar)

D) Dolomite

RABBI SCHWARTZ’S COOL VIDEO  OF THE WEEK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fis5Fcke66sJewish singers then and now! Came upon this it's pretty cool- check out Mordechai Shapiro, Ari Goldwag, Benny Friedman and more…

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIIbmOuE-IQ   – I don't care if you love Trump or hate him a song in Yiddish composed to him is getting carried away…Trumpa'leh- Really?

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMLWZ5dvUQ4 – In honor of Avraham ha'Ivri here's a spoofy version of Ivri Anochi by my good friend David Lavon (videographer of my Mishpacha Jr videos!) definitely different!

 https://youtu.be/H1SYRJVf25c   – Kever Rachel 1935 with Yosseleh Rosenblatt… cool!

 https://cdn.theyeshivaworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/WhatsApp-Video-2020-10-28-at-2.34.25-PM-1.mp4?_=3  – A Kumzitz on the sand dunes of Dubai! There's a first for everything I guess…

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S PARSHA/ ERETZ YISRAEL CONNECTION OF THE WEEK

 Lech Lecha So this week we have the first oleh to Eretz Yisrael, the father of our nation; Avraham Avinu. He also happens to be the first yoreid, but he comes back as well. According to Chazal Avraham had for many years lived in Charan where he preached against the polytheism and idolatry of the local pagans. Together with his wife Sarai the "converted" many souls there to a belief in Hashem. Maimonides suggests that there were 10's of thousands of followers. One imagines the yeshivos and schools he built an incredible "Torah" community. And yet Hashem never revealed Himself to Avraham. Until this week's Parsha and what does Hashem tell him? No "great job", no "It's really amazing how you stood up against the world and built a great Torah community and revealed My Name to the world." No "it's amazing how many followers you have brought close to Me". In fact, it's almost quite the opposite.

 Lech Lecha- leave for yourself your land, your birthplace, the land of your father to the land I will show you.

 Leave it all behind. It's not worth your time and effort. It was never the point. Come to Eretz Yisrael that's where it all counts. That’s where it's supposed to happen. Your yeshivas and Kollelim of greater Charan aren't what I'm looking for. My revelation can only happen and have meaning in Eretz Yisrael. One who lives in chutz la'aretz, the Talmud tells us is like he has no God. Because there one can never reveal Hashem and connect the way we are meant to. That's the first speech. Wow!

 ow I can end this week's column right here, but I just saw such a great idea that I think is pertinent for our Israeli readers that are privileged to live here that I can't help but share it. Rashi on the above verse explains what the strange wording of go for yourself is meant to teach us. He says l'hana'ascha u'ltovascha- for your benefit/ enjoyment and for your good. Hmmm.. Now that seems strange on many levels. First of all, it would seem that would be obvious. If I tell you to go for yourself that automatically implies that it would be for my good and benefit to do so. What is Rashi adding to the text? In addition, why is this even considered a test for Avraham. If the Master of the World whom I've been preaching about and believe in tells me it's for my own good and benefit why wouldn't Avraham go. Wouldn't it have been a bigger test if Hashem just told him to go-Period. No explanation. No this is for good for you?

 The answer Rav Charlap in his work Mei Merom writes is incredible. He explains that Hashem wasn't telling Avraham that he would be rewarded with it being for his good and for his benefit. In fact, only after this pasuk does Hashem tell him that he will be blessed and a great nation and all the good things that will happen. The initial command lech lecha is an order to Avraham how he wants him to go to Israel. He should go to Israel l'ha'anascha u'ltovascha- to enjoy it and to see the good it has in it for him.

 Don't go to Israel and kvetch about it not being the same as Charan. Don't live in Israel and see the problems and challenges it will present to you. Go there and only see that it is all good for you. Understand that Eretz Yisrael is only there for your benefit, not for your detriment. It's there for you to enjoy every minute. If you come to Israel and are don't see and understand that it is "lecha" your good, your enjoyment, your benefit, then you're missing the boat. If you're coming just because your candidate lost the election, because you're scared of an epidemic, because of anti-semitism. You're missing the boat. Eretz Yisrael isn't about escaping bad. It's about being the only place in the world where you'll ever find the true good, the true benefit and the true enjoyment of your soul!

Now that's a vort!

 RABBI SCHWARTZ'S ERA’S AND THEIR PLACES AND PEOPLE IN ISRAEL OF THE WEEK

Shaul vs Dovid III Zif again- 877 BC-  Things were going Dovid's way it seems. He made off well from naval. He had a new wife or two. But things never seem to stay quiet for Dovid for too long. It seems Hashem wanted to give him plenty of material for his sefer tehillim to write and daven about. So once again he finds himself right outside Chevron and Kiryat Arba in the Midbar of those snitchers of Zif. It's not really a story that has a location to share although when driving South from Chevron to the southern Chevron Hills that's the area one can talk about from the car or minibus.

 So the Ziffites once again tell Shaul that Dovid is holed up over there in their area. Although they knew that Dovid and Shaul had come to terms after the last Ein Gedi meeting when Dovid spared Shaul in the cave that he was hiding in, they figured that maybe with Shmuel having died and with Dovid's new wives maybe Shaul would once again be susceptible to come after Dovid. And he was. Again, this is psalm 54 where Dovid describes the treachery of the wicked men of Zif that are instigating against him. Shaul comes with 3000 men once again and his general Avner Ben Ner and they camp by the hill of Chachilia. It seems that early archeologist thought this might be an area of hills the arabs called "Ta'ach el Chola" between Zif and Ein Gedi, but it seems that they were a bit off.

 So Dovid still was having a hard time believing that Shaul would break his vow and come to hunt him once again sent out spies to see if it was true. When they came back with the affirmative Dovid and his right hand man Avishai ben Tzruya- brother of Dovid's future general Yoav went to go check it out themselves. They snuck into Shaul's camp at night when they were all in a deep slumber, that Chazal tell us Hashem brought upon them. Shaul was in the middle of the circle sleeping with his men all sleeping around him including Avner. Shaul had his spear and helmet right next to him stuck in the ground. Avishai seeing this divine opportunity once again as by Ein Gedi pleas with Dovid to finally get rid of Shaul as he legally is able to as Shaul is certainly coming to kill him. But once again Dovid demurs saying that it's Hashem's business and Shaul regardless doesn't have too much time left as Hashem will take him out either in war or in some other way, but he will not raise his hand to the anointed of Hashem.

 Dovid then brazenly and stealthily makes his way into the camp and tiptoes right passed all Shaul's men to the center of the circle. Suddenly, the midrash tells us that Avner moves his giant legs and Dovid gets trapped in between. Uh Oh! Have no fear a mosquito comes and starts bothering Avner and he moves out of the way. This is one of the three things Chazal tell us that Dovid didn't understand what their purpose was along with the madman and the spider, that Hashem revealed to Dovid. The madman when he feinted being mad to escape Achish, the spider when he was hiding in the cave in Ein Gedi and now the insect. Think about that next time you get annoyed with a mosquito.

 So Dovid rips of Shaul's spear and his water pitcher and then goes a bit a way across a river to a mountain overlooking Shaul's camp. He then one again as in Ein Gedi calls out to the camp and to Avner. He taunts him that he is not doing his job properly to protect the King as if he wanted he could have killed Shaul once again. Shaul realizing that once again Dovid spared him and has no ill will towards him, apologizes and confesses that he sinned and swears once again he will not harm him. Dovid is not as trusting this time and he sends back the spear with his men and decides he had enough and he has to flee the country. Where does he go to? Stay tuned next week.

 RABBI SCHWARTZ’S PRAYER JOKES  OF THE WEEK

 Hymie walks into his synagogue with a dog. The shammas immediately comes up to him and says, "This is a House of Worship, Hymie, you know you can't bring a dog in here." 

"What do you mean I can’t?" says Hymie, "Look at him, he’s a Jewish dog." 

The shammas then notices that the dog has a tallis bag round its neck. 

Hyme then says to the dog, "Benjamin, daven for me." 

The dog stands on his back legs and says, "Woof woof, woof," then opens the tallis bag, takes out a kippa and puts it on his head, exactly in between its ears. 

"Woof, woof," says the dog who then pulls out a tallis and puts it round his neck. 

"Woof, woof, woof," says the dog who then takes out a siddur and starts to pray, rocking from side to side. 

"That's brilliant," says the shammas, "totally incredible. You must get him on TV and the movies and you could make millions.” 

"You speak to him then," says Hymie, "he wants to be a doctor."  

 

Yankel listened to the Rebbe at shul one Shabbos morning and when the Rebbe asked those with special requests to come to him at Seuda Shlisheet/3rd meal , Yankel came. 
When it was his turn, Yankel sat down and the Rebbe asked, "What do you want me to help you with?" 
Yankel said, "Pray for my hearing, Rebbe." 
The Rebbe put one hand over Yankel's ear and his other hand on top of his head and prayed a while. 
Then he removed his hands and asked, "Yankel, how is your hearing now?" 
Yankel answered, "I don't know, Rebbe. It's next Wednesday at the courthouse!"

 

Abe goes into Church, takes out the tallis, takes out the yarmulke and dresses himself, and proceeds to pray. The Priest comes in and wants to start the Services. He stands up and says,"Will all non-Catholics please leave."

Little Abe goes right on davening. Next request, again, "Will all non-Catholics please leave."

Nothing.

Finally, the Priest gets up and says, "Will ALL JEWS please leave."

At this Abe gets up folds his tallis and packs it away, takes off the yarmulke and puts it away. Then Abe goes to the altar and picks up a statue of the baby Yoshkee and says, "Come bubbela they don't want us here anymore." 

 

A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old Berel, "So, you tell me that your mother davens to Hashem for you each night. That’s very commendable. What does she actually say?" 
Berel replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

 

Tully Schwartz, the rabbi’s son once inquired, "Daddy, I notice every Shabbos morning, before you give your sermon, you kiss the aron that houses all of the Torah scrolls. What are you doing?"

Rabbi Schwartz explained, "I'm davening to Hashem, that he should let me give a good sermon."

Hmm,” Tully said. “So Hashem doesn’t always answer our prayers?”

 

Gladys Dunn started reading some books about Judaism and decided that she wanted to start going to shul. There was one near her house so she went early one Shabbat morning.

The shul itself was beautiful and the people seemed friendly but the Cantor went on and on for hours and then the Rabbi spoke and his sermon also seemed to go on and on. Worse, it wasn't very interesting. Glancing around, she saw many in the congregation nodding off.

Finally it was over. After the service, she turned to a still sleepy-looking woman next to her, extended her hand and said, "I'm Gladys Dunn."

She replied, "You and me both!"

 

Sharon is out shopping one day when she meets Rabbi Levy.

"Hello rabbi," she says. "How are you? I hope you are keeping well."

"Well if I'm not mistaken," says Rabbi Levy, "it's Mrs. Gross, isn't it?"

"Yes rabbi, it is," replies Sharon.

"I haven't seen you in shul now for quite some time," says Rabbi Levy.

"I know," says Sharon, looking quite embarrassed, "I stopped going to shul some time ago because every time I went, it was always the same old thing."

"Always the same thing?" asks Rabbi Levy, looking puzzled, "I don't understand you."

"You know, rabbi," explains Sharon, "KOL NIDRAY..."

 One New York synagogue was notorious for its exclusiveness. One day a homeless Jewish man entered the synagogue, wanting to pray. He approached the rabbi and told him that he wished to join the synagogue. Not knowing what to say, the rabbi suggested that the homeless man take the night to reflect on which house of worship would truly suit him best.

The following day the homeless man returned to the exclusive synagogue.

Frustrated, the rabbi asked the man if he had done any introspection as he had suggested.

“Oh yeah,” replied the homeless man. “In fact, God came to me in a dream last night to discuss it with me.”

“I see,” said the rabbi. “And what did he tell you?”

“God asked me what shul I wanted to daven in, and I said yours. And He said ‘Oh no, you won’t be able to get in there.’ And I said, ‘Why not?’ and He said, ‘Because I’ve been trying to get into that shul for years but I can’t get in.’”


Yossi was the shames at shul and needed some supplies from a cupboard near the rabbi’s office that was seldom used and was secured with a lock. Yossi didn't know the combination, so Rabbi Solomon offered to give it a try.

Rabbi Solomon placed his fingers on the lock's dial and raised his eyes heavenward for a moment, saying a few words quietly in prayer. Then he confidently spun the dial and opened the lock.

Seeing how impressed Yossi was with this demonstration of faith, the Rabbi smiled and confided, "The numbers are written on the ceiling."

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Answer is A –  So I'm off to a great start with a nice recollection to a site I used to be at sometimes a few times a week in the good old tour guiding days of old, and that I haven’t been at for a while now and miss. It's one of the nicest places in Israel. The chalk stone is the soft white stone on the top which is penetrated easily by the rain water that seeps in causing the formation of the naturally formed caves. The bottom rock is made out of limestone which is confusingly to me called "gir" in Hebrew. It's confusing because gir is also the word for chalk that use on the chalkboard in class. Don't ask me… I didn't make up the language. Now chalkstone is called kirton which is also a sedimentary rock like limestone formed from the calcite deposits of the sea. Rosh Hanikra also has flint deposits, which is the black stone one sees there embedded in the chalk and limestone. It comes from some of the organisms that get deposited there. But that's enough geology for you today.

So we start off the new exam on top with 1 for Rabbi Schwartz and 0 for the Ministry of tourism.

 

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